"That's enough alcohol for one day," Jacob takes the glass from my hands, "We agreed that you don't have too much. I don't want to get in trouble with your brothers."
I roll my eyes, "Wandile is at work and Tawana is probably with his girlfriend. My brothers are hardly at home these days so they won't notice or know I had alcohol."
"That doesn't mean you should drink until you can't stand. I think I should take you home. Your brothers are very overprotective of you. I don't want trouble with them."
I try to stand but stumble and almost fall but Jacob catches me before I fall. Okay, maybe I am a little drunk - a lot drunk. At least I am not sad anymore, "I am fine, Jacob."
"You're not fine, I told you not to have too much to drink."
"I just want the pain to go away, okay," I sit down and catch my breath. Jacob asks his sister to get me some water. "I just want to stop thinking about everything. I want it all to go away."
"I am sorry about your parents."
"I don't want to hear those words. I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me." I get on my feet, with Jacob's help. I ask him to walk me home. He walks me home - I can walk but of course, I am drunk. He is telling me that everything will be alright and that it will pass. He is saying all this because he doesn't know what it's like to lose parents. He doesn't know how it feels like to no longer have anyone to call mom.
He helps them get into the house and sit on the couch, "Will you be fine."
"Yes, you can go."
"Call me if you need me or you want me to call your brothers," he says and I assure him that I am fine. He asks me to lock the door after he leaves and I do so.
I throw myself on the couch and lie facing the ceiling. This feels better and for a moment there is peace. My phone vibrates in my pocket. It's Brian.
Me: Hey, Brian.
Brian: Hi, I just got your message. I am sorry about your parents. I thought maybe you changed your phone number that's why you were not reachable. Are you okay?
Me: I would be lying if I said I am okay but then, it is what it is.
Brian: I am sorry. Where do you stay again so I can come to visit? Just to check on you.
Me: Newton West.
Brian: I will come to visit sometime. Be safe.
Me: Thanks.
Brian: Your voice sounds different.
Me: It does? I had a drink maybe that's why.
Brian: Alcohol? No, Anesu don't use alcohol as a pain reliever. You won't be able to stop once you start. It will make you feel better and you will start getting dependent on it.
Me: At least I feel better.
Brian: You lost your parents - it's normal to feel hurt and alone. You are supposed to feel this pain that way you heal from it.
Me: And how do you know?
Brian: Because I have lost a parent before and I know how it feels like. My father died three years ago.
Me: At least it wasn't both of your parents. Listen, I have to go.
Brian: Please be safe and don't have any alcohol.
Me: Bye, Brian.
I hang up and drag myself to my room. For the first time since my birthday, I don't struggle to fall asleep. I just get under the covers and drift to dreamland. I don't have any nightmares, I sleep peacefully. I wake up when it's dark. I take a cold shower and join my brothers in the kitchen. Tawana is cooking and Wandile is whining about being exhausted.
"Hey guys," I pull a chair and sit.
Wandile roughs up my hair, "What happens to you? You look terrible."
"I just woke up, give me a break. How was work?"
He sighs heavily, "I am starting to get used to it but it's not as easy as dad made it seem. It's hard dealing with a lot of people but the other employees are very nice and patient with me."
"That's wonderful."
"Are you ready for school?" he asks and I shake my head, "What's wrong."
"It's a little difficult doing all this without mom and dad."
He reaches for my hand and squeezes it, "It's hard for all of us but as uncle Shawn said, we have to be strong. At least we have each other."
"I know but it's hard."
"Everything will be fine, we will be fine," he assures me.
We have supper, then I clean up when we are done. We all retire to our rooms. We hardly watch TV together these days. Tawana is always on the phone with Sharon and Wandile is always tired.
'Hey, are you okay?' - Jacob.
'Yes, thank you for checking.'
'I was a little worried but I am glad you are fine.' - Jacob.
'I am fine. I had fun today - we should do it more often.'
'No problem.'
From that day, Jacob and I became closer. We would go out partying or just go out and have fun. I love how everything just numbed. The alcohol was helping me forget the pain. I also love that ever since the kiss, Jacob never tried anything or confessed his love for me. We were just friends and that's all I wanted. My brothers are always out so they never got to notice that I wasn't spending time at home. Brian and I are still friends but he lives far so we can't always hang out. Brian is a breath of fresh air. I don't understand why Tawana told him to stay away from me. To me, he is a lovely person.
Today Jacob and I are in Hillside at his friend's birthday party. I am starting school soon and I won't have time to hang out with Jacob but I will try to balance everything. Everyone is having a great time, we are dancing and having drinks. Others are in the pool. Today it's my turn to cook so I am not having much alcohol.
"Hey, come join us in the house," Jacob envelopes me from behind.
"It's almost three pm, we should rush back home," we are using my car and Jacob is driving. Wandile uses Dad's car and Tawana still won't tell us what he wants to do with his car money.
"Have one more drink," Jacob hands me a shot.
"What is this? I am scared to take it - the color."
"Don't worry it won't make you go crazy," he gets some salt and lemon for me. This has to be the strongest shot I have ever taken.
It is very strong I even down it with a cider. I excuse myself and go to the bathroom. My bladder feels like it's going to explode - I have been holding myself for a while now. I have a missed call from Brian. I decide to call him back.
Me: Hey you!
Brian: You are never reachable these days.
Me: I am a very busy lady these days.
Brian: (chuckles) You forgot our date today.
Me: Shoot! It slipped my mind I am sorry.
Brian: Do you maybe not want to hang out with me because you have been bailing out on me a lot lately?
Me: It's just that I have a lot going on but I want to hang out with you. I enjoy hanging out with you.
Brian: I am on my way back home from Newton West.
Me: I am sorry and I promise to make it up to you.
I hang up and head out. Jacob and I agree to dance to one more song before leaving the party. I want to go because I have a feeling I might black out at any moment.
"Jacob we should leave," I whisper.
He turns me around to face him, "You want to leave now?"
"Yes."
"We will leave after the song," he then presses his head against mine, "Or you can give me a kiss then we go."