MIDORIYA'S POV
I watched Daiki's chest rise and fall with every breath he took. It took an hour and a half and four different bedtime stories, but he was finally asleep. Reaching for the small table beside his bed, I switched the lamp off before turning on his Red Riot night light. I quietly walked across his room, taking one last glance to ensure he was still asleep before stepping into the hallway and shutting his door. I'll open it a crack when Itsuka and I go to bed, but that won't be for a few more hours.
"Is he asleep?" Itsuka chuckled as I walked into the living room, where she was currently sitting. She had a movie paused on the T.V. and a bowl of popcorn sitting on the table.
"Yeah," I sighed. "Finally." When I plopped down on the couch, she turned to me with a soft smile.
"How tired are you?" Her voice was low and soft with a hint of flirty in it. I locked my eyes on her teal eyes that I used to love more than anything.
I shifted away from her, trying to hide my discomfort. "Too tired for whatever you're thinking."
She sighed in frustration and pushed the blanket off her body. "Izuku, how are we supposed to make another baby if you won't even touch me?" Making another baby is what I'm trying to avoid. Even if I wanted to, I couldn't.
I looked at my wife. The woman I spent six years of my life with. My girlfriend for two years, my fiancée for one year, and my wife for the past three. The woman I vowed to spend the rest of my life with, and I have no idea how to tell her I don't love her anymore. Not in the way I should, and certainly not in the way she needs me to.
It's nothing she did. She's been nothing but a perfect wife, mother, and one of the best friends I have ever had. It's me and me alone. There isn't anything wrong with me. We just aren't compatible anymore. We haven't been for a long time, and it's getting harder to hide. There isn't an easy way to tell her how I feel, and there certainly will never be a good time to tell her either. The longer I hide it from her, the worse it will feel when I break her heart.
"Itsuka, we need to talk," I sighed.
"Clearly," she scoffed. "Before we got married, we agreed we wanted a big family. If things have changed, you need to tell me." That hasn't changed. I want a big family one day, but I no longer want to grow my family with her.
"Itsuka, we need to talk." I reached out to grab her hands, but she pulled away from me.
"Who is she?" She asked loudly. I stared at her dumbfounded, wondering what she was trying to say. "If you're about to tell me you fell in love with someone else or cheated on me, I want to know who she is!" She demanded.
"Please lower your voice. You're going to wake Daiki." I pleaded. It took me over an hour to get him to fall asleep. I don't want to have to do it again. "I didn't fall in love with someone else or cheat on you."
She glared at me with a fire I hadn't seen in years. "So what, you don't love me anymore?" She scoffed. Tears threatened to fall down her face as her eyes locked on mine. I really wish she would stop putting words in my mouth and just let me speak.
"After some recent self-discovery, I realized I couldn't have another baby with you. Not because I don't love you, because I do." I took a deep breath to calm my nerves. Here goes nothing. "I still love you. You're the mother of my child, and I will always love you for bringing the most precious person to me into this world. But I'm not in love with you anymore. I haven't been for a while."
She let out a choked sob as her hand flew to her mouth. "W-What did I do w-wrong?" She sobbed behind her hand.
"You didn't do anything wrong. I just realized I'm gay," I mumbled.
She stood up and began pacing the room with her fingers pressed to her forehead. "I-Izuku, I don't understand. I have been with you; you are the furthest thing from gay. " She stopped in front of me, now rubbing her temples. "How do you just realize your gay? Do you just wake up one day and think, 'I think I'm gay now?'"
I took in a breath, held it, and then released it, shaking my head. "Ok, so maybe realized wasn't the right word." I rubbed my hands together as I looked up at her from the couch I was still sitting on. "I should have said accepted. I just accepted that I'm gay."
She started pacing across the hardwood floor again. "So, you think you're gay. How long have you thought this?" I don't want to tell her that. She will be even more mad, upset, or hurt. "Well, how long, Izuku?" She looked as if her patience was starting to run out.
I wrung my hands together, and some of my knuckles popped. "Umm, I umm, well, I kinda had feelings I didn't understand back in high school," I said the last part in a rush as my gaze dropped to the floor.
She let out a sound that was some kind of mix between a laugh and a scoff, it could rival a sound that would have come out of Kacchan, and it worried me. "Are you kidding me? Are you fucking kidding me right now? High school, Izuku, High school? This is something that should have been talked about before we got engaged or married, definitely before we had a kid. Hell, maybe before or while we were dating."
I felt like I was a child being scolded by his mother, the way she was talking and looking at me. "I know, and I-I'm sorry, but how was I supposed to talk to anyone if I didn't even understand what I was feeling?"
I tried making eye contact with her once more. "I thought at one point maybe I-I was bi-sexual, so I thought I could handle it, and everything would work itself out. The more time passed, the more I realized that was not the case. By then, we were already married, Daiki was already born, and we tried a few times for another baby."
Realization sparked in her eyes. "Is that why you got discouraged? I had nothing to do with the failed attempts?"
I hung my head, ashamed that I couldn't just tell her the truth before now, as a tear rolled down my cheek and dropped on my hand.
After a minute of trying to collect myself, I finally looked at her again. "Do you know how hard it is to talk about something you, yourself, do not understand?"
When she stopped pacing for a moment, I stood up and walked closer to her. Trying to get her to realize that I wasn't trying to hurt her and to let her know this was just as hard for me to tell her as it was for her to hear.
"I assume it's as hard as this is for me to swallow." She whispered as she moved away from me, leaving the room. I closed my eyes and sighed. I'm not sure if this turned out better or worse than I expected.
Five minutes or so later, she returned with a pillow and blanket. "Here, you get to sleep on the couch, and if you are still gay in the morning, then you need to start looking for a place to stay," she told me with a sad look in her eyes.
I took the pillow and blanket from her and simply nodded my head. She left me in the all too empty all of the sudden living room. I knew I would still be gay in the morning, so I got out my phone and started looking for a place.
After a few hours of searching, I had five places lined out to see over the next couple of days. I am not sure what to do if none of them pan out. I guess I am going to have to go home. My mom will be glad to see me, to say the least.
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I am not sure what time it is as I turn from my back to my side. An uneasy feeling falls over me, and I jump slightly as my eyes fly open to see two little bright green eyes only inches from my face. "Daiki, are you trying to give daddy a heart attack?" He giggles and jumps on me. "The tickle monster," I say as I tickle his stomach.
"Daddy, why you on the couch?"
He scrunched up his little face. He is so damn cute. "I just fell asleep, bud. You know, like you do sometimes."
"Come on sweetie, we have to get ready for the day, and so does daddy." I gave her a sad smile as she took his hand, and they headed for his room. While she was getting him ready, I showered, dressed, and packed a few sets of clothes and my personal hygiene things.
Making my way back to the living room with my stuff, I saw she was folding the blanket I used last night. "I was going to take care of that." She nipped the inside of her bottom lip as her eyes landed on my bag.
She closed her eyes and sighed. "So, we are doing this?"
I nodded my head. "I'm sorry. I denied myself for so long and then tried to ignore the truth, hoping it would go away. Now I have no choice but to live my truth if I want to truly be happy, and you deserve to find that as well."
"I thought I had it." She said with hurt in her voice as she walked away.
"Itsuka, don't.." I didn't get to finish as Daiki came bouncing into the room and grabbed my leg.
"Mommy, we go." He called out to her.
"Hey, buddy, mommy has to go to work today, so you get to hang out with daddy." He smiles wide, and I want to cry, knowing I won't be there tonight to tuck him in. How am I supposed to do this? Am I being selfish?
I was torn from my thoughts by a voice I would know anywhere. "Izuku, make good use of the time you have with him today; he deserves it." She paused and turned to our son. "Sweetie, you be good for daddy, alright, and have fun hanging out with him today. I love you and will see you tonight." After goodbye kisses are exchanged between the two of them, we wave as she drives off, and it hurts knowing that I and I alone have turned my son's world upside down.
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Roommates will definitely have an update tonight, and I'm hoping to get one out for Cold Cases as well. Between my 40 hour a week internship, 40 hours a week for school, and the 36 hours of normal work, this has been one hell of a week for me. Hopefully my hours for normal work will drop back down to 20 next week and I can get a better writing schedule going again. So sorry for all the delays!