***
Sara :
Wala ako ngayon sa sarili ko habang nakasakay ako sa sasakyan ko at bumabyahe kami pauwi.
Nakatanaw lang ako sa labas ng bintana ng kotseng sinasakyan ko at parang pelikula parin na nagpeplay sa utak ko ang video na napanood ko kani kanina lang.
I wasn't able reply to ate imee earlier because I totally forgot.
I got lost with my own emotion, I just found myself crying after watching the video that she sent me.
Nakapaloob kasi doon sa video kung gaano kasaya si liza habang may hawak si bong ng bouquet ng bulaklak at naghihintay sa kanya.
He was smiling from ear to ear and much as I don't want to admit it, he looked happy.
The video was filmed last night.
At mahahalata doon sa video na sinurpresa ni bong yung asawa niya dahil anniversary pala nila kagabi.
And that one particular scene just broke my heart when I think bong kissed liza on her lips.
Hinde kasi kita dahil nakatalikod si liza sa camera pero dahil narin sa palakpakan ng mga tao I assumed that it was on the lips.
I know that it's normal kasi mag asawa naman talaga sila sa mata ng lahat.
I'm just the one who's affected and hurt because I'm the lover.
Wala akong alam sa nangyayari kagabi dahil bukod sa hinde naman ako nagbubukas ng social media ay wala naman palang lumabas na kahit na anong video na nakunan kagabi.
It was personaly filmed by someone close to the family na nandoon dahil exclusive lang naman yun sa pamilya at kamag anak.
Tapos ay sinend ni ate sa akin.
Hinde ko naman siya nagawang tanongin kung kanino galing yung video dahil nawala na ako ng tuloyan sa mood pagkatapos ko makita yun.
They look so happy and inlove and it's breaking my heart into a shattered pieces.
Matagal na sila and it made me realize that it was the family I was trying to break apart unintentionally.
The video was so heartbreaking at kahit na hinde ko gusto panoorin, I needed to.
Kinailangan kong panoorin for me to have a solid reason on why I should to stop this.
Pero hinde pa ako handa, hinde kopa kaya sa ngayon.
I know he has his reasons but I don't care anymore.
My trail of thoughts suddenly stops when I heard van spoke to me.
"Ma'am, excuse me" magalang na pagtawag niya sa atensyon ko.
Dun ko palang namalayan na nasa palasyo pala kami.
Napakunot ang noo ko dahil sa pagtataka kung anong ginagawa ko dito.
"What the hell am I doing here?" I asked, confused.
Hinde naman ako sinagot nito at bigla nalang lumabas ng front seat at pinagbuksan ako ng pinto.
Habang ako naman ay litong lito padin kung anong nangyayari.
"I'm sorry VP pero utos kasi ng presidente na dalhin ka dito" parang nahihiyang aniya.
"Ano?!" I asked, totally puzzled.
"Naghihintay po siya sa inyo sa rooftop" anito kaya nakaramdam naman ako bigla ng inis.
"Isn't your job to serve me? Why are you taking orders from him?" hinde napigilan ang inis na tanong ko.
Napayuko naman ito at napakamot sa batok.
"I'm sorry ma'am" hinde makatinging paghingi ng paumanhin nito.
Huminga ako ng malalim para pakalmahin ang sarili ko.
Alam ko naman na hinde dapat siya ang sisihin ko dito, ayoko naman na maipit ito sa pagitan namin ng presidente.
Nasanay kasi ang mga ito na iisa talaga kami ni bong and I admit that I let them take some orders from bong also kaya hinde dapat sila ang pinapagalitan ko.
Lumabas nalang ako ng sasakyan para puntahan nalang si bong sa kung saan yung sinabi ni van.
Iisa lang naman ang bahay dito na may rooftop at yun ay yung bahay na nakalaan para sa akin.
Umakyat na ako sa taas mag isa at naiwan naman ang mga PSG's ko sa baba.
Pagkaakyat ko sa rooftop ay nandoon nga si bong, mag isang nakatayo habang nakatanaw sa kalangitan.
Tahimik na sumisimsim ng wine at nakatalikod sa direksyon ko.
Ilang araw narin mula nung huli ko siyang nakita at nakausap kaya hinde kona itatanggi ang pananabik na nararamdaman ko sa loob loob ko.
Hinde ako nagsalita at tahimik lang na nanatili sa kinatatayuan ko.
"I barely remember na masarap pala ang hangin sa lugar nato ng palasyo" biglang sabi nito, totally aware of my presence behind him.
Mabagal naman akong naglakad palapit sa kinatatayuan nito.
"What is it that you want? Bakit mo ako pinapunta dito?" malamig na tanong ko.
Dahan dahan naman siyang humarap sa akin and God forbids my vulnerability when I got to see the sadness on his face, I bandly wanted to run towards him and just hug him.
But I didn't.
I had to remind myself that I had to be strong and be mindful with my own actions.
"I just.." he stopped, not even in a mid sentence.
Hinde niya maituloy ang gusto niyang sabihin kaya inilihis niya muna ang tingin niya palayo sa akin saka huminga ng malalim.
Why do I feel hurt even if he's not saying anything?
His eyes was speaking a lot of things even though his mouth was close.
Hinde ako nagsalita at naghintay lang sa sasabihin niya.
Ipinatong niya muna ang hawak niyang wine glass sa gilid bago ulit nagsalita.
"It's just that.. I just want to be with you, alone--" he stopped for a while saka yumuko,
"--For the last time" pagtutuloy niya sa sinasabi.
Pakiramdam ko ay nanlamig ang buong katawan ko, followed by a sudden surge of pain inside my chest.
I couldn't contain the scattering pain I felt, kahit pigilan ko pa ang sarili ko ay kusa padin nag alpasan ang luha sa mga mata ko.
Nakita ko kung paano bumagsak ang balikat niya kasabay ng pagtulo ng luha ko.
Mabilis siyang naglakad palapit sa akin, then he held my face to wipe my tears.
"I'm sorry sara" he said hushing me to stop me from crying.
Tinanggal ko naman ang kamay niya sa mukha ko para ilayo siya sa akin then I stepped one step backwards.
"You're breaking up with me" malamig na sabi ko not even asking at ako na mismo ang nagpunas ng luha ko.
"I'm sorry but we need to stop this, I don't want to continue having this affair with you anymore" he bluntly said not taking any step closer to me.
Lakas loob na hinarap ko siya saka malamig na sinalubong ang mga mata niya.
"Tell me, what made you decide to do this?" seryusong tanong ko na hinde inaalis ang tingin sa kanya.
"I just can't do this anymore.. I can't do this to you anymore sara, I'm just going to taint your perfect piece of art and I don't want that, ayoko na ako pa ang maging dahilan ng kasiraan mo ng mga paghihirap mo, sisirain lang natin ang isa't isa pareho" mahabang aniya pero hinde ko ma absorb ang mga sinasabi niya.
"Bakit ba ikaw ang nagdidesisyon sa mga bagay na hinde pa naman nangyayari? Aren't you being unfair?" inis na sabi ko.
Umiling naman siya saka hinawakan ang kamay ko pero winaksi kolang yun sa sobrang inis ko sa kanya.
"No sara, can't you see? Masyado nang magulo, everyone is moving hand and hand just to bring me down, but you sara.. no one can bring you down but me, ako lang ang pwedeng maging dahilan ng ikababagsak mo and thats the last thing I want"
He looked so hopeless at unti unti narin akong nalilinawan sa kung anong pinanggagalingan niya.
Nakaramdam ako ng awa habang nakikita ko kung gaano kahirap nito para sa kanya.
It maybe took a lot of courage for him para makipag hiwalay sakin.
And I don't want to add to his burdens.
Nangako ako na magiging loyal ako sa kanya, na kahit anong magiging desisyon niya susuportahan ko.
At kung ang desisyon niya ay ang iwan ako, kailangan suportahan ko yun.
This is what is wrong about us, we love each other so much that our every choices depend on the both of us.
We wanted to stay but we are left with no choice but to go apart.
"Fine, I understand ang totoo niyan ay gusto ko narin talaga sana taposin to, naunahan molang ako" malamig na turan ko.
Nakita ko ang sakit na bumalatay sa mga mata ni bong at kinailangan kong pigilan ang sarili ko na bawiin ang sinabi ko.
Naikuyom ko ang kamay ko para magkaron ako ng lakas ng loob na sabihin ang gusto kong sabihin without breaking down.
"Tama ka taposin nalang natin to, I don't want to add some troubles to you anymore, nakikita ko na inaayos mona ang relasyon mo sa asawa mo and thats right, I'll also try to fix my family because thats the right thing to do"
I did a lot of break up in the past and this is the most painful one.
We are leaving each other not because we don't love each other anymore, but because we love each other too much that were choosing to save each other from the worst.
"Yeah you should fix your family..
T-thats right" hinde na siya makatingin ng deretso sa akin habang sinasabi ang mga salitang yun.
He's breaking and the sight of him slowly breaking into pieces was already tormenting me.
"Run away from me bong, you are doing the right thing--" my voice almost crack as I am leaving him my last words.
He's not saying anything and he doesn't even have a strength to look at me
"--The world was cruel to our kind, you're always possess by your wife and I am bound to choose my family over myself, we belong to them, theirs and never ours, kaya alagaan mo lagi ang sarili mo.." huminga muna ako ng malalim bago tumalikod.
"Goodbye bong" huling sinabi ko bago ako nagmamadaling umalis sa lugar kung saan nadurog ang puso ko.
Hinde ko kayang magpaalam sa kanya habang nakikita ko siya kaya kinailangan kong tumalikod.
Nagmamadali akong pumasok sa kwarto ko dahil unti unti na akong nauubosan ng lakas habang palayo ako sa lugar kung nasaan ang lalaking mahal ko.
As I run away from the place where I left the piece that made me whole.
I felt like I was falling from the highest building and I realized that I don't have a wings to save myself.
Then I hit the ground hard enough that made me bleed hardcore.
I don't even have that strength to pick up my shattered broken pieces so here I am, staring at my shattered hundred reflections on my scattered broken pieces.
We can't always choose the right person when you're on the wrong time.
Ang sabi nila the right person won't run away from you, they stay even at the times that you are not even worthy for it.
But they're wrong.
The right person might just taking a step backwards to let you breath for a while but not totally running away.
It's taking the time to make everything right, you just have to patiently wait and let them find their way back until the time is right.
So yes bong and I just taking a step backwards.
Maybe if the time was right, we'll find our way back to each other without, If and buts.
And maybe if the time is right, maybe we can finally be together.
***
A/n : guys please don't hate me, this scene was long over due part talaga ng plano to just trust the process.
Always remember that sunshine after the storm was always satisfying, just bare with me.
Mahal ko kayo 😘