"I love the smell of your blood
Come dance, dance, baby
go dance for me..."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ash and I walk down the sidewalk outside of the MGM Grand casino and hotel with our arms interlocked, a little skip in our step and huge smiles making our cheeks ache. But it's all worth it. It's love.
Music fills the air around us, the sounds so loud and mixed together that I feel as though I'm in the front row of three different concerts all at once. I think Nickelback is playing somewhere down the street and then Paramore somewhere next to us. It's a clusterfuck of so many amazing things. I'm not overwhelmed, I'm energetic for the first time all day since finally connecting with The Faces.
It's freeing. Refreshing even with the sizzling tension radiating between Sally and I. Said tension is a mix of sexual frustration and absolute raging hatred-- but I find that combination extremely invigorating. Situationships suck unless there's some kind of unique emotion to liven it up a bit, I think.
But for now, I'll ignore it. This trip is about visiting with my friends, even if it means having to kick Sally out of my general vicinity every once in a while.
The lights from casinos light up the air around us, reflecting off of Ash's pretty red dress. Every sound that could possibly be heard in the world all at once is revolving through the streets-- distant airplane engines, horror movie-worthy screaming, sizzling food, normal conversations and giggling, and my favorite: silence from a particular someone.
"So what's the plan?" I ask Ash, panting lightly as our skip picks up pace.
Ash has a beaming grin on her face, her pink cheeks flushed from our little excited hops. "I dunno," she chirps between breaths. "We'll probably just bar hop. I think that's a fun idea!"
I squeeze my arm around hers, watching her glorious side profile with stars in my eyes, no doubt. The world seems to slow down as I gaze upon her smiling face and the night-time world reflected in her viridian iris's.
She looks down at me, her smile impossibly widening before she turns her head over her shoulder to look at the guys.
"Hey, bar hopping cool with you guys?" she asks sweetly, giving them a pair of eyes on the down low that screams we're doing just as she wants regardless of what they say.
And all three men are quiet for a second before murmuring their agreements-- Sally and Todd's a bit forced whereas Larry seems more than happy to go and party a bit more.
I look over my shoulder too, my mask pressing into my cheek as I make quick eye contact with Sally who quickly looks off to the side, his neck tattoo glistening in all the LED lights.
My head is facing forward immediately. Better to not look at him-- if I can help it, that is.
I mind my business for a bit, just skipping alongside Ash who tells me all about her favorite drinks and how really hot girls always go to the shittiest bars to avoid preppy frat boys. I'm not quite sure how she learned this information, but I'm not one to hate on the game, so I just nod along and pitch in here and there.
Ash shocks me a bit with a sudden change in behavior when she leans over, pressing her cheek to mine. Her lips brush against the temple of my mask as she says a bit more quietly, "Hey, remember that time you declared you'd raise hell in Washington D.C. because of soda prices?"
My eyes widen a bit as I recall one of the many phone calls I had with Ash when we were teenagers. I was pissed because my high school had raised the vending machine prices to three dollars per soda and I was not having it. It wasn't that impressive to me, but I guess it left a mark on Ash.
I'm about to ask her why she's bringing that up when another weight lands on the other cheek of my mask, followed by, "Soda prices pissed you off that much, Vi?" from Larry. His voice purrs deeply beside me and I try not to shiver.
His hand grips onto my shoulder, enveloping so much skin that his thumb brushes along the base of my neck. He squeezes lightly then lifts his head, peeking around my form so he can look at me with his dark, mahogany eyes that are just as hard to look away from as they are to actually look at, simply because they're so entrancing. Why does Larry have to be hot?
I hum in response, tilting my head. "I guess," I murmur, "I'm still pretty pissed about finances in general. Who isn't?"
Ash giggles cutely, running a hand over my hair before resting her fingertips on my upper back. "Vi's an anarchist," she says matter-of-factly.
Larry cackles, backing away from me and falling back with Todd and Sal.
I pinch my lips together to contain a laugh of my own and nod once. "Fuck the patriarchy."
A grunt sounds behind me, followed by, "You two are problematic." The words are grumbled and Sally sounds like he's physically aggravated over our conversation-- or maybe he's aggravated with the fact that he couldn't keep his mouth shut.
It takes everything within me to not groan obnoxiously and tell him to shut the fuck up, but I do roll my eyes to let off some steam even if he can't see it. "Aw, come on, Sally," I say, glancing at him over my shoulder again. His gaze is settled on me, his ocean eyes clashing with mine as soon as he's in my view. "Be a feminist!" I smile at him.
I watch as his eyes narrow momentarily, frustration probably biting at his bones as he regards me quietly, fighting for a reply in the depths of his mind. Maybe it was a dirty trap on my part, but I don't care all that much.
"I am a feminist. And fuck the patriarchy," Sally replies gruffly, "I just don't think running up on the government would be your best decision."
"And why do you care?" I snort, turning my face forward again as Ash holds onto my arm. We're getting closer to a bar towards the end of the street. "Let me start an uprising in peace."
"By all means, don't confuse my worries. I couldn't care less about what happens to you, just trying to give a word of advice since you're full of bad decisions," Sally replies, a snarky lilt to his deep voice.
I chew on my bottom lip. He's formulating something in his mind by the sound of his voice. He's confident. "You act like you've never made a bad decision in your life. An asshole like you is dripping in stupidity," I retort, albeit weakly. I'm a bit afraid of whatever it is he has in mind.
"Maybe I'm stupid," Sally starts like this is exactly what he wanted me to say, "but at least I don't seek validity by bulldozing through anything that bites back."
"So, you're just talking about yourself, right?" I bite out too quickly. The words are in the air and I've taken his bait-- I reacted before I could think. I chew on the inside of my cheek upon realizing that I won't be able to correct myself in time.
"I am talking about myself, smart of you to notice," he chuckles lowly. "I bite back and you just can't handle that, can you?"
The sound of his voice makes my brain itch. His chuckle makes my skin tingle. It's a constant back and forth of aching to strangle this motherfucker and wanting to climb on top of him and see what he does. Regardless, it's his reaction that I want so bad and the fact that I'm failing while he's succeeding in milking me of reactions is filling me with an unquenchable rage.
I stay quiet for a moment while we trek on, the entire group remaining silent while Sally and I hash out our ridiculous problems.
He's too good at building up a quick defense. I need to work on that.
"You misunderstood me," I grit out, keeping my gaze set on the pavement under my feet. "You fight anything with a pulse. You're so meticulous and aggressive about self-protection that you might as well just fuck yourself already." The words keep flying out of my mouth. I couldn't stop myself even if I wanted to. "You wouldn't get knocked up with that shitty attitude, but you may fucking get knocked out."
The silence around us is deafening and I feel like I've effectively made my point clear when Sally doesn't say a word. So I take a breath and relax my shoulders that are more tense than this fucking situation.
A hand clamps down around the back of my neck, cool fingertips squeezing my skin tightly before harshly yanking me back.
I trip over my lost balance, trying to regain my footing before I nearly slam into Sally who stops me with another hand on the small of my back.
The two of us stand in our odd, incomplete embrace for a moment, the shock of his touch shutting me down completely. I don't even take a breath as the feeling of his hand gripping my skin resonates within my mind. It's not much, but it feels good. And then his fingertips digging into my lower back through my thin shirt-- a warning to shut up now.
It's not hard to listen when his hands are on me, as much as I hate to admit it.
I'm acutely aware of his soft, azure hair brushing along the skin of my throat and the sound of his muffled breathing beside my face. He's close, very close. Closer than he and Lexi have ever gotten.
His unique scent envelops my senses just like it did the day I met him, every single note overpowering me in seconds. Sally has a good hold of me, which is dangerous considering he has me in a physical vice grip right now, alongside the fact that it doesn't take much for me to submit to him.
And that's starting to piss me off.
The side of Sally's prosthetic taps onto the cheek of my mask and I'm feeling major deja vu from earlier. Only this time, it's a lot more tense and breathtaking. No matter how hot Larry and Ash both are, it just doesn't compare to Sal.
"You know what this shitty attitude gets me, though?" He rasps quietly, his words short and aggressive.
I swallow thickly, blinking down at his shoes that lightly press against the back of mine. Wow, they match. Who would've thought.
My heart hammers against my ribcage, fighting a losing battle of desire and pride wherein I'm failing at getting both under control. I don't know what to say, what to do, or what to think with his skin on mine and just our close proximity in general.
I've always known he was attractive, but fuck, does he really have to silence me with his personality and looks?
"It gets me fucked," he says, his tone biting and hostile, even antagonistic like he's dangling another hook for me to latch onto. He continues, quieter this time but his words still slice at the walls of confidence I've built up. "I'm sure you know a thing or two about that, huh?"
He gives the back of my neck another tight squeeze, then shoves me away from him, ending the moment just as quickly as it began.
I stagger back toward Ash who grabs onto my arms to steady me. When I look up, she's glaring harshly at Sally. I don't think I've ever seen such a serious expression on her face in my twenty one years of being her friend... this is impressive.
She'd be freaked if she found out I thought the way he handled me just now was hot as fuck.
"Stop being a fucking cunt, Sal," Ash barks out, looking down at me with the glare ever-present on her face, though it softens just a bit for a moment. "You're really going to be like this?"
"It's fine, Ash," I stop her gently, offering her a little smile when she swings her head back to me. "I'm just as guilty. Sorry for making things awkward." The one thing I regret is putting my friends in a difficult position. Ash, Todd, and Larry don't deserve that.
Ash watches me with a hesitant expression for a moment before carefully letting go of my arms. "Fine," she murmurs quietly. "Both of you need to cut it out then."
Yea, she's right. I'm here to spend time with everyone even if Sally has to be involved. Whatever. It's worth it.
I nod my head with a tight smile that Ash returns as she boops the nose of my mask with her index finger. Then she turns to point at the bar that's beside us. We got here a lot quicker than expected. Arguments pass the time very well.
I turn my head slightly to the side, looking to Sally and muttering, "Sorry," just to keep the peace. It isn't that I mean it in any way, shape, or form-- and he can see that it's an empty apology-- but something to appease the two of us as well as the group for now.
He says nothing in return. I'll take that as a win.
I smile as the five of us walk into the bar, which is honestly so large and packed with people that it might as well be a fucking club. There are strobe lights, music so loud that I'm worried I'll get a headache, and sweaty bodies all packed together.
My smile drops immediately. I fucking hate places like this. I've been near people all day and I'm really tired of it.
Ash doesn't give me much time to regret following her to a bar though. She grabs onto my hand then yells back to me, "Grab someone!" so I lean back, glancing at Larry who clutches my hand with a grin on his face before grabbing onto whoever's behind him.
Ash drags me around like one of those kids with the backpack that doubles as leash-- like her grip on me is enough to keep me afloat when, really, I'm about to fucking take Larry down with me.
But she walks up to someone who undoubtedly works here, barks out a command with a hypnotizing smile on her face, and then she's dragging us back to a roped off area. The scene changes with a flip of a metaphorical switch and I can't really keep up, I'm only able to feel immense panic upon realizing that Ash just very easily got us into a VIP section of this bar-club thing.
And it must be emo night in here.
There's a range of old classics pumping in the building. Helena by My Chemical Romance ended a few seconds, and now we're on to Deftones. Ash picked a good place and I can't help but feel like she chose this specific bar on purpose.
Ash catapults me into a booth then crawls in beside me, Todd joining after her. Then Larry and Sally climb in on the opposite end of our table.
It's a nice, decent spot. We're away from the big crowd, but we're still able to see and interact with everything if we really want to get up and do something. It feels like finding that one unoccupied corner at a party.
"Okay, Vi," Ash says with a hefty sigh, slamming her hands onto the table with a happy grin on her face-- a stark contrast from her angry expression just a few moments go. "Here's the question I've personally been putting off."
I furrow my brows. "Okay," I say hesitantly. "Hit me."
Ash's smile drops a bit and she pinches her glossy lips together. "When..." she trails off and squints her eyes. "When are you leaving?"
Oh. Fuck. That's true. I have to leave in just a few hours now.
The look on my face must say a lot for her and her happy persona drops immediately. "Okay, how soon?" she mumbles softly.
I hum, checking the time on my phone. It's ten thirty. "In a few hours now," I admit, not daring to look back at my deflated best friend. "I have to be at the airport for six."
"Can you maybe take a different flight home?" Larry offers, a little frown marring his sharp and handsome features.
I purse my lips as I regard him with guilty eyes. "Either way, I only paid for one night at my hotel. There's not much I can do."
It hurts to think that I have to leave everyone so soon now. At the beginning of the day, I was just so elated to finally see everyone for the first time in years, but the clock is ticking and I'm only filling up with dread. I know I'll have to hug Ash, Larry, and Todd for the last time in a while tonight and it's going to suck. I'm going to sob on my flight back, I already know it.
My heart clenches in my chest and tears fill my eyes just from thinking about it. It doesn't matter that I'm in a club or that I'm surrounded by people. What matters is that I have to leave my friends. Again.
It was heartbreaking whenever I was ten years old, but now it feels like my world is about to crumble down around me.
"Well, Vi, hear me out," Todd says after a moment, a hand covering his lips and his brows furrowed as he looks down at the table.
I wait quietly, my eyes glued to his professional, put-together form. Please, Todd. Please give me a solution.
"If you can find an alternate flight home, you can just stay in our suite with us for the next couple days," he says a bit louder, his dark eyes finally meeting mine.
My brows bunch together. I couldn't possibly stay with them. That's unfair since they're paying for their room.
"Oh my gosh, that's a great idea, Todd!" Ash squeals, her hand clamping down onto my shoulder. "You can camp out with me! Bed's a queen. We can fit!" She beams excitedly, her jade eyes begging me to accept the invitation.
I gape momentarily. "I... I can't. It's unfair for me to not pitch in. And besides, I--" I cut myself off for a moment, wondering if I should leak a bit of my personal life. It's not like they can track me down if I'm vague. "I have a job. I told my boss I'd be back tomorrow."
"You work?" Larry asks, tilting his head curiously. "Actually, fuck your boss. We're more important."
As Sally once said, very inconspicuous.
But I still giggle at it regardless. "Yea, I told him I was sick. But, uh, I really need the money so I have to go back as soon as I get home tomorrow."
"You do know that the flu warrants a full five days at home, right?" Todd asks, his tone serious. I turn to him and he has so much confidence in his eyes. So much, in fact, that I suddenly feel like I could get away with being sick just a bit longer.
"I--" I pause again, trying to fight the guilt and desire that are beginning to mix into one in my mind. They're so close together that I can hardly distinguish the difference at this point. "Are you guys sure?"
"For fuck's sake," Sally groans, putting a hand onto his prosthetic. "Are we really about to do this?" I can hear the reluctance and disdain in his voice. He seems miserable behind his closed eyes and the shadow of that prosthetic.
Everything about him in that moment makes me feel a bit different.
"Yea, I'll stay with you guys," is what I say next, a giddy little smile forming on my face.
I have no regrets. Fuck Sally. Fuck whatever it is that he wants.
"Okay, so our first line of work then is to change your flight," Larry jumps into action, so energized that he bounces around in his seat for a second. He reminds me of a child, unable to contain his exhilaration. It's actually pretty cute.
"Oh, fuck," I groan, resigning a bit. I lean back in my seat beside Ash and chew my lip. "Do you think I can change it this late?"
Larry shrugs, looking off to the side. "We'll find a way. I'm cool with anarchy too," he glances back to me with a mischievous little grin and narrowed eyes.
My breath catches in my throat for a moment before I remember what he's said and then I giggle, nodding in agreement. I've always been able to tell that Larry's pretty chaotic. It shows in absolutely everything he does-- he's a shit stirrer, but I like that about him. Makes things fun.
I open my phone to pull up the app that tracks my plane tickets and travel time, but I notice a text before getting a chance to focus on my changed plans.
Simp for the Entire Male Population
i'm coming visit next week, ducks >:))))
Hm, this'll be fun. I haven't seen my cousin in a while, it's actually been a few years now, come to think of it.
Me
cool, i'm looking forward to it ;)
I click out of the message and move on to my plane tickets. Something I'm thankful for is the list of alternative flights that pops up as soon as I navigate my way to the ticket options setting.
"How long will you guys be here?" I murmur, scrolling through my three options that leave on different days.
"The next three days," Ash chirps, "Did you find anything?"
"Yep," I say excitedly, clicking on the plane ticket that has me leaving on the 23rd. I confirm my change and it results in an extra $45 charge, but it's worth it. "I leave in two days now."
The table cheers-- except for Sal though. But he doesn't exactly seem upset either. If anything, a bit annoyed, but not against this new situation. If I'm sleeping with Ash, I guess he assumes I'll be out of his hair for the most part.
"So are you coming over tonight?" Ash grabs onto my forearm and yanks me around a bit, her pretty teeth on display in the form of a grin.
"Erm, actually, I think I'll stay at my hotel since I spent money on it, but I'll move in with you guys tomorrow," I say, laughing lightly.
It feels as though a weight's been lifted from my shoulders. Even if it's just an excuse to avoid the pain for now, I don't care all that much. I have more time and that means the world and more to me in the moment.
"Cool, I'll just come sleep over with you then-- give the guys a night to themselves," Ash declares nonchalantly, a giddy little smile gracing her full lips. "We're gonna have so much fun tonight!"
Larry slides a hand over the table and between Ash and I, immediately stealing my attention. "Hold on, how much fun? Because if it's a lot then I'd really like to join. Please." His eyes are wide and lips parted as he waits for a response.
Before I can jump in and laugh at his inconspicuousness, for lack of a better word, Ash slaps his hand away and rolls her eyes. "Not that kind of fun, you horny little fiend," she scoffs. "Vi is off limits to all three of you."
"Oh, so you get to have her all to yourself?" Todd challenges, raising an amused eyebrow at Ash.
Everyone's favorite viridian-eyed beauty narrows her eyes playfully, a little smirk building in her expression. "You lot can all go fuck yourselves."
A few laughs pass between us before we go quiet, ordering a few drinks and just enjoying the music. It's clear that our entire group appreciates good sound. Sally's head is leaned against the back of his seat, his angular and scarred jaw on full display for me-- the best part of the view being the tattoo on his neck. Larry's bobbing his head to Slipknot and Todd's holding his head up by his hands, his elbows propped on the table as his feet tap the ground rhythmically. Ash has her eyes closed, a little smile on her face.
I really found a good group, even if things between Sally and I are complicated. I can appreciate some of the things he appreciates too.
A good song comes on, one that I discovered on Youtube a few years ago. It's a small band called Dark Autumn Complex. They have maybe a few thousand fans if anything. But they're good and the fact that their song is playing at a club in Vegas is pretty big.
I perk up at the same time Larry does, our wide eyes meeting momentarily. He doesn't break our eye contact as he jabs Sally in the ribs with his elbow.
Sally pops up with a resounding 'oof' his feet slamming against the ground. Honest to God, this is the first time I've seen him with an expression that wasn't anger or bashfulness. Impressive.
Larry murmurs something to Sal then turns to me, both of us mouthing the lyrics to the song. A grin splits across his face and he nearly jumps across the table to fangirl with me.
"Dude, you like these guys!?" he exclaims.
"Yes!" I laugh, "I found them when they only had like maybe five subscribers on Youtube. I've been a loyal fan."
Ash suddenly scoots toward us with a huge smile on her face, "You really like Dark Autumn Complex?" she asks, holding back whatever's next by a thread based on her expression. I nod in response and she jumps at my confirmation. "Well--"
"Well, you're just like us then, Vi," Larry interrupts Ash quickly, throwing her a tantalizing wink. "No worries, baby," he says to her. "I got you," Larry gushes a moment later, a little blush painting his cheeks as he looks back to me. "I know every single song of theirs."
"I can't lie," I admit, trying to contain my excited smile. Fuck, I want to tell Larry who I am so bad. We have so much in common. "Me too. They're not my all-time favorite, but they are on my list of top five favorites."
"I think they're my favorite, truth be told. They're just so good," he wiggles excitedly in his seat. "And get this, we're going see them live at their first concert tomorrow. It's perfect timing because you'll be with us. You have to come."
"Holy shit?" I say breathlessly, my smile falling due to the shock. I hadn't seen anything online about the band having a concert... but then again, if it was a concert out of reach, I wouldn't have paid it much mind. "Of course I'll come! I can't believe I got this lucky." And I really am excited. Dark Autumn Complex has been on my wishlist of concerts-to-see for about three yeas now.
"It's gonna be rad as shit," Larry says, eyes widening as he grabs my wrist. He shows his emotions through physical touch-- sweet of him, but dangerous for me and every other man and woman who has good taste in men. "Maybe we can get in back stage to meet them." he says, a knowing little smirk builds on his lips as he watches me, waiting for a reaction.
Sally quickly elbows Larry though, shutting the excited man up in a moment. Larry looks over at his cerulean haired friend who hisses out, "Shut up, dude."
I roll my eyes. This guy is such a fucking mood killer.
"That would be super cool," I say quickly, ignoring Sally's ridiculous attempts to get in the middle of my conversation with my friend. "But I don't want to bother them either. If we meet, it'll be by chance."
Larry shrugs unapologetically, claiming he'll climb on stage to meet his favorite band if that's what it takes.
The best and worst part is that I can tell he isn't exaggerating.
I appreciate the song playing. It's called "Wherein Christine Daaé Becomes Her Own Phantom." The lyrics are really deep, relatable, and captivating. The lead singer has such a hypnotizing voice and their bassist is so good with fuzzy riffs. I feel like I'm peacefully drowning every time I hear one of their songs, which is honestly insane considering those feelings are such a contradiction.
A fun little bit about the band, aside from their fantastic sound, is that no one knows what the members look like. There's the guitarist and singer (just one guy), their bassist, and then the drummer. They're a little group, but they're fantastic. Never filmed a music video before and have only ever posted a singular photo online of all of them wearing elaborate masks that cover their heads entirely. We haven't even seen their skin-- which makes seeing them live tomorrow even more exciting to think about. How will they present themselves?
Larry picks up our conversation again, asking my opinion. "How did you feel about the song they put out a month ago?" he asks.
"I thought it was awesome," I say happily, leaning my body against the table to be a bit closer to the man across from me.
Larry pushes a strong, inked hand through his hair then starts talking again, but my attention is suddenly and unfortunately stolen by a situation at the other end of our table.
The lyrics resonate through my mind as a ridiculous wave of jealousy washes over me.
"A ghost sending shivers down your spine;
Something you never see but always feel.
Some eerie tingle and a hidden shrine--
Every single layer of fear-- all of it I'll peel."
That is a disgustingly accurate way to describe my current feelings as a woman walks up to Sally, shyly tapping on his shoulder.
She has jet black hair that flows down her back in soft waves with a short, black dress to match. The fabric is tight around her slim body and she flaunts it beautifully. I can't see much of her other than that through the flashing lights and dark atmosphere, but I definitely notice the moment she sits right against Sally, nearly on top of his lap.
It's not that I'm jealous of them, it's that I'm jealous of her, I guess. Maybe I'm also jealous of the way he's so easygoing with her when he wouldn't even let me cum over our call, that bastard.
And not to mention, he's never been kind to me in any way. Never even gave me a chance. but here he is, happily conversing with this woman and being so sweet to her.
What did I ever even do?
"Pretty things are surface-level desire,
But does the same go for me?
Just quiet and sometimes a spit-fire,
And only desirous by a small degree.
Death is but a word,
Thus, elegance and pride will never die;
A choking little lie that terror simply purred--
A horror-stricken mind is a fatal design."
Am I pretty like she is? Hell, I'd kill to have her looks. I've never been confident in the way I look or present myself, even if I do try really hard. To me, I'm nothing compared to all the beauty walking amongst this earth. I'm nothing like them. And that's proof that my mind really is a fatal design.
Suddenly, I'm not too fond of this song anymore.
Why do I have to desire such trivial things like beauty? There's so much more in this world. I don't need to want to be pretty like this. It's a mood killer.
Why does Sally make me feel this way about myself?
When did I turn into this?
"Disgusting, foul creatures of lust--
Humanity is a wasteland of evil,
And the lack of a vendetta is unjust.
So, here I am, a captive of the people.
Warrior hearts and monstrous brains,
Murderous minds and devilish intentions--
All we amount to are thoughtless remains
Of a world once full of potentials."
Yea, I had potential at one point a guess. Lately, I've just been a shell of who I once was and I'm just trying to build myself up to what I used to be. Hanging out with The Faces has been helping, but watching Sally throw an arm around this beautiful girl and lean a bit closer to her with a smile in his eyes makes me feel nauseous.
I don't even really know if it's about him and her anymore. It's more of an internal thing. Could anyone ever be attracted to me that way? Does someone think I'm actually pretty? Could I pull off a dress like hers?
Thousands of questions and sickening emotions fly through my mind. The situation is unnecessary, especially since Sally means nothing to me in the first place. I've turned it into something personal-- I'm only hurting myself, but I can't help it.
"Humanity is a vicious influence on 'differents'--
To people like me,
Where purity is as damning as innocence;
Oh, how ignorant are we?
A little bunny cornered by a pack of foxes,
Coerced into following the crowd.
Poisoned by passive-aggressive toxins
Until I'm silenced and expected to be proud."
Today's strict beauty standards are fucked and this is proof that I'm trying to conform to them. It's not this poor woman's fault that I'm not confident in the way I look, it's society's fault. Just another reason to be a fucking anarchist, I suppose. I guess Larry would be proud of that thought.
The constant reminder that I don't look a certain way bothers me every single day. Just when I think I've been able to ignore it enough, it bites me during moments like this-- unwarranted and completely random. And I try to blame other people to make myself feel better. That isn't right. I can't even be angry with Sally for warming up to at least someone. If anything, it proves he isn't completely a cold person.
So why does it bother me so damn much?
"Christine has adopted the persona of Erik,
A phantom in her filthy world--
Traumatized, scared, and barbaric
Like a shredded dress still forced to be twirled."
Alright, that's enough with the song. I'm absolutely going to become barbaric if I don't distract myself.
Sally slowly runs his fingers down the woman's arm before turning the table, his azure eyes meeting mine. I pinch my lips together, instantly embarrassed about getting caught staring and begging myself to look away-- but he doesn't look away. That's... interesting.
So I keep looking at him. Some unknown emotion flashes across his pretty eyes and he pulls the woman a bit closer to him.
Is he trying to make me jealous? Funny. If he thinks I'm looking at them because of him then he's about to be really fucking disappointed. I refuse to let him get to me, even if a little bit of me wants to be held that way-- because it isn't that I want to be held by him. He has absolutely nothing to do with the negativity in my head right now.
Sally reaches a hand up, brushing a strand of hair away from the girl's face and raking his eyes over her pretty features. A raspy, deep chuckle reaches my ears and I feel like laughing too.
How pathetic. Of him and me.
I need to sort through my own insecurities and let whatever little situationship that existed between Sal and I a couple days ago die. I don't need it. And he very clearly doesn't need it either.
Whatever.
___________________
A/N::::::: hi, yes, i'm back to burdening everyone with lyrics that would have never seen the light of day if not for this chapter <3
i've done this before in another book of mine, but for everyone here, i have a little habit of writing songs for my books and the one included in this chapter is a recent short one!! (the lyrics i put at the beginning of each chapter are NOT mine though, just the ones within the chapter that are bold have been written by me!)
i'm kinda on the fence about this chapter tbh. it feels a bit rushed even though i tried to put more description in where it was possible to do so. i want to put a focus on friendship building between the faces while also showing how y/n is struggling with the building tension between her and sal. i'm hoping i can come fix it up with time, but for now we have this! i won't deprive everyone of daddy sal and daddy larry and daddy todd and mommy ash just because i might be a little insecure regarding my abilities, i pinky promise ;)
I CAN'T WAIT TO INTRODUCE EVERYONE TO YOUR IN-STORY COUSIN SOON ;))))
anyways, i love you all so much! you guys are always so amazing and i owe everyone so incredibly much. you all have my heart. have a wonderful morning/day/evening/night!! <3333