hiraeth - part thirty-five
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Y/n stood silently behind Whis as they made their way to Lord Beerus's planet. Or so, she thought they were. Whis looked back to her with worry in his eyes. He knew that, emotionally, she was in turmoil. When he revealed her past life to her, he'd seen all of her memories, including her current ones. He knew she had a strong bond with Goku and Gohan, and had feelings for them. There was no way she'd be able to train in the state she's in.
"Are you okay, Miss Y/n?" Whis asked with a comforting smile. Y/n looked up at him, sighing.
"I-I'm fine. I just... Feel guilty. I ruined Goku and Gohan's lives." Y/n said, her eyes still threatening to spill tears. It was only moments ago that she had crushed the hearts of the two people closest to her. Not to mention, she had abandoned her dreams, her school, and Bulma, who had worked hard to get Y/n where she was at. She didn't even feel human anymore.
"I don't think they see it that way. They think you're being hard on yourself. As do I. It's terribly unhealthy to place the blame all on yourself, when it is nobody's fault entirely." Whis said. Y/n hummed, not wanting to speak. She didn't agree. It was her fault Gohan was abandoned, left there to cry alone. It was her fault Goku was rendered unable to even express his emotions, likely even coming to hate her for her decision. Though Y/n was miles off about her feelings and worries, that was the conclusion she had come to. She would no longer be wanted. They would likely be moved on by the time she may return to Earth. She didn't know that she would ever be brave enough to return.
Whis stared down at her, wondering why she blamed herself, and hated herself as much as she did. Perhaps it was an amalgamation of her current and past lives' emotions. Or maybe it was simply just that she easily suffered from depressive feelings. Either way, Whis knew she would continue to suffer if she did not first tackle her mental instability.
"Instead of beginning with physical training, I have another idea," Whis began, his switching of the subject catching Y/n's attention. "I'm not the greatest with mortal emotions and feelings. But I do know someone who excels at mental control."
The light around them suddenly disappeared, and they were in a place straight out of Y/n's imagination. The sky was a deep violet, with the horizon being a pale yellow. Many moons dotted the sky, and massive fields stretched as far as the eye could see. It was completely silent there, aside from the occasional breeze. It almost felt jarring to not hear a single bird or insect chirping.
"Wh-Where are we?" Y/n asked, looking around. Whis was looking around as well, as if searching for something. He perked up when he spotted it, gesturing for her to follow.
"All will be explained in a moment. Just follow me. There's someone I want you to meet." Whis said, walking through the tall grass. Y/n followed, still looking around in awe. This place would be extremely serene and relaxing, if not for the guilt that was eating Y/n away inside.
Whis suddenly came to a stop, catching Y/n's attention. She stood behind him, peeking around to see what he was doing. Her eyes widened when she realized he was not just doing something, he was greeting people. People that she recognized, from when she was dead with Goku. Though she did not recall their names.
"Hello, Supreme Kais." Whis greeted with a smile. There were three men, two very short, who had stood up to bow for Whis. The short, old one spoke, smiling at Whis.
"Hello, Whis. What brings you here, and where's Lord Beerus?" He spoke. His eyes landed on the much shorter girl hiding behind Whis, perking up. "Oh, who's this?"
"This is Y/n," Whis spoke, stepping out of the way so that she was fully in view. She yelped, unsure of what to do. She looked to Whis, who chuckled and whispered, "You're supposed to bow before them. They're Supreme Kais."
Y/n had no idea what that meant, but she did as she was told, bowing for them. The old one chuckled, waving his hand.
"No need to bow to old guys like us!" He joked, though the much younger one huffed as he crossed his arms. "It's very nice to see you, Y/n. Do you remember us?"
"Y-Yes, sir, I do." Y/n answered, trying to be as polite as possible. Whis chuckled, taking over speaking for her.
"Y/n here is a reincarnated Saiyan. She has all the memories of her past life, including how she died. She's quite the oddity! Despite being human, she's fully capable of turning Super Saiyan!" Whis spoke, almost sounding as though he was proud of her. "However... She's very emotionally unstable. She can't control her power, and is heavily dependent on her past. She relies on her heart instead of her brain, and while I'd love to train her, I'm a little too advanced for her. I was hoping perhaps Shin here would like the opportunity to train her. She needs to meditate on her problems and feelings before she can begin her training under me."
The youngest one, whom Whis had referred to as Shin, gasped as he clapped his hands. "I would love to! I am very happy to take Miss Y/n under my wing until she is ready."
"Wonderful!" Whis spoke with a grin. He turned to Y/n, bending down to her height and speaking softly. "I will return within a week to check your progress. Please relax, and do not fret over your problems on Earth. Shin here is going to take great care of you and make sure you are comfortable."
"Are you sure? What if I can't do it—?" Y/n tried to question him, but Whis cut her off.
"You can't with that mentality. Just try, Y/n, it won't hurt you. If anything, it should bring you inner peace." Whis said. As he stood up straight, he tapped his staff on the ground, light surrounding him. "Please try your hardest, Y/n. Good luck, and see you in a week's time."
And with that, Whis had left, leaving her with the three strangers. They approached her, Shin looking up at her with bright, happy eyes.
"Do you remember our names?" Shin asked, to which Y/n hesitantly nodded no. He chuckled, nodding his head. "It has been a while. I am the Supreme Kai of Universe 7! But please, call me Shin." He introduced. He then gestured to the short, old one that looked just like him. "This is the Grand Elder Kai, from many generations ago!"
"You can just call me Old Kai like everybody else does," The Old Kai said, although he didn't sound too happy about it. Shin then gestured to the third man, who looked much different than the others. He was very tall, and had red skin, unlike the other two, who were light lavender.
"This is Kibito, our attendant. Just ignore anything hateful he may say." Shin said, to which the attendant, Kibito, huffed and crossed his arms.
"Hateful? It is nothing but the truth. Just look at her!" He gestured to her entire being, shivering in disgust. "She is a mortal, in the realm of the Kais! Not only did she come unannounced, but she's not even in proper dress code!"
"Oh, shut up, you old codger." Old Kai kicked Kibito in the ankle, making him yelp and stumble around. Shin sighed, watching the two, before turning to Y/n.
"While I disagree with Kibito, he is right about your clothing. It is a little off-putting." Shin spoke. Y/n looked down at herself, embarrassed. She did only throw on a yellow crop top, and was still wearing her school uniform skirt. Not to mention, she was barefoot, and her bandages were in plain sight. She went to apologize, but Shin spoke first. "Not to worry, I can help with that!"
He pointed his finger at her, Y/n yelping as she was suddenly zapped by a beam of light. And as if disintegrating her old clothes, she now wore an outfit similar to Shin's, but her undershirt was bright blue, her pants pure white, and her shoes bright red. Her shoulders were also pointed, instead of having puffs like Shin's. Y/n was quite thankful the Sacred World of The Kais was not a very hot place, otherwise, she'd have immediately ripped the clothes off. Gods or not, she needed to breathe and live.
"Th-Thank you," Y/n stuttered out with a smile. Shin nodded, placing a finger on his chin as he thought.
"Why don't we get started? We can go somewhere private, where these two won't bother us," Shin said. Y/n nodded, just following along. Shin smiled, waving for her to follow him. He floated upward into the sky, Y/n following. The two left Old Kai and Kibito to themselves, searching for a spot to meditate.
"So, tell me, what's it like, being a human with a Saiyan soul?" Shin asked. Y/n sighed, looking down at the stretches of fields they flew over.
"Hard. It was just a few weeks ago I was living a fairly normal life. I had flashes of my past life in my sleep every night. It got to the point that it'd physically injure me. I started waking up with burns all over. And then, one night, I woke up with a giant stab wound. Whis said my body was trying to absorb the injury like a Saiyan, but I'm too weak. He said I'd die if I didn't train..." Y/n spoke. Shin could almost immediately see the despair and stress in her eyes. "Not to mention, once I did get my memories back, I was very stressed. I had to fight Lord Beerus. It just... Felt like all of my problems toppled over and crushed me that day. It hasn't been the same since. I had a falling out with my friend Gohan, and I'm not sure Goku likes me anymore either. I ruined their lives."
"How so?" Shin asked, a concerned look on his face. Y/n rubbed her arm, not really feeling comfortable talking about the situation, not when the memories and feelings were still so fresh. Shin seemed to catch on immediately, giving her a soft smile. "You don't need to talk about it. This is going to be like a vacation, so don't worry about those feelings. Let's just relax and meditate."
Y/n smiled at him, nodding. Shin was surprisingly sweet and nonjudgmental, despite basically being God. Perhaps this wouldn't be as bad as Y/n had initially anticipated. She assumed she'd never forgive herself for what she had done. But it seemed Shin was more than willing to help her forgive herself.
Shin came to a stop on top of a thin plateau, which stuck out in the middle of the grassy fields. Shin lowered down onto the very top, Y/n following. She stood right beside Shin, absolutely terrified of the height. Even if she could fly, the human brain inside her was telling her to stay far away from the edge.
"This is the Z Sword plateau. Grand Elder was trapped inside the Z Sword for many generations, but Gohan freed him when he broke the Z Sword. This place is considered the most holy of the entire realm of Kais. I thought it would be perfect for meditating." Shin spoke. He sat down, crossing his legs. Y/n sat down behind him, their backs to each other as they overlooked the vast plains. "Y/n, when you meditate, I'd like for you to focus on your breathing, and the feelings around you, not your thoughts. It's completely fine if you find your mind wondering, but please begin again and focus on your body, not your thoughts. And remember to be kind to yourself, don't judge yourself for any thoughts or feelings that may go by, especially if you have intrusive thoughts. If you need to, you may also focus on me."
Shin pressed his back against hers with those words, taking a deep breath and beginning. Y/n sighed, closing her eyes and beginning as well. She placed her focus on the feelings surrounding her, the way the breeze gently blew through her hair, the way Shin slowly breathed in the same deep breaths as her, the two syncing up.
Y/n noted how warm Shin was, smiling. She wondered if maybe taking notice of how comforting their position was counted as a thought and therefore she had to restart. Was it bad if she was already messing up? Did that mean she wasn't good at meditation?
Y/n huffed, trying to force those thoughts away. She could do this. Her life depended on it. If she couldn't get her emotions in check, Whis wouldn't train her. Maybe he'd move on to Goku and Vegeta, then what would she do? She'd be stuck here, because there was no way she could go back to Earth now, not after what she'd done. Y/n didn't deserve to go back anyway, she—
"Y/n," Shin called out, startling her. She chuckled nervously, sighing as she curled into a ball.
"S-Sorry," Y/n apologized, embarrassed. "I don't really think I'm cut out for this. It feels kind of weird in all honesty."
"Am I making you uncomfortable?" Shin asked as he turned around to face her. He was surprised to see she had flopped down onto her side, in the fetal position.
"No, it's not you. You were actually making me comfortable." Y/n said with a small blush on her face. "It was just, the prospect of taking care of myself mentally. I've never done that before. And having to face my thoughts without judgement felt wrong. Especially, like, what if I have a scary, intrusive thought? I don't want to think, "wow, murder sounds great", and not be judgmental toward that. Not that that's what I thought."
"Even if that is what you thought, intrusive thoughts are completely normal. People with severe intrusive thoughts have similar thoughts, but there's nothing wrong with it. What matters is how you face it. You could let it rule your life, or you could remember that it's just a thought. The more you react to a thought, the more it will take over, until it's all you can think about. But if you choose not to react, and just let it go, eventually, that thought will lessen and disappear." Shin explained. Y/n sat up, looking at him in surprise. He was shockingly good at this. Shin smiled, seeing that she had perked up. "Just remember not to force yourself. If you find yourself having an uncomfortable thought, don't worry. Just direct your attention to the things around you, the present."
"Okay... Thank you, Shin. You're really good at this," Y/n said with a smile. Shin chuckled, rubbing the back of his neck, abashed.
"Aww, it's not that special. As a Supreme Kai, it is my duty to understand the minds of mortals and how they function. I did create you, after all." He said. Y/n raised a brow at that, confused.
"What do you mean? You created Earth?" Y/n asked. Shin shrugged.
"In a way, yes. I do not directly create planets, but provide the impetus for them to be born. I don't just create singular planets at a time, generally, I have to do entire systems. It's quite easy, perhaps I'll show you sometime." Shin said. Y/n chuckled nervously, nodding. Sure, maybe it was easy to the Supreme Kai, but Y/n was certain it would melt her brain. Standing up, Shin dusted himself off, holding his hand out to Y/n. "Shall we head back? We can return once you get your rest, humans do need their sleep after all."
"Oh, yeah, I am pretty tired," Y/n said with a smile, taking his hand. Shin smiled up at her, flying upward. Y/n followed him, still connected by their hands as they flew back.
Upon returning to the others, Old Kai and Kibito were silently drinking their tea. As Y/n landed, she looked around, noticing the sky. Despite looking as though the sun was setting, the sky was the same. This world had a permanent sunset, which would forever throw Y/n off.
"You're back, I see. How did it go?" Kibito asked as Shin approached them. They had a small table with three chairs under a shady tree, which seemed to be the only thing in sight. No home. No buildings. Just the table.
"It went well. Y/n needs to rest now though." Shin said. Y/n nodded, approaching them to ask about where she'd stay. Her train of thoughts was suddenly interrupted by an odd sensation though. She needed to use the bathroom, now. She hadn't gone since she was in class hours ago.
"H-Hey, do you guys, like, have a bathroom anywhere? It's been a while. Not to mention, I also haven't had any water." Y/n said, looking around. Shin's eyes widened as he remembered Y/n was, in fact, not immortal, and required certain necessities.
"Oh! Yes, Kibito, Y/n is going to need a place to stay. I'd like for you to create her a temporary home with all of the proper necessities." Shin requested. The taller attendant sighed, standing up.
"As you wish, Supreme Kai." He spoke. Walking out into the field, Kibito pointed his palms out, beams of light shooting out of them. And, as if it were magic, a small, traditional home appeared out of thin air. Y/n gaped, eyes wide as she gasped.
"Wh-What was that!?" Y/n yelped, surprised. Shin looked up at her with a raised brow, chuckling.
"We're Supreme Kais. What do you think we do?" He spoke. Kibito returned to the table with a huff, sending Y/n a distasteful glare before going back to his tea. Shin led her over to the small home, standing outside the entrance. "I will wake you when eight hours have passed. Please rest well. Water and food have been supplied to you, so please feel comfortable and at home while you're here. Goodnight, Y/n."
"Goodnight, Shin." Y/n said with a smile. Walking into her temporary new home, Y/n closed the door and sighed.
She was beat. This whole day was awful. She woke up in a pool of her own blood, having to be patched up by Bulma. Then Gohan had taken her camera without permission, resulting in Videl taking it and using the photo she'd taken to mess with Y/n. She'd harassed Y/n, and made her hate herself. Then she dropped the bomb about Gohan. Now Y/n can never go back home, even if she forgives herself. She just can't do that to Goku and Gohan, it'd hurt them just to see her.
Perhaps a good night's rest will help with her meditation tomorrow. She simply hoped she'd do better than today. But with Shin, she felt that was a guarantee. She was just happy to have befriended someone like him, especially after today.
Crawling into her bed, Y/n let out a yawn, closing her eyes. Darkness surrounded her as she quickly fell unconscious, but that night was different. That night, Y/n had her first dream not based on her past life.
Y/n dreamed of Gohan.
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// word count - 3191 //
SHIN SUPREMACY 🥰😍💕💋
So, I took a long break from writing this story because I have a ton of chapters just waiting to be published, like, enough to last two months, and I kind of forgot what happens haha, so things might feel kinda jarring. Idk, that's the feeling I got while reading this chapter.
But anyway, I hope you enjoyed. Things will pick back up soon, I think, this is just filler haha. Thanks for reading.