this is me trying, spn [ 3 ]

By maybankwalker

33.8K 1.8K 1.4K

[ supernatural -- seasons 11-15 ] Crossover Series: Someone to Stay Something in the Orange This is Me Trying... More

CAST, ACT ONE
001. the darkness
002. better babysitter
003. heart eyes
004. baby
005. creepy mascots
006. imaginary friends
007. the cage
008. big news
009. lucifer's out
010. werewolves
011. god
012. space bubble
013. defeating the darkness
014. end of the world
CAST, ACT TWO
015. tortured
016. hallucinations
017. the aftermath
018. struggling
019. special kid
020. killing hitler and breaking points
021. hunter's funeral
022. lucifer's concert
023. the president
024. broken
025. a mom's revenge
026. memory loss
027. bad hunt
028. mary hate club
029. helping the brits
030. unhappy times
031. werewolf girls
032. sleepover
033. falling apart
034. birth plan
035. falling off the deep end
036. start a war
037. right where you left me
038. look what you made me do
039. new worlds
CAST, ACT THREE
040. angel attack
041. not so evil
042. missouri reunion
043. family therapy
044. sibling hunting trip
045. dodge city
046. ketch
047. the bad place
048. wayward sisters
049. auctions
050. love spell
051. comfort movies
052. weird behavior
053. holy man
054. undercover
055. high school party
056. scooby dooby doo
057. demon blood
058. detox
059. hyperactive era
060. 20 questions
061. not a baby
062. reunions
063. marriage and death
CAST, ACT FOUR
064. unburied memories
065. michael left
066. babysitters
067. halloween
068. djinn
069. waffles
070. christmas eve
071. christmas day
072. snowfall
073. imperfect family
074. end of michael
075. depression
076. kids lie
077. game night
078. evil nurses
079. the accident
080. welcome to the end
CAST, ACT FIVE
081. belphegor
082. soul bomb
083. sacrifices
085. lilith
086. witches and psychics
087. hungover
088. turmoil
089. purgatory return and hurting couples
090. normal sucks
091. pool experts
092. worthless
093. alternate versions
094. holidays
095. evil maid and date night
096. rugaru
097. psycho dean
098. four broken hearts
099. reunions
100. moving on
101. death
102. sam and larissa
103. natalie and jacob
104. billy and helena
105. daphne and alexandra
106. ophelia and nathan
107. libby and ethan
108. just for fun
Thank You

084. can't breathe

261 15 6
By maybankwalker

Larissa is asleep, but wakes up when she feels the bed move and Sam's warmth leave. She opens her eyes, watching him sit up and realizes he's breathing heavily.

"Sammy?" She groggily calls. "Baby, you okay?"

"I-- ye-yeah. Yeah, no, I'm... I'm fine." Sam says.

"You sure?" She asks.

"Yeah. Yeah. Just... just go back to sleep. I'm okay." Sam says, rubbing her shoulder.

+++

Ophelia walks into the kitchen as Dean leaves.

"Hey--" He starts, but she ignores him. Dean sighs and walks out. Sam grabs a piece of what Dean told him was veggie bacon. Before he can take a bite, Ophelia grabs the piece of bacon in his hand and the plate.

"Wh--" Sam looks up at her.

"It's not veggie bacon. He's being an insensitive jackass. Not respecting your boundaries or preferences." Ophelia says, putting the plate on the counter.

"Of course." Sam mumbles.

Ophelia gets what she needs to make waffles, partly hoping it'll calm her down. Sam notices her grab something out of the fridge and put it on the counter before seemingly start to cook bacon.

"You know, there's the plate of bacon right there." Sam points out.

"I know. That's meat bacon. This is veggie bacon." Ophelia says.

"What?" Sam asks, a confused laugh leaving him.

"I got veggie bacon yesterday when Nate and I went to the store. Figured why leave you out." Ophelia says.

"Oh. Thanks, honey. I appreciate it." Sam softly smiles at her.

"You're welcome." Ophelia says.

"You know, you're a lot nicer than your dad. Who raised you?" Sam questions.

"I did." Ophelia says.

"Joke gone wrong." Sam mumbles.

"It's fine." Ophelia chuckles. "You, Natty, Rissa, and Jacob helped, I suppose."

"We love you, you know?" Sam says, kissing her on the head.

"I know." Ophelia says.

"And we'll still love you after you and Nate move out." Sam says.

"You can come visit. Hell, move in next door. Just don't bring dad." Ophelia says.

"Deal." Sam ruffles her hair.

+++

The three siblings, Larissa, and Jacob are in town on a case, nobody else wanting to come along.

"Yeah, watch the bikes. Davis, use a crosswalk. Let's go! Keep it moving!" Mrs. Bailey orders students while she's with Sam, Natalie, and Jacob.

"So... our victim..." Sam says.

"Susie Martin." Mrs. Bailey says.

"Yeah." Sam nods.

"What happened to her, I can't even imagine." Mrs. Bailey says.

"The police said she was last seen here." Natalie says.

"After cheer practice." Mrs. Bailey nods.

"And the, uh, security cameras?" Jacob asks.

"Uh, the police checked but nothing." Mrs. Bailey says.

"Was she close to anyone?" Sam asks.

"Susie was close to everyone. She was part of the drama club, debate team, cheerleading, campus ministry... you name it."

"Any best friends?" Sam asks.

"Mostly Veronica and the girls." Mrs. Bailey nods over to a group of girls. "They're putting together a prayer vigil for her."

"Excuse me, Mrs. Bailey?" A woman asks, her and a man approaching, Natalie assuming they're some kid's parents.

"Oh, Mr. and Mrs. Whitman, how can I help you?" Mrs. Bailey asks.

"Well, it's just... we heard a rumor that the game is gonna be cancelled this Friday?" Janet says.

"Oh, not cancelled, rescheduled... for the service. For Susie." Mrs. Bailey says.

"Right. And we're so sorry about what happened to her." Janet says. "I mean, it's just so, so horrible, but..." She looks at her husband. Natalie quietly scoffs, looking at her husband in disbelief.

"Uh, we had a scout coming to that game for Billy. From Yale." Henry says.

"A young lady is dead, and you're worried about a football game?" Sam questions.

"It's lacrosse." Janet corrects.

"Oh, well, then, by all means." Natalie remarks.

"Who are you?" Janet asks them.

"FBI." Jacob smiles.

"Oh." Henry mumbles.

"It's just, Yale's Billy's first choice, and if he doesn't get in it'll be the end of the world." Janet says.

"Ma'am, I am sure he'll live if a scout misses a game or he doesn't get into Yale." Natalie says.

"Actually, the end of the world is the end of the world." Sam says.

"Of course." Janet says.

"Of course." Sam sarcastically replies.

"But maybe you could have the... the little prayer thing at halftime?"

"Would you want your child to only be remembered during halftime?" Natalie questions. "Or would you want your child's friends to actually show they care and have an entire lacrosse game rescheduled. Honestly, that game should be cancelled."

"Okay, that's our cue to leave before we get arrested." Jacob mumbles, pulling his wife away.

"They--"

"I know, I know. It's insane. They're insane. I'm your side, trust me." Jacob says.

"Could you--" Janet starts to ask.

"No." Mrs. Bailey denies.

"Well, is--" Henry says.

"No." Mrs. Bailey makes it final.

"I see. Well... thank you for your time." Janet says. The couple walk away.

"I swear, the parents are worse than the kids." Mrs. Bailey says.

~ ~ ~

"Hey." Sam greets, walking over to the Impala with Natalie and Jacob. "Any luck at the morgue?" He asks his brother and wife.

"Never leave me alone with him again." Larissa orders.

Sam nods, trying to hide his amused smile at the annoyed look on her face.

Dean tosses Sam a small plastic container.

"Is that a...?" Sam asks.

"Vamp fang." Dean states.

"Vampires drain their victims. Vamps don't rip their bodies apart." Sam says.

"Apparently this one does. And it gets a little weirder. Coroner said that there were no signs of defensive wounds, so it's like she didn't even fight." Dean says.

"So, whoever killed her, maybe it was someone she knew. And according to the vice principal, she kind of knew everyone." Sam says.

"Oh, that's awesome." Dean says sarcastically. "That's awesome." He states, watching the mascot ride a scooter. "Ha! You see that beaver?" He asks as he gets into the car.

+++

They're at the crime scene of where Susie's body was found.

"So, this is where they found Susie's body?" Sam asks.

"Yeah. You notice what's missing?" Dean asks.

"Blood." Sam says.

"So, how does a freak gut a girl and not make a mess?" Dean questions.

"By killing her somewhere else and dumping her here." Sam says.

"Looks like." Dean says.

"Yeah. Great." Sam scoffs.

"Well, local police are freaked. Never seen anything like this. They got no idea how to deal." Dean says.

"Of course not. That's our job. We keep them from dealing with the truth, with what's out there, and we carry the weight. It's great. Meanwhile, they get to go back to living in their white picket fence bubbles."

"You know, ever since you were a kid, you wanted to live in a town like this. Lame, normal..."

"Yeah, we don't get normal. And these towns, everything's the end of the world. You're late for work, your kid doesn't get into the right school -- whatever. They don't-- they have no idea what's out there."

Sam's phone rings and he takes it out of his pocket. "Huh." He hums, looking at the caller before answering. "Vice Principal Bailey? Yes. Really? Of course, uh, on our way." Sam hangs up. "We got another one."

+++

"Seriously? We're questioning mascots now?" Sam asks, walking over to his family as the school mascot rides away on his scooter.

"Smart kid. He's actually got a full ride to IU. Don't underestimate the mascot, man. The guy's got access. He knows a lot about cheerleaders. In a mostly non-creepy kind of way. Anyway, so, turns out Susie was in charge. Then with her gone, Tori was set to take over, except..."

"Not anymore." Sam says.

"Yeah." Dean nods.

"Okay. So, who's third in line to the throne?" Sam asks.

"Mm. Not the mascot, but he knows." Dean states.


The five get to the gym as Veronica is practicing her speech for Susie's memorial.

"We are here to celebrate the life of my friend, Susie... no. We are here to celebrate the life of my best friend, Susie... my best friend, Susie, who I miss like-- like she was a part of me. And in many ways, she is still a part of me. She'll always be a part of all of us. Susie Martin was as rare as a ghost orchid, and as unique as a snowflake. So beautiful inside and out. But as Robert Frost tells us, "nothing gold can stay." And that's what Susie was... pure gold."

Dean starts to slowly clap in a sarcastic manner, Veronica turning to the them.

"That's good stuff. Especially the part about the snowflake and, uh, getting choked up. I mean, if you're gonna milk it, really get in there and squeeze, you know?" Dean says.

"I'm sorry. Who are you?" Susie asks.

"FBI. We're here about Susie." Sam states.

"Uh, you mean about who killed her?" Veronica asks.

"Yeah. Yeah, now that she's gone and then Tori, really kind of worked out for you, didn't it?" Dean asks.

"We should talk. Outside." Sam says.

"Um, I... I think I should go." Veronica says, quickly getting her stuff.

"Guys." Natalie tries to stop her brothers from appearing like creeps, even though it's too late.

"Wait, wait, wait. Veronica... do you have braces?" Sam asks.

"Yeah. So?" Veronica asks.


"Fucking braces?" Dean asks as they leave the gym.

"Kinda makes it impossible to fang out." Sam says.

"Alright, so if she's not our vamp, then who is?" Dean asks.

+++

They get to the Whitman house, their car having been in the school parking lot security footage the night of the attack.

Sam rings the doorbell and soon Billy answers.

"Hi." Sam greets.

"Your dad home?" Dean asks.

"Uh, dad?" Billy calls, walking inside, the hunters following.

"Billy, get upstairs. Now." Henry orders and Billy does as told.

"Good thinking. You don't want the kid to see this part." Dean says.

"I don't know what you're talking about." Henry says.

"Yeah, sure you do. Those girls that went missing... that was you." Sam says. They hear a noise from somewhere else in the house. "On it." Sam says, walking off with Natalie and Larissa.

"Look, arrest me. Fine. Just... just please, leave my family out of it." Henry says.

~ ~ ~

Sam, Larissa, and Natalie walk into the garage and turn the lights on, finding Tori lying on a cot.

~ ~ ~

"Arrest you?" Dean asks, taking a machete out. "No, see? We're not FBI."

~ ~ ~

"Hey. Hey, sweetie, you're okay." Natalie soothes. 

"Shh. We're here to help, okay? Just hang in there. Hang in there." Sam tells Tori.

"Yeah, it's gonna be okay." Larissa promises.

~ ~ ~

"And we know exactly what you are." Dean says, walking towards Henry.

~ ~ ~

"We're gonna get you out of here, okay?" Sam tells Tori, seeing a blood bag and tube attached to her. "Billy." He motions to the needle. Natalie takes the needle out and Sam picks Tori up. They hear a gun cock, turning to see Janet.

"You two shouldn't be here." Janet says.

~ ~ ~

"Sammy, Natty, how's it going back there?!" Dean calls.

Sam, Larissa, and Natalie walk in, Sam carrying Tori and the two women follow with Janet keeping her gun aimed at them.

"Okay. Was not expecting that. How's she doing?" Dean asks as Sam lays Tori on the couch.

"Not good. She's lost a lot of blood. She needs a doctor." Sam states.

"Janet, what are you doing?" Henry asks.

"I'm saving this family." She states.

"No. Listen. It's over, okay? They... they caught me. You just need to get Billy and leave. Please." Henry begs.

Janet points her gun at the five hunters.

"Dad, what's going..." Billy trails off, seeing his mother holding people at gunpoint.

"Your dad's a vampire. That's what's going on." Dean says. "Let me guess... few weeks ago, maybe a month, you had a run-in with something big and mean. It turned you. You thought you could deal. But the cow's blood or whatever just wasn't cutting it, so you upgraded to humans. How am I doing? Am I right?"

"No, I don't think you're right, Dean." Sam argues. "It's not the dad, it's the son."

"Shut your mouth!" Janet screams, aiming the gun at him.

"Mom." Billy says.

"Billy, go!" Henry yells.

"No. You're right, about all of it. Okay? But what happened with Susie, I didn't... we were together. We were kissing. I could hear her heartbeat. And her blood and she... it just tasted so good, I just... I couldn't stop."

"Then what?" Sam asks.

"I told my mom and dad." Billy says.

"So, you what? Chopped up the body? Made it look like some wannabe Bundy?" Dean asks.

"And then grabbed Tori and-- and kept her as his own personal blood bag?" Sam asks. "Awesome parenting. Awesome."

"This is not Billy's fault. He was the victim. What were we supposed to do?" Henry asks.

"You were gonna let me just cut off your head?" Dean asks Henry.

"You don't have children, do you? Because if you did, you would know, that to see your child in pain rips your heart out." Henry says. "And you'd know that you'd do anything. You'd die for them."

"Or kill for them." Janet adds.

Natalie and Jacob glance at each other, both understanding his words, knowing that if anybody did anything to the twins, the two would go absolutely ballistic. They'd do anything to make sure their kids were never hurt.

Sam understands the man very well, recalling how each time Libby's been far from happy, it always kills him to see her like that and not be able to magically fix her and make her the optimistic, happy little kid she used to be.

Larissa understands, thinking of all the times she tries to comfort Libby when she isn't doing well. How she's had to do it since Libby was a toddler given what the girl's gone through in her life. She thinks of how Athena already gets panic attacks due to having to watch Harry and Ketch attack and kill her mom. She just prays that she can keep Liam from pain a little while longer than she could her daughters.

"Look, I-- I understand." Sam says. "I have three kids of my own and-- and you're right, I would do absolutely anything for them. Kill for them, die for them. I would. But... but what your son is doing, it-- it's not right."

Janet aims her gun at the four.

"Mom, no." Billy protests.

"We can bury them out back, under the peonies. Everything is going to be fine." Janet says.

"There's no way you believe that." Sam says.

"Mom. Stop." Billy tells her, lowering her hand that holds the gun and putting the weapon on the kitchen counter.

"We just wanted him to have a normal life." Janet says.

"Mom, I can't. That's what I've been trying to tell you. I can't. I killed someone that I loved, and I'll do it again. I know I will. I can't control this!" Billy exclaims. "I'm a monster. So, here's what's gonna happen. You're gonna take Tori to the hospital, and you're gonna tell them that I kidnapped her."

"What? No." Janet objects.

"Dad said he was wearing a mask when he grabbed her. Tori won't know. You tell them I took her... and I ran away." Billy says.

"Billy. Don't do this." Henry begs.

"Then you and me..." Billy turns to the hunters. "We're gonna go for a ride. That's how this works... right?" He turns back to his mother. "I'm sorry, mom. But this is the best way. This is the only way."

+++

Dean is driving down the road, heading back for the bunker.

"Well, that was an interesting one." Dean says.

"Yeah. What Henry did... I'd do the same. For Bessie and Thena and Liam. For Daphne and Billy, Ophi, Nate. The twins." Sam says. "For Jack."

"I'd do it for any of them." Natalie says, Jacob nodding in agreement.

"Yeah. Yeah, we would. Look, man, I get it. I get it. We have lost way, way too much. And it's hard not to feel like just... cashing out. I felt like that. After Chuck, back at the crypt. But you know what brought me back? You did. By sayin' that what we do still matters. I mean, that's why I wanted to drag us out here. That's why I wanted to-- to work a case, to save lives, you know? Cause it is... it's a-- it's a shitty job. We do the ugly thing so that people can live happy."

"Yeah. Yeah. Lucky them."

"Yeah, lucky them. But it doesn't change a thing. You know what I mean? We still do the job. But we can do it for us. We do it for Jack, for Rowena. We owe it to anybody who has ever given a damn about us to keep putting one foot in front of the other. No matter what. And hey, man, like you said, now that Chuck's gone, we're finally on our own. We are finally free to... move on, you know?"

"I don't know. Uh... I-I don't know if I can move on. You know, I-I-I-- I can't forget about any of them. Dean, I still think about Jessica. I... I can't just let that go." Sam says.

"No, man, that's not what I'm talking about." Dean says.

"I know, I know, I know. I'm sorry. I know. But... but what I'm saying is that I don't feel free. What we've done, what we've lost, right now, that is what I'm feeling, and-and sometimes it's-- it's like I-I-I can't even breathe. But maybe tomorrow. You know, maybe I'll-- I'll feel better in the morning."

"And what if you don't?"

"I don't know." Sam says, staring out the window.

+++

Libby is in the kitchen and pouring a glass of chocolate milk. She stops when Sam puts a container of apple pie in front of her.

"You already gave me the pie you owed for shooting me." Libby says.

"I know. This was just because." Sam says.

"You bought me a pie for no reason?" Libby asks.

"Mm-hmm." Sam nods. Libby stares at him skeptically.

"Are you dying?" Libby asks.

"What? No." Sam says.

"Am I dying? Do you know something I don't?" Libby asks.

"No." Sam chuckles. "No, I just... I love you." He tells her, kissing her on the head.

"Well, since we're so full of love, can Ethan spend the night again?" Libby asks.

"I love you so much that I am going to say..." He trails off. "No." He states. He ruffles her hair, frowning when her question runs through his mind again. "Wait, again?"

"What?" Libby asks. "Uh... I gotta go get." She grabs the pie and chocolate milk and rushes out.

"Wha-- Elizabeth!" Sam calls.

"I didn't say anything! Pretend I'm not here!" Libby calls back.

~ ~ ~

Larissa is sitting in bed and Sam walks in after checking on Athena and Liam who are both safely asleep. Sam doesn't talk as he gets in bed, lying down. Larissa turns to him, sitting so she's facing him.

"What?" Sam asks as his wife stares at him.

"Nothing, I guess." Larissa sighs. "I just... just wish I could help you. You know, feel better, I guess... breathe."

"Well, maybe I can't breathe sometimes, but..." Sam sits up. "You make it more bearable." He cups one side of her face, stroking her cheek. "You... and all of our little ones."

"But we also probably make it worse, hmm?" Larissa asks and Sam gives her a quizzical look. "Because you're so worried about us and our safety, I'm sure that adds to your negative feelings. The idea of us getting hurt or you losing one of us."

"Does it sound bad if I agree?" Sam asks.

"No. I worry about you guys too. It's the sucky part about loving somebody." Larissa says.

"You're not... you're not, like... offended that I still think of Jessica or anything, are you?" Sam asks.

"Of course not. No. She was your first love and-- and she died in a tragic way. Plus, she's the mother of your first child. It's impossible for you not to think about her. Honestly, I actually think it's pretty important for you to think about her when it comes to Libby. If she ever wants to learn more about her mom. Whatever there is you guys haven't talked about. Plus, I'd be lying if I said I never thought about my boyfriend I lost to a monster. It doesn't bother me. I mean... as long as I'm not some second choice or something."

"No. No, of course not. I love you. This--" He points between them. "--is completely real and not at all a second choice. I wouldn't do that."

"Good. Cause you're not a second choice either." Larissa says, pecking him on the lips. "Is there anything I can do to help you?"

"I don't know." Sam mumbles. "Not like you can magically heal me of all my dark thoughts and depressing feelings."

"I wish I could." Larissa mutters.

"I know." Sam whispers, gently kissing her.

"So nothing will work? Movie? Cuddles? Sex? Bedtime story?" Larissa lists.

"We could test that third one out. I-I heard that's very good at relieving stress." Sam shrugs.

"It is, huh?" Larissa giggles.

"Mm-hmm." Sam nods, letting her pull him into a kiss and his arms wrap around her.

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