(warning: sexual implications)
THE PRINCESS'S BIRTHDAY has finally arrived. The palace was busy with the staff running from one wing to another, and down to the royal garden. Estelle had left once the sun rose, muttering about Achlys's deal, and left him alone, locked in his study.
He couldn't leave. Not after finding out about the engagement between Wisteria and the Prince. He felt pathetic. An idiot.
But more so, a fool.
A lovesick fool.
He never had this kind of pain. Yet it felt similar to when he'd lost his parents. As if a part of his heart has been violently ripped out and thrown away far from his reach, beating helplessly for a heart that doesn't beat for him.
Why didn't she tell him?
Did she ever truly love him?
A knock interrupted Lawson's thoughts. Vivien entered the room, a tray in her hands soon followed by two other maids. He leaned back in his chair, lifting his arms up as they cleared his desk and set his meal in front of him. Once they were finished, Lawson smiled at them until they left the room, though Vivien stayed behind, her tray tucked behind her.
"You've been cooped up in your room." The older woman told him. "Your sister's worried that you are still beating yourself up after the whole letter fiasco."
Upon hearing that, Lawson groaned. "Does everyone know now?"
"The servant quarters have thin walls, but fortunately, no. Your sister may have blurted it out to me in the kitchen." Vivien propped the tray up on the desk surface and leaned onto it. "I have to say, if the whole palace knows, imagine the scandal. I bet Oscar would enjoy broadcasting it all over the mainland and no doubt, all of the seven seas."
Lawson rolled his eyes. "Don't remind me. I feel like a fool. I should've known something was up with Wisteria.. We've been spending so much time together, and at first I thought she genuinely wanted to, but she's been getting aggressive lately, stressed even. Every time I ask what's bothering her, Wisteria always brushes it off and changes the subject."
"I guess I should've tried harder. Save me from the pain."
Vivien smiled in sympathy. "It's not your fault. You couldn't have known, Lawson." She reassured him. "Though, I do agree. The princess has been getting temperamental. Then there's the case of the letter... how did you manage to have it?"
He hesitated. "It came yesterday morning. Bucky found it when he was sorting the orders. It has no sender address nor their name, just a map and the letter. Though based on the condition of the letter, whoever it was, was able to get their hands on it before it reached the king."
"What will you do with it? The letter. Are you going to tell the king?"
"I already have it sent back to the king, and before you panic, I resealed the letter so he wouldn't know." Lawson responded.
"And Wisteria?"
That's the problem. He shrugged, not knowing what to say to her and to Wisteria. Lawson wasn't sure what he would do when he saw her, especially since today was her birthday and the celebration would commence later tonight. He was anxious, so nervous wrecked that he opted himself to keep himself locked up in his study, finishing any available tasks.
However, he knew Wisteria would find a way to convince him to come. She always does.
No one, not even him, had the power to deny her.
He felt Vivien squeezed his shoulder, and leaned into her. The latter had always been like an older sister to both him and Estelle. She had shown them the ropes, how to deal with the royals, as she was born in the palace and her parents had served the royal family longer than most of them. She took the responsibility as an older sibling to them when Lawson couldn't – granted that she was an only child, and he appreciated it every moment.
"It's best to tell her that you know, before things get messy." She advised him.
Lawson only nodded in response, and that was enough to satisfy the woman, and left the room. Leaving him to his thoughts.
HE HAD SPENT the whole day in his study, and by the time he was finished with his works, the sun had set and the celebration had begun. Lawson opted to stay, but he knew he would be bored in seconds. Both Vivien and Estelle had come barging into his study and forced him out of his chair, telling the man that he's not allowed to wallow in self pity.
Estelle even went far to threaten him by burning his books one by one, in which he immediately caved in.
God forbid he would let anyone harm his precious knowledge.
After being compelled into changing his attire to something formal, as Vivien claimed, Lawson found himself standing at the side of the garden beneath a tree with his arms crossed. The dark cloud of yesterday still hovered above him. He watched the guests socialize with others; only certain people surround themselves in groups. Those who came to get away from their duties and waste their hour celebrating with little care, and the ones who only came to affiliate themselves with the king.
Anything to hold the power he holds, because behind those masks were snakes hidden beneath their expensive skin. They fought for power, and the winner shall sit on the throne.
The King's throne.
From the far corner of the garden, was another group. A group he had known ever since his school years. If the King has his specific collection of people, his daughter would of course have one as well.
Lawson examined the group with narrowed eyes, noting how most of them didn't change, appearances and in terms of characters. They still act as if their high rank granted them access to treat those below them poorly. He had a fair exchange with the ton, and to say the least, it was the worst moments of his life.
Though he still managed to succeed in life. It wasn't much, but it's enough.
They were all chatting among themselves, when Lawson caught Wisteria looking at him. She watched her flustered and looked away, however, he didn't miss the yearning look in her tempting blue eyes. It took all his will power to not walk up to her and gave into the temptation, to pull her into his arms and kiss her in front of many people. Instead, Lawson walked away from her sight and into the dance floor. He ignored the way her eyes were glued to him as he made his way towards a fair maiden, dressed in the darkest of night sky. Petals of white ivories fell from the garlands hung above her, like snow and landed on her ebony waves.
Lawson let out a deep breath and smiled a smile that did not reach his eyes. "My lady." He bowed. The moment he straightened his posture, the woman turned to him and it was as if all senses were lost and all he could see was the brown doe eyes watching him through her mask. Pinning him to his spot, like he had just found a rare jewel in a sea of diamonds.
He was wonderstruck. She was... enchanting.
By any chance was she an enchantress? Or at least have one's blood coursing through her.
A being like her, divine, yet Lawson could detect the small imperfections covered by an illusion casted upon her. Except, when he tried to look closer, something was blocking him from doing so and he couldn't help but feel himself being pulled towards her gaze again. His eyes didn't leave hers when he held out his hand for her.
"May I have this dance, my lady?" Lawson offered.
The maiden smiled and nodded, placing her hand in his. Lawson led the both of them to the centre and joined the rest of the pairs, synchronizing their steps with them and followed the rhythm. They moved as if they knew the dance by heart despite having just met, he spun her when the men spun their partners, they stepped closer when the rest did too. Their hands left their touch for a moment, placing them mere inches away between the empty space as they circled each other and then returned into their embrace.
She was graceful, flowing like calm waters, and he shivered a little when her fingers brushed against his neck where her hand was placed on his shoulder.
Lawson's eyes continued to draw her features, until he saw Wisteria watching him over her shoulder and he instantly diverted his eyes back to his partner. He cleared his throat. "You're a great dancer, my lady." He commented.
"Thank you, sir. I must compliment your dancing skills, too. Although you do manage to step on my toes two to three times." The woman responded with a charming smile. "Is there something bothering you? Enough to disturb your flow of rhythm?"
He smiled apologetically. "Sorry about that, my lady. But you were right.. My mind has been occupied lately. However, I don't wish to burden you." Lawson said.
She let out a light, breathy laugh, and Lawson felt his nerves soothed as if he was cured by it. "But you won't." She assured him. "I was told that I'm a great listener, so please, while the night is still long, take this moment to let out whatever is hurting you, sir."
"I'll take the lead while you speak."
Lawson was hesitant at first. After all, this woman was just a stranger and so was he to her, nevertheless, she was willing to help him. Maybe he does need to relieve his conflicted thoughts.
"I'm in love with another woman." He began. Lawson paused momentarily to see any sort of reaction from her, but she was indifferent to his revelation implying him to go on, and so he continued. "Unfortunately she is engaged to another man."
"Yet at the same time, she is — or was, with me... I'm not sure anymore. I felt betrayed. I felt like a fool. My sister had warned me of the risk, she had told me that someday I might hurt myself over the truth. The truth that royalty and people like me were not meant to be together. People like me; who struggle in life, with little money to provide, living in lower ranks. But I didn't listen."
"Instead, I continued to pursue our relationship, knowing it was forbidden but I didn't care. She was perfect... too perfect. Everything seemed too good to be true."
"Seems like you truly love her."
His eyes glistened with sad tears. Love. Does he still love her?
"It's funny how yesterday I had planned to ask for her hand, to ask her to marry me. I had dreamt of starting a new life with her."
"Don't you need King's consent for that?" The dark haired woman asked him. Lawson only gave her a melancholic smile and nodded sadly. "Ahh, I see." She realized. "You were planning to run away with her."
"It was her idea actually." He admitted. "She once talked about it. How liberating it'll be to get away from Leandre and start somewhere new, somewhere where nobody knows who we are. Maybe we'll find a land that hasn't been discovered yet."
"I doubt there's one."
Lawson grinned. "One can only hope, my lady." He twirled her as the music slowed down from its climax. The end of her dress brushed against his legs as she spun.
"Your problem sounds tragic, no offense." She told him, and a heavy feeling weighted on his chest, knowing that she was only speaking the truth. "It reminds me of the stories, where the protagonists break the laws of nature only to suffer the consequences at the end. Falling into the traps of tragedy. It's always one way or the other." The woman looked him in the eye with a tight lipped smile. "This may not sound to your liking, but maybe it is time for you to accept it."
"I believed things happened for a reason. Be it for good or for bad, there's a reason for everything."
The sandy blonde looked down at her, unsure of what to feel. He was conflicted. There was content and comfort upon hearing her words, his body relaxing at ease as a part of him agreed with her. Still, there was a small voice whispering in his ear, trying to convince him that she was wrong because she's nothing but a stranger he had just met. This woman, she doesn't know him at all, not enough to understand the history that runs deep between him and Wisteria.
Still... he couldn't deny the painful truth.
"Well, the truth does hurt. But I suppose you're right." Lawson gave in reluctantly. "I will... take your words into consideration, my lady."
"Oh please, I'm always right." She laughed.
Lawson dipped her down and brought her back up carefully. When the music ended, the two bowed and curtsied to each other, until the next session played with a more upbeat tune. He intertwined their hands once again and proceeded to dance. The sadness that had occupied his mind vanished and all he could think of was this very moment with the fair maiden.
They danced, and danced until their feet were sore.
When they reached the part where they had to exchange their partners, Lawson gave her a playful frown in which she winked at him with a smirk in return as she was transferred to the arms of the governor's son. He chuckled to himself.
"Having fun now, are we?"
Lawson froze. Blue eyes narrowly looking up at him in questioning. "Wisteria.." He faltered. Before he could explain anything, the princess had already pulled him away from the dance floor and towards the exit. He risked looking back towards the maiden until he disappeared from the scene.
"YOU DIDN'T VISIT me last night?" Wisteria whispered hastily, after she locked the door to the closet behind her.
"I didn't see why I had to, when you're engaged."
Wisteria blinked back at him, caught off guard with his sudden burst. "Lawson—I can explain."
"And to the Prince of Inglebard? To the man who was once a boy that tortured me back at school? Who made my life miserable? "
"He's changed now, Lawson. He's not the same as he once was! But I—"
"Did any of it, the moments we shared, ever meant anything to you? Because it does to me! I had planned to live the rest of my life with you, to stay by your side. I'd love you with all my heart until I found out you were already engaged with another man. Did I ever mean something to you?"
"Lawson."
"Answer the question, your highness." He sounded different. Authoritative and commanding laced in the tone of his voice. It scared Lawson though he was more frightened of the truth that's waiting to come, despite knowing what the answer already was.
Still, it hurts more when the words were spoken by the person in question herself.
"Listen to me, will you!" She snapped. Wisteria exhaled slowly, giving herself a few seconds to calm down before straightening her posture and delicately folding her hands on top of one another. "What you said is true.. I am engaged to Cyrus."
Lawson's shoulder slumped in hopelessness. He stepped back till his back hit the wall.
"But Lawson, I didn't have a choice. The engagement was already set by the time I had turned 18, and it was only when I turned 20 did I find out about the arrangement." The princess reached for his hands, but he moved them away. Lawson kept his head down, unable to bear himself to meet her eyes.
He couldn't. He wouldn't.
"But you have a choice. You had the choice to tell me but you didn't." Lawson choked, his shoulders shook lightly. "You always have a choice."
Lost in his emotional state, he was not aware Wisteria had stepped closer and placed her hands on the sides of his face. Her thumbs caressing his tear stained cheeks, quietly consoling him. Her lips faintly came in contact with his eyelids as she placed her forehead on his. "I know, I'm sorry." She whispered.
"I just didn't want you to leave me, Lawson." Wisteria lifted his head, but he refused to look at her with his eyes still closed. "Lawson, please, look at me." She pleaded. He shook his head, not wanting to listen to her, yet she still begged for him to open his eyes.
"Lawson, stop being immature and look at me for God sake!"
The man let out a laugh in disbelief. "Wisteria, look at us! Whatever we're doing, you and I both know it's not right. It's wrong." He gestured to the both of them. "This, is wrong."
"You don't mean that." Wisteria retorted.
"You belong with someone within your rank! Someone in your league! I'm just a man with barely anything. An ordinary man who's a fool to involve himself with the princess when I shouldn't." Lawson countered back. "You deserve to be with someone who could make you happy for eternity."
"I.. am not that man."
"Lawson, you make me happy." Wisteria confessed. "And don't ever call yourself a fool for loving me, as I still love you for who you are. You don't have to be wealthy, or with a title attached to your name! You're amazing just by being you and I could never ask for more from you." She cradled his hand in hers and squeezed them tight. "I love you, and only you. No one shall come between us."
"Just please. Please look at me."
The sight of Wisteria's tear streaked face greeted him the moment he opened his eyes. Her blue eyes swirling with desire, while his only dulled with sorrow. The harsh reality had punched him till he stood at the edge of corruption. Where lies waited for him at the bottom to swallow his existence until nothing was left.
Lawson forced himself to remove her hands from his shoulders. No matter how much it lit his skin into a burning sensuality. "We can't." He said dejectedly.
"Lawson."
"I'm sorry, Wisteria... We can't continue this anymore." He pushed the door opened, glancing behind him briefly though his eyes focused on the wall instead of her. "Goodbye, your majesty."
"Wait!" Her fingers wrapped around his wrist, halting him in his steps. "I'll break off the engagement— I'll tell father everything. About us. Father loves you, Lawson, you know that. Just please, don't leave me." She turned him to face her. "I mean it. Every word, every moment, and every second of it. I mean it."
Lawson looked up from the floor to her with a small frown. She was getting nearer. He should be stepping back, creating distance like he should.
But he couldn't.
An invisible force had glued him to his spot, not allowing him to move a single muscle.
He could feel her breath fanning against his face, now. Her lips inches away from his threateningly.
"Stay. For me." Wisteria muttered beneath her breath, her eyes gazing up at him with lust through her lashes. Lawson felt his hands unconsciously moved to her waist and the small of her back, tangled in her strawberry blonde curls. They were chest to chest.
Their hearts beating in different rhythms, opposed to one another. But it'll only take one step closer to beat as one.
And when her lips touched his feverishly, all senses disappeared.
Lawson plummeted into the darkness that clawed at him violently, scratching his skin, and leaving permanent marks to remind him of his fault.
Written: 20/7/2023