I didn't get out of bed the next day. Or the next. I'd fallen so deep into that ravine that I couldn't tell if I was still falling or floating. My body felt impossibly light yet weighed down by an invisible burden. Every time I closed my eyes, I saw Waverly sobbing over the mermaid, the grief, shame, anger, regret, and hatred in her eyes hitting me like a punch to the gut.
I waffled over what to do next, changing my mind every few minutes. I wanted to see Waverly and be there for her during one of the most harrowing times in her life. But each time I started to rally myself to get out of bed, a little voice told me she'd tell me if and when she wanted to see anyone.
And each time, I swiped at the angry tears forming in my eyes as I slumped back against the pillows. The rumpled blanket in the chair beside my bed told me that Jonah had been there not too long ago.
The sunlight shining down from the surface through our windows told me that it was midday. My stomach growled loudly, reminding me that it'd been a long time since I'd last eaten or drunk. The refilled mug of bubble tea beside my bed was a clear indicator that Mom had slipped in while I'd slept.
Rubbing my eyes, I stretched, my sore muscles protesting at the movement. The knock had barely finished echoing before I opened my mouth. "Come in," I called out, my voice barely above a whisper. I reached for the mug, hands trembling. I couldn't get the mermaid's face out of my mind. Who was she? Did she have a family?
I knew Waverly had to be wrestling with those questions—and many more. Finding out about the Sirens had to have been life-changing, just like it had been for me. The door cracked open, revealing a red, tear-stained face. My breath caught in my chest, panic momentarily seizing me. I took in a ragged gulp of water as Waverly's eyes met mine.
My heart broke anew at the emptiness in her gaze. She swam in without a word, the rise and fall of her chest the only indication she was breathing. Every so often, she'd glance down at her hands as if remembering the feel of the mermaid's blood between her fingers. I shuddered, wrapping the blanket tighter around myself.
"I don't sleep anymore," she said by way of greeting. "Every time I close my eyes, I see the fear and panic in that mermaid's eyes. I hear his voice, forcing me to sing. Even when I'm awake, I hear his voice. He didn't stick around—he just gave the order and left. I'd never heard the song, yet somehow I knew every word."
When her voice broke, tears spilled down my cheeks. Her eyes sought mine, but she made no move to approach me. I made the first move, rising from the bed, albeit unsteadily, and swimming toward her. Carefully, she searched my face, asking permission with her eyes. She knew that what had happened with... him—Gods, I couldn't even bear to think his name—had changed me inside and out, leaving many invisible scars.
I blew out a shaky breath before nodding. Waverly pulled me into her arms, the contact cracking open something inside me I thought I'd successfully locked away. Broken, ragged sobs ripped from my throat, punctured by heartbreaking gasps for water. "I'm sorry," I cried, the words almost too painful to voice. "I'm so sorry."
Waverly was crying too, her words inaudible. I knew she didn't—and would never—blame me for what happened, yet I did. I'm not sure how long we stayed like that, arms wrapped around each other, our shared trauma bonding us in a way friendship never could.
When she finally spoke, her voice was small. "You have to stop blaming yourself. I don't. I never have. If anything, I blame myself. I should have done something—anything—to escape when I realized what was happening.
"But I didn't. I was frozen. I couldn't move. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't think. All I remember is Zander's smile." A shuddering sigh escaped her lips as her body trembled.
"Cruel and filled with glee, but now, looking back on it, it was tinged with insanity as well. I thought he was going to kill me. Even after he'd left, I sank to the ground, arms wrapped around myself. At some point, I must have swum home, but I don't remember anything after you found me." She pulled away to look into my tear-filled eyes. "That's what happened to you. After what—" She broke off before she said his name, but her unspoken words were clear.
My eyes darkened, a shudder running through me as I nodded. "It was the only way I could think of to get him to leave us alone. Looking back, I realize now that it was foolish, but at the time, I honestly hadn't been able to think of any other way. I see the faces of those mermaids every night in my nightmares. It affected me mentally, psychologically, and emotionally. I feel broken inside." My voice broke as I breathed those words.
Waverly's eyes widened, but she didn't say anything. I took a shaky breath, blinking past the tears in my eyes. "The mere sight of a merman triggers a panic attack. Even if I remind myself repeatedly that none of the mermen in our family would ever think of harming me, I still can't get rid of that unease. That wariness."
The tears spilled over as I looked at the chair beside our bed where Jonah had slept for the past week. "I love my husband more than anything in the world. Going without his touch has been its own kind of torture. But every time he lovingly looks at me, I see the disappointment on his face as he leaves."
Waverly threw me a puzzled glance, concern in her eyes. "Leaves? What are you talking about?"
I had to take several deep breaths before I could speak again. "I haven't told anyone this—not Jonah, not Drew, not Mom and Dad. I can't." I closed my eyes, allowing the memory to wash over me again. When I opened them again, I met Waverly's eyes, pleading.
She took both my hands in hers, squeezing gently. "You are my dearest friend, and I love you. You have been there for me in some of the worst parts of my life. Nothing you could ever say or do could make me love you less."
I couldn't stifle the sob her words triggered. When I finally got my emotions under control, I opened my mouth, faltering. If I voiced the details of the nightmare, the chances of it happening in real life would increase exponentially. Also, I wasn't sure if I could bear to reopen that wound yet again.
I took a shaky breath, squeezing my eyes shut and exhaling deeply. When I opened them again, they were clear, void of emotion. "After I..." I swallowed hard, pushing past the memory that threatened to overwhelm me. "Died, an image appeared in the light that had blinded me."
I visibly shuddered as the word left my mouth. Waverly didn't say a word, yet her grip tightened on my hands. "Jonah," I breathed, my voice breaking as everything crashed into me again. "He was floating a few feet away from me with a regretful look on his face as he left. Taking my shattered heart with him."
I watched Waverly's face, gauging her reaction. She loosed a shuddering breath, rubbing her face. Her expression was eerily calm, yet I could tell she was seconds away from exploding. "You can't let fear win. Or keep beating yourself up over something that may or may not happen. I know you're still hurting, Faye. I understand that the pain may never go away. But that's no reason to stop living your life."
I knew she hadn't intended her words to be cruel or harsh, but they cut me with edges as sharp as sea glass. And for some reason, that last sentence snapped something inside me. But that's no reason to stop living your life.
Anger flared up inside me with the force of a hurricane. I'd never been furious at Waverly, but I sensed I was near a breaking point. I knew she'd suffered almost as heartbreaking a loss as I had. I knew she was hurting. But for her to tell me to keep going? That was the final straw.
"That's rich, coming from you," I snapped, bitterness coating every word. "After you received the most shocking and life-changing news ever, how did you react? Did you seek out those closest to you, knowing they could help ease the burden? Or did you close yourself off, wallowing in your grief and anger because it was easier than admitting the truth?"
Waverly visibly flinched as though I'd struck her. But I wasn't done. "My heart broke for you when Kailani revealed her secret. I hated that she'd kept something so momentous from you purely because she feared how your father would react if he found out. The Sirens have made my life a living hell since I learned about them. They have done nothing but target me, using my abandonment issues against me."
The look in her eyes was purely evil. Her voice was filled with fury, undercut by sorrow. "When I found out about your birth parents, I was heartbroken. It sickened me that someone as kind and gentle as you had to endure that type of trauma at that age.
"You have such a loving relationship with your adoptive parents—despite neither sharing blood with you nor Drew. I didn't have that loving relationship with two wonderful parents. My father kept my sister from us because he thought we weren't good enough to associate with them."
Her voice broke on the last word, causing my heart to crack. My chest was heaving now as tears glittered in my eyes. When I saw her tears forming, my composure snapped.
"I lost everything! My parents, my home, my sister. If it weren't for Mom and Dad, Drew and I would have died. I love Jonah more than I've ever loved anyone. The mere thought of him leaving is practically all it takes to trigger a panic attack. I have to fight off waves of panic whenever we're apart. He may be my husband, but you are my dearest friend.
"When you went missing, it felt like someone had reached inside my chest and torn out my heart. You are the only thing that keeps me going most days. Your light brightens even the darkest of situations. After you found out, I feared the news would somehow dim that light. How many days did you stay locked up in your suite, refusing to speak to or see anyone?"
By that point, I was shaking, my hands clenched into fists at my sides. I hadn't expected any of this to come out, hadn't meant to hurt Waverly, but the words had just poured out of me. My voice was brittle and venomous, each syllable laced with ire. "I know you're hurting, so I'll just chalk your outburst up to grief. You've suffered more tragedy than anyone our age ever should. If you think me closing myself off was bad, then maybe you should take a hard look in the mirror."
I forced myself to hold her gaze as the last word left my mouth, hitting her with the force of a physical blow. She reeled back, gripping her heart as tears streamed down her cheeks. We stared at each other for an eternity before I finally turned away. My hands trembled as I opened my suite door and swam out into the hallway.
With every stroke, the tears poured down my face until I couldn't see. In all the years we'd been friends, we'd never disagreed nor fought with one another. I swam through the palace, pointedly bypassing our suites. I couldn't bear seeing anyone right now. When I finally emerged into the open water, I let out a choked sob. Movement above the surface caught my eye, drawing my gaze upward.
Through blurry vision, I saw the sun slowly moving across the sky, marking the descent from afternoon to evening. I knew it wasn't safe to be out after dark, but I also knew I couldn't return to the palace. I tugged my cloak tighter around me as I swam, hoping to eventually come across a relatively safe cave where I could shelter until morning.
When I'd all but lost hope, my strength and resolve flagging, I saw a large cluster of rocks in the distance. I held my breath as I swam closer, nearly crying out in relief as the large cave appeared. Cautiously, I swam inside, using the light from the full moon above the surface to illuminate the space. It was empty, dark, but most importantly, safe.
The tears came back in full force as I settled on the seafloor, recalling Waverly's and my harsh words. I hadn't wanted to admit it, but a tiny part of me had meant what I'd said. When I finally fell asleep, it was with a heavy heart and weary body.
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