Aleah
It was one thing for a man to ask me for sex—I would normally agree, granted they were cute enough—and another to demand it as if it was my sole responsibility to pleasure every man that simply breathed around me. It was fucking ridiculous how the reputation of someone who liked sex made everyone think they had a chance.
I wasn't that easy. Not even when I was drunk.
Sighing, I forced the kindest smile I could muster on my face as I tried to step around the man I barely met ten minutes ago. When he walked back in my path, I held back a groan. I was moody and annoyed. I checked my period tracker earlier and it confirmed the possibility of my period in just a couple days.
Though, I had already figured because I was very irritable. More than usual. Especially around my dad. Actually, I was always irritable around him. But now it was directed at anyone and everyone. That's how I usually knew my period was coming soon.
Giving the guy one last chance at keeping his balls intact, I muttered a quick, "Excuse me." And stepped around him again.
"Fucking tease," he muttered as he allowed me to get away and I rolled my eyes.
Because teasing now consisted of simply walking out of a building in leggings and a knitted sweater. Oh, so slutty and tempting. Please.
Men.
I loved and hated them. Really only loved them for one thing. Or more like, liked them.
Fixing the strap of my bag on my shoulder, I made my way to the parking lot to find my car. Knowing I'd have a hard time doing so in the sea of every attending student's car, I clicked the lock button on my key to locate it quicker.
Dulce was taking a shift at our job so I knew I couldn't pay her a visit like I usually did after class. I didn't wanna go home, though. So I'd find anything to distract myself before I had to actually go home.
Just as I reached my car and unlocked it, a text pinged my phone and I fished it out of my bag to look at the notification. A text from Nathan asking if by any chance I was available to help him set up for the party. Claiming I'd probably be better at planning than him.
He didn't need to say it was because I was a girl for me to understand why he decided to reach out to me.
Not really having anything else to do, though, I typed in a quick sure before getting into my car to warm up the engine. While I waited, I asked for the location of where we'd meet up.
As soon as I got the text on where to go, I shifted the car to drive and pulled out of my parking spot to make my way over. The party was initially gonna be at his house since his family was gone, but he made a good decision to switch the location when he realized just how many people were gonna go. If he hadn't switched locations, nine times out of ten, his house would've been trashed.
Club parties were always interesting. Especially when free drinks were involved.
Taking advantage of the empty parking lot, I parked right behind the building, locking my car before walking to the back door.
Taking a peek into one of the windows, I noticed it looked empty inside and wondered if I went to the right one. Confused, I sent off a quick text to Nathan asking where he was.
Didn't take long for him to shoot back a response, telling me he was inside.
Nathan: Are you here?
Aleah: Yeah, I'm by the back entrance
The three bubbles appeared on the bottom of my screen, only to disappear a few seconds later and didn't come back. Instead, Nathan pushed open the back door and greeted me with a smile.
"Hey, thanks for coming with such a late notice."
I smiled back as I stepped inside with the help of him holding the door open. "Of course. You're honestly lucky I just got out of class when you texted."
He chuckled, letting the door close behind us before locking it again. "I was gonna do it alone, but this place is too big and the party is already this weekend."
"You planned this party for two weeks, why-"
"Yes, I know," he cut me off when he realized where I was going with the question. "I'm a big procrastinator, remember? Plus, it didn't feel like a lot until I actually came inside."
Laughing, I shook my head and took a second to look around at the entire place we had to have ready for this weekend. "Well we have quite a bit of work cut out for us, but with two of us, we should finish quickly."
• • •
"So..." Nathan trailed off as I carried the dust pan over to him, holding it steady for him to sweep the mess he gathered inside it. "I know we've known each other for quite a few years already, but I always wondered: is there a reason you've never had a boyfriend?"
I chuckled to avoid feeling uncomfortable with the topic. "Who would like to know and why?"
He shrugged. "I'm honestly just curious. 'Cause you have quite a bit of men interested in you."
"Interested in sex. In my body." I corrected him. "And honestly I'm fine with that. I'm okay with just sex. Besides, I like being single. If I had a boyfriend, I couldn't accept random booty calls anymore, you know?" It was a joke, but his smile fell and I died a little inside.
I sucked at jokes.
"That's kind of-"
I stopped him before he could finish, feeling a little ashamed. "A slutty response?" I threw a giggle in to hopefully show I was actually kidding.
His cheeks redenned, and he waved his hands in front of him in defense. "That's not what I was going to say. I was actually gonna say that's such an honest answer. You surprise me each time."
Truth was, it wasn't an honest answer. But he didn't need to know that. I said whatever I needed to protect myself. Because no one else was going to protect me.
Love was scary. And I was sure it was scary for everyone out there. Most people just decided to take the risk for whoever they thought was worth it. Only for some of them to get betrayed and hurt like never before. Love meant you put your heart in the hands of someone else with only trust between you two.
Trust was something I lost years ago. For everyone.
I wasn't risking my heart. I wasn't giving anyone that kind of power over me. Ever.
That answer was just too intense to give out when asked why I was single, though. It also made people think they had a chance to break down my walls. I was even afraid of the simple thought of someone trying. Trying to unravel me and find the version of me that will love them unconditionally. A version of me that placed my heart and my trust in their hands.
I'd rather die to the hands of a serial killer, than die to the hands of a person that claimed to love me. Because a serial killer at least finished the job, whereas the loss of love left you with nothing but a shell. A shell that still had to deal with your daily responsibilities.
That shit was scary and people that actively looked for love were crazy. At least in my eyes.
I knew I was the outcast in a situation like this. I knew most of the people around me hoped for nothing more than for someone to love them as much as they did. To be held at night, laying their head on someone's chest and falling asleep to their heartbeat. To have casual little dates and be shown that they were loved in special little ways. Like them remembering that you pointed at something at the mall and then gifting it to you the very next day.
Love was kind to those that were lucky. But not all of us were. And I wasn't willing to test what kind of luck I had.
With the luck I've had with everything else, I was more than positive my luck would be bad with love as well. Life wasn't on my side, and instead of fighting it, I just went with the flow. Fighting it only made things worse.
I learned that the hard way.
Nathan cleared his throat and took the dustpan from my hands. I just stood in my spot, watching him walk over to the trash can in the corner of the room to empty out the dustpan. His eyes looked up at me when I was sure he felt my stare. I forced a smile and looked away.
Truth was, sex only filled the emptiness temporarily. I craved for more, but wasn't willing or daring to risk it all for a small chance at succeeding.
I wished love wasn't so scary.