Chapter 37: Blue in Sydney
One Direction was so crazy busy over the next month that I hardly saw Harry. It was straight from bed in the morning to rehearsal, a promo, a signing, to the nightly concert and by the time we got back to the bus he was too exhausted to talk and fell asleep in my arms.
I'd lay there, gently brushing his curls off his forehead, memorizing each dark freckle that blemished his flawless skin. Resting my cheek on his head and breathing in the smell of his shampoo. He'd sigh in his sleep and subconsciously nuzzle into me.
But he was sleeping, and I was sad and lonely.
Finally, after what felt like a lifetime, we reached the last destination of their tour: Sydney, Australia. George took one look at our shambled, messy bus and rented us a hotel for the four days we were spending down under.
We roamed around as the sky grew dark, giggling and listening in awe to the array of incomprehensible accents that walked the busy streets. Ashton was ecstatic, running around and introducing us to Australian foods and people he knew. Eventually Lux started to get fussy and we all decided it was time to settle down for the night.
"Wait, does it have like, actual beds?!" Rach joked, following us into the hotel lobby with wide eyes. "I've forgotten what beds feel like." I giggled, nodding in agreement.
"It's been so long since I've been in a bed bigger than a twin. Time to sleep like a starfish," I groaned, leaning on the wall and spreading my arms out against it. Harry caught my eye from where he was standing with George at the checkout desk. I grinned softly, and he returned it. Before he could pull me in with his smile, I looked away. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Harry's eyebrows furrow confusedly as he turned back around.
It was only eight o'clock but everyone was exhausted. I saw Harry stretch his arms above his head and disappear into our bedroom, but I hung back in Ash and Claudia's, where we were talking about what would happen when we returned back to London.
"I want to go to uni," I said, sitting cross-legged on the bed and braiding Claudia's hair back. Ashton was laying on the floor, head in Claudia's lap, his phone screen lighting up his face. Claudia agreed and was talking about her desired majors when Harry appeared across the room, arm resting up on the doorframe of our room.
"Lovely, are you coming to bed?" he asked quietly, cocking his head shyly, avoiding my gaze. I pressed my lips together, waiting until he looked at me. Then I nodded. Harry swallowed, dipped his head, and retreated back into the bedroom.
I tied off Claudia's hair and was reaching up to put my own into a bun when Claudia's head turned slowly to face me. "Sarah?"
"What?" I asked, caught off guard by her tone.
"What's going on with you and Harry? You two haven't been all over each other since....I don't know, Michigan?"
"Oh." I let out a deep breath. "I don't know, he's just been so busy, I feel like we're kind of....disconnected." Claudia put her hand on my knee and squeezed it gently.
"Tell him," she said softly. Ashton put his phone on the floor and nodded.
"If it were me, I'd want to know why you were upset," he said. "Harry's a sensitive guy. He's probably beating himself up for something he didn't do." I swallowed hard, my heart aching because he was right. Just because I was feeling alone didn't mean I had to make him feel alone, too.
"I'm going to bed," I said, clenching my hands nervously and sliding off the bed. I looked back just before I reached the door to where Harry was, smiling weakly. "Thanks, you guys." Ashton and Claudia nodded, blowing kisses.
I opened the door quietly, catching a glimpse of myself in the mirror just inside. Plaid pajama shorts, Harry's t-shirt tucked in at the waist, thick wool socks making my footsteps silent as I turned the corner into the main room.
Harry looked up from his phone and, though unsmiling, his face brightened. Without a word, I went to him and curled up helplessly in his lap. Harry hesitantly slid his large hand around my thigh, other hand still scrolling through Twitter. I rested my head in the crook of his neck, taking deep breaths of his scent.
"Are you okay?" he asked, softly, closing his phone and resting his cheek on my head. I buried my face in his t-shirt and held him tightly around his neck. "Sarah?" I wanted to curl up in a ball against his body all night and not face any conflict.
"I've missed you," I murmured, softly kissing Harry's neck. He inhaled sharply at my touch, looking down at me.
"I've been right here," he replied, confused. I shook my head against his chest.
"But you haven't," I whispered. "For the last few weeks, I mean, you're always at something, whether it's a meet and greet or a concert or-"
"Hey, love! Listen to me." Harry had lifted my head from his chest and his green eyes were boring into mine, concerned. "You could've come, you know, it always hurt when you didn't come, I miss you too...."
"Harry..." I said, feeling tears rise in my throat. I stood up, watching him follow me with wide eyes. "What was I supposed to do? It was either stay back in the bus, or come to every meet and greet and watch girls throw themselves all over you." I took a deep breath, trying to steady myself as I picked up Harry's phone, unlocked it and pulled up his Twitter again.
"Sarah, what're you-" I held up his phone, stepping close enough so he could read what I was showing him.
"Harry Styles, marry me!" I read sadly, scrolling down his feed. "Harry Styles is my soulmate. I'm thirsty for Harry. Harry's so hot. Harry's going to be the father of my child. Harry this. Harry that. Harry. Freaking. Styles."
I tossed his phone softly onto the chair and stood with hands in my pockets, staring at my toes curling into the rug. "How am I not supposed to get jealous and lonely?" Harry's mouth was covered by his hands, wide eyes watching me over his fingertips. He stood up slowly.
"Come here," he whispered, his voice breaking. I went to him, hesitating. Harry reached out to me, his hands taking my arms and guiding me to the bed. I licked my lips, letting him hold my wrists gently to the mattress.
"I'm sorry, I'm just so selfish, Harry-" I began, closing my eyes and startling as Harry silenced me with a kiss.
"Shut up," he told me, his voice suddenly low and husky. "You're all I want, you don't have to worry about me going off with another girl, you're the one I want." My hands were still pinned to the bed, Harry was gently stroking my wrists with his thumbs as he lowered his curly head to my neck. His lips made contact and I felt butterflies go off in my stomach.
"I'm sorry I brought it up," I repeated breathlessly. Harry pulled away, resting his forehead on mine with a grin.
"Don't be," he murmured lustfully. "I'll take any reason to tell my girl how much I need her." I felt a shiver go down my spine and with a rush, I ripped my hands from Harry's grip and grabbed the back of his neck, kissing him with purpose. His jaw dropped against my mouth, his hands grabbing at the bottom of my shirt and completely encircling my waist, desperately.
"I'm yours, I swear," he told me onto my lips, rolling over so he was hovering over me again. Opening my eyes, I saw him lean down and kiss my forehead. "Yours," he said. His lips moved down to my neck, the trail of warm breath making me squirm.
Placing two hands on his chest, I pushed him off me and draped myself over him. Leaning my head on one of my hands, I buried the other in Harry's curls. Tugging gently on them, making Harry eye me and let out a sigh, I put my lips to his ear. "These are mine." I dragged my thumb along his bottom lip. "These are mine." Harry swallowed hard, his eyes locked on me. He nodded quickly, completely under my power.
"Okay! Bedtime," I said, falling off of Harry's torso and curling up beside him. Harry let out a groan and covered his face with his hands, falling back on the pillows.
"You freaking tease," he whined, voice muffled, but when he pulled his hands away, he was grinning. I smiled angelically over the top of the comforter, then closed my eyes and pretended to sleep. Harry snuggled down under the blankets, to my level, then rested his head right next to mine. His curls mingled with my hair, his breath warm on my cheek.
Face to face, we fell asleep.
The next morning I woke up to the sound of a blender, or a washing machine, or something too loud for seven thirty in the morning. "Harryyyyy," I moaned, pulling the comforter over my head. "Make the noise go away."
He met me under the blanket, curls messy and in his eyes. "How about we hide here together instead?" I kissed his cheek briefly before climbing out of bed.
"What is that horrible noise?!" I called, pushing open the opposite door into the kitchen area. Louis was standing by the counter, hand over the top of a blender that was full of something berry-licious and pink. "Oh. Hi, Lou."
"Morning, Sarah," he said, pouring me a glass of smoothie. Then he handed me a banana. "Bring this to your man and tell him we're on the road for the stadium in an hour."
"Thanks Louis," I said with a grin, taking the banana and the glass from him. Then I turned back into the bedroom. "Harry?" He popped out instantly from under the blankets, hair a mess. I giggled, then tossed him the banana.
"Thanks," he said, smiling.
"Breakfast," I replied, attempting to lick the smoothie mustache off of my upper lip. "Be ready to go in an hour, angel."
We arrived at the stadium just in time, the show went incredible, fifty thousand people screamed our babies off the stage. Three nights in a row we hurried, they sang, we cheered, until it was finally the boy's last show in Sydney, and their last show on the tour.
By seven o'clock that evening, we had gotten everything straight with the tech people, gone to lunch, completed the soundcheck, and the boys were warming up in the dressing room. Lou Teasdale was busy taming Harry's curls as he sang messy scales into the mirror. Lux was perched on the couch behind me, trying to braid my hair.
"Uncle Harry!" she demanded, leaning on my head to get closer to him. I flinched and withstood the discomfort. "Sing what makes me beautiful!" We all laughed, and Liam began to sing.
"You're insecure, don't know what for."
"I'm turning heads when you go through the do-o-or!" Lux sang happily, crawling down into my lap. "Dun need makeup, to cover it up. Bean the way that we are isn't enough!" Louis was on the floor in tears, which was only urging Lux on. Clambering out of my lap, she took a hairbrush from her mum's table and kept singing.
"Everyone else in my room can see me, everyone else but yo-ou! Baby you light up my world like a buddy else, the way that you flip your hair got me over whale, but when we smile at the ground it paint hard to tell, I don't kno-o-ow! We don't know you're beautifu-u-uhl! Thanks what makes me beautiful!!"
Everyone began to clap, cheering as Lux curtsied clumsily and collapsed back into my lap. "Do you think, when I'm grown up like Uncle Harry, I could sing like him?" she asked me.
"I think you can do whatever you want, sweetie," I replied. She looked delighted at the very idea. Then she looked at the door and her eyes got even brighter. "Mikey!" she squealed, jumping up and grabbing onto Michael's leg.
"What are you doing here?!" we all cried, getting up and greeting Mikey, Cal, and Luke. Ashton threw himself across the room into his friend's arms.
"How could you not tell us you were coming?" Claudia asked, grinning widely at her happy man. Cal shrugged.
"We wanted to surprise you," he said cheekily.
"I think it worked," Rachey said, laughing at Niall, who was overcome with joy. "Sometimes I think he loves them more than he loves me."
"It's very possible," Luke choked, trying to remove Niall's arm from around his neck. Rach and I giggled.
"Anyway, we couldn't let you come to Sydney and leave without us seeing your last show," Mikey said, holding Lux on one knee and me on the other. "You gonna be any good?" he teased, upon which Lux slapped his arm.
"One Direction is my favorite band," she scolded. Mikey kissed her furrowed forehead, holding back laughter.
We sat and chatted, sang a few songs, shared a few stories, and soon it was time for the boys to get ready to go on stage. "I can hear the crowds already," I said. Rach and I left the dressing room to peek around the stage corner. The stadium was huge, and packed.
"How did we end up here?" she asked breathlessly.
"I don't know," I replied with a soft laugh. "But you know what I do know?" Rach cocked her head. "All those girls want to be dating Harry and Niall. And who's dating Harry and Niall?" She grinned.
"We are pretty incredible," she said reasonably. Then she took my hand and we went cheerfully back to the dressing room, where the boy's last stray hairs were being tucked away. Just to spite him, I went up to where Harry was sitting and ruffled up his hair. His hands flew to his curls and he glared at me.
"Oi!" he whined.
"You know it's gonna come undone when you're out there doing those ridiculous things that you do," I told him teasingly. "And besides, you like it." Harry struggled to swallow his smile. I stared at him until he broke, grinning and pulling me into his lap. He just had time to kiss my cheek before he was being called out on stage.
"Good luck, angel," I told him, blowing Harry a kiss. He caught it, dimpled smile and all, and disappeared. I heard the first few bars of Midnight Memories start to play and followed Rach, Claudia, Ashton, and the rest of the group to our little backstage corner where we could watch the boys sing and more importantly, I could watch Harry running his hands through his already messy curls.
After the show, Harry came jogging into my arms, sweaty and grinning. "What did you think?" he asked me eagerly.
"Still amazing," I told him, squeezing his arm affectionately. "I've only watched that set list four hundred times." Harry's face fell and I scrambled to reword myself. "Not that I could ever get bored of watching you sing No Control to me." I winked at Harry and the grin came back.
Mikey came came up behind the group then and asked, "We're going out to party, right?" We looked at each other. "Come on, you leave tomorrow!!"
"Classic Michael Clifford," I giggled. "Of course we are."
The boys ran back into the dressing room to change their sweaty t-shirts and caught up with the rest of us as we left the stadium, headed right to a large black SUV that was waiting for us. It took our fifteen laughing bodies, almost the entire original squad, to a nearby club and dropped us off in a laughing mass the demanded the front door open before we even asked the large bouncer.
"What'll you have, Styles?" Mikey asked, clapping Harry on the back. Harry glanced at me, squeezed my hand, and turned back to Michael.
"Just a soda," he said gamely. Mikey rolled his eyes at Harry but went to the bar without another word.
"You can drink if you want, angel," I told him truthfully, sitting down on a stool and looking deeply into his eyes. Harry shook his head. Surprising me, he wrapped his fingers around my wrist, exactly where my worst nightmare had imprinted my skin.
"I don't want," he said softly, eyeing me. I nodded quickly and he hugged me, holding me tight to him. Then Mikey came up with sodas for Harry and I, the moment was gone, and Liam came up and told us to come dance with him and Dani. Harry slid one hand around my waist and led me out onto the floor.
It was almost one in the morning when Mikey and Niall finally wore themselves out, dancing drunk and laughing to whatever old song the tipsy DJ threw at them. Rach, Perrie and I were sitting at a tall table, half asleep and chatting.
"Where's Zayn?" we asked her, searching the room. She shrugged.
"He and Harry went somewhere I think," she replied, yawning. "More importantly, where are Ashton and Claudia?" Rachey and I covered our mouths, laughing.
"I don't know where," Rachel giggled. "But I think I know what."
We yawned and giggled for another half hour before I started getting worried. "I haven't seen Harry for a while," I said to Rach, looking around as George ushered us out the door onto the streetlight-warmed street. Just as I said it, a completely sober Liam came up behind us. Putting a comforting hand on my shoulder, he said,
"Harry told me to tell you that he's not going to be home tonight. It's some sort of surprise, for you." I wrinkled my forehead in confusion. "But he said not to worry, and he'll be back in the morning," Liam continued, then he rolled his eyes. "Also he said he loves you. But that's irrelevant."
"That's always relevant," I giggled, skipping forward to catch up with Rachey and Claud again. Claudia turned to me.
"So where's Harry at?" she asked.
"Somewhere secret," I answered, getting into the car after her. "But Liam mentioned a surprise for me, so I'll wait." We brainstormed what this could be all the way back to the hotel.
"Maybe it's an engagement ring," Dani suggested as we were changing into comfortable clothes in Claudia and Ashton's room. Ashton was passed out on the bed, not hearing a thing.
"It better not be," Rach said, her head popping up. "I'll kill him." I laughed.
"I'm almost nineteen," I said, although I knew everyone knew it. "Harry wouldn't do that. Not yet."
Rachel nodded approvingly. "No babies, no weddings," she said. "Not while you're a teenager." I gave her a side hug.
"Thanks mom," I teased. She whacked me with her jeans. "No no," I said quickly, dodging her second assault. "I know you're right. You're right."
I fell asleep at the foot of Claudia and Ashton's bed that night, but when I woke up, someone had carried me into mine. Out of instinct, I reached across the mattress to feel for Harry's warm body, but it was missing. I opened my eyes to an empty room, decided to go back to sleep, and closed them again.
Next time I woke up, it was to the bedroom door creaking open. I shifted in bed and heard Harry stop. "No love, go back to sleep, I'm sorry," he whispered.
"No it's okay, Harry," I mumbled, stretching and opened my eyes. "Harry?" He was hiding behind the door, just his smiling eyes peering out. "What the heck, angel."
"I got you something," he said, giddy with his own joy. I knelt up in bed, interested. "I'm hiding it back here."
"Lemme see, Harry!" I asked him, moving towards the door. Harry stepped out from behind it, holding something tiny and grey and white and purring. My hands flew to my mouth. "Harry!!! Is that a kitten??!" Harry grinned widely, handing the tiny cat to me. "He's beautiful! He?" I asked, my jaw dropping as it climbed up to curl in a ball on my chest.
"She," Harry replied, sitting beside me and stroking her head. "She's called Blue, but you can change it if you want."
"I love Blue," I exclaimed, leaning into Harry, hugging him tight, leaving a kiss on his jawline. "Is this where you were last night?" He leaned in for another kiss, then nodded.
"Zayn mentioned he saw someone selling them on the way to the stadium last night," Harry explain, leaning his head on my shoulder and stoking Blue's back with his pointer finger. "I knew that if I waited until this morning to go, you'd wake up and be all over me for what I was doing. So Z and I stayed back in the red bus for the night and then we went over the the cat place early this morning."
I set Blue on the comforter and tackled Harry in a full on hug. "Thank you," I said into his shoulder. His long arms wrapped right around my back and he kissed my cheek.
"Anything for you," he promised softly, his words getting lost in my hair.
It wasn't until later that day, when everything was packed up and we were set to take the big red bus back to the airport, that I realized something.
"What am I going to do with Blue on the plane?" I asked Claudia, who was dragging her suitcase along the sidewalk beside me. "I'm absolutely not putting her in one of those plane belly pet cages."
Claudia thought for a moment. "Bring her on the plane," she suggested. I looked at her indignantly. "No, seriously!" she continued, gaining mental details and confidence. "Put her in your carry on and through security, in your sweatshirt. We'll be in first class, nobody will notice. We can feed her airplane chicken."
"You're crazy," I said, laughing. Claudia shrugged.
"Do you want your kitten or not?" she asked. "Come on slowpoke, let's go!" Shaking my head, I followed her. I was laughing now, but I knew Blue was coming on that plane with us.
To everyone's surprise, the kitten made it onto the plane without a hitch. She curled up on top of my extra sweater and fell asleep, and soon we all copied her in preparation for the twenty two and a half hour flight back to London.
When I woke up, the computer screen in front of me announced that we were flying over Turkey. "Only halfway there?" I whined, picking up Blue and setting her in my lap. The flight attendant, hearing my voice, came up to me before I could hide the cat.
"Excuse me," she said, taken aback. "No animals on the plane!" I shushed her quickly.
"I'm with the band. She's quiet, sorry ma'am, don't make me set George on you."
The flight attendant glanced at George, who was snoring loudly. She looked back at me. "If I find one little kitten poop on this plane...." she warned, strutting away. I grinned to myself, petting Blue absentmindedly. I sat there until Harry, who was snoring softly beside me, woke up. Rubbing his sleepy face with his hands, he looked at me.
"Hi," he said, grinning lazily. I cupped his soft cheek, stroking it with my thumb.
"Morning sleepy head," I said, leaning my head on his. We sat in silence for a moment. "I can't believe the tour is over."
"Me neither," he said softly, reaching out to mess with the screen in front of us. "It went so fast. And also pretty slow." I grinned.
"It feels like forever since we've been home. In our home," I agreed. I checked the plane tracker again. "Almost there, angel." Harry took my hand from the screen, entwining our fingers.
"Almost there," he repeated.