A whole year passed without my brother. Four seasons, no Yu.
Sometimes I could trick myself into thinking he was just on a mission, and he would come home soon with a souvenir of some sort. Usually something sweet, because I always asked for that.
Other days the heartache was unbearable, and I wanted to curl up and never do anything else ever again. What was the point of winning awards at school if Yu wasn't going to tell me how proud he was afterwards? What was the point of pretending I was normal when I wasn't even a little bit normal? My friends couldn't see curses, and I didn't belong in this world pretending like everything was okay.
Yu was killed in a car accident. That was the story for everyone else who didn't know about the world of curses.
It was a lie, and I hated it.
A few months before the anniversary of Yu's death, I reached the anger phase of grieving. Or rather, I had cycled back to it, since I seemed to come back to the anger phase quite often.
To really stick it to my brother for dying, I tried to enroll at Jujutsu High. I filled out the form, sent in my aptitude tests, and wrote a heart wrenching essay about why I should attend to help other sorcerers in honor of my brother.
I received a big fat rejection letter less than a week later.
No explanation.
I was certain Nanami had something to do with it. He never texted me after we exchanged numbers, and his promise to uphold my brother's wishes was the last thing I remembered us discussing. That and our deal to meet up once a year.
Two weeks before the anniversary, I was laying on my bed, staring at the ceiling, trying to think of what I wanted to draw for my term project. Nothing came to me, and I had circled back to angry thoughts about getting rejected from the school I knew I belonged at.
That jerk Nanami probably had something to do with it, I thought ruefully.
Thinking about the devil seemed to summon him, because my phone buzzed with the first ever message from Nanami a heartbeat later.
NANAMI: I made the reservation. Is 5 PM good for you?
I gaped. No hello. No explanation. Just right down to business after eleven months.
MAE: Yeah. Five's good. I'll be there.
NANAMI: I'm paying.
I scoffed through my nose. Of course he was...
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Eighteen looked good on Nanami, I had to admit.
He cut his hair, grew two inches, and was starting to broaden out in his shoulders. He still needed a little help with styling, but the uniform wasn't bad.
Tucking loose strands of hair behind my ear, I silently cursed myself for not putting it all up in a ponytail. Summer was back in full swing, and I could feel the sweat beading on the back of my neck as I stood with Nanami at the counter, waiting to be seated.
We'd barely said more than hello to each other. Nothing else. And then he lapsed into awkward silence since we hadn't exactly spoken to each other in a year.
While waiting for our food to come, I couldn't take the silence any longer. "So... How have you been? How's school and curse hunting?"
"Fine. Fine. And....fine."
My shoulders slumped, my face shifting from polite smiles to withering glares. "Seriously?"
"What?"
"That's all you have to say? Fine, fine, and fine?" I wanted to swat him with my shoe, but I had a feeling it would be rude to the other dining guests if I did that.
"There's not much else to say."
"Okay, you're taking this too far."
"Taking what too far? I don't understand," he said obtusely.
"This!" I threw my hands up. "The whole promise to honor my brother's wishes and keep me from—"
The food came at that exact moment, and I immediately shut up to smile warmly at the server. "Thank you," I said politely, but the second we were alone again, I pinned Nanami down with another piercing glare. "I know it was you who made sure I was rejected when I tried to enroll. And now you're not telling me about school because you don't want to make me feel bad about missing out."
"That's not true," he defended stoically, barely phased by my outburst. "There is nothing of note to tell you about school because I graduate soon and plan on leaving the world of sorcerers."
My mouth fell open. "Wha— You— What!? Are you crazy?" Here I was trying so hard to get into his world, and he was ready to throw it all away.
He motioned for me to start eating, and I had to comply. If we were playing this game again, then I knew I wouldn't get answers until I started eating.
At last, he replied, "I'm not crazy. I simply believe that most jujutsu sorcerers are trash."
Of all the things I expected to talk about with Nanami Kento today, gossip had not been high on my list. Nonetheless, he had my full, rapt attention. I continued eating, urging him on with a small gesture of my hand and bob of my head.
He sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. "I don't really want to get into it, but essentially, there are many sorcerers out there who have tricked the younger ones into thinking they have no choice but to willingly sacrifice themselves. When all along, there are far more powerful sorcerers out there who simply do not want to lift a finger or risk a single, precious hair on their own heads. They would rather throw bodies like cannon fodder at curses."
For not wanting to get into it, Nanami sure did get into it. I wasn't disappointed though. Not in the slightest.
"So you're gonna quit? What will you do?" I pushed.
"I suppose I'll work for a job in the common workforce. Same as anyone else with a high school degree and little else."
"Seriously?" I just couldn't picture it. "You. A common working man."
"What? You don't think I could do it?"
"No, I just..." I flourished vaguely in the air. "After everything, you would give it all up for something so mundane?"
"Sometimes mundaneness is a luxury," he replied poetically. Or was it cryptically? I felt like he was holding back.
"Alright," I drawled. "You have your reasons, and I have mine for wanting to trade places with you. How about we just respect each other's wishes, and you stop blocking me from enrolling—"
"Not going to happen."
I collapsed on the table, whining, "But— Nanamin—"
"I told you already. I agree with your brother's wishes. You have no business being there, and you serve the world far better as a window."
"I haven't seen a single curse of note in three years," I lamented. "How exactly am I doing a good job as a window if I have nothing to report?"
"I think that means the sorcerers are doing a good job of keeping curses at bay. That's not a bad problem to have."
I wanted to argue, but he was so logical about everything, tearing holes in my whiney arguments easier than ripping up wet paper.
"Eat. Don't complain. Respect your brother," Nanami said simply.
Incapable of helping myself, I stuck out my tongue with a mean spirited face.
Then I did what he told me to do and ate my dinner.
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"So... Same time next year?" I asked as we headed out to the street just before closing. "You know, it wouldn't hurt if you wanted to text or call any time the rest of the year."
"Why? You're not going to change my mind about helping you enroll."
"No— Not about that," I said with a breathy laugh. "We can talk about anything. Just catch up sometimes. I'm kind of lonely, you know? You're like...the only person I can talk about Yu with."
"What do you mean?"
"I mean... None of my friends know about curses, so I have to tell them he died in a car accident. And Grandma doesn't like talking about curses or the world of jujutsu sorcery. It would be nice to have at least one person I can talk to candidly."
He nodded. "Alright. I'll check in more. You can always speak candidly with me."
Even though it was something I already knew, it still felt nice for him to confirm it. Always so straight forward, blunter than a butter knife, Nanami was someone I imagined I could say anything to, and he wouldn't bat an eye.
I wanted to test that theory the more I thought about it, but before I could think up a great remark, Nanami checked his watch and said, "Your train is going to be here in two minutes. You should head to the platform."
"Right. Okay, well... Thanks again for paying for dinner. It was nice to see you. And good luck getting a boring old person job!"
As I waved, he waved back, shaking his head with the slightest smirk on his lips.
At least he wasn't too dense to laugh at my joke.