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The voices were the first thing that made sense when I came to, and then I realised I was lying down. It was not the hard pavement I had been kneeling on, but a soft bed. "Kendrick, I think we should let the fairy have a look at him. He can heal him," Lyall's voice was heard most clearly. I didn't move, trying to process why he was there, why I had just woken up and what he was talking about while hoping to stay calm because even though I had not even moved yet, I felt like I was spinning, causing a slight sickening nausea in my head.
"There's nothing wrong with him, he just fainted. He'll be fine. I'm not letting that man anywhere near him." The reply from Kendrick was stern, a little harsh. It did not sound like he was being sharp with Lyall, but as though he was stressed and angered. I figured it had something to do with the fact that I had been unconscious.
"Alpha, he called him 'Dad'. That man is Talian's father." The mention of my father brought back the moments before I blacked out. I still couldn't remember why I had been crying, why my chest had hurt that much, but I remembered that everyone was dead and it made my nose begin to sting as a ball grew in my throat.
"I don't fucking care who he is. Nick, you're the one who said you found him broken down with that man right next to him. Clearly, something happened in the five minutes after Zev dropped him off. He's not coming anywhere near Talian until Lian says that's okay."
"Maybe seeing his father revived some memories of what happened. Remembering anything seems to take a toll on him, maybe this time it was a lot more," Zev said.
"What is that man anyway?" Lyall asked.
"My guess? A witch and fairy hybrid," Zev replied.
"I saw him before... When Adaire showed up a few weeks ago. His eyes were wrapped then, I think to hide the fairy features at the time. Even then, I thought he looked familiar..." I inhaled spinning in my head finally subsided and felt Kendrick's hand tighten around my own. I wondered how long he had known that I was already awake.
"With Adaire?" Zev sounded shocked.
"What connection could they have? Do you think they have something to do with Talian ending up here, with you?" Lyall asked.
"Who is Adaire?" Nick spoke up.
"They do look alike... except the colours. His father must not be an earth-kind. Looks like fire to me," Lyall ignored Nick's question.
"Is Talian even an earth-kind?" Zev asked.
"His mother might be." The mention of my mother made me open my eyes.
"Talian!" Zev exclaimed. I looked at Kendrick. He wasn't at all surprised, although he looked relieved.
"Hey... How are you feeling?" he asked softly. The question brought a rush of conflicting emotions that made my eyes well up.
Pushing off the bed, I leaned into him and buried my face in his neck, his arms seemingly automatically locked around me to squeeze me into a tight hug. Even though it did not clear up the emotions or make anything any less confusing, it was calming being close to him. My head felt a little clearer when I was holding him.
"Everyone – My mom... My clan... my siblings... Everyone's dead. I know – I know I should be sad, broken... I mean – I am... but-but I can't remember... I can't... He can make me – he can suppress and bring back memories... but I don't think I can handle it..."
If I asked my father to bring back my memories, how much would I regret what I remembered? How much horror would I have to endure? How bad had it been? Would it be wrong to choose never to remember? It seemed like it would be. It seemed like I owed it to the people I used to know, the people who undoubtedly loved me and who I loved, to remember them, to remember how they passed. But...
"Lian, it's okay." Just the comfort in the way he said my name made me realise how uneasy the name Ashen made me feel. My father had said it was the second name he gave me, the one he referred to me by, but I felt so disconnected from it. I didn't know why because it must have been what he always referred to me as. "You don't have to be in a rush to grieve. If anything, processing this news first might help when you do remember," Kendrick said.
I wanted to point out that the reason I was terrified to remember was not just because of what had happened, not just because it would become completely real that everyone in my family, every friend I had ever had prior to meeting him was dead, but because it may have had something to do with me.
I could not shake the feeling that my mother's warnings about my magic were a hint that I had something to do with what happened.
You could hurt someone even if you're not trying to.
If I had had something to do with it... and he found out, his pack found out, I would be thought to be a danger, I would lose the people I had just connected to and built relationships with. I would lose him.
"Lian..." Kendrick's voice was just a soft, concerned whisper as he tried to pull back but I held onto him tightly because I had started crying and did not want him to see just how scared I was. He would try to figure out why.
"I want to talk to him," I said. "Alone."
"Lian –" I knew he would disagree because he clearly did not trust my father. I understood why, but I was certain I could take care of myself. They suspected that he was a witch-fairy hybrid, but witches needed time to conjure spells, even a second of delay could be too long in a confrontation, so he did not have the speed advantage that a werewolf would have. I was also almost certain that whatever kind of fairy he was, my magic ranged too much for it to be too much of a threat to me, even if he was incredibly experienced.
"Kendrick," I cut him off, pulling back from him as I forced myself to stop crying and wiped the tears away. "I need to speak to him. Alone."
Kendrick stared at me, clearly wanting to argue about my choice to talk to my father without him or any of the other wolves present. I wondered why he was so suspicious of my father, it seemed to be more than just whatever Nick had told him about when he found me on the pavement near our workplace. He told the others he had seen my father before. When Adaire showed up. Who was Adaire?
"My office is completely soundproof."
I gave a thankful smile at that, and Kendric's face scrunched in response, he was clearly not happy with my decision.
"There's an emergency switch under my table that'll instantly send an alert to my phone, Zev and my office, make sure you stand on the left side of my desk."
I nodded reassuring him that I would. It was shocking how being in his presence, how just him talking to me made me feel so much calmer, so much better. Even when my head was clouded with confusion and emotions, he somehow seemed to sift right through that and draw me into just the moment with him without even trying to. He made it so much easier to think.
He stood up.
"I'll tell him to meet you in the office. Press the button if you feel even slightly concerned about him, okay?"
"I'll be okay," For some reason, I doubted the man downstairs was a danger to me even though he unsettled me because of how much I didn't know about him or anything else relating to our clan or situation.
"If you're even slightly concerned, Lian," Kendrick repeated seriously. The concern made my stomach flutter.
"I promise, Alpha." I knew the reaction he would have to that, and was instantly satisfied by the way he bit his lip and narrowed his instantly darkened eyes at me before his face softened again when I added, "I'll be right beside the switch."
He nodded and we headed downstairs. Zev was standing in the hallway that led into the living room, and I assumed the other werewolves and my father were in there. Kendrick walked into the room while I made my way to the office. I leaned against his desk, my hands resting on the edge of the desk, fingers curling under it so my middle finger rested on the button he had mentioned. The button was flat under the wood so it would appear seamless unless felt or seen from beneath.
The time spent alone seemed long even though it was just a couple of minutes before my father joined me in the room, the door shutting behind him effectively locking us in the privacy of Kendrick's office. Well, privacy from everything except the plant that still sat beside the door. My father glanced at it, clearly noting its presence too but did not seem to care much about it.
My father and I stood awkwardly in the office. As I stared at him, I realised that Kendrick was right. Even though he had the ombre red markings of a fire fairy tracing from his forehead, around his scorching orange eyes to his cheeks, even though his hair was completely white for some reason, our jaws were shaped the same, nose and lips identical. It was easy to see our resemblance despite the contrasting colours. I knew my mother had been an earth fairy; my brother and sister shared her colours too.
"What a coincidence that you ended up here," he spoke first, looking around the office before smiling at me. Smiling. Given the situation, it seemed inappropriate. His head tilted as his eyes stopped on a family picture of Kendrick, his late father and his mother that hung on the wall before they shifted to me looking almost woeful. "You become attached to people too easily. Always have."
What did that mean? The more I watched him, the more sinister he seemed to me. He seemed so calm, too calm... Too... unconcerned about our entire clan being gone.
"I can only imagine how upset your mother's parents would be seeing you fall for a werewolf," he gave a breath of dry laughter that made it obvious he was less amused and more bitter about what he was chuckling about. The mention of grandparents brought me back to thinking about our clan and away from just observing my father trying to figure out how to feel about him.
It reminded me why I had chosen to talk to him to begin with.
"Did... Was... Um... Did... Did I...?" I couldn't seem to bring myself to say it. Did I hurt – no, did I kill everyone? The words seemed wedged in my throat, jamming further each time I tried to ask. Eventually, I forcefully swallowed the huge knot they had formed making my eyes feel bulged as it pushed my tears to the brink. "Our clan... Did I... Is it because of me?" The trembling words barely managed to escape in a whisper, making it out only because of the desperation I had towards finding the answer.
My father stared at me silently for a few minutes, his face emotionless before he gave a sigh, his head dipping ever so slightly into a nod.
"Well... Intuition beats out even memory loss." My jaw and body felt slack as he stepped forward, my fingers weakly falling from the button beneath the table as his hand reached to cup my cheek. His thumb caressed away a tear I had not even noticed was trailing from my eye. "At least you know that much, Ashen."
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Thank you for reading :D