*****Two Months Later****
It never stopped.
The progression of aggression kept rolling through the passed two months like a snowball coming down a steep mountainside.
It didn't matter what I did.
The slightest amount of "disagreement" set Mohammed off like an angry grizzly bear.
Simply asking questions made him aggress towards me without hesitation.
I became so used to it, that everything in my life became numb.
Patients dying became just another thing to me.
My little seminars were the only bit of relief I received.
Nothing rattled me more than Mo.
It was routine at this moment.
No glimmer of hope.
No inspiration to defend myself any more.
I have become a weak and battered woman without any solace. The bruises became just an every day thing I needed to cover up. My hoarse voice just became dry and lower naturally.
And I hate to say I simply don't care about being a doctor any more.
Mo has taken everything and yet nothing at all.
I haven't heard or seen Max since that day I punched him in the face.
He only appears to me in my dreams and even that isn't enough to comfort me. I messed up, pushing him away. Not letting him help me. Not listening to him in the slightest.
I pushed him so hard that I know I will never see or hear from him again.
And I don't dare go to him.
It's not safe.
If Mo found out- he would kill him and me for that matter.
Mo.
I never seen him so bipolar and aggressive. One second we'll be sitting having a nice quiet dinner- the next he's literally over the table, strangling me and sexually assaulting me.
He gets off on it.
Like a serial killer- only he stops just before I'm dead.
But for how much longer?
How long before he officially drops off the edge and full on kills me?
He's so addicted to choking me as he defiles me that he doesn't even attempt normal sex any more. He jumps right into abuse like a child running for the beach- excitement and nothing stopping them from diving right in and enjoying the pleasure of something they see as wonderful.
Lauren and everyone has voiced their concerns- but they only make it worse.
Once, Iggy called for a wellness check and when the police showed up- I was so elated, but Mo put on the charm and convinced them that no one was in danger. They didn't even care to ask me in private if I was okay. If I felt safe.
And after they left- Mohammed didn't even wait for the car to pull away before he was on top of me, popping blood vessels in my cheeks and eyes and crushing my larynx once more.
I begged Iggy and everyone else to never do that again.
I begged them to just...to just mind their own business and leave mine to me.
...
Sitting in my office this morning, I am overly tired for some reason.
Maybe I really am not getting a well enough sleep.
Probably because every creak or sound that comes from inside the apartment, jars me awake with fear that Mo is just going to pounce on me.
He's been spending a bit of time with his other woman.
I wonder if she gets abused like myself?
I hope not- despite me disliking her.
Whomever she is.
I simply cannot allow myself to worry about her though.
I have enough to worry about.
"Good morning!" Lauren happily chortles as she walks into my office. My red eyes just blink mindlessly at her and she sighs before shutting the door. "Are you even sleeping?"
"Yes...to some extent...I assume." My voice is deep and crackly- as per usual.
"Again?"
"I don't know what you mean." I say and her eyes roll naturally- tired of my excuses and pathetic behavior.
"Helen, can we just get rid of him?"
"Lauren."
"I know some people. Not the best people to know- but I know them and they could help you." She pleads.
"No...I'd be complicit and so would you and we are not having this conversation." I state firmly.
"It's been two months, Hel. You aren't sleeping. You aren't eating. You're being strangled, raped..."
"Enough."
"No! When are you going to open your eyes and use your goddamn head!" Her shrill voice makes me cower and she winces as if it pains her. "You are damaged...maybe beyond repair...but that doesn't mean I or anyone else want to continue to see you suffer."
"Mo's just...sick." I say unconvincingly.
"No—he's sadistic. Psychotic. Abusive. A piece of shit. He's not sick. He...he's not unwell. He's just an asshole who has taken advantage of his height and weight. Sadly enough- you let him."
"I let him?" What the fuck?
"You do."
"I let him? Do you think I like this life? Do you think I enjoy wondering if this will be my last breath? I don't. What am I to do?! Police have done nothing. I have fought him off the best I can and I just....I can't...anymore. I try being the woman he wants me to be. Compliant. Loving. Supportive...he's just...I don't...I don't know. I don't."
"You're making excuses for him."
"I'm not. I'm trying to...."
"To what? Get yourself killed? Because that's what's going to happen. You look like shit. You sound like shit. And why? Cause you're scared of him? You're scared he may actually kill some random man he probably knows nothing about? You're scared of you turn him in- that he'll get away with it and come after you? There are systems in place that can help you- Helen—you're just too stubborn to try." Her words cause my stomach to boil and heat up with anger.
"I don't expect you to understand. You've never been..."
"Abused? No- I haven't- but I've been neglected. I've babysat my drunken mother and little sister. Yeah- I made excuses for my mother, but I never once allowed myself to become a victim of circumstance. I just figured you never would have either, because you're actually smart and strong—stronger than most." She states and it brings tears to my eyes but I won't allow them to fall. "So why are you allowing this circumstance to make you a weak victim?"
"Because I don't want to die." I whisper so quietly I can barely register if it truly was said at all or if I imagined it.
It must have been said though, because Lauren comes over and holds me close to her body.
We stay like this forever and I feel safe for the first time in a very long time.
"Here's what we're gonna do. You are going to host a party and invite me, Iggy, Floyd, and Vijay- and anyone else you want. We will come over and we just won't leave. He can't do anything while we're there and it'll give you time to find some peace. And we will all think of something to help you. If you won't go to the cops and you won't let my friends help...then we will find a solution....eventually."
A party?
She wants to throw a party.
Ridiculous.
"Invite Max."
"Bloody Hell...you want to give Mo a reason to harm someone?!"
"No...I don't want anyone to get hurt...but if he makes one move...there's a room full of people ready to protect you at all costs." Kissing my forehead, she stands up and heads to the door. "Let Mo know that you're having a get together tonight and you would like it, if he didn't show up. Be tough like you used to be."
With that, she leaves my office and my insides twist and drop.
I'm going to be sick.
..........
I thought all day about this 'party' Lauren wants me to throw. So far, everyone she stated to come has texted that they will.
I didn't invite Max.
I didn't know how.
And not only that, but I can't involve him.
It's a stupid idea.
This party.
What- are they just going to stay at my apartment forever?
Hardly think that's reasonable.
I find myself walking towards Mohammed's office, and when I get closer, I hear a conversation he's having.
"I want a paternity test- today."
"There's no reason to. It's yours. I haven't slept with anyone else."
"Hmph, I still want a test. I'm not claiming anything that is not mine." He says angrily.
"I told you before- it is yours. My husband and I haven't had sex in a long while. Nearly five months. So it's yours and..." I clear my throat as I stand in the doorway with my arms crossed. The blonde woman has her back to me and Mo's eyes widen as I step inside.
"Sorry to interrupt, Darling- should I come back?" I find it.
My attitude and courage.
This is the whore he's been sleeping with.
"Helen..." Mo growls and now the lady turns around and I feel my stomach drop deep into me.
I know her face.
I know this woman.
We've never met.
But I know her—very well.
"I'm terribly sorry to interrupt your private conversation- but your door was open." I state and look deep into the woman's blue eyes. "Mrs. Goodwin? How are you?"
Her eyes widen and she looks at Mohammed behind his desk and he glares at me.
"Um...have we m..."
"Met? Oh- I would think not. I don't make it a habit of meeting the women my fiancé cheats on me with." I state with a warm smile.
"Then how do you..."
"Know your name? Well...I know your husband-Max—very well." I state cleverly and her eyes widen a bit more and I notice her teeth clench tightly together in her closed mouth. "Any way- that doesn't matter. I've come to inform you- Mohammed— that I am hosting a dinner party tonight...so feel free to make any private plans you would like. You needn't attend."
I turn to leave but stop right at the edge of the door and turn back to look at Max's wife.
"I would love to say it's a pleasure meeting you...but in fact it's the opposite. Enjoy yourselves." I smirk devilishly and saunter off away from his office before he can erupt.
That- was satisfying in a disappointing kind of way.
Poor Max.
His wife was fucking a psychopath.
And now she's pregnant with his bastard child.
Who probably also be a psychopath.
I wish I could do something for him.
But I can't possibly tell him.
How would I?
'You're wife's fucking my fiancé who strangles and sexually humiliated me every other day- but don't worry- she's pregnant and they both know I know you- so there's that.'
Certainly not.
As I walk along the corridor, I feel my anger boiling.
He was still in love with his wife the last time we chatted.
Said it without hesitation.
It's it fair. That woman has everything I want...well...wanted in some instances. I wanted Mo.
She has him.
I wanted a baby.
She has one.
I want Max.
She has him as well.
It's unfair. In all senses of the word.
"Hey!" Turning, I find Reynold's coming up to me. He's a young handsome black cardiac surgeon, but he's like a brother to me.
That—and Lauren's been interested in him for a while.
It wouldn't be fair at all if I put any kind of romantic or flirtatious interest out there.
Not that I am interested in him of course.
"Hi- I got your rsvp." I joke and he smirks down at me with a soft grin.
"Good. I'm excited to come. Lauren told me to bring a dish- I wanted to get your opinion on what would be better- dessert or a side?"
"Um...which ever you like. I'm probably ordering pizza...it's all very last minute- you know."
"Yeah...I guess dessert would be a safe option."
"Totally."
"So um...I was wondering- what is going on with you and Mo lately? You haven't really said much and I can tell you ain't feeling well."
Floyd barely knows about the abuse.
He and Vijay know it's been rocky- but he don't know to what extent.
"It's nothing I can't handle."
"You sure? Cause you seem...whipped." He states as we begin to walk towards the breezeway.
"I'm honestly just trying to move on and sadly he's making it....difficult. Beyond difficult."
"Ah...well-if you need anything- let me know." His sweet smile warms me as he walks by and I wonder just how tonight will go.
......That night...........
I ordered pizza- three different kinds.
Picked up wine and beer.
Straightened the apartment.
And changed into leggings and a ruby crop top and sweater to feel a tad more relaxed about everything.
It was beginning to work. I finally felt as though life was normal again.
"HELEN!"
Until he came home.
"You don't need to yell...and frankly you shouldn't be here." I state as I arrange the wine in the ice bucket. Mo slams the door and it's a wonder Gerald never says anything about Mohammed's outbursts.
"You're not having a party tonight."
"I'm afraid that's false. My friends are on their way now and unfortunately that means you should go." I state.
"I'm not going anywhere. How dare you intrude this afternoon on my private conversation."
"If it was private- then your door should have been shut. Besides- I care very little about the entire thing. So if you don't mind...." I go to walk towards the stereo to change the track and he grabs my wrist.
I've had enough of this.
I've had enough of everyone thinking I'm weak.
Myself included.
Using his momentum, I pull him towards me and knew him in his family jewels.
But he doesn't crumple like I thought he would. In fact, he smirks and immediately goes for my throat. I dodge him just barely and try for the bedroom door, but he blocks me and quickly body slams me to the ground. Straddling me, he has his hands around me throat as I scratch and claw at his hands and arms. His face becomes nearly purple as he bares down on me without thinking or breathing fully- he's beyond pissed. My legs flail and all I can do is tuck my chin down towards his hands to cut off his grip slightly.
Finding his hand close enough I turn my face just enough and latch onto the space between his thumb and pointer finger and I bite down hard and don't let go.
"FUCK!!!" He screams loudly a punches the side of my face with his free hand.
I refuse to let go- I simply shut my eyes and bite down harder. The taste of blood filling my mouth and I feel my cheek bleeding from him breaking skin with his ringed fist.
"FUCKING BITCH! LET GO!" He continues to punch me and I feel queasy. He lifts up his arse just enough that my legs can move and I knee him hard in his arse- sending him off balance. Letting go of his hand- I spit the blood from my mouth right in his face and push him off of me. Scrambling to get to my feet- I crawl a few feet away. Whore trying to stand- but he full body tackles me onto the table- shattering the wine glasses and scatter the China plates tot he floor where they smash and loudly echo in the room.
He's on top of me once more. Slamming my head into the wooden table- glass entering my head and back and my hands gripping hard on his shirt- tearing it in my hands. I tug him down towards me and spit at him again- which pisses him off more.
It's a struggle to survive, but I'm pissed off now.
I pull him down just enough that I can scratch him in his eyes- my long nails meeting his corneas.
"AHHHHH! Fucking bitch!" He screams in pain and pulls back his hands to cover his eyes.
"FUCK YOU!" I scream and begin punching him in his chest- but the angle is horrible and causes him very little pain- so I decide the next best painful spot is his balls.
Repeatedly punching him in his jewels, I angrily wail on him. He doesn't know if he should protect his eyes or remove his body from on top of me.
"Grrrrrrahhhhhhhh!!!!!" I growl and yell as I try to shove him off of me.
Opening his eyes- which are bleeding and filled with anger, I see it.
The snap.
It's unlike I've ever seen it before. The nastiest looking face becomes him and before I can protect myself his hand are back on my throat and this time- it's nothing like ever before.
I immediately see spots and I cannot even feel my neck. My wind pipe is close to collapsing and everything is going black and splotchy. I cannot breathe.
I cannot see.
Or think.
Or move.
I cannot feel anything but immense amounts of pain.
Then I hear it.
An odd crack and pop.
I feel as if a vacuum has sucked all the air out of my body and the last thing I see of his angry face.
The last thing I feel is heaviness.
Blackness!
"Helen?!"
"Call 911!"
"Mohammed?!"
"Get him off of her! Get him off!"
"Helen!!!"
Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep!
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The slight buzzing of electricity flowing through the fluorescent bubbles fills my ears. Wheezing breath and pain consumes the other part of my hearing.
The pain I'm feeling is ten times worse than anything else.
Opening my eyes, I'm in a hospital room.
The heart monitor quietly beeps beside me. The oxygen mask fixed to my face loudly pumps air into me. And I feel a bandage on my throat- a slight crinkling sound as I move to look around- which hurts horribly.
Gazing around the dimly lit room, I find Lauren sitting slouched in the armchair with her legs tucked up to her chest as she snoozes with her head resting on her knees. Slowly blinking, I try to remove the breathing mask, but a monitor goes off and Lauren stirs awake.
"Hey! Leave that on! Leave it!" She says nervously and removes my hands from the mask altogether. "Huh...thank God you're okay. You okay?"
Looking around confused- I feel as though I died. My body heavy and filled with pins and needles running through my body. I point to my mask and she sighs again.
"You had to have laryngeal surgery. You'll be able to take that off in a day or two. Fucker broke your windpipe..." Going quiet, she looks toward the hallway and I follow her gaze. Two police officers are talking to nurses and she once more sighs. "Helen...they're gonna want to know what happened tonight..."
I point to her phone and she hands it to me- opening it up to notes.
Mo attacked me and I fought back. Fucker deserves to be thrown in jail. I hope his eyes and balls never stop hurting.
I hand it to her and she reads it quietly before rubbing her hand over her mouth before holding her right cheek with it.
"Helen...um...I...I think I should be the one to tell you..." She hesitates and looks back at the officers.
Tell me what?
"Mo...um...Mo died." Staring blankly at her, I roll my eyes.
Ha ha. Very good Lauren. But you're no comedian.
"I'm not kidding Helen. Mohammed had a massive brain aneurysm. He collapse right on top of you. We heard the commotion downstairs and Floyd broke down the door with Iggy to get inside. You were passed out on the table- bleeding and Mo...was collapsed on top of you...we think he died just before we got upstairs. Floyd tried to revive him but it was too late."
What....no. No that's not right. He didn't.
"Helen...Mo was sick. The coroner opened him up earlier tonight and found several...several aneurysms that burst. They were massive and the coroner believes they were the cause for his strange and violent behaviors. The pressure and stress of what happened tonight cause them all to burst at once and it instantly killed him. Like...like a bomb going off in his head."
Oh my God.
Oh my God.
Mo...Mo...died....
"I know this isn't easy at all for you, Helen. I know Mo was horrible to you in the end...but...but maybe it wasn't entirely...entirely his fault." Tears begin to flow down my cheeks and I feel absolutely sick to my stomach.
Mo was sick and I didn't even know.
Just assumed he was an arsehole.
"I'm sorry....I have to say though...despite everything...it looked like you put up one Hell of a fight." She says with a very somber smile.
At what cost?!
"You almost died too, Helen! If we didn't get there in time- you would be down there in the morgue with him. I for one am glad you fought hard enough to trigger..." she stops herself as my mouth drops open inside the oxygen mask.
You think I killed me?
"I didn't say that. I just..." I shove the phone at her and point to the door. "Helen..."
I once more forcibly point to the door and she leaves me there. The officers watch her and look back in at me laying in bed.
Mohammed is dead.
And it's my fault.
So...
So...
So why am I...not sad?
Knowing he was sick makes it worse...but I wouldn't say I'm...remorseful.
Am I really that numb and cold hearted that I don't care a man I loved for five years just died on top of me in our home we shared for the passed four?!
I honestly...I honestly don't feel bad.
Which is terrible.
It makes me a horrible person.
I should feel terrible for killing him- even if it wasn't necessarily my fault.
I don't know what to feel.
I don't feel guilty because he did horrible things to me.
However...
I should feel bad. I should feel regret for not trying to get him help.
I'm a doctor.
You would think I would notice his erratic change in mood and violence is the cause of something internally wrong- not just his shitty personality.
Yet I didn't.
I'm supposed to be able to recognize these things.
What kind of doctor am I?
Not a very good one.
It just isn't fair.
Now I have to inform his family.
And...
And Max's wife.
She should know her baby daddy died.
Right?
Though I don't wish to be the one to tell her.
Would love to rip her hair out.
But that goes against what I believe is right.
She cared for him.
Maybe she didn't know he was engaged.
And who's to say she's the only one he was seeing.
Despite her infidelity towards Max...maybe she truly cared for Mo.
What am I saying!!!??!!
She cheated on such a sweet guy for an engaged one when she herself was married. She is the scum of the Earth and I would love to tell her that.
I should tell her that- at least.
"Dr. Sharpe?" A male police officer finally comes in and shuts the sliding door behind him.
I nod.
"I know you're unable to speak right now, but I just wanted to touch base with you about Dr. Mohammed Igwe." He says and I watch him closely.
He seems like a rookie.
Poor thing- has to be the one to break bad news.
Nodding for him to continue, he nods to me and opens his notepad.
"Dr. Igwe, suffered the rupturing of 13 brain aneurysms tonight. Sadly, this killed him. I regret informing you- Dr. Sharpe- however, given the circumstances- I'm glad to see you are alright yourself." He quietly stares before smiling and walking away and shutting the sliding door behind him.
"I can't believe it....Mo's dead." I say to the white cavernous world around me. From out of nowhere, Max comes walking up to me and wraps me in his arms.
"Least he's going to leave you be." He states and I shove him.
"What a shitty thing to say! What is wrong with you?!?!"
"What's wrong with me?! This is all you Baby! This imaginary Max is all you and your wants and thoughts and feelings. So don't even act like you aren't the least bit satisfied that that fuck got what was coming to him."
"I didn't want him to die!" I yell and he rolls his eyes.
"I seen the look you gave Lauren today when she offered the services of hit men. You wanted to take her up on it. You wanted Mo to just be gone....and guess what? He is now. So you and I can be together finally." Max comes towards me and pulls me close to him body.
"This isn't right Max. I loved Mo...before. I can't just...."
"Move on?! You did the second he told you he was cheating! You spent two wonderful days with me and it should've never ended. We could've continued and had fun- gotten laid! Instead you went home to be abused and play the why me game."
"I did not!" I yell at him and he turns from me frustrated.
"Helen, you are never satisfied. And I'm beginning to realize it has very little to do with your lack of trust in men. You push everyone away because it's easier than dealing with the problem. Not to mention- you give up on something you want because god forbid it may actually feel good for once receiving what you actually deserve and want. You wanna be loved and you wanna be loved by me! So let me be there for you! Let me show you how much love I can give you."
"You aren't real! You are me! You don't know what I want because I don't even know what I want! I wanted Mohammed! I want Max! But also NEVER want to hurt this horribly and lose anyone EVER again! So why don't you just shut up for once and go away!" I yell loudly at him and he disappears.
"Helen?"
Shaking my head, I hope he just goes away- but when I open my eyes and I am shocked to find the real Max standing at the end of the hospital bed with a bouquet of colorful Gerber daisies and a kitty cat ballon that says 'I think you're purrrrfect'.
Lord....
He's really here....
But how did he know?!
And why would he come after what I did to him?
I give him a very small wave and he walks over, puts the balloon and flowers down on the bedside stand and smiles down at me.
"You're uh...your friend Lauren...she um... she called several hospitals tonight looking for me. Told me you needed a friend to sit with you." Sighing- which kills me a little inside- I look at him and gesture for him to sit in the chair beside the bed. "I heard about what happened...I'm sorry he lost his life...however...."
Please don't say it.
It doesn't make it any better.
"I hope he's at peace now."
Oh.
Well...
Um...
That's different.
"And I'm very glad you're safe and recovering." His voice is quiet and thoughtful as his hands play with the knit blanket that hangs over the edge of the bed. Reaching down, I slowly take his fingers around mine- not our full hands- just our fingers- and I loom at him gently. "It's not right...what happened to you- it shouldn't have happened...but at least you know it wasn't fully him...he wasn't entirely a monster at the end of it all."
He's right.
I know he's right.
Nodding, I close my eyes for a few minutes and before I can open them, I feel his lips gently press to mine for a few moments.
They're plush and delicate.
My heart flutters and the monitor begins beeping a bit faster- which is instantly embarrassing.
Pulling back, we both blush- but the difference is- he doesn't look away from me.
"I...I missed you...as odd as that probably sounds." He quietly stares as his right hands rubs the back of his neck awkwardly. "You had every right to be upset with me over the whole Georgia thing."
He takes his phone out and shows me the background.
It's a picture of an old picture of him and who I'm assuming is his sister at a lake.
"That's Luna and I...a few months before she died. It's been a long time since I looked at a photo of her...it made me sad at first, but...but now it gives me hope." A soft smile comes to his lips and he looms down at me. "Just like...well...just like you give me hope for a better future."
My cheeks burn some more and he lingers near the edge of the bed. Inwardly sighing, I gently reach up and tug at his white v neck shirt under his blue zip up jacket- tugging him towards me, I gently kiss his lips once more and I feel blissful despite all the pain I'm in.
We kiss slowly a few more times until his phone goes off.
"I'm sorry....It's probably the hospital..." He apologizes and I wave him off to go answer.
I can't believe we have been kissing.
It feels so natural and amazing.
Little vibrations and tingles inside of me make my body heat up.
That is.
Until I notice him just outside the room- looking distraught and confused and when his eyes meet mine once more...
I know it's nothing good.
Not for me at least.