t h i r t y s i x. choices and chances
Pranati was losing her mind.
What was she thinking? Why was she becoming soft towards Reyansh? Why was she melting in his arms, agreeing to his words, and acting like a lovesick teenager around him?
Did she not learn her lesson once? Was the pain of eight years not enough for her to know how much he hurt her? Eight years of constant tears, hardships, broken heart and a child to raise, all of which Pranati did alone.
Only because Reyansh ran away from her.
He left her.
He left her when she needed him the most.
And here she was, being softer towards the man, letting her guard down and acknowledging his presence.
Why?
"Pranati?" Reyansh called the girl out from her trance, "the tea..." He watched the tea boil over the vessel and spill out on Pranati's hand.
Pranati immediately shut the gas switch and hissed at the burning sensation on her left hand. She could not grasp anything after that, the sheer pain of the boiling tea was enough to numb her senses but Reyansh quickly came to her aid. He immediately placed her hand under cold water but the hot tea had left its daunting mark on her skin.
Pranati was near to tears, she could hardly withstand the pain but froze when she saw Reyansh crying instead. He was blowing air on her burnt mark, tears dropping from his eyes as he tried to help her.
"Reyansh..."
"What the fuck is wrong with you?" Reyansh yelled at her, holding her hand and blowing air at it, caressing the outer skin as Pranati took her hand back.
"I am okay."
"It was boiling tea, Pranati." Reyansh grabbed her wrist, eyeing the reddened skin. "What were you so lost about?" He tightened the grip when she tried to pull her hand again.
Jaana and Jugnu who had heard the commotion, watched the duo from the cot and while Jaana looked a bit worried, Jugnu had a smile on her face. The old lady looked at the kid, the one who would bring the whole house down if Pranati had even a tiny scratch on her.
"How are you calm about this, Jugnu?"
"Because my father is here," Jugnu shrugged, a grin on her face as she watched Reyansh apply ointment on her mother's hand ever so carefully. He was crying like he was the one in pain despite Pranati telling him that she was okay. "And he takes better care of her than me."
Jugnu looked pointedly at the duo with a nod of her head and Jaana watched Reyansh scold Pranati, towering her and still caressing the wound.
"We have to go the hospital, the burn marks looks bad."
"Reyansh, are you crazy?" Pranati countered the man who did not seem to want to leave her wrist. "It is not that big of a deal."
"I am not arguing with you." Reyansh looked sharply at the girl, "waise bhi tumse behas karna bekar hai."
"Excuse me?"
"We are going to the doctor and you are going to oblige if you don't want me to force you." Reyansh leaned in closer, almost whispering in her ears. "You out of everyone will know what I can do."
Pranati shut her eyes, hating how the flashbacks of the past immediately got her to stop. Reyansh smiled, and pulled her outside, not giving a single hoot about her pleas.
"I am taking her to the clinic." Reyansh announced to the duo who watched Pranati obey Reyansh like a little kid. "We'll be back soon."
Jugnu gave them a thumbs up when they left the house and continued watching TV, ignoring Jaana who was very startled at the behaviour of Jugnu's parents.
"Your mother... she is so different around him." Jaana commented, looking at the faint figures of Reyansh and Pranati as they left the vicinity. "It's like a Pranati from a different world."
"Wait till they start bickering and DM starts retaliating like a little kid." Jugnu chuckled, enjoying the cartoon on the fat TV screen. "Spoilers, SK always wins. He knows her way too well and she falls for his tricks every single time."
"Seems like your father does care about Pranati."
"Of course," Jugnu turned to smile at Jaana, "he is my father after all. I take after him."
_
The small town had a little clinic at the outskirts where all of the residents visited. The doctor was a young doctor who had recently opened his clinic in the vicinity. Thanks to him, they didn't have to visit the hospital in the other town.
"Fancy seeing you here, Pranati." The doctor smiled at her and then glanced at Reyansh. "And you are?"
Reyansh narrowed his gaze at the man who was smiling at Pranati for some reason.
"Reyansh Khurana." Reyansh shook hands with the man and then asked the doctor to treat Pranati's sound.
The doctor asked Reyansh to sit back while he examined the burnt mark, helping Pranati sit on the higher cushioned platform. He then applied an ointment and prescribed medications for the wound, asking if she was in any kind of pain.
"I'm not." Pranati replied somberly, "I even told Reyansh that this wasn't a big deal-"
"Oh no, this is absolutely a big deal." The doctor smiled at her and held her arm, only to get Reyansh to shift uncomfortably in his seat. "I'm glad you came here. This needs to be treated. Also how's the glass wound now?"
Reyansh frowned, standing up immediately and took Pranati's hand out of the doctor's hold. While the doctor was a bit startled, Pranati frowned, glaring at Reyansh being an idiot.
"Oh, Pranati cut her hand over a glass last month and -"
"And it was very minor and hardly anything happened." Pranati cut the doctor off, grabbing Reyansh's attention towards her. "Nothing had happened."
Reyansh ignored her and examined her arm, a very faint black scar visible on her skin.
"Minor?"
The doctor chuckled, moving back to his seat. "Please do apply the ointment twice and give regards to Jugnu from me." He wrapped the ointment in a paper bag and forwarded it to Pranati only for Reyansh to grab it.
"Thanks doctor." Reyansh shook his hand, helping Pranati get off the seat and move out.
They walked side-by-side, the bystanders gawking at Pranati and the new man besides her. Since it was a small town, everyone knew everyone and it didn't take a lot of time for gossips to spread.
"Why are you being so difficult?" Pranati confronted him once they were secluded on the corner of the road. "And how does it matter to you if I'm in pain or not?"
Reyansh took a daring step, "it does. Everything about you matters to me."
"Since when? Since when did you care about me? Since when did I even matter to you?" Pranati hated being vulnerable with anyone, but Reyansh was getting on her nerves. "Where was the concern eight years back? Where were you, Reyansh all these years? Where were you?"
Reyansh didn't expect the mini outburst in the middle of the road so he took a step back. He wasn't going to let her know the truth because he knew it wouldn't change anything. He knew he wasn't worth another chance.
"Stop confusing me, Reyansh." Pranati took a calming breath, facing the man. "Stop with this... All of it. You and your words..." Pranati gulped the lump forming in her throat. "Your actions... All of it is confusing me and I don't like it. I don't like the way I'm behaving with you. I don't like you being concerned over me, sweet talking me, holding me, hugging me and exercising non-existent rights on me."
Reyansh wasn't sure how he could respond to that. He wasn't in any place to do so, he knew he wasn't going to win.
But he wasn't doing this to win her over. He wasn't doing this to garner her affection or because he wanted her to reciprocate his feelings.
He was doing it because he loved her and wanted nothing in return.
"You asked us for a month, and I gave you what you wanted. So, finish the end of your agreement and let us go." Pranati's eyes filled with tears more so for the inflicted wounds of the past than of the present. "Please don't make it harder than it has to be."
With that Pranati walked away from him, nursing her burning hand and Reyansh held his hand over his chest. He wasn't going to let the anxieties get the best of him.
Pranati was right.
He should honor her request and keep the end of the agreement, even if it meant parting with her for the second time.
He lived eight miserable years without her, he could live eight miserable years more.
_
Jugnu noticed the evident tension between the duo when they returned back, especially with the way Reyansh avoided eye contact and kept to himself.
"Why are they so awkward, just suddenly?" Jaana asked Jugnu who switched the cartoon off and looked at her parents.
"Probably had a fight." Jugnu shook her head, "they fight like kids and then suddenly, fight like adults. They're weird."
Things got more weird when Reyansh announced that he'd be leaving to go back to Delhi in an hour, and that he'd send the remainder of their belongings by cargo later. He thanked Jaana for her letting him stay a day with them and took Jugnu aside.
He knelt in front of Jugnu, smiling at the kid. "So, this is it?"
Jugnu frowned. "What?"
"I just want you to know that you're awesome and I had so much fun this month, one of the best Decembers' ever."
"Why are you talking like that? Aren't you going to come back?"
Reyansh cupped Jugnu's little face in his palm, "I came to drop you two and now, I have to leave."
Jugnu felt tears pricking her eyes, "leave? As in, you'll never come back?" She held his hand, "but what about... what about our deal?"
"I am sorry baby," Reyansh held her hands in his, "I know you wanted to make your DM happy, but I don't think she will ever be happy with me around. I have hurt her a lot in the past and it isn't fair to keep hurting her."
Jugnu withdrew her hands from his, "so you are just going to give up?" Jugnu asked, horrified at the thought of never seeing her father again, or the Khuranas, or Delhi.
She was not as hurt about the deal as she was about Reyansh leaving.
How could he leave her again?
"Jugnu-"
"You are going to leave me again?" Jugnu was crying, she knew she was going to be called a little baby after this but she did not want Reyansh to leave. "If you were going to leave then why did you come in our lives?"
Jugnu was sobbing aloud, not caring about anything other than the way she felt. And right now, she felt sick and scared. Pranati stayed in the corner of the kitchen, holding her breath and biting the insides of her cheek to stop crying. Jaana on the other hand shed a few tears at the fate of the little kid.
"Jugnu-"
"Why did you pretend like you cared about me? Why did you hold me hand and carried me in your arms? Why did you play games with me? Why did you do that stupid fair and the stupid camping and the stupid things for me? Why did you be so nice to me?" Jugnu was breathing aloud, her voice was breaking and her incessant panting was scaring Reyansh.
"Jugnu, listen to me..."
"You left my mother and you left me but we were okay. We we were fine without you, but then you took us to the Khuranas and then you did such nice things and made me want to have a father..."
Reyansh held the little girl's shoulders as she was shaking in pure adrenaline, anger and tears. "Jugnu, please calm down baby."
Pranati rushed out at the concerned voice of Reyansh, watching her daughter breakdown in a way she had never seen her before.
"Do you even know how hard it was for me? At school, at home, everywhere." Jugnu was crying like she had just lost a beloved, like she was facing death. "Do you even know how hard it was for me to pretend like it does not matter? Do you even know how much I wanted a father?"
Jugnu was shaking when Pranati faced her, kneeling down and holding her kid. She was shaking and crying and trembling.
"Jugnu stop it." Pranati held her in her arms, trying to calm her kid but Jugnu did not care.
Reyansh touched her face, "Jugnu..."
"I hate you, SK. I hate you for not being there for me and my DM. I HATE YOU FOR GIVING UP ON US. I HATE YOU."
Jugnu was panting heavily, breathing aloud at every word, and at every sentence. Pranati was crying, calling out for Jaana to help but the old lady could hardly react either. She tried soothing Jugnu's panic attack by rubbing her back but to no avail.
Reyansh could feel his panic attack rising, as his heartbeats sped up with the way his daughter spoke to him. He could hardly hold himself, his one hand on his daughter's tiny arm and the other on his chest. He was breathing profusely now, lost in the trance as Jugnu removed his hand from hers.
"Reyansh," Pranati called out to the man, arms wrapped around her daughter. "Jugnu, shaant ho jao baby..."
"LEAVE. GO WHEREVER YOU WANT TO GO. JUST GO AND NEVER COME BACK. DONT EVER COME BACK. WE DON'T NEED YOU."
That was the last thing Jugnu screamed aloud before passing out, much to everyone's horror. Pranati felt like her entire world shatter when her daughter collapsed in her arms, she shook the girl and screamed her name but Jugnu did not respond.
It took a second for Reyansh to snap back into the reality as he took Jugnu in his arms, "Jugnu open your eyes!" He patted her cheek, Pranati crying with him.
When the girl did not respond, Reyansh rushed out with his daughter in his arms, running barefoot towards the clinic, Pranati by their side. She could hardly react to anything that happened, because whenever it came to Jugnu, everything seemed to fade away.
All she did was watch her world tear apart, piece by piece and for Reyansh to try his best to re-join it.
_
"Mom, where are we going?"
"It is Mommy-Son day today, we can go anywhere you want Rey."
Reyansh looked at his mother, excitedly rubbing his palms. "Really? So you, me and Vardhan bhai?"
"Vardhan says he want to stay at home to finish studying." Anjaana Khurana touched her son's head softly, "that leaves the two of us!"
"Alright, we can go watch that Iron Man movie, then arcade, then at the mall, eat burgers and fries and oo oo... can we go the car showroom because I love seeing the expensive cars."
"We are going to go everywhere, all of the places Reyansh wants to go."
So it was decided that Reyansh and his mother would take the day out and have fun. Anjaana Khurana was a beautiful woman, with honey eyes and long black hair to add on to her beauty. She had a very pretty smile that could easily make Reyansh's day and her hugs made the boy feel like he was home.
Reyansh loved his family, but he absolutely worshipped his mother. She was independent, kind and more than that, she loved him more than anything else. She'd defend him when he'd get low scores, play mischief with him and take him out for ice-creams every weekend.
There was nothing that compared to his mother, Reyansh looked at his mother driving the car as they halted in traffic. He held the hot wheels in his hands, playing on the dashboard and his mother occasionally playing with him.
"Mom, you are awesome." Reyansh blurted just suddenly, facing his mother. "You are so awesome, I can choose you over 10,000 happy meals anytime."
Anjaana smiled, "wow, well, what if the trade has 10,000 cars?"
That put little Reyansh in a fix, "cars? are they expensive?"
"Super expensive, each car is limited edition and rare and costs a fortune."
Reyansh thought about it briefly. He loved his mom, but he also loved cars. Anjaana Khurana chuckled looking fondly at her son, trying his best to make a decision. She fixed his messy hair and pulled his cheeks.
"You are the best thing of my life Reyansh. The best thing, and just know that mommy loves you." She was filled with a sudden sense of discomfort as she touched his chin, "no matter where I go, no matter how far I am from you, know that your mommy loves you."
"I have made my decision."
Reyansh grinned at his mother, his toothy smile was the last thing Anjaana saw when their car was slammed by a truck.
Everything happened way too fast after that. But all Reyansh saw was his mother's bleeding body thrown over him and her warm body turning cold very soon. He was hurt, in pain, and even then, quiet as he watched his mother's honey eyes lose color and her hand slipping from his head.
And Reyansh said before he passed out, "I choose you mom, I'll choose you."
"She is fine, just exhaustion." The doctor announced once he was done examining Jugnu, "she is of course way to stressed for a child. What happened Pranati?"
Pranati took a deep breath, wiping her tears. "I should have taken better care of her," She cursed herself, "It's just... me being careless."
"We all know how different Jugnu is from kids her age." The doctor sighed, looking at the kid who was soundly resting. "And we all know how much you try, but Jugnu acts like an adult when all she needs to do is be a child. I am afraid that we are losing her naivety and childlike innocence way before her age."
With that the doctor moved back in and Pranati ran her hand through her hair. She was so stupid, and felt like an utter failure. She was so lost in making a living for them she hardly paid attention at her daughter and how fast she was growing. She did not have time to talk to her kid, she did not have time to play with her, she did not even know the turmoil her little baby was in.
What kind of a mother was she?
She had failed her daughter and she had failed herself.
"Stop it." Reyansh put his hand on her shoulder, coaxing her with his assurance. "Stop blaming yourself, Pranati. This is not your fault."
"I am literally the worst mother." Pranati shook her head, tears once again pricking her eyes. "My kid was holding it all in, when that was my job. She was protecting me, when I am supposed to protect her." She wiped her tears only for them to spill again. "All this while I was in my own bubble, thinking that I am doing a great job being a parent but... but... she is not happy with me. She is not a kid anymore, Rey, they say she is not a kid."
Reyansh's vision blurred with tears, as he looked at Pranati blaming herself for something she was not remotely at fault for.
"And she is just 7. She is just a baby."
"I am sorry." Reyansh's apology stopped Pranati from crying hysterically, "this is not your fault, this is all my fault. I was so selfish and stupid that I did not think of you at all. I did not think of the kid. I only thought about myself. And I know, no matter how sorry I am, I know that I don't deserve your forgiveness. I know I don't deserve you or Jugnu."
"Reyansh-"
"You should not have fallen in love with me."
Pranati was at a loss of words at that very sudden statement. She looked at him, trying to comprehend what he just said.
"You should not have befriended me."
"Reyansh stop it."
"You should not have written those stupid letters to me."
"You are scaring me, Rey. Please stop it."
Reyansh shook his head, "this is all my fault." He held his hand over his chest again, the erratic beating of his heart always choked him. "all my fault, I should have died... not mom. Not mom."
Pranati held his hand, she was scared of the daze Reyansh had slipped into. "Rey, stay with me." Pranati rubbed his arms, trying her best to console the man.
"I should have died. I should have died. I should have died." Reyansh chanted, holding his hands over his ears, the accident replaying in his mind as he slipped on the floor. "This is all my fault... stay away from me." He cocooned himself in the little corner, trying his best to get out of the traumatic flashbacks. "I should have died."
Pranati did not know what to do. The doctor had left to visit a patient nearby and there was no one in the clinic. She knelt down, and held his shoulders.
Think Pranati, she trembled while watching Reyansh shiver in fear, think of something.
"Did you know that when Jugnu was five, she participated in a race and purposely came last in it." Pranati tried composing her breathing, but watching Rey gasp for breath was choking her too. "She said she did not like when others came last, so she did not mind coming last as long as no one was unhappy."
Reyansh had his ears covered, but he was listening, he was trying just as much as Pranati was.
"And at the age of 3, she once covered herself completely with the flour and completely emptied the container."
Reyansh pictured a 3 year old Jugnu covered in flour, clapping her hands, having fun. His breathing was still loud, but he could feel his heart slowly falling back into its pace.
"Once Jugnu tried baking a cake for my birthday last year and ended up burning the entire thing and almost getting the house on fire." Pranati's hand was gently caressing Reyansh's arm, she could feel him calming down. "But I did not want to break her heart, so we cut that cake for my birthday. It still is the best thing I have ever eaten."
Reyansh uncovered his palm from his ears and opened his eyes to see Pranati watching him with her soft ones.
"When I'd come home after working two jobs, and when I'd think that my entire existence is questionable, Jugnu's existence was what made me want to live." Pranati held his hand in hers. "She is the reason I am living, she is the only thing that makes me want to live. She is the best gift I have got from you, Rey. She is the best part of our relationship, of our past."
Reyansh felt a thousand times better, like a heavy weight lifted from his shoulders. His heart did not feel heavy and his heartbeats fell back to the slow rhythmic pace.
"You and I created her, you and I came together and had the best thing of this world. So don't you ever say that I should not have met you, don't say that you'd rather die, don't say that you would rather be gone. I owe you my life, Reyansh. I owe you my daughter, who would not exist if it wasn't for you."
Reyansh lowered his gaze, he could not meet her soulful eyes because he did not deserve it.
"If Jugnu is the reason why we met and fell in love, then I'll fall in love with you all over again. I'll love you and keep loving you. I'll choose the same fate, I'll choose the same life, I'll choose you."
_
a/n my babies have gone through so much </3 oh to be someone's choice, must be nice...