Z E N I Y A H
"We are gathered here today in loving memory of our dear Avalyn Rosalee Nelson." I sat there in the front row of the church, bawling my eyes out, still not being able to fathom that my childhood best friend was really gone.
Forever.
Is this really happening?
This can't be real...
"Mami, yah go hurt the baby if you continue crying like this..." Giovanni whispered while rubbing my back. I guess, trying to comfort me, but it only caused me to cry even harder.
This must be a really bad dream.
Tedo's voice made way to my eyes, and I turned to look at him, being met by his sad face and bloodshot red eyes.
He looked nothing like himself, and I didn't expect him to. If anyone was hurting right now, it would be him. After all, he was the first one to see Avalyn after she took her life.
"Mi soon fawud..." He said with a hoarse voice. Gio and I nodded our heads at him, and I watched as he sauntered out of the church with his head hung low.
It was as if he walked into darkness.
I could no longer see anything.
"Zeniyah..." I heard somebody screaming my name. It almost sounded like Rebel's voice. But as the person continued calling my name and shaking me out of my "slumber," the voice got deeper and more clear, and I soon realized that it was Giovanni. I jolted up in bed, out of breath and a crying mess, and Gio pulled me into a warm embrace.
I suddenly felt disappointed when I realized that it was him.
Why?
It's been almost a month since we got the news that Rebel overdosed, and she has been in an induced coma ever since.
When we got to the hospital and saw Tedo, he said that doctors said that if he had not reached there the time that he did, there was a high chance that she would have actually died.
But now, it seems like she is infact dead because there seems to be no progress, and it pains me each time I go in her hospital room and see her in such a lifeless state, unresponsive.
Even the doctors seem to have lost hope, as much as they try to hide their doubt of her not making it from us, with reassuring smiles and encouraging words. I see right through their act.
And I know that Tedo does, too. On more than one occasion, I've seen him bracing himself whenever we wait on the doctors to tell us something.
It's as if he's waiting and preparing himself for the bad news.
I also overheard him crying to Gio one day.
He doesn't want to lose her, but he knows that he might, and that hurts him even more.
And..... In the midst of all this, Gio and I found out that I was pregnant.
Even though I was happy, I couldn't bring myself to celebrate as much as I should have because of everything that was going on.
I don't want to stress or cry too much because of the baby, and for some odd reason, I feel like I'm betraying my best friend because I can't express the amount of hurt I'm feeling without hurting my baby.
"Babes, snap out of it..." I turned to Gio and glared at him. "Wah yuh mean by snap out of it, Giovanni. If it was Tedo or Ratty in this situation, you'd be acting the same or worse."
He averted his gaze and rubbed the bridge of his nose before sighing. I couldn't decipher whether it was a sigh of agreement or frustration.
"Zen, mi never mean it like that. You know dat tuh."
"MI NUH KNOW NOTHING!" I shouted. He looked taken aback by my outburst, and I knew if this was under different circumstances, he wouldn't let it slide.
He was being lenient with me and that made me even more upset.
It would have felt better if we were arguing.... At least, that would have taken my mind off things. Temporarily.
"Mi nah go give yuh the reaction wah yuh want outta me enu, Zeniyah. If yaffi cry and get everything offa yuh chest, fine. But nuh mek wi argue, please."
Immediately after he said that, I felt my eyes fill with water.
"Mi want back mi best friend, Gio" Was all I could get out.
He took off his shoes before he climbed up on the bed beside me. "Come here." He stretched out his arms. I didn't put up a fight in the blink of an eye, I was in his arms.
"Rebel a fighter, ano fi har time yet." He spoke while trying to tame the hair on my head. I didn't need a mirror to know that it looked like a mess.
"How you know dat?" My voice came out muffled, due to my face being buried in his shirt.
"Death and life inna yuh tongue. Declare life and a dat wi happen."
"She's going to be okay..." Based on the tone of his voice, I could tell that he was trying to tell me to repeat it, so that is exactly what I did.
Hopefully, God hears our cries and answers them.
******
**In the Evening**
📍Hospital
In the waiting room once again. Waiting on updates from the doctors.
"Soon forward, hold him fi mi please." Tedo said before handing me his son, who was currently asleep.
I felt him stir in my arms, so I rocked him softly.
If he wakes up and sees where we are. He's going to make a fuss.
All he does is cry for Rebel.
I was so distracted by Prince that I didn't realize that someone came by until I heard an unfamiliar voice, causing me to look up. "She's making a lot of progress..." I overheard the doctor say to Giovanni, who stood with his hands in his pocket, giving the female who spoke his undivided attention.
"Can we see her?" I heard him ask.
"They're currently giving her a bath, so in about ten minutes or so, you guys can go ahead."
When they were through, Gio returned to his seat beside me. "What did she say?" I asked him.
I didn't hear everything, but based on what I heard, it sounded like good news, but I wanted to hear it from Gio's own mouth before I got optimistic.
"Dem seh her eyes are now opened and she's responding to sound and touch, but her responses are slow. She said that even though her responses are slow, those are the early signs that she's coming out of the coma."
"Dat mean seh she ago mek it" I asked my eyes welling up with tears for the umpteenth time since day.
"It too early fi tell but-"
"Shut up before mi kunk yuh inna yuh head. Nuh you seh we fi speak life?" I slightly yelled at him, mindful that I had a sleeping child in my arms.
"She ago mek it." He fixed his statement up almost immediately.
That's more like it.
"Yuh did memba fi tek yuh vitamins?" He suddenly asked.
"Yeah, and I'm kinda hungry now."
"What do you want to eat?" I shook my head at him, causing him to raise his brows at me.
"I can't eat until I see her-"
Our conversation is cut short when we hear commotion.
"What's going on?"
Gio was now out of his seat, his hands on his waist as he searched the hospital for any threats.
Shortly after, we saw a few doctors running towards the entrance of the building.
We instantly calmed down when we saw that they were heading towards some patients who just got admitted to the hospital.
Always haffi deh pan the look out.
"Dawg, a wah gwaan?" Tedo asked, sounding out of breath. "A wah you did a do?" Gio returned his question with a question.
"Did go smoke, but mi hear a bagga noise and think seh a some fuckry a gwaan. But it look like mi did wrong cause eh three a unu deh inna one piece and mi nuh see nothing a gwaan yasso."
"Oh..." Gio responded shortly.
"Can gwaan back go smoke, man. Wi good."
Tedo didn't bother replying before he made his way back out of the hospital.
It didn't take a genius to realize that he was trying to avoid staying in here for too long.
I guess he didn't want the voices in his head to feed him negativity.
I wish I could leave too or catch a break outside. It's as if I'm doing Rebel wrong.
Is that weird?
"Why didn't you tell him what the doctors said?" I asked when I saw that Tedo was finally outside.
He took a while to answer before he did, "Tedo nuh waah hear seh Rebel a mek progress. He wants the Rebel that he's used to. Why yuh think him dvn waah go inna har room more while? Cause it ago cut him up dvn further when him see him oman like dat, yzm."
I understand what he's saying, but at the same time, him trying to avoid what's going on as a way to cope. Isn't going to make matters better.
What if, in order for Rebel to come out of the coma, she needs to hear Tedo's voice?
She's going to stay in there longer than she should because Tedo doesn't want to face the fact that Rebel is in a life and death situation.
"But what he's doing isn't making the-" I tried reasoning with Gio but got cut off by him.
"Mi tell him all a wah yah go seh, Zeniyah. Just have to respect his wis-" It was now my time to interject.
"Tedo need fi man up. What he's doing isn't making things better, Giovanni. Meanwhile, we deh in here a watch Rebel fight fi har life, him out there a act like a him a fight fi him life."
"Instead of talking to me, go and talk to him." Is all Gio said to me. I looked at him dumbfounded, but he didn't seem to care. He took Prince from me and gave me a look, silently telling me to go out there and talk to him.
A N D R E
"Tedo"
I was seated on one of the benches outside the hospital. My airpods plugged in while I smoked, trying my best to drown out the world.
From my peripheral vision, I saw a female silhouette approaching me, and as the person came closer, I realized that it was Zeniyah.
Ah, bwoy...
I'm guessing Mari told her what's going on with me, and now, she's going to try to get through to me.
I acted as if I didn't see her, but when she tapped my arm, I couldn't ignore her forever.
If I tired, who it work?
Let me not...
After the little dilemma I had inside my head, I took out my airpods before turning to look at her. "Waam?"
She didn't bother beating around the bush. "Yuh love Rebel, right?"
"Isn't that obvious?" I asked, slightly offended by her question.
"No, it isn't." Her answer made me even more offended.
Cyah keep it in no longer....
"Was it you or me who last saw her in the state that she was in?"
"I understand that-" I didn't allow her to finish whatever she had to say.
"No, you dont understand. You got to hear that she tried taking her own life. I saw her. So forgive me if mi nuh waah see her to remind me of the trauma..." I started but stopped myself when I realized that I was about to cry.
After I composed myself, I resumed. "Listen, mi get weh you and Mari a try seh... but everytime mi try fi go inna di room, is like mi turn a pillar a salt. Zeniyah, it wasn't easy seeing Lynn like that. Mi deadass think mi lose har, bro and mi cyah manage fi relive dah moment all over again."
"Tedo, mi know it hard, but yuh haffi still try.... Coma ano no likkle flah flah. We have to talk to her. You're one of the most closest persons to her, and your voice might make a big difference and bring her out of it."
I started to look into what she was saying and actually listened to her.
"You're going to have to be there and fight for her. I get the feeling of emptiness you're experiencing right now. Believe me, I do. But yaffi man up and go in there nuh matter how yuh feel. She cyah a fight fi har and a fight cancer at the same ti-Shit!"
Instantly, my head turned around to meet her gaze, but she was now looking off into space.
Wah Zeniyah really just seh a while ago???
A muss me a hear wrong....
Cause a cyah cancer she just seh-
"It wasn't my story to tell, but I can't take it back.... Rebel has cancer, Tedo. Stage 1 liver cancer..."
Cut the fucking cameras, bro....
Cause a muss fuckimg prank....
This can not be real....
"I didn't want to tell you-" Zeniyah started, but I couldn't stand hearing her voice, at least, anyone's voice as a matter of fact.
Not right now.
"Can give mi some time, please?"
"Tedo..."
"Zeniyah, just allow mi fi soak all a this in."
She muttered a soft okay before she got up.
Why, God?
Just, why?
I wanted an answer as to why Rebel even thought about suicide, but this definitely wasn't the answer I thought I would get.
Cancer?....