Safe
Her heart felt like it was dropped from the sky. Nasapo niya na lang ang dibdib dahil sa takot at kaba. She felt dizzy and her vision started to blur. This is what happens when fear is taking control of her body.
"Nagkita ulit tayo, Miss!" She didn't have to turn to the guy to know that it was the same one who approached her earlier. Mabilis niya lang itong tinulak at saka kumaripas ng takbo.
The way her heartbeat accelerated is unexplainable. She dislikes this feeling the most—'yong tipo na gusto niyang masuka dahil sa kaba at nahihilo na dahil sa mga nararamdaman. It feels so surreal and scary.
She went back to one of the closed cottages, but this time, she went inside. She feels unsafe outside with all the strangers and drunkards.
Naiiyak na siya sa takot ngunit pinili niyang maging matatag. Hindi niya alam kung paano lalabas dito at hindi niya rin alam kung may masasakyan ba siyang tricycle o ano. Hindi niya rin alam kung sino ang mapagkakatiwalaan niya.
She took her phone with her shaking hands. And despite her trembling fingers, she typed a message to Primo.
But that tiny light of hope was extinguished when a red exclamation mark appeared. Walang signal.
Nasapo niya na lang ang mukha. Gusto niyang ipagsigawan ang pangalan ni Cleo ngunit natatakot na siya. Gumagabi na rin kaya dumidilim na ang paligid.
Being at a public place at a secluded area at night full of strangers who are probably drunk is one of the worst combination she could ever think.
Hindi niya na napigilan ang sarili at tinapon na ang phone dahil sa inis. Sinabunutan niya ang sarili. Hindi niya alam kung kanino siya mas naiinis. Sa sarili niya o kay Cleo. O sa sitwasyon niya.
She trusted another wrong person again. And it feels like she's back to where she used to be—that place in the past that's been haunting her.
Impit siyang napahagulgol. Gusto niyang umalis ngunit wala siyang mapupuntahan. She cold only hope that no one will use the cottage she's using as a hideout.
Mas mabuting dito siya magpapalipas ng gabi at sa umaga na lang maghanap ng paraan. Buti na lang din at nakakain na siya.
Hindi naman kalakihan ang cottage. Sakto lang para sa sampung tao. Air-conditioned din at may mga throw pillows.
Kahit kinakabahan ay pilit niyang pinakalma ang sarili. She couldn't help but feel lonely. She's used to being alone but she never felt this lonely.
The idea that even though she's lost right now yet no one's looking for her is making her feel worse. If her mother cared, she would call Miara and would get worried once she realizes that her phone cannot be reached.
If her mother cared, she would have this tiny hope knowing that someone out there is doing something to know where she is. To make sure that she's okay. That she's not in danger.
Pero wala... alam niyang malabong nag-aalala ang ina niya para sa kaniya. And what's more saddening is the fact that it should be her mother who should be most worried about her. Ina niya 'yon, eh!
If something happens to a child, who rushes to the child first? His mother! Nadapa man o natapilok o inaway man ng kaklase, ang ina talaga ng bata ang unang tutulong.
But that's not her case. So how can she hope and believe that other people truly care about her when her own mother—the one who brought her to the world—doesn't?
Napailing at napasinghal na lang si Miara dahil sa mga naiisip. She's not the sad-girl type, but there are times that she feels like one. And she thinks like one.
Miara checked the time and saw that only a few minutes had passed. May mga nagkakantahan pa rin ngunit mas madilim na ang paligid. Sigurado rin si Miara na mas nabawasan na ang mga tao sa labas. Ilang grupo na lang ang natira.
Miara tried to peek through the small opening of the cottage, hoping to see someone familiar. But she immediately shrieked when the cottage door opened.
A large yet stout guy entered. Sa isang ihip lang ng hangin ay alam na ni Miara na lasing ito. He was reeking of alcohol and smoke.
"O, ganda? Akin 'to ang cottage? Dala ka sa bayad, ano?" Nakangisi nitong sabi.
Nanghina ang mga tuhod ni Miara at napaupo na lang sa sahig. She tried reaching for something—anything—that could help her but there was none. She had nothing on her and with her. Malinis din ang cottage kaya wala siyang pwedeng gamitin.
Against all odds, she ran her hands on the floor. Ang luckily, she found something. It was her phone!
"Halika rito, ganda!" Tawag ng lalaki at napahalakhak pa. Nasa harapan niya ngayon ni Miara. "Pwede kitang dagdagan ng tip kung—"
Bago pa nito matapos ang gustong sabihin ay hinampas na ni Miara sa lalaki ang phone niya. Napa-aray ang lalaki at dahil na rin siguro sa alak ay natumba ito.
Tumakbo palabas ng cottage si Miara at nagtago sa likod ng isa pang cottage. Nasa may damuhan na siya ngunit mas may kumpiyansa siya na walang may makakakita sa kaniya rito.
Nanubig ang kaniyang mga mata at hinayaan niya na lang ang mga luha na tumulo. Parang pinipiga ang puso niya. Samu't saring emosyon ang nararamdaman niya ngunit hindi niya alam kung ano ang uunahin.
The wind blew and she shivered. Naka-shorts lang din siya kaya mas malamig. Nararamdaman niya na rin ang mga langgam sa kaniyang balat ngunit hinayaan niya na lang ang mga iyon.
She's scared to make any noise and movement. Baka may makakita sa kaniya.
So she did what she does best—to cry silently. To sob with her hand covering her mouth. And to dry her tears with the sleeve of her shirt. If crying in secret was an art, she'd be a connoisseur.
A light appeared at the side, making her still. She covered her mouth and froze on the spot. Ang mga mata niya lang ang gumagalaw.
May dalawang guard na naglalakad. May flashlights silang dalawa at buti na lang at hindi sila lumapit sa kinaroroonan ni Miara.
She wanted to run to them, to ask for help. Or to borrow a phone, at least. But she's too scared to do so. Just the thought of asking help scared her.
What if they're looking for her? What if that guy she punched with her phone reported her? What if they won't help her? What if they'll take advantage instead of helping?
Napailing na lang ulit siya sa sarili. The problem with having your trust broken is that it's harder to trust than before.
Even if you know that you might receive help from strangers, the first prevailing thought would be somewhere around not getting the help you need, or being burdened with more worry.
Mas pipiliin na lang ni Miara na magpalipas ng gabi na nakaupo sa damuhan kasama ang mga langgam kaysa sa humingi ng tulong sa mga lalaki.
A few minutes passed by and nothing significant happened. She's slowly calming down but still guarded. She took the time admiring the night sky.
Maliwanag ang buwan at walang ulap. The waves crashed to the shore and made a calming repetitive sound.
She asked for some peace and quiet and here it is. Although she would've appreciated this more if she didn't have to go through what she went through just to get here.
An hour passed and Miara still haven't left her place. Another light appeared on her side. Sigurado siyang galing na naman iyon sa mga naglilibot na mga guards kaya hindi na siya nabahala.
Just like what she did, she covered her mouth and didn't move. The light went out so Miara removed her hand from her mouth. But the moment she relaxed was also the same time she felt a hand on her shoulder.
Impit siyang napasigaw ngunit tinabunan din ang mukha. She used her phone again to hit whoever touched her. Boses lalaki ang napa-aray at pamilyar iyon kay Miara. Hindi niya na tiningnan kung sino iyon at kumaripas na lang ng takbo.
But what's different is that the guy chased her. She was calm a while ago but she's back to survival mode again. Nahabol siya ng lalaki at nahawakan sa braso. Nagpumiglas siya at napasigaw ngunit mas malakas ang tunog ng mga nagkakaraoke.
"Miara! Miara!" Her eyes widened when she heard her name. "It's me. You can trust me. It's me, Miara."
Napatingin siya sa lalaking nakahawak sa kaniyang braso at laking gulat na lang niya nang makita si Fico. Puno ng pag-aalala ang mukha nito at sabay silang napasinghal nang makita ang isa't isa.
"Fico..." Miara called weakly and hugged him. She knows that they're not that close for her to hug him but what she felt was unexplainable.
Lahat ng mga pangamba at kinakakatakutan niya ay nawala na parang bula. Parang nabunutan siya ng tinik at saka niya na lang napagtanto na mula kanina ay hindi maayos ang paghinga niya.
Her heart was still thumping hardly, but she feels better now. If she had all the money and riches in the world, she would gladly give all of them to Fico.
"You're safe, Miara... it's gonna be alright..." Fico said in a consoling voice. Dahil doon ay naiyak na lang ulit si Miara.
Hindi niya na mabilang kung ilang beses na siyang umiyak ngayong araw. But this is the first time that she cried because of relief.
"I'll inform them first... we were all so worried..." dagdag pa nito.
Miara wants to ask who's included in the "we" but she couldn't care less anymore. Ang importante sa kaniya ngayon ay makakauwi na siya. Hindi na siya mamomroblema kung paano siya makakatulog at kung may makakita man sa kaniya sa pinagtataguan niya.
"I'm sorry for hugging you... I'm just..." Miara trailed off. She wants to explain but she also can't articulate her thoughts.
It's the kind of feeling that can only be explained by actually feeling it. But never through words.
"Overwhelmed?" Fico guessed with a small yet comforting smile. "It's alright. You don't have to say anything."
Miara smiled gratefully at him and just stood silently beside him. May kinausap si Fico bago sila umalis.
"Here, call a close friend... or Ahia Primo... just dial anyone," Fico said while handing her his phone.
Nagulat si Miara dahil sa offer ng isa. Alam niya kung bakit ito nag-o-offer. Fico knows that although they're not strangers to each other, they're also not the best of friends.
And with Miara's history, it's still hard to trust those whom she spent time with. Kahit pa pinsan ito ng lalaking gusto niya.
"Hindi... okay lang..." nahihiya niyang pagtanggi.
She trusted Cleo but she ended up leaving her at the beach. But then... Fico is different from Cleo... surely, she can trust him, right?
Patuloy na nag-offer si Fico ngunit patuloy rin ang pagtanggi ni Miara. Fico eventually sighed in resignation but still placed his phone beside Miara.
"Pasensya ka na, ha?" Ani Miara sabay sulyap kay Fico.
He shook his head and glanced at her. "Don't be sorry. I really do understand where you're coming from."
"I find my trust issues irrational too—"
"It's not," he cut her off, glancing at her again while shaking his head. "My sister was like that too... it's better to be safe than sorry..."
"You have a sister?" Gulat na tanong ni Miara.
Fico glanced at her again and nodded. "Yes, but she didn't make it... and before you apologize for asking, don't. She was in an abusive relationship. Her name's Clara."
Miara bit her lips. Gusto niya ngang humingi ng paumanhin dahil nagtanong pa siya tungkol doon. It might be a sensitive topic for Fico...
"I would rather prefer that you have your guards up than... not... it's safer that way, don't you think?"
Napangiti at napatango si Miara. She's grateful for Fico. At least he's not making her feel bad for what she's feeling. Miara would feel worse if she was blamed for having traumas that she didn't want in the first place.
"Cleo is just... so sick," napasinghal si Fico at napailing. Miara saw how his grip tightened on the steering wheel. "I'm sorry this happened, Miara."
Miara smiled again when he glanced. "I don't know how to respond but... a part of me hoped that we would get along..."
Miara recalled the time they went shopping together. Cleo said some remarks that made her feel conscious, but she let it pass. She thought that it's part of her... and that she doesn't mean those things...
But now, maybe she meant all her words. Alam niya ang mga sinasabi niya at sinadya niya iyon.
"I got to have a conversation with some of your aunties... they seem nice... or is it just a facade too?" Naniniguradong tanong ni Miara.
Basing on her history, she's not the best judge of character. Ilang tao na ang pinagkatiwalaan niya na hindi naman karapat-dapat na pagkatiwalaan. Ilang tao na rin ang inakala niyang "mabait" pero kabaliktaran naman pala.
"To be frank, they only want us to be with people that they chose." Fico glanced at her again. "It's mainly because of what happened to my sister. Mas napapanatag sila if they know the people we're dating..."
Fico is usually the playful and teasing one. This is the first time she witnessed him not being his usual self. He's serious, just like Primo and Atien on their normal state.
"But they didn't choose me for Primo... so why?"
"They prefer you over Cleo... if you were Ahia's first girlfriend, they would treat you differently."
"So, I'm like the lesser of two evils..." puna ni Miara at napailing na lang sa sarili.
She's unsure if she should feel grateful about that fact but, at least, she wouldn't worry about getting accepted by his family... well, except for his mom, of course.
"Hindi naman... but I really think that you're too nice for them to dislike you... it's only with Ā Yí Inez that you'll have a hard time because of Cleo..."
Bago pa makasagot si Miara ay nagsalita ulit si Fico. Napansin din ni Miara na bumagal ang takbo ng sasakyan. And in an instant, her heart hammered inside her chest. She's panicking again.
"Sorry... sorry..." ani Fico na nanlalaki ang mga mata. Mas binilisan nito ang takbo, mas mabilis pa kaysa sa una.
Miara was snapped back to reality because of the speed. Parang naiwan ang mga kalooban niya dahil sa bilis.
"Fico..." tawag niya sa lalaki kaya bumagal ulit ang sasakyan.
"I'm sorry." He turned to her with an apologetic look. His face was easy to read. He looks guilty and worried. "I wanted to ask you something so I slowed down."
Her brows furrowed, trying to think how Fico managed to read her thoughts. If Fico said that she looked panicky and he noticed, she would believe it in an instant. Fear was never something she could conceal, after all.
But Fico knew the reason. Alam nito na ang dahilan ay ang biglaan nitong pagbagal.
It seems illogical and irrational for Miara but he doesn't seem to mind. She couldn't help but appreciate Fico even more. If she's given a chance to have a guy best friend, she would pick Fico.
"I'm sorry too... nagulat pa yata kita," napailing na lang si Miara. Hindi niya na mabilang kung ilang beses na siyang umiling sa sarili. "What did you want to ask?"
Napatikhim si Fico. His speed was steady but Miara could see that he's still contemplating.
"Why did you go with Cleo? I'm no chismoso but—ah, nevermind, I am chismoso... but the rumors and speculations..." a long silence stretched, making Fico turn to her. "You know, right?"
Miara shook her head. Fico's tone showed disbelief. Kinabahan ulit si Miara. There's obviously something going on that she's not aware of. And it has something to do with Cleo.
Fico spent the rest of the ride telling Miara about all the happenings... and how someone tried to track the one who posted the video... and how they're also trying to do the same... to make sure... because based on the speculations on Twitter, the post was traced back to Cleo.
"He and... that guy... are good friends so..." napalunok si Miara. He knows who that guy is. Alam niya kung sino ang tinutukoy ni Fico at malaki ang pasasalamat niya rito na hindi nito binanggit ang pangalan.
She would palpitate and her insides would go wild again. It's like hearing his name is a trigger to her.
"We're here, Miara..."
Nang makita si Primo na naghihintay sa labas ng gate ay mabilis na binuksan ni Miara ang pinto ng sasakyan. She was about to leave until she realized that she's still with Fico.
"I'm sorry—"
"I understand. You're welcome, Miara," he winked at her with a smile. Napatango naman si Miara at napangiti na rin.
She rushed out of the car and ran towards Primo. Hindi lang si Primo ang naghihintay sa kaniya kundi pati ang iba niyang mga pinsan. Ngunit sa lalaki lang nakatuon ang mga mata niya.
She felt relief fill her body. All the worries seemed nothing anymore. All she could care about is that she's safe... and he's here... waiting for her.
Sinalubong siya ni Primo na mabilis ding tumakbo nang makita siya. She cradled her head and kissed the top of her head.
"I'm sorry, Miara... I'm sorry—"
Miara shook her head. "I'm here now... I'm safe... that's all that matters..."