Don't JUDGE Me

By PogichoGwapoisig

1.1K 526 126

An intrapersonal dialogue communication between me and myself. Just thoughts. Own monologue conversation with... More

Don't JUDGE Me
GRADES
FEELING
KAPALMUKS
PAGIBIG
MAGAAN
BURDEN
CAPACITY
EWAN
UNEXPECTED
TANGGAP
HINGA
INCLUDED
BIRTHDAY
ENVY
BANGON
EFFORT
PLASTIK
DISAPPOINTMENT
MATAAS
TAHIMIK
WORRY
ALONELY
NANGUNGUNA
BIDABIDS
DELULU
HALAKHAK
CAMARADERIE
CHANGE
UNDERSTAND
ACCOMPLISHED
RELIABLE
RESTORE
STANDARD
KAMPANTE
CARE
BREAKDOWN
BAWI
HANGAD
KAUSAP
EXPERIENCE
CONSENT

PLEASER

24 10 0
By PogichoGwapoisig

Mood: 🙃

Kung papipiliin ka sa dalawa; need or want, anong choose mo?

Majority go for the need.

Minority go for the want.

Some ahead for both.

And some will begin to ask first kung pagdating saan?

All of them have a point and I respect that.

Yeah, it really depends upon the situation based on the given question.

Kung pagdating ba sa bagay, importansya, o hindi kaya kung anong benefit na makukuha nito.

Pero what if kung tungo sa iyo? Would you rather have the kailangan or kagustuhan?

Doon ako nalilito these past few days.

And with that, kung irereflect ko sa sarili ko, nakakapagod.

Ang hirap kase.

The idea if you either want the need or need the want like do you get it?

You can break off having the options and just have those two but that is not the case.

Kaya ka nga pinapapili kase iyon ang nakalatay lang.

Follow the instructions. As simple as that.

If I were to have when it comes to the given choices, Anong gusto ko?

I guess, yung makakatulong para sa akin.

Yung tipong not only in physically but emotionally.

Ano ba iyon? The word want.

I want to feel wanted.

I am tired of being the one needed.

Ang pakiramdam ko, need ako kase may usage ako.

Tas pagkatapos pakinabangan, wala na. I had done the role already.

Ano bang feeling na maging want?

Yung ikaw ang pinipili at hindi iyong walang magawa at ikaw lang ang pag-asa so they just hold onto you and say their purpose?

Ang bait ko naman.

Such a people pleaser.

I tend to fulfill other wishes as they please.

Siguro may part din naman ako kase mismong sinabi ko or indirect na kapag kailangan ng help, I will surely be the trusted person.

Pero kase, ang hirap na na palaging kapag may habol saka lang sila lalapit.

If I will be an ignorant, ako pa yung masama.

Ako pa ang mapapasama gawa na hindi ko naisagawa ang pakay nila.

I do not want to be the bad one.

Pero, I am so nice to the point that some take advantage.

Should I learn how to say no?

Should I lie so that they can stop?

Should I pretend that I cannot give what they offer?

Kakausapin lang kase nila ako and of course, I will entertain them as they please and after just that.

Though, hindi naman mahirap yung trabaho.

They will ask a question about something they were confused about.

Pagkatapos, I will give my response.

Easy right?

Pero hanggang doon na lang ba iyon?

Just talk them out?

Sabagay, ano ba ako sa kanila at sila sa akin?

Sana naman iparamdam nila na hindi ako parang si google na itatype lang sa search engine yung inquiries then may possible answer na makukuha.

Outside work na nga ang nagagawa pero sobra pa yung proffesionality.

Direct message.

Ipadama naman sa akin na parang tao ako.

Na I am not just a person na maging pleaser.

Please make me a human too.

Chat with me like how you chat with others.

Hindi iyong nagsend lang ng email and aabangan na lang ng update.

When will I feel to be the want?

Sometimes, I am sick of being the pleaser.

But if I erase that, it will just ruin the reputation.

Others first see me as someone who is intimidating.

And when they saw another side of me, they were wrong.

Kaya nagbreak iyon and turn out the I am pleased to be wanted.

But nung nagtagal, it became too much.

Wala naman akong kaano-ano to them, same as them to me.

Maliban sa acquaintances.

A blank mate.

Nothing more.

Ang bigat lang minsan na I will be just a thing.

Look, soon kapag may bago ulit, lalapit na mga iyan.

At ito naman si magpagbigay, go lang.

Kaya ganoon lang siguro ako kadesperado minsan na   want someone to be with me.

Bilang kaibigan or a ka-ibigan.

So that may karamay ako.

Bilang na sa daliri e.

Magkakamuscle na ata ako sa dami.

And one time, habang nagoorganize ako ng mga conversations, iyon ang puro nakikita ko.

I was treated like a chatbot rather than a chatmate.

Puro necessary intentions and no fun.

Feeling ko ang boring kong tao at one on one lang ang para sa akin.

Parang hindi ko ata kayang magkaroon ng mahabaang paguusap ah?

I can do that too you know?

I may be silent often but I can be loud.

At iyon nga iniimprove ko rin. Be the all out.

Huwag naman sanang taga-give out lang.

Kapag may hindi naintindihan, sa akin lapit.

Okay, huwag mahihiyang magtanong.

Pero may mga pagkakataon na ako na ang nahihiya sa sarili ko kesyo ganon na lang ba iyon?

Will I just stay to be the pleaser?

I am not a messenger.

I can also be what you want.

Puwede bang sa akin naman maihandog ang want na nais ko?

Nalulungkot ako sa sarili ko e.

Parang ako pa ang may mali.

And this situation feels so wrong.

Ayaw kong ginagamit gamit ako para sa gusto niyo.

Bigyan niyo ako ng atensyon, iyong nakakatuwa naman.

Nakakapang-irap e at buga ng hangin na kailangang maging robot ako with greeting then how may I help you ang lahad.

Tas after providing information and ended the conversation.

Wala akong issue sa ginagawa.

Ang point lang ay parang may kulang.

And I know hindi naman nila maalam.

They do not know how it feels.

Pag sa kliyente nga chinichika muna di ba bago transition sa kung anong pinakapakay?

What if they do that also to me?

Para naman kahit papano, I feel also to be the one.

Hindi iyong such a pleaser.

Na ang dali dali ko lang.

Pahirapan ko kaya kayo anong mangyayari?

Eh di ako rin ba lugi?

Hindi ko alam.

Ano ba pang want ko maliban sa iwasan nilang ihubog sa akin ang pagiging pleaser?

I want to be like a friend.

Tratuhin at hindi lamang isang hawak na makakausap then babye after.

I want them to be the ones who will initiate the long talk na hindi magmumukhang trying hard and I do not want to be me, who will make the moves just to please myself.

Gawin niyo namang comfortable ang atmosphere.

At hindi pang profession ang vibes.

Online or personal.

I want to remove the line that I am like this.

I can also break boundaries just so you know.

Kung wala talaga, then what should I do?

What is the best choice to be wanted?

Wanted as in magustuhan hindi iyong hinahanap para mapapunta sa kulungan.

To avoid having these thoughts about me feeling unwanted and stay to be needed.

Ang sarap siguro pakinggan na I want you because with a good reason for explanation.

And not the way na dahil maasahan sa ganito, ganyan na ang nagiging resulta ay need.

Dapat ba ako magbura nung pleaser aspect?

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