It doesn't take me long at all to remember where I am, because as soon as I wake up, I see Vic's face. His eyes are still shut and his breathing is still slow.
I feel relaxed, well rested and steady just watching him sleep. For once I don't feel vulnerable and intimidated in his presence. His eyes aren't watching me, judging me, pitying me. I don't feel like I need to put my head down in shame.
I take advantage of the moment to examine his face. He is quite handsome, especially in the morning light. I pay close attention to his full lips, his long lashes, his strong jaw.
My eyes wander down to his exposed chest. I barely have a moment to dwell on that because my gaze follows his bicep down to his fingertips which are resting gently on my hip.
The bed suddenly creeks and the mattress dips as it senses movement. I snap my eyes shut, pretending to be asleep as Vic slowly awakens.
His hand slides off my hip as I feel him stretch beside me. He lets out a tired squeak and clears his throat as he rests back down. His hand falls back on my hip. I stay as still as possible, not wanting to give myself away.
A few silent seconds pass before I feel him sit up and leave the bed. He pulls the blankets back up over my shoulder then I listen to him quietly creek around the room. A few drawers open and shut and then eventually I hear the door open and close behind him.
I crack open my eyelids and look around the empty room, making sure that I'm truly alone, before I sit up. I rub my tired eyes with my knuckle but hiss when I feel the friction against the open wound I created last night across the back of my hand.
I examine the fleshy, pink and white abrasion and the near black dried blood around it for a minute. My eyes then wander to the bandage that is peeking out beneath my sleeve. I sigh frustrated and exhausted. I try to think back to a time before I started hurting myself but I was so young when I started. It almost feels childish. Why haven't I grown out of this yet?
I take a deep breath to clear my mind, but it reminds me of yesterday. If I had jumped yesterday, I wouldn't be breathing. I wouldn't be here. Maybe I'd be at peace, my consciousness ceasing to exist, no more pain. Maybe I'd be with my mom.
I hear movement coming up the stairs and I hold my breath but the footsteps recede past the door.
"Mama!" I hear someone shout. It's a voice I've heard among the classroom. "Mama, have you seen my shoes?"
"Ay, you left them at the door. What have I told you about leaving your shoes in the walkway? Someone could trip and break their neck!" I hear a woman call back.
The sound of her voice makes me nervous. I'm such a mess. It was bad enough that Vic has seen me in this state. I don't need the rest of his family seeing me like this.
"Ah, sorry Mama." Mike calls back.
I sit on the edge of Vic's bed, subconsciously picking at my hand again, listening to the sounds of the house.
"I'm heading off, Sweetheart. Give Victor a kiss for me." I hear Vic's mom say, quieter, leaving me to believe that Mike is now with her.
"Not happening." Mike snorts, distantly.
"Have a good day, my love." She says.
"Will do. Say hi to Papa for me."
And with that I hear the front door close. I'm so focused on the interaction downstairs that the faint knock on the bedroom door startles me.
"Ah, come—come in." I stammer out.
The door opens and Vic walks in, drying his hair with a white towel.
"Good morning." he beams.
"Morning." I murmur quietly, forcing a shy smile.
"How did you sleep?" he asks softly.
"Yeah, good." I murmur.
"Okay," he says softly. "You feel well enough to go to school today?"
I just nod. It's not like I have other options.
"Good, good. You can borrow some of my clothes. I think you're a little thinner than me but I'll give you a belt." he rambles as he starts rifling through his drawers. "You like Three Days Grace, right? I've seen you wear their merch before."
I nod blushing as he holds up a Three Days Grace shirt. I still can't believe that he's noticed me.
"Cool. You can keep this shirt. I think it'll look better on you. You have a great taste in music by the way. We should go to a gig some time." Vic stammers out quickly as he pulls items of clothing out of his drawers. "I want to change your bandages then I'll let you get dressed, if that's okay."
I just give him a nod as I look down at my lap.
He swiftly leaves the room and then returns with the first aid kit he used last night. He kneels down in front of me and I roll up my sleeve for him. I look away in shame as he unwinds the bandage from my arm. He silently replaces it with a fresh one and then he gently takes my fingers in his hand.
"What happened to your hand?" He asks me softly, noticing the fresh wound.
I just shrug.
"Okay," he whispers. He gives it a quick wipe down and then he puts a plaster over it.
"You don't have anymore cuts or anything that I can tend to, do you?" he asks softly.
"No," I lie.
"Okay, I'm going to send you home with some fresh bandages. Do me a favor and make sure you change them. You don't want an infection." he murmurs.
I push down the tears that are begging to be released and just nod again. Why is he being so nice to me?
"I'll leave you to get dressed. Just come downstairs when you're ready." he smiles gently. Then he stands up and leaves the room.
I take a breath and let a tear drop. I wipe it away quickly and go over to the pile of clothes Vic picked out for me. I undress and look down at the cuts that cover my thighs. I sigh deeply and pull on Vic's jeans. I pair it with the belt and the shirt then I find the puffy jacket I was wearing yesterday and put that on. I put my shoes on, shake off my nerves and then leave Vic's room. I follow the sound of tinkering downstairs and end up in the kitchen where Vic and his brother are eating cereal.
Vic gives me a sweet smile and pulls out the chair next to him.
"Take a seat, Kell. You want some breakfast?" he chirps.
"No thank you." I murmur quietly as I sit in the seat next to him.
"You sure?" he frowns.
"Yeah, I'm not hungry." I mumble. He gives me a nod but he's still frowning.
"Hey Kellin, did you do the AP calc homework?" Mike asks me.
I shake my head, suddenly becoming frustrated with myself. Homework didn't seem like a priority yesterday. But now I'm not dead and I've got nothing to hand in.
"You can totally just copy mine. I was gonna ask if you could look over my answers later anyway. I really struggled with this topic and I know you're super smart."
"Yeah I'll take a look. Thanks." I smile shyly.
I'm surprised he didn't ask me why I'm here. He didn't even seem surprised to see me, which make me concerned that Vic has filled him in. I'm ashamed of what I did, it's bad enough that Vic knows, I don't need anyone else knowing.
I sit quietly as Vic and Mike finish their breakfast and talk amongst themselves, feeling a little out of place. But that's not too bad considering I am VERY out of place. I'm grateful for Vic, I can tell he's trying hard to make me feel comfortable in this situation.
When they both have finished their breakfast, we leave for school. Vic lets me sit shotgun and Mike sits behind him as he drives. They talk amongst themselves during the drive so I use the opportunity to check my phone for the first time this morning. I find that I have a text from my dad from a few minutes ago.
Where are you?
I take a shaky breath as I text back.
At school. Left early.
I lock my phone and stick it back in my pocket, hoping my lie is somewhat believable. I don't know if I'll get in worse trouble for not coming home last night or for lying about it. I just have to roll the dice. He is so unpredictable sometimes.
Vic pulls up into the parking lot at school.
"Thanks, bro, I gotta run. Got a test to cram for." Mike says as he practically falls out of the car before it's even stopped, leaving Vic and I alone.
Vic turns the car off and looks to me with a soft smile.
"You okay?" he asks me gently.
"Yeah, I'm okay." I murmur, blushing. "Thank you, you know, for everything."
"Don't thank me. I'm glad you're okay."
He places his hand on my knee and brushes his thumb over it for a second before he clears his throat and unclips his seatbelt.
"What class do you have now?" he chirps.
"Art and design." I tell him.
"That's a nice start to the day." he smiles. There's something about his smile. Its so comforting, so warm and bright.
"Yeah, its one of the few classes I actually like. What about you? What class do you have?" I question, making a piss-poor attempt to match his energy.
"Geography." he sighs.
"That's...less fun." I chuckle quietly.
"Couldn't agree more." he laughs.
His toothy grin causes me to blush and I put my head down, hoping that Vic doesn't see it. This guy makes me so nervous.
The bell rings for class, saving me from any potential humiliation.
"We should probably get going." he chirps, popping open his car door.
I follow him out and we walk up to school together. I can swear people are looking at us, as if they're wondering what a loser like me is doing with THE Vic Fuentes. Or maybe they're just looking at Vic. Everyone is always looking at Vic.
We enter the school building and Vic turns to me.
"I'll see you later, okay? Look after yourself." he tells me.
I thank him quietly then he rushes off down the hall. I take a breath, feeling less nervous now that he's no longer next to me. I mindlessly collect my things from my locker and wander to class, feeling overwhelmed.
I almost can't believe the last twenty-four hours were real. I haven't experienced that sort of kindness in a long time, and it gives me a little hope for the future.
Yet I can't help but to wonder if I should just go back up the rooftop and finish what I started.