Leah POV:
The tension between Lucy and me had been simmering just below the surface for days now, like a pot about to boil over.
It all stemmed from that day on the bus, when Katie had brought up my ex, Jordan, and then drilled Lucy about her past with George.
We never really talked about it afterward, and since then, something had shifted between us. I knew it was my fault—I'd been distant, pulling away whenever Lucy tried to get close. But I couldn't help it. The thought of her still holding feelings for her ex, no matter how small, gnawed at me in ways I couldn't even fully explain to myself.
As we left training that evening, the air between us was thick with unspoken words. Usually, this was the part of the day I looked forward to the most—when we'd leave the pitch together, sweaty and exhausted, and head back to one of our places to wind down. But tonight, things felt different.
"Whose place are we staying at tonight at?" I asked, trying to sound casual, though my heart was racing.
Lucy glanced at me, her expression unreadable. There was a moment of hesitation, just a beat too long, before she finally spoke. "I think... I think I want to sleep at mine tonight. Alone."
Her words hit me like a punch to the gut. My first instinct was to argue, to beg her not to do this, but something in her tone told me she wasn't in the mood for a discussion. Still, I couldn't just let it go. "Why?" I asked, my voice coming out smaller than I intended.
She sighed, running a hand through her hair. "Because, Leah... you're clearly dealing with something, but you won't talk to me about it. And I can't keep pretending everything's fine when it's not. I need you to communicate with me. Until you're ready to do that, maybe some space would be good."
I opened my mouth to respond, but the words died on my lips. What could I say? That I was scared? That I didn't know how to handle my feelings? That I was being stupidly jealous of someone who wasn't even in the picture anymore? Instead, I just nodded, feeling the weight of my own silence crushing me.
The drive to Lucy's apartment was quiet, the usual easy conversation replaced by a heavy, uncomfortable silence. When we finally pulled up to her building, Lucy turned to me, her expression softer now, almost apologetic. "I'm not trying to push you away, Leah," she said quietly. "I just... I need you to meet me halfway."
I nodded again, but this time I forced myself to speak. "I get it, Luce. I do. I just... I'm sorry."
She gave me a small, sad smile, then leaned over and kissed my cheek. "Goodnight, Leah."
"Goodnight," I whispered back, watching her get out of the car and disappear into her building. I waited until she was inside before driving off, the weight of everything crashing down on me.
As I drove home, my mind was racing, a tangled mess of emotions. Frustration, guilt, fear—they all mixed together, making it hard to think straight. By the time I got home, I felt like I was on the verge of exploding. I needed to clear my head, so I went straight to the shower, hoping the hot water would wash away some of the tension.
But it didn't. As I stood under the stream, the water scalding my skin, all I could think about was Lucy's face when she'd asked for space. The hurt in her eyes, the way her shoulders slumped as she walked away... it killed me. I hated that I'd done this to us, that I'd let my insecurities get the better of me.
After the shower, I sat on my bed, staring at my phone. I knew what I needed to do, but I was scared. Scared that if I opened up to Lucy, she might see how messed up I really was and decide I wasn't worth the trouble. But I couldn't keep running from this. If I wanted to keep Lucy in my life, I had to be honest with her.
Feeling the need to talk it out with someone before I faced Lucy, I did something I rarely did—I called my mum.
"Leah?" she answered, her voice warm and surprised. "What's up, love?"
"Mum, I think I've messed up," I blurted out before I could stop myself. The words tumbled out of me, all my fears and worries, everything I'd been holding back. My mum listened patiently, not interrupting until I was finished.
When I finally stopped, she sighed softly. "Leah, it's okay to be scared. Relationships are hard, especially when you care as much as you do. But you can't let that fear control you. If you love Lucy—and it sounds like you do—then you need to trust her. Trust that she's with you because she wants to be, not because of some comparison to her past."
"I know, I just... I don't want to lose her," I admitted, my voice cracking.
"Then don't," my mum said firmly. "Talk to her. Tell her how you're feeling. She'll understand. But you have to open up, Leah. You can't keep pushing her away."
I took a deep breath, letting her words sink in. She was right. I was being an idiot. I couldn't keep letting my insecurities get in the way of what could be something really special with Lucy.
"Thanks, Mum," I said, feeling a bit more grounded.
"Anytime, love," she replied. "Now go fix this."
After hanging up, I felt a renewed sense of determination. I wasn't going to let this fester any longer. I grabbed my keys and headed out the door, my heart pounding as I drove back to Lucy's apartment.
When I reached her building, I hesitated for a moment, nerves creeping back in. But then I thought about what my mum had said, about trusting Lucy and not letting my fears dictate my actions. I took a deep breath, grabbed the flowers I'd bought on the way over, and headed up to her door.
I knocked, and within seconds, Lucy opened the door, looking surprised to see me. "Leah? What are you doing here?"
I held out the flowers, feeling a bit awkward but determined to get this right. "I'm sorry, Luce. I've been an idiot. I've been letting my fears get in the way, and I've been pushing you away because of it. But I don't want to do that anymore."
Lucy's expression softened as she took the flowers, stepping aside to let me in. "Come in."
We sat down on her couch, and I took a deep breath, preparing to lay it all out. "When Katie brought up George the other day, it messed with my head. I know you've moved on, but hearing you talk about him... it made me realize how scared I am. Scared that I can't measure up, that you'll always have a part of you that belongs to him."
Lucy frowned, her brow furrowing in concern. "Leah, you don't have to compete with George. He's in my past for a reason. Yes, I'll always care about him in some way, but that doesn't mean I'm not completely invested in you."
"I know that, logically," I said, running a hand through my hair in frustration. "But it's hard. I want to be everything for you, and it scares me that maybe I'm not."
Lucy reached out and took my hand, her touch grounding me. "You are everything I want, Leah. But I need you to trust me. I need you to talk to me when you're feeling like this. I can't help if I don't know what's going on."
I nodded, feeling a weight lifting off my shoulders as I finally let myself be honest. "I'm sorry I didn't talk to you sooner. I guess... I've never been in a relationship where I felt like this before. I don't want to mess it up."
"You're not messing it up," Lucy said softly. "We're both figuring this out as we go. But the important thing is that we do it together."
We sat there for a while, just holding each other, the silence comfortable now that everything was out in the open. I could feel the tension that had been building between us slowly dissolving, replaced by a sense of relief and renewed connection.
After a while, Lucy spoke again. "Can I ask you something?"
"Of course," I said, looking at her.
"Why didn't you tell me about your fears sooner? I mean, we've been together for a while now. I thought we were past this kind of stuff."
I sighed, knowing she had a point. "I guess I was just scared of admitting it. Scared that if I said it out loud, it would make it real. And part of me was worried that if I talked about it, you might see it as a weakness, or think less of me."
Lucy shook her head, her expression gentle. "Leah, everyone has insecurities. But talking about them doesn't make you weak—it makes you strong. It shows that you trust me enough to be vulnerable, and that means more to me than anything."
I felt a lump in my throat as I realized how much I'd underestimated Lucy, how much I'd let my own doubts cloud what we had. "I do trust you, Luce. I'm sorry I didn't show it before."
"It's okay,"