DAYS PASSED. TORTUROUSLY. Treacherously. Silently. But it was self-inflicted silence as I locked myself in my room, barely leaving for the judgment in my grandfather's eyes that dug a deeper pit into my stomach each time he realised I hadn't done what I'd assured I would.
"It's been three days," he'd said to me yesterday. "You need to end it with River."
"I know." I swallowed hard. "I will."
"When?"
"I..." I trailed off, the words forcing themselves out of my mouth as his face grew more grim. "Tomorrow. We're meeting to oversee the final touches for the gala. I'll tell him then."
Gulzar had nodded, walking off as I sunk into my seat, pushing my face into my hands. What had I just said?
It seemed that my regret had made the time fly faster and the sun rose the next day before I could even comprehend, and I got ready to leave, a dark cloud hanging over me.
I slowly moved down the stairs, wishing I could go back in time. Back to before I'd found out the truth. Back to when I'd been falling in love with River and happy. Back to before I'd returned to Glésford, before everything had turned to shit.
My grandfather waited by the doors as I walked closer, bidding me goodbye and a look that said do it.
I merely nodded, stepping out into the vicious chill and to the car, where not even the warmth of the heat managed to warm my blood. I rubbed my arms gently, watching the tall buildings pass by, each with thousands of stories carved into them. People had walked into them over the years, leaving their traces, all with a different background and story. Some happy, some miserable, some merely existing, some broken-hearted.
In the end, after I'd left Glésford, I would also just be a story. Incomplete and dismal, for I'd leave both times with dejection a heavy pit in my stomach.
"We're here, miss," our driver announced, coming to a stop by the familiar mausoleum.
"Thanks," I mumbled, stepping out and shutting the door behind me. I offered him a slight wave, knowing he'd still be waiting when I came back. Gulzar's strict orders.
Tanya welcomed me warmly as I strolled further in, noticing River up front, discussing something with a few men as they stood by some statues. Wax, marble, wood and even mud ones. He was pointing at a few spots that would be good placement points and listened intently as the others said something.
He hadn't noticed me yet so I took the side stairs with Tanya to the first floor to ensure the tables were laid out correctly. There had to be at least a hundred, all positioned with just enough space away from each other so that it didn't seem chaotic or claustrophobic, and their intentional positioning allowed for a pretty large dance floor in the middle and a stage up front for the auction.
"Everything's perfect." I looked at Tanya after a few minutes of taking everything in. "It's..."
River walked up from behind us, coming to stand beside me as he finished, "Exactly what we'd wanted. Thank you, Tanya."
Her smile widened. "I'm glad you guys like it."
"I didn't even realise how huge this hall was," I remarked. "It's still so spacious despite all the seats."
"Trust me, I was surprised myself," she laughed. "Oh, also about the art pieces and structures that you wanted to display here. The team picked out a few, and if you could choose what you think is best, that would be really helpful."
"Of course." We nodded, following her back downstairs.
"You okay?" River asked.
"I'm fine." I sounded disinterested, but he didn't question it.
Back on the ground floor, we sorted through each piece, some for auction and some just for viewing. When either one of us picked something out, the staff nodded and made a note of it.
After having been at it for a good forty minutes and with not much left to do, I sighed and sought him out, finding him standing in front of a portrait. Hands in his pocket, spine straight and eyes trained on the art, he didn't glance my way until I stood directly beside him.
"Ready to leave?"
"Sure," I agreed. "Are you going back home? Done with work?"
"I've been done since two days ago, Ribbon," he revealed. "I'd have told you if it weren't for the radio silence again."
"About that," I hesitated, "I..."
"It's fine. You don't owe me an explanation for everything."
"Right," I muttered. "Are your parents coming tomorrow?"
"They wouldn't miss it. Appearances and all."
I internally sighed. "My family as well."
"Is everyone coming?"
I shook my head. "Just Dad, Gulzar and Soha. Everyone else is too busy planning her son's engagement party in five days to attend."
"When do they leave?"
I couldn't help but smile. It was such a River question. "Three days after."
"And the wedding?"
"In the summer. In India."
"In your family's hometown?"
"No. Rehan's fiancé is from Kerala, so it'll be happening there."
He nodded. It all meant nothing to him, after all.
"And what about us, River?"
"What about us?"
"What's going to happen to us after the summer?" I asked. "We both have completely different plans for the future. You'll be at Cambridge, I'll be wherever I get accepted and we'll both be physically and mentally far from each other. There'll be no point in us doing long distance either."
River frowned. "Why is that?"
"Because," I shrugged, "It's not like we'll be getting married or be together long-term. Each of our families won't approve of us being together, so it'll be futile anyway."
His jaw locked. "So what do you suggest?"
"It's better to put an end to things before we're both in too deep, don't you think?" I suggested softly.
"Before we're in too deep?" He laughed humourlessly. "Seriously, Ribbon?"
"The two of us won't go anywhere, River," I said resolutely. "It's like wishing a broken compass will point you in the correct direction. It will only point one way, and we'll end up in the wrong place."
"So?" He questioned. "Say it plainly for me."
"I want to break up."
My words echoed in the gap between us and there was a few torturous seconds of silence before he slowly nodded.
"I see." His words ceased and I waited, breath caught. "May I ask what brought on this sudden epiphany?"
"I'm almost eighteen. An adult. I have to think about the future, don't I?" I asked, almost pleadingly. "And when I try to look, I don't think I see you in it."
"Right."
"Say something," I urged.
"You've said enough for me, don't you think?"
I shut my eyes, breathing out deeply. "I just don't want either one of us to get hurt."
River ignored me. "What happened to your claims of not wanting to lose me?"
"I inevitably will, regardless of what I want."
"I didn't take you for a coward, Ishwarya," he said, harsh yet honest. "If there was something you wanted enough, you would fight for it. Right now, all you're giving me is pathetic excuses because you're afraid of something else. Of the truth."
"That's not—"
"I'll accept it," he cut me off. "I won't expect more, don't worry."
My eyes blurred. "River, I—"
"Do you need a lift home?"
"What?" I blinked. "No, I... No."
"I'll see you around then." He gave me a single nod in goodbye and turned around, walking away, leaving me standing there alone, perplexed and agitated. I waited for him to look back at me, even if just once, but he never did.
My knees threatened to buckle as I leaned against the wall for support, aching to let the floodgates open and allow the misery to soak my face. But I didn't allow myself the relief, instead burning from the inside out, teetering on the edge of becoming a wreck. A heartbroken, foolish one.
════════
"THIS LOOKS AMAZING," Faye marvelled, spinning around as she took in all the decor and the ornaments laid out to make the place more festive. There was a giant Christmas tree in the corner of the room, decked with a ridiculously large golden star at the top, with fairy lights strung around the branches that held white, gold, green, and blue baubles. There was also a constant stream of fake snow on the dance floor and instrumental versions of festive songs played in the background as people began to gather in the museum.
I'd arrived early to ensure everything was in place and Faye offered to join me, so her family driver had dropped us both off. None of our friends seemed to be here yet, each of them set to arrive with their families.
I tried to inconspicuously look around again, trying to see if River was here yet or not, and this time Faye caught me, smiling sadly.
"Looking for him?"
"Oh, no, no." I shook my head quickly. "Just looking around. Those statues look cool, don't they?"
She hummed a response. "They look like the ones you'd see in Greek museums."
I nodded in agreement. "Alistair would have something to say about the Brits' unoriginality."
"River would agree," she said.
I frowned, wondering how it related to him.
"What?" She shrugged. "He's the only one who's English in our group, and he wouldn't disagree."
"I guess."
She sighed at my noncommittal response. "Are we just going to avoid it then?"
"Avoid what?"
"Don't try to play dumb with me."
"It's just over, Faye. That's all it is."
"No, that's not just it, Ishwarya," she argued. "You've been upset all morning as we were getting ready and when I asked if it had anything to do with River, all you said was "we're not together anymore". What the hell does that even mean?"
"We broke up."
Faye rolled her eyes. "I got that, genius. My question is why?"
"It wasn't working anymore," I muttered.
"Why not? The two of you are completely smitten with each other and you even told me that," she lowered her voice, "you slept together. So why isn't it working?"
"I have to think about the future, Faye. It's not like we'll ever be together long-term. It was better to break things off early."
"Why can't you be with each other long-term?" Her brows knitted together. "You're not the type of person to give up something you want. Why not fight for him?"
I huffed. Now my best friend and River were mirroring each other in their speech. "It won't work no matter what I do. I can hardly go and get married to my ex-bully, now can I? And for God's sake, he even had a group of girls beat me up in secondary."
"Who? River?" She scoffed. "That wasn't him, babe. Those girls did it all on their own."
"How do you know that?"
"He told me."
"What? When?"
She gave me a look. "I thought you didn't care about him."
"Faye," I said slowly. "What did he say?"
"The day you weren't in school after the girls hit you," she started, "he came up to me and asked why you weren't in. I glared at him, saying that he knew why, and when he genuinely seemed confused, I told him. Next thing I know, he goes to the principal and lodges a complaint against those girls, having their entire family's reputation threatened. Why do you think they never looked in your direction again?"
"But you said that he only looked confused," I said. "Why not tell me this before?"
"You hated him, Ishwarya," she explained. "When you were so badly hurt, the last thing you'd have wanted to hear is me defending River."
I looked away. "Even so, he still had a sadistic mindset. He wanted to be the only one to hurt me."
"If that was what really bothered you, then you wouldn't have gone and fallen in love with him."
My head whipped to face her. "What? I'm not in love with him."
"Liar." She smiled softly. "You love him. And don't look now, but he just walked in with the other three boys."
I had to physically stop my body from spinning around. "How does he look?"
"Normal. Fine. None of the heartbreak I see on your face reflected on his."
"Hey," I exclaimed. "I look fine."
"Your face, yes. You look gorgeous. But your eyes? They look so dull, Ishu."
I sighed deeply.
"You can't avoid him the entire night," she added unhelpfully. "You'll have to sit beside him at the table."
Which was my fault entirely.
"It's fine. I just won't say anything to him."
"Sure."
"You're supposed to be on my side," I complained. "Support me. Not him."
"You're the one that went and broke his heart for no good reason. I have to be on the side of justice."
"You said he looked fine."
"Why don't you turn around and take a look for yourself?"
As if those were the words that my body was waiting to hear, I immediately turned, eyes rushing to find River in the crowd. It took me less than a second as I honed in on his figure, standing by the very statue I'd complimented earlier, talking with his friends. He did seem normal, but that wasn't what surprised me.
It was the fact that he'd chosen to wear the shirt that matched with me. I'd picked it out, so I was convinced that he would wear something else, but there he stood, wearing it with a black suit, the top few buttons undone and revealing a hint of his chest.
"You're matching," Faye noted.
I nodded. "He didn't change it."
"To be fair, doing that would show he was bothered. You didn't change your dress, so he didn't either."
I looked down at my dress, knowing the thought of changing it had never crossed my mind. A deep crimson, almost burgundy in colour, I'd fallen in love with it at first sight. The chiffon was soft to the touch, but the dress itself was daring, with a long slit up the skirt, unlined and flowing from the cinched waist. It had a corset-like top, a deep neck and back, with off-the-shoulder sleeves, like little ruffles. Perhaps a little inappropriate in the eyes of my family, but I'd listened to enough of their words for a lifetime.
"I'd still have been petty and worn something else if I were you though," she continued. "Perhaps something a little more risqué."
"I thought you were on his team."
"I would have been, but he didn't fight for you either, Ishwarya. He just let you break up with him and walked away."
That was a question that had plagued me the entire night, but the alternative had also seemed unlikely.
"What else could he do though? Beg?" I asked. "His pride would never let him do that."
"His pride is more important than you?"
"I'd have lost my respect for him if he'd begged. Why would he chase after something that doesn't want him back?"
She exhaled loudly. "You both confuse me. Do what you will, I guess. Oh, and by the way, your family just stepped in and are bee-lining towards you."
Now, that was an entrance I wasn't looking forward to.
Dad came up beside me, wrapping an arm around his shoulder. I refrained from stiffening, knowing it would confuse Faye and Soha. "Ishu-ma, this place looks terrific."
I gave him a weak smile. "Thanks. It was all the museum staff, though. We only gave a few pointers and suggestions."
"Still, it was your ideas that completely transformed this drab place," Gulzar complimented. "You want to take a look around our office one day and give ideas on how to liven it up?"
"Sure." I nodded. It had been months and I still hadn't stepped foot into my family's legacy. "Would you like anything to eat or drink? There's also a bar at the corner with some great non-alcoholic options."
"We'll have to take a look a little later. We just drank our afternoon tea," Soha said.
"Of course."
Just then, a couple of older gentlemen came up to my dad and Gulzar, striking up a conversation that sounded very business-like and equally boring.
I rolled my eyes at Faye and she giggled quietly, pulling my arm and drawing us out of the circle, further into the room and by the dance floor that was getting more attention.
I'd had a hand in the jukebox for tonight and had pitched a few Indian songs into the list — because, duh — and I smiled as an instrumental version of Maula Mere Maula started to play.
"I love this song," I announced.
"Then we have to dance," Faye returned and I quickly shook my head.
"Oh, no."
Heira strolled towards us, a flute in her hand and a dazzling smile on her lips. "Why not?"
"Because..." I made a vague gesture. "I don't really dance. It's embarrassing."
"Hardly. You're good at everything."
"You overestimate me." I shook my head, smiling. "You look so amazing, by the way. Pink was made for you."
Faye looked over her shoulder. "Is Kaiden matching with you?"
Heira's cheeks tinted with colour. "Thanks, Ishwarya, and no, Faye. He's wearing black."
"Asshole."
We laughed at her comment, but my humour instantly died down when my eyes caught River's from across the room. His friends were deep in conversation next to him, but he was hyper-focused on me, eyes tracing every line and curve of my face and body before returning to my eyes. His cheekbones were more hollow and clear-cut than usual and though I couldn't quite see his eye colour from the distance, I knew in my blood that they would be a deep sapphire. A storm, if anything.
A storm that was headed my way.
I clutched Faye's hand tightly, halting her words and making her face crease with worry. "Ishwarya?"
"He's coming over," I whispered frantically. "What do I do?"
"Who's coming?" Heira asked, looking behind her. "River?"
I nodded slightly.
"Why? Why are you worried about that?" Her mouth turned down. "Did you have another argument? Did he say something terrible?"
Oh, my darling. If only.
"I'll fill you in on everything," Faye rushed to say. "But look, there's that virgin strawberry daiquiri I wanted to try earlier and there's only a couple left. Come with me, Heira."
My jaw dropped as she grabbed her arm without looking at me, the two fleeing the scene and leaving me alone. Traitor.
River stopped at the spot that they'd just vacated, looking behind me in amusement. "Not very subtle, are they?"
"Not really, no." I wrung my hands together anxiously.
His eyes tracked the movement, mouth tilting up at the corners. "How are you?"
"As good as to be expected. How are you?"
"Bored out of my mind." River held out a hand. "Dance with me."
I sucked in a breath. "With you?"
"You don't see any others holding their hand out to dance with you, do you?
Eyes narrowed, I placed my hand in his. "Don't be a jerk."
I followed after him to the dance floor and after guiding me in front of him, he pulled me close with a swift tug of the waist. I stifled a gasp at the sudden contact.
"Then don't ask silly questions."
"It wasn't silly," I protested.
"Explain to me what it was then."
I grumbled, turning my head away. But he lifted a finger to my chin and tilted it back to face him.
"Go on."
"There's nothing to go on with." I rested my head on his shoulder, as my heels gave me an extra four inches that brought me to six foot but still left me a couple of inches shorter than him. "You know that."
We swayed lightly to the music, conversation ceasing. I inhaled the scent of him as discreetly as I could, knowing I would never get a chance to be this close to him again. He had such an intoxicating smell, natural yet emphasised by his cologne.
His fingers found their way into my hair, sifting through the wavy strands. I'd left it natural and had pulled the two sides of my hair into a braid each at the top and secured them together with a satin burgundy bow at the back. It was my usual half-up half-down, just more intricate and with glitter spray that I knew would be on River's skin once he pulled away.
"You look beautiful," he spoke, breaking the stillness a few moments later.
I lifted my head and looked at him, trying to smile. "Thank you." You outshine me any day.
He took me in again, this time more slowly. Leisurely. From the glitter on my eyelids to the gloss on my lips and the diamond studs in my ears and the pendant on my neck, stopping once there was no more for him to see, the rest of my body pressed against his.
"Stunning, in fact." His knuckles grazed my waist. "Not mine, yet you still look it."
"I do not."
"That's what we'll look like to by-passers," he disagreed. "We're wearing the same shade of colour, Ribbon. No one does that unless they're together."
"Why didn't you change?" I accused.
"Why didn't you?" He shot back.
"I chose my dress first. We only decided to coordinate because of my outfit."
"You don't own this colour, darling."
"Well, you could have worn anything else."
"I didn't want to." He shrugged. "And you didn't want to either. So stop complaining."
"I'm not complaining."
"You are."
"I'm not—" I cut myself off with a sigh. "Look, I don't want to argue. We planned this event, so instead of acting like kids, we need to look around and ensure everything stays in order."
"Of course."
I stared at him. "What are you trying to achieve, River?"
"With what?"
"With this." I gestured to us. "Why are we dancing? Talking? We broke up, so why are we doing this?"
"Let me get this straight, you're the one who wanted to break up. If you hadn't, we'd have done this anyway."
"But we have, and this isn't appropriate."
"Says who?"
"Common sense."
He rolled his eyes. "Fuck common sense. I'm not doing anything I wouldn't with anyone else, so I doubt this is inappropriate."
"You're going to dance with other women?" I found myself asking.
"Why not? We're not together, remember?"
"That's not what you want," I pointed out, confusing myself.
"Does it matter what I want?" He questioned, lips hovering close to my own. "We're doomed to not be together, as you said. You've given up on us, so I shouldn't hold hope."
"But what do you want?"
His answer was simple. "I want you."
"But why?" I beseeched. "You hate me."
And if you don't hate me, you should.
"You sound like you want me to hate you."
"Maybe I do."
He gripped my chin. "Listen to me and listen carefully, Ribbon, because I won't say this again. Nothing that has ever happened is either one of our fault. I don't know how much you know but all I know is that we are not the past. We are not the mistakes that have been made and so we're not going to take the brunt of it. We're not going to be a repeat of history, got it?"
And after a declaration that had my eyes wildly searching for his, the lights and all the noise cut out with a clear bang.
Pandemonium ensued.