I wake up to the sound of my alarm going off. I could snooze it like I did the last 3 times, but I know that's probably not the most responsible thing to do. So I turn it off, and finally drag myself out of bed and straight to my hotel bathroom. I turn the water on, and undress so I can go right in. The water on my back helps relieve all stress from the night prior.
What I can't understand is why Mason even felt it was appropriate to come speak to me in the first place. I try to understand everything from all sides, but I don't get how coming to talk to me in the heat of his emotions was the most productive thing. I assume that this was the real reason why he wasn't at rehearsal the other day. He must've gotten so caught up in his feelings, and spent the day moping around. To then finally decide he needed to talk to the problem itself.
I'm not the problem, and this isn't my fault. I didn't ask for the paparazzi to follow us, and to take that stupid picture. I want to blame Mason, but I know it's not his fault either. To be fair though, I should've known what could happen when hanging out with Mason Pierce. People will follow anywhere he goes, and he doesn't get the choice to feel normal. This is why my point stands that he's not like every other man in the world. He's an Oscar winning actor who gets followed around by total strangers, trying to get a picture of him doing everyday things.
I turn the water off, grab my towel, and wrap it around my waist. When I step out of the shower, my phone lights up and as I walk over I see it's a message from Mason. My first instinct is to grab my phone, and respond quickly. But something holds me back. After last night, I don't really owe Mason a quick response. I know it's small, but it's my personal dig to him. This does make me think of the bigger issue though. Am I gonna be able to open this show with him tonight?
I know I should, and it would be wrong of me not too. I think I can get past what happened, but I'm just gonna have to ignore Mason in all the places I can. Except the two hours I have to spend with him on stage. Shit, and there's a press event we have before opening tonight. I totally forgot about that. I take as much time to get dressed as I can, just so I could avoid the message longer. I open my phone to read what Mason had sent about 20 minutes prior.
[Mason Pierce]
Ash, I'm extremely sorry about last night. I was out of place, and should not have put my feelings out on you. I was upset, but that's no excuse. I really hope you can forgive my poor judgment and behavior. It's been eating at me all night. I feel horrible.
I want to believe Mason does feel bad, but there's this part of me that has a hard time forgiving him. That's selfish I know, but he is right. He was out of line, and his judgment was really poor. I end up not responding because I don't think I can give the proper response to him right now. Something he should've thought of doing instead of when he decided to confront his emotions head on.
I leave the hotel and go to find a breakfast place to eat before I have to head to the press event. There, they will do my hair & makeup for me. Along with an outfit that best represents me, but also gives off the vibe of my character. I pick a bagel shop that's only a 5 minute walk from the hotel, which is fine with me due to the beautiful weather today. I choose a blueberry bagel, and an iced sweet tea, then walk to Millennium Park and find a spot under a tree. I didn't realize till I started eating, it's the same spot Mason and I had sat at almost a week ago.
Right now is really the only time that I have to myself today. After this, I'll be pushed on a camera to act like everything is okay. Then pushed onto a stage, to also play pretend. Performing is my passion, I just didn't see any of this drama coming. Really I didn't see opening night playing out this way at all. I really want to be excited for tonight, and part of me still is. I can't believe that I get to perform in my home state, and on a stage that I've dreamt of being on. You can't just not be excited to live out your biggest dream.
The anxiety comes in waves, and I freak out when thinking about how I have to perform in front of a ton of other professional producers and actors. The producers have invited big names to help boost sales. Along with my fellow co-stars inviting friends, who just so happen to be big names also. Then you add that Oscar-winning Mason Pierce is there, and you have a sold-out show. Oh yeah, the show is sold out. Did I mention that? Around 2,344 people will be watching me onstage, while I pretend to be in love with Mason. Though to be fair, in the first part of the show Eric hates Tyler. So that's helpful.
I guess I should clarify, I don't hate Mason. But, I'm really hurt by Mason right now. I wish last night could've gone differently, but wishing gets you nowhere. It's not gonna change what's already happened. It's how I take what happens, and just try to grow from it. Damn my mom and her teaching me how to cope.
I realize that I can't hide at the park all day, and I have to go to the theater at some point. So I finally stand up, dust myself off from the grass and make my way to the Cadillac. Seeing my name up there still makes my stomach twist in knots, and I can feel in my bones that it will never get old. It just brings this rush of excitement in me, and in a way makes me forget about everything else.
As I make my way up to the stage door, I get bombarded by a few men and women with cameras. "Asher, what's going on with you and Mason?" One man yells, letting a bright bulb blind me for a moment..
"Did you really break Mason and Gina up?" A woman in a yellow coat yells over the man, shoving a microphone in my face. To which I shove back towards her, puzzled.
People are crowding around me, yelling so many different things. I cover my eyes from all the flashing lights, trying to push through the crowd. "When did you know you were in love with Mason?" One man basically screams.
IN LOVE?! This story broke a week ago, even if it was true, could you truly be in love with someone in a week? Before I know it, the stage door gets swung open and one of the security people gets between the paparazzi and me.
"Head inside Mr. Rowan." Our security guard Derek says. "You all need to back it up, leave the kid alone!"
I quickly make my way inside, and I'm greeted by Meg and Rob. Who look just as shaken up as I am.
"Asher we're so sorry, we heard the commotion outside and rushed down here as fast as we could.
"It's- It's fine," I say, but still startled.
"No, it's not. This is not fair to you, and we're so sorry that you're having to go through this headache. We truly hope it doesn't affect your experience of doing this show with us" Meg says.
"Yes, we don't want you to feel uncomfortable at all." Rob chimes in. "We're happy to find a solution as to how to get you into the theater safely for all future performances."
I don't really know how I feel, I think that what just happened was a lot. I've been getting used to the attention, but usually, it was only on the internet. Not in person, and being pressed by people to give answers to something that isn't true.
"No, no. This isn't anyone's fault, let's be real it's what I signed up for when working with Mason Pierce." I force a laugh, trying to move forward.
That fails though, cause that's when I noticed Mason rushed in and he heard what I said. "Good to know that's what I bring to this show." Mason nods and leaves the room.
I give a look to the team and am about to say something. But Meg chimes in and says, "It's okay, we know what you meant. Look everyone is on high tension due to tech, and it is opening. No one should take anything too personally. I bet this whole drama doesn't help, but it'll blow over in due time. We'll try to have a talk with him, but we really need you to go get ready for your press event."
I nod, and head off to my dressing room to get ready. Before I know it, I'm already sitting in front of the camera as we all wait. We're in an extra room in the theater, that's been transformed to look tv ready. There's a spot for the interviewer in front of where Mason and I are going to sit. There's a camera behind the interviewer's chair, and one angled towards the entire setting. I don't know how, but the creative team somehow convinced Mason to still come to the press event. I don't really know if it took convincing, I just didn't think he'd want to after hearing what I had said.
Mason walks into the room, sitting down in the chair placed next to me. I don't try making eye contact with him, as I fidget with my fingers. I can feel his eyes occasionally looking over to me, though. I don't know what to say, so I just wait to finish getting mic'd. The lady who will be interviewing us is from a news station, doing a news story on our show. It's not every day that a Broadway bound show about 2 male love interests does a tryout in Chicago.
"Mason, Asher! It is so nice to meet you both. I'm Kate, I can't wait to help promote this amazing story!" She says over-enthusiastically.
There's an awkward silence, but I'm quick to fill the space. "Excited to talk with you, too." And I shake her hand, as Mason follows.
"Yes, very." Mason adds, I can tell he's started to put an act on. There's this thing I notice now when it's really Mason, or just his playing the role of Oscar winner Mason Pierce.
Once we get the cameras rolling, Kate starts. "Well, let's begin. What was it like for you, Asher, to find out you were cast with Mason Pierce?"
I have to think for a sec, and I can feel Mason's eyes shoot at me. So I make a half smile towards him and look back at Kate. "It was surreal, not only to know I'd get to do this show with him, but doing a Broadway show at all. This is both our first show on Broadway and I think I can speak for both of us when I say, we couldn't be more excited."
"I will say," Mason says, "This has probably been the most difficult project I've done yet. But, the most rewarding at the same time. Asher truly has made his character his own, and the audience will fall in love with him. You would not be able to tell this was his first Broadway show. He's taught me a lot, since we've started working together"
I'm kind of shocked when Mason says this. Of course, I find it very sweet, but I don't know if he means it or if it's part of the act. Clearly, Mason is better at doing interviews than I am. Probably because he is so used to it by now, and had a lot of media training.
"That's amazing, what's something the audience should expect from the show?" Kate asks.
"Well," Mason says. "I think an important theme of this show is sometimes making a choice you don't want to, to get to a place you want to be in. I don't wanna give too much away, but it's a lesson that I think truly resonates with me."
"I'd have to agree" I add in, only because I have nothing better to say. What Mason said is true, and I wonder how much of it is actually relating back to his real life.
"Now" Kate says "We all know there has been recent rumors speculating about the both of you. I was wondering if you would like to talk about that? Or clear things up."
"Um, could we not ask that question?" Meg chimes in from behind the camera, she's been sitting in the corner watching this whole time.
"Oh of course-'' Kate starts to say, but Mason interrupts.
"No, I have no problem answering that question. Are we still rolling?" Kate nods her head. "Asher is an amazing guy, and I'm very fortunate to be sharing the stage with him. I think that we both work really hard to make sure people feel our characters truly are interested in one another. That kind of connection can't just happen without actually communicating and getting to know each other one on one outside of rehearsal. Asher and I are great friends, but that's where we stand. We're just friends."
I wasn't gonna add anything, but I didn't want Mason to be the only one who got to say something on the matter. "It's been so great getting to know Mason, and that's really helped build the bond between our two characters. But at the end of the day, we will be doing our job. Which is helping the audience believe this story and the love our characters have for one another. Because these characters are real, and we have to make that love real. I have to agree with Mason that it's been a lot of hard work, but I'm very lucky to be working with him."
I don't know if I was just adding some bullshit to the answer that Mason gave. But I didn't want to just sit there, shaking my head with a half ass smile. Mason looks like he agrees with me, and gives one of his dazzling smiles to Kate. Who I can tell is probably fangirling on the inside, as she lets out a giggle. The interview wraps up quickly, with Kate just asking for info of when the show is, and what we hope a transfer would look like if the show moved to Broadway.
"Well thank you, both of you. I hope you have an amazing opening, this should air around 10 PM tonight." Kate says, starting to stand from her chair and shaking both of our hands again.
"Wow, that's a fast turn around!" I add.
"Oh yes, I'll be going back now to quickly edit it with one of the guys at the station. Best of luck to both of you!" She says, and heads out of the room with her team.
"Awesome work you two, I'm sure people will love you both!" Rob says, with Meg standing next to him.
"We are so proud of you both, and can't wait for the world to see you tell this story." Meg says.
"Thank you" Mason says warmly "I'm excited to help tell it, and it means a lot that you've trusted me with this role."
Mason stands and hugs Meg, while giving Rob a firm handshake. After that Mason swiftly leaves the room. Rob smiles at me, and also leaves.
Meg is the only one to stay though, and she gives me a weak smile. "We talked to him, Asher. He didn't say much, but still very much is gonna do the show."
"I would hope so." I say, slumping back into my chair. "I was just still shaken up, and my sarcasm is a defense mechanism."
"Oh trust me, I know." Meg says, giving me a look. We both laugh, cause I know this is a playful dig. "Do you think your character was always as sarcastic as he is now? Once we saw how you were, we started changing the way Eric was."
"Really? I guess I never noticed."
"Oh yeah, Eric was originally just gonna be a bitch. But we felt the sarcasm is what helped him hide behind his feelings for Mas- I mean. Tyler." She gives me a side eye, smirk. I can tell she slipped up purposefully.
"You don't believe that I like Mason, too? Do you?" I groan.
"I'm not saying anything. But, I wouldn't rule anything out. Have you noticed you're the only guy Mason usually hugs?" She laughs.
"What? No he... well he..." I'm stumped. I've never thought about it, but I guess it's true. I mean he just hugged Meg, but never has hugged Rob. But hugging doesn't mean anything, and he could just feel more comfortable with me.
"Look, I'm not trying to feed into anything. I've seen actors perform after breakups, and usually you can tell something is off or not coming across as sincere. I haven't seen that at all with Mason, if anything, his acting is stronger than before."
I want to at least consider what Meg is saying. But Mason said we're just friends, to which I agreed. I think people are truly seeing more than what is there. Even if he did like me, I bet he doesn't now. Our emotions are on an all time high, and not in a good way. What's theater without a little drama though.
_____________________________________________________
The whole cast is gathered on the stage, to listen to some pre show speeches from the creatives. Just them saying how proud they are of us, and how they can't wait to share this important story with the rest of the world. Things I've continuously heard throughout the day today. We do a few vocal warm ups, and put our hands in the middle. All of this feels surreal, and it's hard to believe we're actually gonna open this show. Mason has steered away from me the entire time. I wonder how he'll feel once we're actually on stage and have to kiss...shit.
We still have not once kissed during the entire rehearsal process, and nothing's gonna stop that from happening tonight. At least, I would think nothing would. I just can't believe that it's been overlooked. I try to forget the thought as much as I can, and just move forward. At this point, places are called, and I can hear the buzz in the theater. I feel like I might shit my pants, but I force myself to get into my position. The overture plays, and the curtain rises. I start the show by sitting in my "Bedroom" While Mason's character Tyler is outside. It's to help create a different sense of space.
I feel like I completely blacked out, because without realizing it, we're already near the end of act one. I feel like my body is working on auto pilot, it all becomes a blur for me. I feel like I've done everything right. I mean my sarcastic one liners get the laughs we hope for, my solo that I do did pretty well, but I know it's a song that our composer has already stated "Needed work."
We're finally at the scene that Mason and I worked on back in New York. (A.K.A The kissing scene.) Mason says his line, "Look I'm sorry that I'm not of better use."
This is the first real moment in the show where it's just Mason and I on stage alone. I look at him after he says this, reminding myself to keep going.
"You just staying away and letting me focus is good enough, thank you." I say, rolling the dough out on the table.
"Look Eric. I don't wanna be here, but I have to help. So give me something to do."
"Well, maybe you could get lost. Cause as far as I'm concerned you just came back because you became a nobody. And you can't get over the fact that you're in a town of nobodies. Well, guess what, you are. You are now, nobody. You're not gonna live on the top forever. You know honestly, it's so sad." I start to get into it, and I think Mason can tell that some of this isn't acting anymore. "I used to have the biggest crush on you back in high school, but like all you popular kids. You just were fake, and never appreciated where you came from."
"I appreciated where I came from." he says sternly.
"Oh please, you didn't even talk about us whenever you did those stupid little interviews for your team."
"Oh so you watched my interviews huh?" Maso- I mean Tyler gives a flirtatious smile. Taking a step towards me. It catches me off guard, because it seems Mason is jumping ahead on his staging. I try not to let it slip me up, as we continue the scene. Even though I can feel his eyes staring right through me.
"Well, when it's the only thing you see on Facebook from old classma-"
Mason cuts me off too early, and by that I mean he grabs my face and Kisses me. This startles me, and not just from acting. I can hear the audience gasp and squeal. I push him away, wide eyes. I myself know this was not something for the show, this isn't how it's written. This was something real. This is where I'm grateful as hell that Eric is supposed to push Tyler and run out. Because I'm quick to make that decision subconsciously anyway.
Meg is already on stage right where I exit off of. "Asher, I-"
"I don't know what his deal is." I say, storming out to the hallway. I can hear the music start for Mason's solo.
"I understand, and I think he just forgot there was more. He's always cut off too soon. I think it was an honest mistake." Meg pleads.
"Was it? Because earlier you were saying that this was coming from a real place. And that seemed to come from a real fucking place." I feel the heat rising to my face. Meg follows me as I storm into my dressing room. I can hear Mason's voice on the speaker as he begins the closing song of act 1. It sounds a little shaky, but I don't bother to listen. I turn the intercom off fast.
"Look, I think you're overthinking it a bit." Meg says, to which I give a quick death stare. And she puts hands up in defense. "Well, okay. Maybe you're not overthinking it too much."
"Look, it's one thing to be upset with what I had said. Even upset about everything that has happened with the press. Hell, even when his relationship with Gina ended. But that is all too personal to put on me." I say. I know when kisses mean nothing, and I think that meant something to Mason. If anything, Mason is not using his best judgment.
"Look, we take these things seriously and if you don't feel comfortable going on then we can get Kendrick to take over" Meg is referring to my standby. "We can file a report, if that's what you're asking for."
I consider this for a second, but then quickly say no. It would not look good on anyone if I called out mid show, and selfishly I don't want this to affect how I'm seen professionally. As for making a report, that isn't what I want with Mason. It doesn't feel right to me. I tell Meg that maybe she's right, and ask that she doesn't speak about it to anyone for the time being. That it was just my nerves getting to me. I don't think she believes me for a second, but she gives me a hug, and leaves my dressing room. I can hear the thunder of applause, probably meaning that act one has finished.
I feel the tears filling my eyes, my heart is starting to race, and everything around me starts to feel like it's caving in. Why is this happening to me? Why does this kind of stress and drama have to happen? This is not how I saw my first professional show going, I just feel so lost. All I want to do is to blame someone, but there's no one to blame. This is just how it is. This didn't start because of Mason, it was because of the paparazzi. He didn't ask for them to take that photo, and make it into something that it was not. I can't blame him for something he had no control over, nor did he ask for. Everything was fine before this drama began. I hear a knock at my door, and I can't get out a response for whoever it is to come in. My knees are to my chest and I'm just staring at myself in the mirror blankly.
Mason opens the door slowly, peeking his head in. When he sees me he steps in completely, closes the door fast, and rushes over. Kneeling beside me, Mason says, "Ash, I'm sorry. I- I didn't mean to kiss you so soon, and I don't want-"
"Just...Stop. Please." Making Mason stop mid sentence. "I need you to be honest with me, Mason."
There's a pause, before I look numbly at him. "How long have you liked me?" I get out.
"What?"
"Mason," I collect a breath, before continuing. "everyone sees it. I've just been hiding from it, thinking it's not true." I look at him, but I can feel that my face still reads cold.
"I don't- that's not" Mason gets defensive, but is struggling to come up with an excuse.
"Mason, please." I feel my voice break, and my eyes filling again. There's pleading in my voice now.
"I..." Mason finally comes clean. "I don't know! It just happened." There's a couch against the wall of my dressing room. Mason gets up, walking over and slumping himself into it. Putting his head in his hands. "I've tried to ignore it, and I think that's just made it worse."
"You think" There's the sarcasm, I think to myself.
Mason looks up. "Asher I really am sorry, and I promise that I can keep this strictly professional."
"I bet you could, but will those feelings go away?"
"I... I don't know." he quietly says.
There's a moment of silence, before I say "Why?"
"Why what?"
"Why do you like me?"
"I..." Mason tries to suppress a smirk, but fails. "You saw me. I know that's cheesy, but you didn't treat me differently like everyone else. From the moment you ran into me, it felt like I was just Mason to you. It's like you actually wanted to get to know me, for me."
I sit next to Mason, not knowing what to say. I look at him, and he looks at me. "Why did you get upset about my comment from earlier?"
Mason sighs. "I wasn't upset with you, even. I felt bad because it felt like the whole paparazzi situation was my fault. I put it out on you, yet again. Which, like I've stated, hasn't been right from the start. I felt like you saw me for me, so when I'm reminded that you also see me as this Oscar winner. It kind of sucks, if I'm being open about my feelings. I want to be more than that to you, if that makes sense."
I nod agreeingly. "No it does, and I'm sorry for making you feel that way. It's not like that at all, it was just my bad sarcasm. It still wasn't right to say though."
"I never wanted to make any of this difficult, and I know how much opening this show means to you. Please, just let me prove to you that I can keep it professional."
"I... I want to." I stutter. "Look Mason. If all goes well, and we transfer this show to Broadway. We'll be forced to do this together for another year, at least. That means constantly being seen by one another, and you having to suppress those feelings. I care about you enough to know that isn't another headache you need. Maybe it's a sign..."
Mason furrows his eyebrows in confusion. "What do you mean?"
"I mean that once we're done with the tryout, I should just drop out of the show. Then it won't look odd, we can say you all went in a different direction." It hurts to be saying this, but I see it as the most plausible solution.
"What? No, you're not doing that." Mason spits out, turning himself to me.
"Well you can't leave, you're the name of the show! You are what sells the tickets." I feel my voice raising.
"Oh come on Ash." Mason stands, while rolling his eyes. "I am not."
"You so are Mason, and you know that. You are why people are here tonight and you can't pretend like that's not the truth." I stand in front of him, making him meet my eyes. "I don't like being like this, but I've said it before. The fact is, you are the selling point of this show."
"I-" He fumbles with his words again, but he looks down, not being able to say anything.
"No one is here for me," I say, which makes Mason shoot his head back up. "and if I left it wouldn't be that big of a de-"
Stepping forward, Mason grabs my face and kisses me. This time around, I'm not pulling away from him and I accept the kiss. His lips are warm, like when you sit right next to the fireplace. He makes sure that when he pulls away he looks me deep in the eyes.
"I'm here for you. And it would be a big deal to me if you left this show, Asher. I need you here."
I am too stunned to speak, as Mason's warm hand is holding my face. I don't have much time to think of something to say though, because that is when we hear a knock on my dressing room door. "Ash, 5 minutes til places."