Let me inside, I wanna get to know you. I don't wanna make you feel bad, but I've been trying hard not to act a fool.
~ Harry Styles
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My mind kept demanding, on and on, over and over again. It just kept going nonstop.
I pleaded with it, pointing out how terrible the weather was at the moment. I begged for it to spare me till the clouds were done raging.
It was all fruitless.
Funny how at ease I am when I finally give in to the commands, foolish too. I laugh at us both, my mind and me, and let it do as it wills.
As my feet lead me back, I feel so proud of myself.
I was being a good boy, and good boys sprint in the rain—the brutal down-pour kind.
The cold and I had merged, unlike the water streaming down my body. My drenched self was making the puddle at my feet wider each second as I kept standing there. I look up the stairs, questioning if I should proceed to climb them.
If there is a good chance of me changing my mind, it had to be now... or a second ago, because I have already made it to the entrance of the library.
I peek inside, the room is gloomy. Only the little golden lights on the walls are on, flickering.
No one was in right now. It was just a room of shelves, some scattered books on the counter and an empty bag at a table in the corner.
Could it be hers? I ask myself as I walk towards the aisle.
She had walked on to the back, at least that was what I recall when I had looked up. I had almost missed her passing by.
This heartbeat of mine is putting up a fight with the thunder that keeps rumbling outside.
Once again, my feet lead me forward, my eyes glance sideways at each bookshelf I pass.
I pass the one I had been in a while back and make my way to the last one.
What was she still doing?, that is if she is still back there.
A sigh escapes from deep within my lungs when I set my eyes on the figure snuggled down on the floor, its shoulders gently rising and falling with every breath taken and withdrawn.
Oh, this sensitive girl.
Sleeping soundly in a dark library in such gloomy weather is too reckless. I wonder, how tired could she be to fall asleep here?
I think of the possible chance of the librarian actually locking the library, unaware of a snoring sentimental being at the back. I sigh again. My continuous worry was not helping the situation, not even my disappointed head shake tried to calm my nerves. Seriously, Natalie.
She will hate me more if I scold her about it.
The storm outside was only getting worse. Waking her up would only startle her, and she will probably want to storm off the second she registers my presence.
I was going to let her continue with her peaceful sleep and, I was going to keep her company, just in case.
That is what you want, right?
My mind doesn't answer back, and I receive no objection from it either.
I can't help but sneer at its silence as I sit down next to her.
I manage to cross my legs and bridge the gap. I need my body warmth despite having wet hair and soggy clothes on. The cozy room was also a big help in reducing the chances of a possible cold later on.
At least she has a coat on.
Her cheek was glistening, her eyelashes too.
Tears!
Had she been crying some time back? Her hand beneath the cheek has a small pool of liquid, definitely tears. Her eyes are wet too.
I really hope I have no hand in being the cause for her crying. A second time would be too shaming for me.
Looking down at her, I really pity her. Anything could make her cry. If playful comments and witty jokes rile her up, I bet telling her "No" can do much more.
"Girlfriend material_," I chuckle.
...wait, what!
I stop myself; Was I just beaming up as I said that... out loud? I take a second to re-think what just happened. The more I re-wind the scene, the bigger I feel ashamed; me sitting cross legged closely watching the girl I made cry a year back who possibly fell asleep crying and yet I am finding pleasure in calling her "girlfriend material". I have a girlfriend by the way.
"What the actual HELL!!!" I don't think I am aware of how loud I am. I am so caught up in my exclamation. "Like, really? Oh my_"
Just then I recall there is someone sleeping near by. I look down and she is moving, she gets up.
I freeze. I didn't mean to wake her up. What now? She may run out to the rain. It's reduced but not yet fine to have someone walk in it.
I just watch her, and get ready for her to whisk herself away once she can see clear.
She sits up, crosses her legs and tries to blink the sleep away. Her eyes are a bit swollen when she stares at me.
She then laughs a bit as she wipes the tears on her cheeks away. She takes her time, drying her face, fixing her hair and clothes.
After, she sighs and looks at me, supporting her cheek with an arm, elbow poking her knee.
"Ethan! What are you doing here?"
I really don't mean to look astounded, but I can't help it. How is she so unpredictable?
About her question... Mind over here told me to come look for you.
I want to speak truthfully, but I don't think she will believe it.
I need a believable answer, but I have none either.
"Did you come back to look for me, maybe? she shrugs slightly. I am not saying you did, but your clothes look soaked. So, why did you walk in the rain and get back here?"
I want to point out that I ran in a storm. Why though? Why did you sprint out here? Mr. mind was now questioning me.
The nerve!
She had asked great questions; what, did and why. I also wanted the answers to these fine inquiries. I had none, mind was a traitor and my heart was pounding louder every time I searched for answers.
All I had was a blank stare. That was really all I had to offer to her.
I think she gets the message.
"Well, I will take my leave now. I really need the cold air to hit me in the face and whisk me back to the world outside." I am perplexed at this point.
With that she gets up, stretches and walks away.
I follow after a few minutes and go down the stairs. The cold breeze hits me, and I began to take in the world around me.
In this new-old world, I am almost done with high school, I am one of the best students in my class and I have a girlfriend. My heart drops.
... And in it, I will probably never see Natalie again after here. I hate that, I really do.
As I come close to the start of the aisle leading away from the building, Natalie is standing at its end, still in the shelter of the roof that expands across the aisle.
She has the bag over her shoulder and her palms rub her arms up and down.
As the wind blows her hair, she turns and catches sight of me. She looks at me for some time then looks away.
She dives into the rain and runs off.
I wonder, will I ever see her again?
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