The war had finally finished.
Caleb was sitting at a table, he should be happy and he was but his exhaustion and grief dwindled his supposed celebratory joy.
As he sat there his mind was fuzzy and blank yet it felt so loud as he stared at his hands that were on the table clasped together, like the others around him he was still covered in sweat and dirt and most likely smelled not very pleasant.
Currently him and a lot of others were waiting to go home and so far only the people considered 'important' got to go first and he wasn't one of those people sadly.
He knew most of the men around him, some better than others, but he didn't feel like talking to pass the time he wasn't sure what to even talk about with them he probably knew the answer to that but didn't feel like searching for it. He wanted to sleep but he was afraid the dead would come back to life in his dreams and among other things he knew would never go away when he came home, he hoped his new found problems wouldn't disturb his family too much, he knows they will need to calm him down from nightmares like Liam and the others had to when he woke up from worse ones, in his head he can see their worried looks when he will flinch at their touch like his body didn't trust anything to be safe.
"Hey Cal, what are you doing alone?" Caleb looked up and saw it was John Shelby.
John Shelby was the man he was closest with among the others, John started talking to him one day and something clicked instantly, since then they talked when they could and looked out for each other more closely.
John sat in front of Caleb smiling at him "didn't feel like talkin' I suppose" he chuckled "hope you don't mind me then","I don't think I could mind" they joked
"Are you excited to see your family soon?" Caleb asked, John nodded "yeah can't wait to see Aunt Polly, Ada, Finn and the kids, you should stop by once you're settled!" he said with enthusiasm and hope that he would accept, Caleb laughed "sure, I'd like to meet them","what about you? You excited to see your family?" John asked him, Caleb had told him all about his parents and his brother Anthony and Edith his sister, Caleb nodded with a smile before he frowned "Liam should be with me.." John gave a sympathetic look, John knew Liam and they were close as well so when Liam took a bullet in the eye he was struck with grief John was the one who also told Caleb of his brother's death-
"Caleb, I need to tell you something..." John couldn't look at his best friend, he just couldn't, knowing he himself wouldn't be able to keep it together when looking at his eyes "John what's wrong?" Caleb asked, his voice was soft and comforting but to John it stung him a bit, he couldn't look at him still, his mouth felt thick like it was to paralyzed to move but it did anyway
"Caleb....Liam..Liam is dead..."
When Caleb didn't say anything that's when he forced himself to look at him.
At first he didn't have a reaction just a small frown but soon it quickly turned tight, his brows furrowed and his eyes started squinting as if he was trying to stop himself from crying but tears welled up anyway his hands curled into tight fists John sees him shake his head in denial "no..no he-" it was as if finally speaking released the water in his eyes, his voice was waving from regular to high pitch.
John came closer and hugged him tightly Caleb doing the same as he shook like a leaf as he cried into John's chest.
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John was the first of his brothers to get off the train, Polly hugged him like it would be the last "hey Polly","where's your brothers?","they'll be here soon don't worry" he said before hugging Ada and Finn he then hugged his kids, while waiting for Arthur and Tommy he some how spotted Caleb amongst the crowd he smiled a bit more seeing him hug two older looking people he assumed to be his parents before doing the same thing with who he figured was Anthony and Edith, Edith didn't seem to want to let go so Caleb picked her up and seem to talk to his family while doing so.
He didn't know he was staring until Ada hit his shoulder to get his attention "ow! What?" He said looking at her confused "who you staring at?" She questioned with interest, John felt a little embarrassed but he didn't show it "a close friend of mine I made, Caleb Darling, I'm just happy to see him home","can we talk to him?" His daughter Katie asked "maybe another time, he's just got back I'm sure he's tired, wouldn't want to bother him"
Soon Arthur and Tommy came and the family hugged them tight as well, as they were about to leave Katie tugged on John's hand and pointed "the girl he's holding is waving at us" John looked and saw Edith was indeed waving with enthusiasm he saw Caleb looking at well, John smiled at them and waved back before they continued "was that his daughter dad?" One of his sons asked, John chuckled "no that's his sister Edith"
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It was clear Caleb wasn't the only one who sensed the different atmosphere, without Liam it shifted a little somehow, it should have been one of welcoming and warmth and it was but there was this clear underlying tone of grief in the Darling home.
It had been two weeks since Caleb had come home from fighting for the King and that first week felt brutal for him and his family, he'd flinch away from touches that meant comfort and a few times he'd catch the look of hurt mixed with pity, he would jump at loud or sudden sounds that his mind would translate to gun fire or bombs being set off some points his reaction would be no more than just small jumps a few times he'd hit the deck covering his head as he crouched or completely laid down on the floor, at night half the time Caleb wouldn't sleep he did that for two days but eventually he would close his eyes for what he would believe to be few seconds only for him to pass out and his family would be woken up from Caleb's nightmares a few times from him screaming and each time would hold onto who ever woke him up like it would be the last as he kept saying-
"I'm sorry...I'm sorry....I'm sorry....I'm sorry"
They aren't sure who he's apologizing to either them or what he saw.
And when asked why he was screaming he'd answer sounding out of breath-
"I had to...I had to wake up"
After 4 days of this they went to see a doctor who diagnosed him with Traumatic Neurosis aka 'Shell Shock' and he prescribed him a medication he couldn't remember the name of for his sleep, Caleb was cautious of it but decided to give it a go, it ended up getting him through the night but his dreams seemed to worsen he didn't tell his family that though, he wasn't told this but he over heard his mother talking to his father once-
"I can hear him crying in his sleep when I'm near his door...he's still having those dreams dear.." she said just above a whisper sadness evident in her voice "I hear him too sometimes..it pains me to hear him as I'm sure it does you" his father said somberly, Edith must have also over heard because Caleb heard her voice next "what do we do?" It was an innocent question from her but it still hurt to hear "just sooth him Edie, rub his back gently until he stops" his mother told her gently-
Hearing that he still was still causing them pain even when he tried to hide it made him feel guilty and it slowly ate at him taking small bites but some days it would take a bigger bite those days felt like everything was slow as molasses and hard as carrying a bag of bricks.
He tried to keep moving forward though, after the third week he got a job in working for a man named Charlie Strong in stock and preparing shipments.
One day as he was making his way to Charlie's yard he ended up being called out for by none other than John Shelby.
"Caleb!"
The man stopped in his tracks and looked in the direction of the voice only to see John walking up to him and briefly hugging him "John! How have you been?" He asked sounding genuine, "I'm doing alright, can't say I haven't missed your presence though" Caleb laughed at this before remembering he promised John he'd visit soon but hasn't been able to nor did he have that in mind "sorry I haven't gone to see you sooner, been rough the last couple of weeks..how's business going?" he said as he gave an empathetic tired smile John nodded seeming to understand what his friend meant.
"yeah been a little rough too and it's been doing alright could be better but anything could be" Caleb nodded, "where were you heading by the way?","got a job working for a guy named Charlie Strong, I do stock and prepare shipments for him with some other guys" Caleb told him, John's slightly surprised happy expression intrigued Caleb as he said "Oh! I know him, Charlie's me and my brother's uncle he does our stock" John explained, Caleb gave a surprised expression "really?","yeah, must like you though, the only ones he let handle our stuff is the men we hire to help","either that or you said some things to him" Caleb half joked.
Admittedly John was both happy and worried that Caleb took a job working for his uncle on one hand he was happy for Caleb getting work and it was work with his family making it more likely he'd be able to talk to him but on the other hand since it was work connected to him and his brothers he was afraid that he'd get mixed up in his and his brothers gang and end up getting hurt. John hadn't told Caleb of his family being the head of the Peaky Blinders, he wanted to keep it that way to keep him out of it and subconsciously he was worried what he'd think, didn't matter he went to war with him John for some reason seemed to find Caleb's opinion as important as breathing, but now since the people of Small Heath were starting to talk of them more and with him working with Charlie it would be more difficult.
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"And John what news did you want to tell us" asked Arthur, John has been sitting in the snug with his brothers wondering if he should vent his worry for Caleb but since it was Caleb it was still news, the brothers mainly knew Liam and every now and then would get curious of how the second oldest Darling and the family was doing.
"I found out yesterday that Cal is working for Charlie" he revealed "really? Didn't think the lad liked horses much *chuckles* seemed a little weary of them" said Arthur "it's not the horses...it's our shipments" now that really caught their attention "didn't think Charlie would take him" said Tommy, John and Arthur gave confused looks "wha-what do you mean?" Asked John.
"Charlie asked me if I should let Caleb Darling work for him, I guess he asked to see if I already knew anything about him, told him ' I know him personally, he's a good guy, isn't in bad with the law and a hard worker ' " he said truthfully, he saw John give a worried expression "If your worried about him being involved don't be, I let Charlie know if he asks questions relating the cargo to not answer" it didn't sooth John's worry however, he knew John a lot better than Arthur and Thomas did.
He knew Caleb was the type to be overly curious and will some how get the answer he wants either by straight up asking or ask questions that make it seem unrelated and would come to the conclusion himself.