The warm afternoon sun bathed New York City in golden light, casting long shadows across the busy street. Hanni strolled along, enjoying her brief break from the whirlwind life she'd built as an idol.
She had been here countless times before for photoshoots, concerts, and interviews, but today was different. Today, her thoughts drifted back to someone she had left behind—someone who had once been her whole world.
Back in high school, Y/N was the one person who made everything feel brighter. But she had never said anything, never confessed her feelings, just allowed herself to admire Y/N quietly.
Hanni had a dream, and so did Y/N. And when Hanni was offered the chance to train in Korea to be an idol, she had to leave.
At the time, she convinced herself it was the right thing to do. With Y/N moving to the U.S. for college, it seemed like their lives were naturally pulling them apart.
Besides, dating was forbidden for trainees and young idols, and she couldn't ask Y/N to wait for a future that wasn't guaranteed. So, they had drifted apart, and Hanni had buried herself in grueling training sessions and long nights, hoping one day she'd see Y/N again, that maybe someday, the timing would be right.
Now she was a successful idol, living her dream, but even with all the fame, her heart still held a quiet, persistent longing for Y/N.
She kept telling herself that once her contract ended, once she was free from the restrictions, she'd find Y/N again. She'd finally get to tell her all the things she'd kept hidden for so long.
As she got lost in her thoughts, she accidentally bumped into someone. "Oh, I'm so sorry," she said, her eyes lifting to meet the face of a woman, vaguely familiar.
The woman's face softened. "Oh, hello," she replied, with a glimmer of recognition.
Hanni's heart skipped a beat. "Wait... Are you Y/N's mom?"
The woman's eyes sparkled with warmth. "Yes, I am," she said, smiling gently.
A rush of memories flooded Hanni's mind. "I'm Hanni," she said softly. "I used to be Y/N's friend... back in high school."
"Oh, Hanni?," Y/N's mom murmured. "NewJeans, right? She's so proud of you, of everything you've accomplished." Her voice softened.
"She's got all your albums, every single one. She donated to every charity you supported, and she even went to your concert in Chicago last year. Definitely your biggest fan, Hanni."
Hanni felt her heart swell and ache at once. "Y/N did all that?" she whispered, hardly able to believe it.
"Yes, you know... she could never stop talking about you," Y/N's mom said with a soft smile, her eyes glimmering with pride.
Hanni felt a wave of warmth at her words, though something about the look in her eyes left Hanni with a strange sense of curiosity.
Hanni shifted slightly, her voice hopeful. "How... how is she? Is Y/N here with you?"
There was a long silence.
With a trembling breath, Y/N's mom whispered, "Hanni... she's gone." Her voice cracked, barely able to get the words out. "Y/N... she passed away last year. It was a car accident."
The words hit Hanni like a punch to the chest. The world seemed to tilt, and she struggled to stay upright, a cold numbness spreading through her body.
"No," she whispered, shaking her head as if denying the truth could somehow change it. "No, that can't be... I thought... I thought maybe one day..." She trailed off, words lost as tears began to blur her vision.
"I'm so sorry," Y/N's mom said, her own voice barely holding together. "She missed you, Hanni. Even when life took her away, even when she knew she couldn't reach out, you were always there in her thoughts. She was so proud of you. She kept track of every milestone, every song, every stage. She believed in you so much—she always knew you'd make it."
Hanni swallowed, her throat tight, her heart breaking into pieces she wasn't sure could ever come back together.
All the memories—those quiet afternoons, shared smiles, dreams they had once dared to speak out loud—flooded back in a painful rush.
Through blurred vision, Hanni finally found the strength to speak, voice quivering. "Can... can I visit her grave?"
Y/N's mom nodded softly, her eyes filled with a quiet understanding. "Come with me," she said gently, guiding Hanni toward the street.
They made their way to her car, the air heavy with a mix of unspoken memories and shared sorrow.
The drive was silent, each passing block thickening the ache in Hanni's chest as she stared out the window, watching as the bustling city gave way to quieter roads and shadowed trees.
Finally, they arrived at a small cemetery tucked away from the main streets, peaceful and almost hidden. Y/N's mom parked, and they stepped out into the stillness, the only sounds the soft rustling of leaves and their footsteps on the gravel path.
Side by side, they made their way along winding paths between rows of headstones, each marker a testament to someone's life and the loved ones they'd left behind.
After what felt like an eternity, they stopped before a simple, unassuming headstone, engraved with Y/N's name and the dates that marked her too-brief journey.
Flowers were arranged carefully around it—some fresh, with vibrant petals, while others had wilted, their colors faded but no less loved. Hanni's breath caught as she took it all in, the reality settling in her heart like an immovable weight.
Hanni knelt beside the grave, the weight of her grief finally collapsing around her. "Y/N," she whispered, her voice breaking. "I... I don't even know where to begin. I thought... I thought we'd meet again someday. I told myself to wait, that when the time was right, I'd find you and tell you everything. How much you meant to me, how much I..." She paused, the words lodging painfully in her throat. "How much I loved you."
A shaky breath escaped her, and she pressed her hand against the cold stone as if it could somehow connect her to the girl she had loved for so long, a love left unspoken and now left unfulfilled.
"Y/N, I'm sorry," she choked out, her tears falling freely. "I was so focused on my dreams, on becoming an idol, that I forgot about the one person who was always there. And now... now I can't even tell you." Her voice cracked, a raw, broken sound in the quiet. "I would have given anything to hear your voice one last time, to tell you that... that I thought about you every day."
Hanni stayed there, speaking to the silence, letting out everything she'd kept hidden.
She talked about the dreams they'd shared as kids, the future she'd imagined, and the regret that gnawed at her soul now that Y/N was gone.
Finally, with her voice reduced to a whisper, she pressed a trembling hand to her heart. "I don't know if you can hear me, but... thank you, Y/N. For loving me, for being proud of me. I hope... I hope you're happy, wherever you are."
She stayed by the grave until dusk fell, the city growing quiet around her.
Y/N's mom stood beside Hanni. She reached out, placing a comforting hand on Hanni's shoulder, a gesture that brought a flicker of warmth amidst the cold reality of the moment.
"I know this is hard," she said softly, her voice steady yet filled with empathy. "If you'd like, we can go to our house for a while. I could use some company, and I think you might find some comfort there."
Hanni nodded, grateful for the offer. As they made their way back to the car, she felt a mixture of dread and anticipation.
Once they arrived, Y/N's mom led her inside. The living room was bright and welcoming, yet Hanni felt an emptiness that hung in the air, a silence that echoed the absence of the girl she had loved.
They climbed the stairs to Y/N's bedroom, and when the door opened, it revealed a space that felt frozen in time. Everything was untouched, a sanctuary of the past.
Posters of NewJeans adorned the walls, and albums were stacked neatly on the shelves, each a testament to Y/N's unwavering support for her dreams.
"I found something while I was cleaning Y/N's room," Y/N's mom said, her voice tinged with nostalgia as she picked up a sealed envelope from the desk. "I never wanted to open it... I thought one day I could give it to you. So here you go." She handed it to Hanni, who took it with trembling fingers, the weight of it heavy with unfulfilled hopes.
As Hanni opened the envelope, she found a letter, written in Y/N's familiar handwriting. Her heart raced as she began to read:
Dear Hanni,
I'm writing this letter to let you know just how proud I am of you. You're living your dream, and I always believed in you. I think back to those late nights we spent together in high school, cramming for exams and getting lost in our conversations.
Remember that time we tried to skip class, thinking we were so clever? We ended up sneaking into the cafeteria, only to realize we had no plan and ended up getting caught. Instead of our freedom, we found ourselves stuck in detention for hours. I still laugh when I think about how we made a game out of counting the number of times Mr. Thompson sighed while trying to keep us quiet. Honestly, I think we were in detention longer than we would have been in class!
Do you still love indulging in those cheesy fries we used to share? You know, the ones we'd sneak into the movies like secret agents on a mission? I can still picture us trying to fit those gigantic plastic containers into my oversized handbag while exchanging nervous glances at the ticket counter. I hope you've discovered some new favorites to enjoy, but honestly, nothing will ever top our covert cheesy fry escapades. Just promise me you're still making time for the little joys in life, whether it's cheesy fries or just a lazy afternoon binge-watching our favorite shows. Those moments are what keep us grounded, after all!
Do you still get scared of thunder? I often think back to those stormy afternoons when we would huddle together, clutching a pile of blankets like they were our own personal fortress. I can still hear the way our laughter echoed through the room, a nervous melody rising above the booming claps of thunder outside. We would squeeze our eyes shut, convinced that our giggles could somehow drown out the noise, and I remember the way your warmth felt beside me, a comforting presence against the storm. I hope you've learned to find comfort in that sound now, embracing the wild beauty of nature rather than letting it frighten you.
Maybe you've even found joy in watching the rain dance against the window, remembering how powerful and alive it all is. Life can be like a storm sometimes, chaotic and loud, but I hope you've discovered that there's beauty in the chaos too.
God, I miss those times we shared. If I could freeze those moments, I'd stay there forever, never wanting to move forward.
Life got busy, and gradually, we drifted apart, but you've always held a special place in my heart. I often catch myself wondering if you still listen to One Direction, especially that song "Loved You First." It's a bittersweet reminder of our shared moments. I can easily picture you out there, effortlessly charming everyone around you. You're probably dating some incredible people because, of course, you're Hanni. Sometimes, I imagine myself singing that song, feeling every word echo in my chest, because I was the one who loved you first. I still vividly remember the way your eyes lit up when I aced that math test in 8th grade. It was like the world paused for a moment, and in that instant, I realized I didn't just like you—I loved you. That smile was the spark that ignited my feelings, and it still lingers with me.
I've loved you from afar for so long, but I never had the courage to say it. I wish I had found the words to tell you how much you meant to me. You always had this amazing way of making everything feel brighter, even during our hardest days. I regret not telling you that I loved you, not taking the chance when I had it. Now it feels like a dream that slipped away, and it hurts knowing because I know we were young and had dreams to pursue.
I saw you perform with your group in Chicago by the way, and in that moment, it was like no time had passed. You're still you—the way your eyes light up, the warmth in your smile, the way you move like you own every moment. Those little things are just a few of the reasons I fell in love with you. Now, the whole world has finally caught on to what I always knew.
I wish I could be there to support you in person, to cheer you on at all your concerts, and to remind you just how incredible you are. You deserve to be surrounded by people who lift you up and help you shine, because I believe in you so much.
Please take care of yourself every day... it's something I worry about constantly. I hope you're remembering to eat well, getting enough sleep, and maybe even taking your vitamins (though I know how forgetful you can be with those!).
Always remember, no matter how far apart we are, I'm rooting for you every step of the way! Even though we haven't talked in so long, I hope you remember me. I hope you carry a piece of our memories with you, just as I do. You were always my inspiration, and I know you're going to shine brighter than ever. Live fully for both of us, okay?
With all my love,
Y/N
Hanni sat on the edge of her bed, the letter trembling in her hands as she read and reread Y/N's heartfelt words. Each line resonated deeply, stirring a whirlwind of emotions she had buried under layers of busyness and the pressures of her idol life.
As she absorbed the final words of the letter, tears slipped down Hanni's cheeks, each one a testament to the weight of Y/N's absence. The promise to take care of herself felt like a lifeline thrown into a stormy sea, but it also felt like a reminder of the distance that now stretched endlessly between them. Hanni's heart twisted painfully at the thought that she could no longer share those little moments with Y/N.
With a shaky breath, Hanni clutched the letter to her chest, her heart swelling with a mix of sadness and longing. She felt as if the world had closed in around her, the vibrant colors of her life dimming in the face of this profound loss. Whispering softly into the quiet of her room, "I'll live fully for both of us, Y/N." Her voice trembled, barely breaking the silence as she struggled to hold back the sobs that threatened to escape.
But despite her efforts, tears streamed endlessly down her face. Memories flooded her mind—laughter shared, and moments that now felt painfully distant. The weight of Y/N's absence pressed heavily on her chest, and she felt as if a part of her had been irrevocably lost.
Hanni sank to the floor, still clutching the letter tightly, as if it could somehow bridge the gap between them. She longed for just one more conversation, one more chance to hear Y/N's laughter, to share in the dreams they had once woven together.
"I never got to tell you how much you meant to me, how I loved you," she whispered to the empty room, feeling the weight of her confession crash over her like a tidal wave. "I waited for you... for so long. And now, you're gone."
As Hanni's tears fell, her gaze fell upon a picture framed on her desk, capturing a moment frozen in time. It was a snapshot of her and Y/N together during their high school days, both of them grinning widely, carefree and full of hope.
Hanni picked it up, tracing the outline of their younger selves with her fingertips, a bittersweet smile tugging at her lips. The memory of that day flooded back—laughter echoing through the halls, their shared dreams spilling into late-night conversations, and the unspoken bond that had tied them together.
But now, as she stared at the image, a wave of sadness washed over her. The vibrant joy in their faces felt like a stark contrast to the emptiness she felt in her heart.
"I'm so sorry, Y/N," she whispered, her voice breaking. Hanni placed the picture back down, her chest tightening as she fought the tears that threatened to spill once more. Each glance at the photo reminded her of everything they had shared and everything that had been lost, amplifying the ache of longing in her heart.
She felt the loss more keenly than ever, but she also felt Y/N's spirit surrounding her, filling her with warmth and determination. "I'll make you proud," she vowed, her voice breaking as she wiped her tears. "I'll carry you with me, always."
Author's note:
You were warned.
I wanna know how many of you cried. Leave a comment, will ya?