Niall Horan
February 17,
To say I am on edge is a very large understatement. Last night, after Brooke and I had laid down in bed, wrapped in blankets, in silence, wrapped in each other's arms, I received a phone call. Multiple of phone calls, that is.
I ignored the first, trying to push aside everything else and focus my attention on the broken girl in my care. I had the mindset that whatever it was, they could wait.
When my phone began to ring a second time, I rejected the call without even looking. I continued to hold Brooke's body to mine, covering and cradling her fragile state, so desperately trying to shield her from the world around us. I kept trying to protect her from any other emotions crashing down onto her, when in reality, there was no preventing that.
Brooke has been stuck inside of her own mind, granting all of the emotions access to chip and eat away at her sanity. I can tell because of her eyes. They are frozen. There's nothing there. There's obviously way too much going on inside, too much for me to shield her from.
It was probably the fourth or fifth time my phone had rang, in about a five minute period, that I decided to see if it was worth answering.
The word, "mum" appeared on my screen as I looked at it. I was going to answer it when it stopped ringing. I then saw that I had five missed calls. Three from my dad, two from my mum. I see seven texts. My eyes quickly skim the screen and I catch glimpses of words like, "Please" and "urgent", also "serious".
My heart began to thud against my chest, sending a ripple of fear through my veins. I called my mum back.
I now, am reluctantly sitting on a plane, flying home. I had to make a large decision after I received the news about Greg.
My brother had been hospitalized last night. I have no further knowledge of what's going on, other than, the Doctors are saying that it's pretty serious.
Once that phone all ended, there was no way I was going to sleep. However, Brooke was sound asleep and I hadn't wanted to wake her. She was, most likely, unknowingly clinging to my body. There was a crease between her brows and her body was tense all night. I couldn't just up and leave her in the middle of the night. That, and I wouldn't have dared woken her up. I know had I done that, she would've been up the rest of the night.
I guess I had actually slept for a few hours, but had awoken at early hours to a startling sound. I felt how the bed had been empty besides myself.
I soon found Brooke throwing up in the bathroom. She quietly coughed as she gripped both sides of the toilet, her skin very pale. I made myself known before crouching beside her and sweeping her hair away from her face and neck. Both were clammy.
She continued to spit and sputter, letting quiet whimpers slip past her lips along the way. This went on for a while.
Once she had finished, she had brushed her teeth and rinsed her mouth. I had done the same after. She made it clear that she was going to shower, without words. Still, she had yet to speak. Her wordless demeanor had started scaring me.
I was about to exit, when she reached for me. She discreetly shook her head, then released me, beginning to undress herself.
She wanted me to shower with her. So I did.
Though she wouldn't admit it, even if she would speak, I seem to be her rock. She hadn't wanted to be separated. She wanted me to touch her and love her, maybe for the fear of being alone. Or maybe she feared crumbling.
And that is the reason I hadn't wanted to get on this plane today. What if she crumbles and I'm not there, as I promised I would be, to catch her? I'm scared she'd resent me.
During the shower, I helped her wash her hair and cleanse her body. I never took my touch from her. I continuously kissed her skin, both telling and showing her how much I love her.
After her body was washed, we stood there. I smoothed my hands up and down her back and even through her hair, as the hot water poured down against our skin. I repeatedly kissed her hair and temple as she clung to me. Her arms never drifted from my torso, where she held herself to me.
It was during this time that I had decided that I was going home to see my brother today. I need to find out what's going on, as much as I hate to leave Brooke in a time like this, I really do need to see my family.
I would take Brooke with me, but I know that she needs to stay here due to funeral preparations and such. I know that she will most likely be in charge of that.
After quite a bit of time in silence, I had decided to tell her that I was planning on flying out to see Greg today. I gave plenty of reason and explanation, when she locked up. Her body physically tensed when I told her that I would be leaving for a couple of days.
She eventually allowed her body to succumb to my touch. Her body melted into mine and her arms tightened around me.
When I left, that was a different story. We took roughly thirty minutes to actually kiss goodbye. The kisses were long, filled with so much broken emotion. That had been the first time she kissed me since Norma had passed.
There was so much desperation in those kisses. She clung to me, trembling, scared to let go of me.
I felt the need to promise her that I'll come back to her. So I did.
Tears actually welled in her eyes. She nodded and pulled me into a tight embrace. And so I held her, waiting until the absolute last second possible, to say goodbye.
At last, we had to kiss goodbye. She surprised me by whispering three little words. They were very quiet. But none the less, I had heard them as clear as I could have.
'I love you.' Though I wished she would've spoken more, the fact that she mustered up the strength to nearly inaudibly speak those words, made my heart flutter.
Let's just say, I was nearly late for my plane after that.
N. J. H.
. . . .
I step out of the taxi, into freezing rain, and hurry to the entrance of the Dublin Hospital. That alone, speaks for itself. Whatever is wrong with Greg, it must be something that's quite serious if he had to be transferred to Dublin.
I see my dad, whom I haven't seen in close to nine months, standing just inside the entrance.
"Niall." He greets, a tired smile on his lips.
"Hey dad." I give him a tight hug. He seems surprised, seeing that our last encounter was a rocky one at that. But after a moments hesitation, he wraps his arms around me.
When we pull away from each other, he shoots another soft, tired smile, but it surely fades as I ask my lingering question.
"What's going on with Greg?" I watch as he looks down and back up, a troubled look in his eye.
"Niall, the Doctors think they may have found.." He pauses, clearly trying to figure out how to put this nicely.
After a moment, he place his hand at the top of my back and applies slightly pressure, which guides me to start walking with him. I walk along side my dad and we begin to take the stairs.
"Now Niall. You've got to keep it together for your mother's sake. Okay?" I hesitantly nod, not particularly liking where this is headed.
"They think they've found a tumor." The second I hear these words, my body comes to a slamming stop. I watch as my dad turns to me, grabbing my shoulders, and tries speaking to me. However, I can't hear a word he's saying. The only things that I hear, are the beats in my heart. They're pulsing faster, to the point that I can feel it in my fingertips.
A tumor? As in cancer? Greg might have cancer. My brother. My best friend.
What are we going to do if he does? How would mum handle it? How would dad? How would Denise and Theo handle it? What about me? How would I? But more importantly, how would Greg?
What if it killed him? Who would take care of mum when she's lonely? What about Denise? How would she raise Theo by herself? How could Theo grow up without a dad? I can't see that. But what would I do? How would I cope?
My vision begins to become fuzzy and disoriented, scaring me in the process. I can feel multiple pair of hands reach for me, but I can't seem to focus. Black spots begin to blur my path of sight, making me shake my head to try to rid myself of them. When I can't fight it off, I squeeze my eyes shut, in attempt to calm myself.
Calm down Niall. Think of your happy place. What makes you happy?
Immediately, Brooke's face appears in front of me. And then her body. And then mine.
And music. There's a faint, familiar tune playing. And it hits me.
The song that's playing is Home, by Michael Buble and this is the time that Brooke and I danced at our first date. I had to cook for her because I lost the bet when she kicked my ass at bowling.
Her body is pressed to mine and I'm holding her as tight as I possibly can, occasionally brushing my lips along her cheek.
I can feel her fingers move against mine and against my arm.
I can feel how in love we already were with each other and I'm pretty sure we were just too scared to admit it, but we were.
I can feel it.
Quickly, sound comes crashing back down to me as I here loads of commotion and frantic voices.
"Do we have a read on blood pressure?" I blink and feel something stick me in the arm. I'm on a stretcher.
"How about that ivy?" I move my head to the side as the feeling of nausea hits me. There must be at least five people surrounding me.
"Doc, he's coming back." I roll my head back, facing the ceiling once more and watch as light after light flashes by, until we enter a room. Finally, the moving stops, but then a Doctor comes into my line of vision.
"Niall? How are you feeling? Can you hear me?" I nod and blink a couple of more times.
"Blood pressure is one eleven over seventy eight." The doctor nods and begins asking me a series of questions.
"Is there any pain, anywhere? Your father caught you before you could hit the ground, so luckily you didn't hit anything major." I shake my head.
"Can you see alright? Please read this chart off to me. From the top, until the fourth line from the bottom." I follow the direction of his finger, finding the lettered chart that you'd typically use for a sight test.
"C, P, F, D, S, Q, D.
O, C, J, G, P, E.
D, S, N, C, T, K, R, and F." He nods and I turn my head back to face him.
"I can't get a vein, Doctor Connor." He waves the voice off, saying that I am in no need of an ivy. I begin to sit up and I see my mum and dad standing.
Mum looks tired. She also looks as if she's been crying a lot.
"Well, how are you feeling?" I nod and grab my arm where I had been poked a few times.
"I'm good." My voice sounds tired and scratchy.
"What were you feeling before you passed out? What happened?" I blink a few times and look down for a moment.
"I, uh we.." I point to my dad.
"We were walking and talking about my brother. He's here. I just flew in from London and-"
"I am aware of your brother, Greg. He's my patient." I stare at the doctor for a moment, then nod.
"How is he? Did you find anything? Is he-"
"Niall, calm down. Mr. Horan, Miss Horan, I am afraid that it was just all too much for him to handle at the moment. Niall, have you been under a lot of stress lately?" I give a small nod.
"See, I think it was a little too much for the moment. You're okay. You'll be okay. You may want to take it easy though, alright? If you begin feeling stressed and overloaded, just take a moment to sit and catch a breath. Sound good?" Again, I nod.
"Alright. I need to do my rounds, but you're welcome to rest here for as long as you need. I'll have Mel," he points to a petite blonde behind him. "check up on you every now and then. Okay?" I nod and thank him.
Once he and Mel exit, mum walks to me. She leans in, giving me a weak hug, yet it seems to be a desperate one. A desperate one, seemingly reminding me of Brooke. I wonder how she is.
"Hi mum." She sniffles and I hug her back.
"How are you baby?" I nod, swallowing harshly.
"I'm alright, mum. What about you? How are you doing?" We pull from each other and she sits on the edge of my bed, grabbing my hand.
"Well, I could be worse." She gives a soft smile and I squeeze her hand.
"How is he?" I watch as she bites her lip and looks away.
"Mum, talk to me." I quietly plea. She shakes her head and sniffs, and my dad takes a step towards us. He places his hand on her shoulder and she leans into him.
The sight before me draws confusion to my mind. Last I remember, they had been at odds with one another. They tried being together again, a couple of years ago, but things ended roughly when he began to drink.
Now, that I see my mother leaning onto him at a weakened state, I'm baffled.
My parents must take notice, because they awkwardly part, and give each other a subtle look. Mum slowly stands and ticks her head, and my dad nods.
"I'm going to go see Greg. You're welcome to whenever you feel up to it, Niall." I shake my head and hug her back, when she leans in. She pulls back an kisses my cheek, then begins walking out.
"What was that?" I know it's blunt, but I'm actually slightly annoyed. He sighs and takes a seat where mum had been.
"Well, your mother and I have been conversing a lot lately. We've also seen each other quite a few times. We can't exactly deny the feelings that we still have for one another. I cert-"
"Do you still drink?"
"No. No I don't. I figured that I should put it down, the last time she left me." I nod and look down at my hands.
"Greg is alright with it. Though, you two must be very similar. You both asked the same question." He chuckles, but I do not even crack a smile.
"Are you alright with it?" I can feel his eyes on me, which is proven true when I look up and am greeted by a pair of crystal eyes that reflect my own.
"Are you going to start doing stupid shit again?" I allow my eyes to switch back and forth between his two.
"No."
"Good. Now if you don't mind, I'd like to see my brother now." He nods and mumbles a quiet, "of course."
. . . .
When I walk into the room, I'm greeted by a sight that I hadn't expected to see. Greg is laying there with pale skin, extremely thin body, and protruding bones. The sight is sickening.
I look around the room and spot my mother beside Greg, but I see a figure moving in the bathroom. I hear a faint child cry and suspect that Denise and Theo are there.
My attention turns back to my brother, a concerning feeling, digging into the pit of my stomach. I make quiet, careful strides over to the bed before leaning down and pressing a kiss to his forehead. I hear mum sniffle and I also press a kiss to her temple as I do so.
My dad pulls a chair up to the bed, willing me to sit beside my mum. She takes my hand in her free hand, the other holding Greg's. I can feel her thumb gently stroking against the back of mine.
"The doctors are unsure still. They say that it may take a couple of days to figure out, what exactly is going on." Her words are soft and quiet.
"Do you think he's going to be okay?" I ask, partially holding my breath. She blows out a breath and squeezes my hand.
"I hope so baby. Oh I sure hope so." I look up just as Denise walks out of the bathroom with Theo on her hip. Her features are tired and stressed and her over all appearance is fatigue and exhausted looking.
Theo's face lights up the moment he sees me, which brings a smile to my face. I sit up and wave him over, causing him to squeal in excitement. Denise quickly scolds him, making him coward down a bit, but he begins to squirm in her grasp until she puts him on his feet. He then comes running for me.
I accept the little boy with wide open arms, scooping him up and kissing his face over and over. I even blow a few small, quiet raspberries against his soft skin, causing him to squeal again. I immediately shush him, informing him that his daddy is sleeping.
"I love you, untle Niall." Theo whispers into my ear in his young, natural child voice.
"And I love you. Very, very much. Know that?" He pauses to "think" for a moment, but bursts into a fit of quiet giggles, hiding his face in my shoulder.
"I know you do." He mumbles against me. I squeeze his body to mine and hold him. My hand soon begins rubbing his back and I feel his body relax. He turns his head, now laying it on my shoulder, facing his momma.
"Hey Denise. How are you doing?" She bends down, wrapping an arm around both, Theo and I for a moment. I allow one of my hands to rub up and down her back, quickly. She pulls away, smiling at Theo and I.
"Well, I've seen brighter days." She looks down then back up at her husband. I nod, lightly chewing on my lip as I too, watch Greg.
"Alright. Denise, Niall? Bobby and I are going to run to the hotel room, just to get out for a moment. Do either of you need or want anything?" My mother offers as she stands from her seat and my dad helps her out her coat on.
I shake my head and tuck my head towards the now empty chair, telling Denise to have a seat.
"Oh, would you mind grabbing Theo's blanket? It should be sitting on the couch. He just wouldn't sleep without it last night, but we had all just arrived here and I left it."
"Well he seems to be sleeping perfectly fine now." My dad points out and all of us look at Theo, whom is indeed, fast asleep in my arms.
"I'll grab it dear." Mum replies and leans in, kissing Denise's forehead, then mine, before exiting. We both tell them to be careful, due to freezing roads and such.
Once they exit, Denise and I look at each other with the same look. We both burst out in quiet laughter.
"I know what you're thinking, Niall. And yes, it has been quite odd lately, but I think they make each other very happy. Yeah?" I slowly nod, a ghost of a smile evident on my lips.
"Yeah. Especially during a time like this. I'm glad that she has someone to lean onto." Denise nods and smooths Theo's hair over, out of his eyes. I immediately pick up on her distraught state.
"How are you doing? Be honest." She inhales and bites her lip. A hand absentmindedly slips through her hair.
"Um, well, truth be told, I don't know. I guess, I'm just trying to hold on to all hope that he's okay. Know what I mean?" I too, take in my bottom lip and nod.
"And um, I have faith that he'll be alright. I suppose that's because, if he isn't, well I have nothing else to hang on to." Her eyes begin to water and she looks away, shaking her head.
"That's incorrect, Denise." She looks up, clearly baffled.
"But Ni-"
"No. Do you see this baby?" I watch as her eyes move to her sleeping son and her bottom lip begins to quiver.
"This. This is what you will have to hold onto. This precious child. Your son. Yours and Greg's son. Your baby boy." By now, she let's out a quiet sob.
"Denise, should Greg not make it, this is your reason to hang on. This will be the part of Greg that you hang on to forever. Am I clear?" Tears brim my eyes as hers are locked on her child. She sobs yet again. I switch Theo in my arms, so that I can bring Denise in for a hug. She clings to me desperately as she sobs.
"I am so so sorry." She gently chokes. I rub her back with my free hand, whispering and lulling in her ear that it's all going to be okay. I allow her to cry into me for as long as she needs to. I also, eventually place Theo next to Greg, and his arm subconsciously, wraps around his sleeping son.
I then turn my attention to Denise, and take her in two arms, rather than just one, where she continues to sob and cry. Though I don't cry, in attempt to stay strong for Denise and my family, my heart deeply aches.
. . . .
I've now been here for two days. Today is the eighteenth of February and I still haven't heard from Brooke. I've called and texted countless times, but nothing.
I stand outside as I press my phone to my ear, attempting to contact Brooke yet again.
The phone rings multiple of times, before going to a voice mailbox that has yet to be set up. I cringe and sigh, feeling an even more pained ache, dig into my heart.
I pull the phone from my ear and decide to call Liam. He answers on the first ring.
"Niall, how's Greg? How're you?" I chew on my bottom lip and take a seat on a bench in a covered space, attempting to block some of the bitter wind.
"I am alright. And Greg? Well, we don't have much information on him yet."
"Please be honest. Are you really alright? You know I'm always here." A small smile tugs at my lips. I'm so thankful for him.
"I know. Thank you, but yeah. I'm doing alright, Liam. I'm really concerned about Brooke. Is um, is Arralyne around?" There's hushed whispers followed by some shuffling around.
"Yeah. She's right here."
"Can I speak with her?" He replies with a quiet yes and then there's more shuffling.
"Hello?"
"Uh, hey Arralyne." She softly sighs.
"Hey Niall. How's your brother?" I close my eyes for a moment then nod.
"So far, we don't know much, but I'll be sure to let you guys know as soon as I find out." She breathes a quiet, 'okay', before growing quiet again.
"Arralyne how is she?" The line is quiet for a moment, before she speaks.
"Honestly, I'm not so sure. She went down to the court house today, I'm guessing to start handling some legal things. Uh, Andrew went with her, then brought her back home. He said she didn't say a word, only used small nods and such as communication. And that was only with the attorney. He said that with him, when they were alone, she just wasn't there.
"When they arrived at home, Liam and I were sitting at the dining table and she walked right past us, only to come out moments later with Jensen on a leash. I tried offering her supper and she just stared at me then walked out of the flat.
"Dad stayed and talked to Liam and I for about twenty minutes and still, she hadn't returned." My heart is literally clenching and pounding all at once, feeling a lot of pain for Brooke. It breaks my heart that I'm not there to hold her and love her. It literally breaks my heart.
"But she came back about another twenty minutes later, still the same facial expression. Dull, lifeless, exhausted, empty.
"She went to her room without another word. And you know, that dog of hers is something else. I had tried to follow her, to at least talk to her, but Jensen actually growled at me. I knew he was protective, but I suppose I was unclear of how protective he is. The damn thing wouldn't let me near her." I sit in shock that an animal possesses that sort of knowledge to understand and feel what their owner is going through. It's very intriguing.
"But I did get a chance to go in and sit with her for a moment. She was just laying there, clutching this bear. I think it was the one that you got her for valentines.
"I tried to talk to her, but she only stared at me. I told her that I love her and that you love her. She actually partially responded when I said your name. Well, her body did. Her fingers slightly curled against the bear and blankets, and her slightly glossed. But she quickly blinked it away. I'm pretty sure she misses you, Niall. No, I know she does." I blink a couple of times as a couple of warm tears, surface.
"I feel awful for leaving her, but my brother.." I sigh and she replies with a soft, 'I know, it's okay.'
"Niall?" I feel a soft tap on the shoulder and see Denise with a cup of cocoa. I gently thank her and she informs me that the doctors have results and that they're ready to talk. I thank her and tell her that I will be there in just a moment.
Once she goes back inside, I continue with Arralyne.
"Well I'm going to have to go, but before I do, please bring the phone to Brooke. She hadn't answered my calls." Arralyne tells me to hold on and I hear her walking and talking. I take a sip of cocoa, immediately feeling the warmth surge through my body.
"Brooke, I have Niall on the phone. He wants to talk to you for a moment." Arralyne's voice is soft and cautious.
"You can go ahead Niall." I take in a breath and release before speaking.
"Brooke, hey baby." My voice is soft, nearly a whisper.
"Hang in there, love, okay? Everything is going to be okay. No matter what is going through your head right now, I want you to know that you are not alone. I am so sorry that I left, but I will return very soon. You have me, okay?" There's nothing but silence on that end.
"I love you, Brooke." Again, silence.
"Alright, I need to go. Thank you Arralyne." She hums in response and asks me to keep them updated, in which I ask for the same.
I push myself up and decide to head inside, hoping that the answers that we receive today are those of good news. If not, I pray for the sanity of everyone around me, including my own.
AN: You know, my heart kind of hurts right now.
I didn't sign up for this and I'm the one writing.
#Thetearsarereal
Don't forget to vote, my loves.x
-H