He exhaled, blowing smoke from his lips. Leaning back against the building of the nightclub, just next to the back door, he was patient to wait for her. He ran a hand through his hair tiredly. The moon was lit high but it was the fidgeting light above the door that caused him to see. In the club, he could hear woven chatters and loud music. It was a usual Friday night. The night that hundreds of people would gather just to see the club singer bless them with her sweet voice. And he was lucky to have loved that club singer. She was only famously known by the people in the club but he knew she'd be a star someday.
A car pulled up against the curb, catching his attention. The back door opened and she sweetly stepped out. It was odd seeing her come from the back of the car when her mother usually drove her to her gigs and she sat in the passenger seat, but he ignored that now. Her presence was overwhelming. "Mar." he smiled as she slowly approached him. "Hello, James." a weak grin was forced upon her face. He pulled her in for a hug and held her close. It only made her feel more guilty. She slowly pulled away from him with a sadness in her eyes. He placed his hand softly on her cheek. "What's the matter?" he asked softly, "You don't have stage fright again, do you?" She shook her head. Just then, a man stepped out from the back of the car. He was tall with slick brown hair and glasses to help him see. He was obviously older than they were and he looked very professional in his dark blue suit. The man - leaning against the car skeptically - had taken off his glasses, unable to clearly see Jimmy's face as he cleaned them off on a cloth that sat in his chest pocket. "Who's that?" Jimmy asked. Marilyn pulled Jimmy's hand from her cheek. "That's Arthur Miller," Marilyn explained, "I've been seeing him for a few days now. He says he can make me a star." Jimmy's eyes lit up in disbelief. "A star?! That's amazing!" Jimmy laughed in awe. Marilyn nodded, barely smiling. "He offered me a movie role and I'm going to take it." she continued on. Jimmy pulled her in for another tight hug. "I knew you'd be a star!" he exclaimed. But as he pulled out of the hug to kiss her, she turned away. Confusion hit him and he furrowed his brows together. "What's the matter?" he inquired. Marilyn looked down at her white shoes. "Jimmy, I -" She looked back up into his eyes, now truly seeing his confusion. "I'll be leaving with Mr. Miller tonight to film the movie and when I come back... I'll be continuing to stay with Mr. Miller." Jimmy felt even more confused. He shook his head unable to comprehend what this meant. Yet, anger and hurt ran through him so swiftly. "What do you mean?" he asked with hopes that what he felt wasn't as it were to be. Marilyn shrugged and then spoke, "Mr. Miller can give me a life of everything I'd ever dreamed of Jimmy... I can't risk losing that..." Jimmy felt a hit in his heart and Marilyn, unsurprisingly, felt one in hers. She didn't want to leave James Dean this way, nor did she want to leave him at all. But she was hungry for stardom. It was all she'd ever want.
"This is a joke." Jimmy stated, shaking his head. "It's over, Jimmy." was all Marilyn replied with. "Marilyn," Arthur called from the car, he'd just then shoved his glasses back onto his face, "I think it's time to get going. We've got a flight in the morning." Arthur got back into the car, again, not paying much attention to Jimmy. Marilyn turned to the man who would later on be her husband and nodded. Turning back to Jimmy, Marilyn couldn't help the tears that formed in her eyes. "You can't do this," Jimmy pleaded, "This has got to be some kind of joke. Mar... Don't." Marilyn held her head up and her tears in. "I've got to go," she told him, "I wish you all the best, James Dean." Jimmy's eyes begged her not to go. Pain settled in his face that she could no longer bare to look at. Marilyn turned from him, and just in that moment - from both of their eyes - tears fell silently at the same time. Though Marilyn was the one walking away, they both held the same heartache. And just like that, Marilyn was gone .....
Marilyn blinked out of the memory that she'd tried to forget so long ago. It had seemed that that was all she could think about all moment. The moment she had walked away from everything simple and sweet in her life. She was no longer deep in thought and could now hear the banging her door that stood behind her. She curled up into a ball on her bed and continued to stare at the white curtains covering her window that darkened the room. "Marilyn," Arthur's voice forced from behind the door, "Marilyn! Open this door!"
"Go away!" she shouted back. "Marilyn, please!" Arthur continued, "You've got to get up!" Just then another voice slipped through the cracks. "Marilyn, sweetheart?" the voice said caringly, "It's Gladys. What's the matter, dear? Why won't you come to work? We've got a lot of filming to do." Marilyn rolled her eyes and sat up to face the door. "Arthur's a liar and I'm not coming out!" the actress belted, "He promised me that I wouldn't have to do anything I didn't want to and already he's trying to make me work!" There was a slight pause that made Marilyn think the two had finally given up. However, Gladys spoke again. "Unlock the door and we'll talk about it." she said. Marilyn groaned, "Don't you get it? I just want to be alone!" And on the other side of the door, Arthur was pacing around, nervous and irritated. Gladys turned to him and sighed. "I swear she does things like this on purpose," he grumbled, "Every time there's something important that needs to be done, she has a mental breakdown and I am sick of it!" Gladys shook her head slightly, "She's just a little mixed up that's all." Arthur quit pacing and put his hands on his hips. "Well she needs to figure herself out before I blow a fuse! I can't take this anymore!" Gladys turned back to the door and knocked once more. "Marilyn, please just come out, will you? We just want to talk." Marilyn tried to ignore them as they called for her, but she knew she'd get no peace if she didn't at least try to compromise. Marilyn slowly pulled herself off of the bed and tiptoed to the door. "Marilyn?" Gladys called again. Marilyn stood close to the door, pressing her ear against it. She could hear Arthur's bitter grumbling and Gladys' worried sighs. "Fine," Marilyn spoke through the door, "I'll come out and talk." Everything went quiet. Marilyn unlocked the door, slowly, and pulled it open. There she stood in only a short, cheeky nightgown, no makeup, and messy hair. "You need to get dressed." Arthur quickly ordered. "There he goes forcing me to do things again!" Marilyn tattled to Gladys. "Darling, you've got a movie to do," Gladys said, "He just wants to get it done." Marilyn grew angry. "Well what about me?!" she cried. "Oh, here we go." Arthur mocked. "I'm tired!" Marilyn rambled, "I work all the time! I just want one day, Arthur! One day! To do absolutely nothing and just lay here and relax! I just want us to be able to be alone and live together without talking about work! There's more to life than making your wife dance around like a puppet!"
"You think you're a puppet?!" Arthur shouted, "I wish you were! You're the exact opposite! You don't even act like a real wife! You rebel all the time, you never clean or make dinner, and you cry about everything! If you think you're a puppet at least act like one, dammit!" Marilyn slammed the door as she screamed, "I hate you! I hate the stupid movie! I hate this house!" Sounds of things crashing and being shattered could be heard as Marilyn went on, crying. Arthur pulled his glasses from his eyes and ran a hand down his face. "Dammit, Marilyn!" He shoved his glasses back on and ran his fist into the door, shocking poor Gladys. Quickly, he raced off with the need to get away from Marilyn.
Marilyn locked the door and opened the doors to her closet. Closing the closet doors behind her, she sat on the floor against a shoe shelf and let out a weep of tears. She wasn't sure why she was so broken and unhappy. It was too much pain. It had seemed that every day since she'd left Jimmy standing alone, she's just grown more and more unhappy with herself, her lifestyle, her relationship with Arthur. It was all unsettling. And she truly did believe that this was karma coming back to bite her in the butt.
The day had passed and Marilyn had gotten her way. She didn't film which would mean thousands of dollars were to come out of Arthur's pocket for the day that had been wasted. Speaking of Arthur, he had spent the entire day drinking and came home drunk only to pass out on the couch. Marilyn slipped downstairs to see a glimpse of her husband. She looked over him and was in regret for marrying the man. She loved him, however, she was never in love with him and that's what truly broke her. A notebook that sat on Arthur's chest happened to catch her attention. She'd never seen it before and became curious. Gently, she picked up the notebook. She quickly let her eyes wonder over the pages that it had already been on. At the top of the page was the days date. Below it, it read:
Again Marilyn has proved to be hard to work with. She's overbearing and I'm not sure if I can take it any longer. These days I contemplate on a divorce and, yet, I love her enough to stay, which sounds ridiculous considering she's a nightmare not only to work with but to live and be with. It's like taking care of a child that will never stop crying. I'm not sure how I can turn her around. Perhaps there's no saving her. She's hopelessly useless. It isn't a wonder why she's so destroyed inside. I'd be too if I were like her.
Marilyn fell into disbelief at what she had just read. Hurt, she flipped to the front of the notebook and read:
When I had first met Marilyn she were a diamond. Now... she's nothing but a washed up penny.
Marilyn continuously flipped through the pages, reading every hurtful line and mean word that her own husband had written about her.
I wish she'd divorce me and set me free from this hell. I know if I ask her that it will break her more and I love her too much to see her suffer any longer.
Today Marilyn ran off set and completely embarrassed me. Why don't I have the courage to break this curse? She's ruining everything I'd worked for.
I don't know how much more I can take. I love her, but I know she's ruining my life. When will this torture end?
Marilyn, in tears, slapped the book down as hard as she could onto Arthur's chest; causing him to startle awake. "Is this what you really thing?!" she cried. Marilyn raced back upstairs. Once Arthur had realized she'd read his personal thoughts, he followed. But it was too late. Marilyn had already raced into the room and locked the door behind her. "Marilyn, please," Arthur spoke into the door, "Let me explain."
"Go away!" she shouted in a cry. Marilyn had thought badly enough about herself. She had thought the same things as Arthur; she was broken, a mess, somewhat pathetic. But to read that her own husband feels that being with her is his own personal hell was heartbreaking. No one wants to read stuff like that about themselves. Especially not Marilyn. And it hurt her mentally, physically, emotionally. She was tired of feeling that pain each and everyday. Marilyn sat up from her bed with tear stains on her cheeks. On the nightstand stood an orange medicine bottle of Xanax. She quickly grabbed the bottle.
She knew just what to do....