Song Recommendation: I Miss You Already by G.Na & Will You Be Alright by Beast & I Love You From Now On by Lee Seung Gi
[Korean Translations]
Aegyo (애교): To act cute
Ajhussi (아저씨): Old man
Ajhumma (아줌마): Old woman
Ani (아니): No
Annyeong (안녕): Hello/Goodbye
Arasseo (알았어): Alright
Chukhahae (축하해): Congratulations
Daebak (대박): Awesome
Dongsaeng (동생): Younger Sibling/ Friend
Eomma (엄마): Mother
Hajima (하지마): Stop
Hyung (형): Older brother for males/Friend
Hwaiting (화이팅): Goodluck/ You can do it!
Gomawo (고마워): Thank you
Gwenchana (괜찮아): Are you okay?
Jalja (잘자): Goodnight
Jalmeokesseubnida (잘 먹겠습니다): Thanks for the food
Jebal (제발): Please
Jinjja/Jeongmal (진짜/ 정말): Really
Maknae (막내): Youngest child/friend out of the group
Mianhe (미안해): I'm sorry
Micheosseo (미쳤어): Are you crazy?
Ne (네): Yes
Noona (누나): Older sister for males /Friend
Omo (어머): Oh my
Ottoke (어떡해): What should I do?
Oppa (오빠): Older brother for females/Boyfriend
Saengil Chukhahae (생일축하해): Happy Birthday
Pabo (바보): Stupid
Wae (왜): Why?
Yeppeoda (예쁘다): Pretty
Chapter 43: It Wasn't A Dream
Monday, August 24 2014
Hee Yeon's POV
Six months has passed and I can still feel the pain that I felt when I left him. Since then, there's no day that I didn't regret the thing that I did and the words that I spoke that night. I thought I would be able to forget the feeling after time passed by but I guess I've expected it already that it wouldn't be that easy.
Everyday, after that day, was difficult. Memories of him haunts me in every single move. It was far more worse than the last five days of untouched food and sleepless nights without him.
Now, it just feels like a lifetime. There was never a day that has passed that I don't have a thought of going back to him and once again be together with him. Never was a day that I didn't cry myself to sleep. But the thought of, this is the only way that I can be finally be a good use to him and this is the only way to protect him, held me back.
I thought that being left alone was the hardest of all but leaving and regretting that you left was much difficult to go through. You regret until you breathe your last breath, you pretend to be okay until one day you break down and cry, you miss him until you go insane and finally wishing to go back but there's no certainty that he will gladly open his arms for you.
I can still remember his face being drowned with tears as he stood in front of me. It was the first and last time that I saw him cry. No one will ever know how much I fought the urge of wanting to comfort him that time. I was deficient of having to hold that much strength to fight off what I was feeling but I did and managed to walk away. Maybe the thought that I was doing that for him strengthened me.
The truth is I was readily packed that night so that turning back wouldn't be possible. Because I might not be able to refuse when the thought of seeing him plead for me to stay again happens.
But I guess, this is for the best. This is the only way we can go on with our lives and that is to live separately because as far as I know we are never really good for each other. He will never have to listen to me nagging again and saying that he's stupid. I wouldn't be as irritated as always when he bugs me, we will never have to stay up late just to talk to each other and never have the chance to feel pain again because of the other.
I just wish that he is doing well and not feeling what I am feeling every single day. I can't manage the thought of seeing him hurt again because of me and having me to feelt that pain is enough.
•••
These past six months, even though living through it was a complete struggle, I've got the chance to do a big difference in my life. I solely live in a suburban area near Chungju and have worked on my newly published book "Unspoken".
It is all about the unspoken and unheard words that I've been longing to say. It is about the struggle of learning to love and learning to let go. The reasons why people have to leave and the reason that I left.
During the times when I was working on the book, I did a part time job as well as an editor near the area. And since I live near Chungju, I visit my mom constantly, which has moved houses as my request because I don't want for my mom to get involve to my problem.
Only a month has passed since my book was published yet it was unbelievably one of the best selling book in Korea. I guess my five months of hard work paid off.
The first day of the fourth week of August is the date of the book signing event. Where all the people that have read and admired my work will come to the venue and allow me to sign their purchased books.
At the event, I've met several readers who really loved my book, some of them can relate to it and then the others just finds it interesting. I, on the other hand, doesn't really care if they love my book or not just as long as they'll be inspired from it and learn from it.
At the midst of it all, "May I know to whom this is dedicated to?" I ready my pen to sign the book that is being held in front of me.
I noticed the hands was from a guy so that caught my attention because majority of the gender that has bought my book was girls. Guys rarely buys this kind of genre of a book and rarely go to a book signing event too.
As I lift my head up to look who it was, I wasn't that surprised from what I saw. To be honest, I was more displeased. Displeased with myself because I was expecting a different guy to show up but somehow glad that I was able to see just one of them.
I requested for the event organizer to let me have a break so that I can talk to him in private. We head outside of the venue and try to catch up with each other.
"What are you doing here, Seokjin?" I ask.
"Don't act like you're not happy to see me," he utters jokingly but I remained indifferent. "I read your book and obviously a lot of people did too. Congratulations. It turned out amazing," he adds, flashing a big grin.
I want to ask him if the others or just that one person in my head was able to read it too but I don't have the guts to do so. So, I asked him a different one instead.
"How did you find me?"
"A book signing event isn't really a private thing, you know," he raise his brow at me with a smirk on his face. "If you're wondering if anyone on the group has read this besides me. Unfortunately, there's none. I am the only one who loves reading books and as far as I know I'm the only one who knew you wrote one."
He laid out to me like he read my mind. I clearly don't know what to feel so I acted like that question never got into my head and just keep changing the subject.
"So.. are you just here to get your book signed?" I suddenly asked that seems to make him be weirded out by it.
"I want you to come back, Hee Yeon," he softly utters making my ears twitched.
"The media has straightened things out a long time ago and the people who spread those rumors is currently still being sued by the company. It turned out that two of them was past employee and then the other one was just a really passionate fan."
"Past employee?" I ask confused because all I can remember is that there's only one past employee and one who is still working inside the company.
What did he mean..
"Yeah. A week after you've left, things went slightly downhill. The staff that was supposed to be co-producing the next music video wasn't that good, that's why Mr. Bang Shi Hyuk hired another one to replace her. And after a month, the people behind the rumors were identified. It turned out they're all been working together against the company," he explained.
So, that's what happened. I guess after I've left I never took the chance of looking back and to check what has been happening to them. It's not that I don't care or not that I didn't want to. It was already too hard so looking back was never really an option for me.
"You can come back now, Hee Yeon," Seokjin utters with hopeful eyes.
"You know I can't do that," I shift my gaze to the ground making his expression change into a confused one.
"Why? That's the reason why you left, right? You wrote it. It's obvious that you're referring to yourself. I want you to come back please," he pleads.
"I can't.. I won't.. I don't know.. I just can't go back there anymore," I confusedly utter.
I don't know why Seokjin is trying so hard to make me come back but I'm sure it wasn't enough to make me. It's not that I don't want to because I really do. I'm just afraid that when I come back Jimin wouldn't be there for me anymore. That he won't accept me. I don't think I can handle that. It is too much painful.
"Why are you holding yourself back?" he utters but I remained silent. "Someone really needs you to be there for him right now. He hasn't been the same since the day you left. He's.."
I furrow my brows because it was a lot to process and he paused as he saw me confused and puzzled. Is the person he was referring to was him?
"You know what," I turn my gaze at him. "This is not going to help. Just try to see him for yourself because I can sense that I can't convince you right now. Oh and Hee Yeon, please don't repeat my mistakes. See you this Friday."
He handed me a ticket alongside with a backstage pass which I guess is for their upcoming concert this Friday. He then bids me goodbye and left. As he was gone, I am left with one question on my mind.
If I should go or not.
•••
Friday, August 29 2014
Jimin's POV
What should I do?
The constant thought that has been going through my mind these past months. Ever since that day happened, I never knew what I would do anymore.
I lost my will to live. I lost my will to fight. I lost my life. I lost her.
There comes a time when I regret meeting her. I should've never looked into her beautiful gaze, never should've seen her lovely smile, never should've felt her warm touch, never should've made my heart beat for her. I should've just ran away as fast as I can when I got the chance.
But then again, most part of me wanted to go through all of that all over again. I want to be there for her again and protect her no matter what, to look into her eyes until it looses its sparkle, to witness her beautiful smile until it looses its shine, to linger to her touch until it gets weak and to let her make my heart flutter until its last beat.
I would gladly give everything for that to happen again. I would gladly go through all that hell just to hear her say she loves me again. Even if it ends up with her wanting to leave me. By that time, I would be much stronger. I would be able to fight with all my might to convince her to stay and never let go.
It's funny because no matter how I try to forget about her every single day and convince myself that she's gone, I always end up longing for her more and continue to miss her further.
I always find myself to the places we went and to the place we met. I guess I really just love her so much that forgetting wouldn't be even possible to do. Up until now, I don't believe her when she said that she doesn't love me because I am so sure she does and still do.
What bothers me the most right now is the thought of her being alone again. She was never good with just by herself. She always say she can manage and that she will be alright but always end up getting into trouble and hurting herself.
If the time comes when she can't handle being by herself anymore, I would open heartedly accept her in my life once again. The reason why she left wouldn't matter anymore if she will just come back.
•••
I sit on the corner of the dressing room as we wait for the concert to start. I am deep within my everyday trance and couldn't let myself to be sane for a mere minute. I didn't even notice that Yoongi hyung is already sitting beside me.
"Jimin?" he mutter making me go back into reality. "Are you going to be alright if we perform later?" I nod.
This is the first concert, more like first performance, that we're having after another comeback and after the release of a new album. The concept is about going in rage and sinking into pain after the person you love doesn't gave you as much importance and will soon leave you. I guess this era somehow suits me. I hardly held my tears back when we're recording the songs. So, I have no idea if I'll be able to do that when we're finally on stage.
"Jimin. There's something I haven't told you and I think you need to know about this now."
I asked what it was and before he told me I can't help but to feel anxious.
"Hee Yeon left me her diary when she left because I personally asked her to. Anyway, there are things she wrote in here that she has intended for you."
He handed me this half wrecked notebook that is full of scribbles inside and out. As I open it and try to read it, it instantly put me into tears. Everything seems so familiar but I haven't had the thought of where I heard such words. What caught my attention was the things that are written on the last page.
" Everything seems to be a dream. It's true that love blooms like a cherry blossom and can easily wither away without us noticing its beauty. We burned like fireworks but immediately turned into ashes. The promise we made together also disappeared somewhere with time. I must have took the stars away from your night and the sun in your day and there are only clouds left in darkness when I left. I guess I love you too much that the only choice I have to protect you is to leave you."
"It's that one," Yoongi hyung utters making me look at him confusedly.
"I think she wrote that for you. Actually, I wrote a song including that one and I think I should tell you that so you will know that she didn't left you for nothing. She left you because she wants to protect you."
Tears starts to flow into my eyes continuously after Yoongi hyung says those things. Knowing the reason why she left was way worse than not knowing it because it only made me blame myself more for being weak and for letting her handle those things by herself.
I thought I wouldn't be able to cry anymore but I guess I still have a lot of tears to produce. I start to sob as Yoongi hyung tries to comfort me. It hurts so much that I can't bare it anymore.
I wasn't ready. I wish I shouldn't have known but I guess it is better this way.
Hee Yeon's POV
I walk lifelessly as I head to the train station to leave Seoul late at a Friday night. I have decided that I won't see them again especially him and that I won't come back. I can't let him face another struggle again and be hurt because of me. I have to stick to my decision because it was all for the better. And maybe time can finally help me let go of him and him to let go of me. He'll sure find someone better someday and I will too. Better than what we are to each other.
As I am currently heading down to the underground subway train, familiar voices and words caught my attention. I turn to look and I saw a bunch of girls gathered around with a single gadget in the center. As I heard more clearly, the songs gets more and more familiar until I know where it came from.
The words from the song was from my diary and the voices was from them.
And then there it was, the part where I can't possibly miss. The part where Jimin's voice seems to be at the top of his lungs. It sound so lonesome like a cry for sympathy and I want to be there for him so bad but I can't. His voice is making me feel like it's sucking out the life out of me again.
It's making me.. making me..
Voices starts to utter before I can think any further.
"Aww. Jimin oppa's voice is really something, huh? But why does it sound so lonely?"
"You know what? I've heard that he still can't get over the girl he loved. The one who suddenly left. I guess he really loves her and still loves her."
"I really feel bad because there were rumors that she left because of us, the fans. I hope they can be together again so that Jimin oppa can be his happy self again."
And it suddenly hit me, revealing out a big obvious sign in front of me.
My decision was never for the better, it only made it worse. Leaving was never the answer. Yes, that came from my mouth when I talked with Jin. Then why the heck did I leave? What was I thinking? How ironic can I get?
Jimin needs me and I need him and the only thing that will make a difference right now is for us to be together and be there for each other.
My feet starts to move on its own and drag me back to the venue of the concert. I ran as fast as I can so that I can be there on time before they leave. Even if it's tiring I still try my best to run to make it on time.
But suddenly I bumped into someone, making us flew a few feet across the street with me on top of him.
"PABO!" I immediately exclaimed because the thought of the chance of missing them was much bigger now just because this idiot right here isn't looking where he was going.
"I know," he responds.
I was surprised because a familiar voice rings into my ears. As I try to see clearly, I can't believe what I am seeing.
It was him.
It was Jimin.
I was left speechless because I never expect to see him here right now because I thought he would be at the venue of the concert.
My heart starts to beat so fast and hard that it is covering up my throat making me unable to utter any word. As he helps me up, tears starts to pool up on the corner of my eyes. I can't help it because seeing him again after a long time is making me sad and glad at the same time. Sad because I've missed him so much and glad because he's finally standing here in front of me.
"W-what are you doing here?" I utter, trying to hide my vulnerability to him.
"I was on my way to Chungju. Jin hyung told me you were suppose to be going to the concert but you weren't. So, I decided to come to you instead," he softly utters.
Seeing him and hearing him made me loose my sanity and him saying those things isn't helping me one bit. So, I start to do that bad habit of mine and that is to cry uncontrollably and sob loudly.
"I-I-I," I try to utter but somehow I can't. "I-I'm-"
He cut me off and suddenly hugged me. I was left surprised at first but I finally embraced him back. I can hear him silently sob as he is hugging me so tightly so I try to comfort him from the back. I was amazed how my tears instantly stops flowing. Maybe because this time I want to be the one who comforts him.
"Please don't say you're sorry again because it doesn't matter to me anymore. It doesn't matter what reason you have why you left. All that matters now is that you came back. You are back, right?" he pushes me off gently to face me with his hands on my shoulders.
"Yes," I answer making him plaster this beautiful smile on his face despite of it being soaked with tears. "I love you, Jimin," I smiled and utter the words I've been longing to say again and will say to him thousands of times more.
"I love you, Hee Yeon."
He held onto my face and gradually leans closer. He then presses his lips on mine making it sink into paradise. It feels so soft and warm that it overwhelms me. My heart flits so fast like the wings of a flightless bird, my blood rush through my body as fast as the midnight breeze and my mind was finally cleared like the morning sky.
It is the feeling I will always treasure and never forget.
After our lips parted he hugged me once again. So tight that I can't possibly be able to breathe and that I can feel his heart beating like it was mine.
"You know what?" he whispers and I asked what.
"This is where we first met."
End of Chapter 43
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A fan fiction is only a fan fiction.
No real harm done to the characters
of the story.
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Writer's Note
I literally cried my eyes out when I was making this. AHHHHHHHHHH! Are you feeling me? No? Okay. 😂 It's finally over! ONLY YOU is finally over. OMG thinking about it is making me cry again. Now I have to get a life. UGH I don't want to.. pfft... 😂
Oh wait.. there's still an Epilogue. Check it now 😄