He keeps giving me pity looks.
Him sympathizing with me makes me want to rip out my insides.
Laughter could fill his gaze.
He could look down on me like he was high and mighty and I would have to force myself to give two Fs.
But nnooo....
It makes me want to punch him in the throat.
It's only the end of fourth period and I'm already done with today.
Maybe all of his pity glances are just an act.
Maybe he's laughing himself senseless on the inside.
...Does that even make any sense...?
"So even when he dumps you you're still too insecure to let him go."
I was just about to slam my locker shut when I heard her annoyingly high-pitched voice.
Looks like I'm about to slam something else too...
Normally, I would've turned around with a sickly sweet smile, ready to say something that would destroy her whole life, but I just wasn't having it today.
"One, I dumped him and everybody knows it. Two, what do you want, Parker?"
I faced her, adjusting the straps on my backpack, and stared at her with a completely bored-out-of-my-mind look.
She smiled with her cherry-glossed lips, "Jamie told me you called him last night."
And there it is. I was wondering when this would be brought up.
"It was a mistake. Those things tend to happen. Now, if you'll move..."
"But why didn't you delete his number?" She said with the same smile, blocking my path way, "I mean. He did cheat on you."
"And your hair is just dripping with grease." I said, rolling my eyes.
She grabbed strands of her disgusting brunette hair, her smile faltering, "Is not. What does that have to do with anything anyway?"
"You stated the obvious so I thought I would return the favor."
I smirked as her eyes narrowed a bit, "Now, if you would be so kind as to step aside..."
She crossed her arms and showed no signs of moving.
"...Or else I'll just have to move you myself." I said a little too sweetly.
She ran her hand through her long, stringy hair before responding, "I'd like to see you try."
I scoffed and took a step toward her, "Oh would you?"
She took a step back.
Before I could lay a hand on her - and trust me, I was about to - the bell yelled at us to get to class.
I smirked at her, "Saved by the bell," and I ran into her shoulder before walking off.
"Just stay away from my boyfriend!" She called after me after a few moments.
I turned around and walked backwards, "Why? Afraid he might come crawling back?"
"No!" She huffed.
I just laughed.
She wasn't worth responding to anymore.
Before going to get some lunch, I took a detour, going to the bathroom first before entering the cafeteria.
Then, when I finally got to the lunch room, the hunger was so real that I headed straight to the line instead of dropping off my stuff at the table first like I usually do.
I didn't pack my lunch this morning because my mom was in the kitchen as I was getting ready.
Needless to say I was avoiding her, but the sound of pots and plates getting washed made me feel a little better.
I hopped into the line, a few students allowing me to butt them, and impatiently waited.
"Hey." A mumbled voice said beside me as I grabbed a lunch tray.
I looked over and immediately regretted it.
"Pss!" He said.
"What do you want?" I hissed loudly.
"Sh! Keep your voice down and don't look directly at me when you talk."
I rolled my eyes and placed a salad on the red tray.
"I don't want to talk to you." I said.
"But you wanted to talk to me last night?" Jamie asked.
"It was misdial!" My voice threatened to get really loud.
"Didn't I tell you not to look at me?!" He mumbled while staring at a cup of pudding.
"Why not?" I asked, putting carrots on my plate.
"I can't have people seeing me nicely associating with the girl who dumped paint on me."
"Of course not."
The line continued to move forward.
"But, I have to ask. Are you okay?"
"Just peachy."
"C'mon, Phoe, be real. You used to call me in the middle of the night all the time and they were never because your mom baked cookies."
"I also make a lot of mistakes, including dating you. This just happened to be another one of them."
I opened the cooler and grabbed a bottle of water.
"Phoe -"
"No, don't 'Phoe' me. Just stop talking to me."
I paid for my lunch and walked towards my table...
...only to find more trouble.
I glared at the greasy, brown-haired she-devil the whole time that I was stalking towards the table.
The second I stood behind her she turned around, "Can I help you?"
I didn't even attempt to amuse her, "Get out of my seat."
Jamie sat down next to the witch and gave me pity glance number six.
"Your seat? This is simply the seat next to my boyfriend," She leaned to him and planted a disgusting kiss on his crusty lips, "You can sit- er, wait, there are no more seats."
She gave me a fake 'sorry' look, "You can sit over there at the table behind the pole."
"I sit here everyday. It's my seat. Get up."
"It's just a chair." Another voice piped up.
"Yeah, and it's not like it has your name on it." Another voice - that sounded like the second - decided to add.
I looked over with surprised anger at the twins.
"That's right. It doesn't. Now, run along." Quinn smiled.
I gave one last furious glare to the blonde hair, blue-eyed traitors.
Emma and Jenna shrugged and gave me real 'sorry' looks before turning around.
Before I was five feet away, a hand tugged on my arm.
"Hey, you don't have to go."
Jackson.
"You can sit with me. My lap's big enough." He smirked.
Unamused, I looked into his eyes, "Get off of my arm and walk away before I have the urge to cut off your balls."
He put up his arms in surrender, "Geez, girl. You're scary when you're angry."
I closed my eyes and sighed, "I'm sorry. I just need to go...study."
"Study? Since when do you study?" He crossed his arms and laughed, "Do you even get anything above a C?"
"Whatever. I just need to leave."
"You want me to come?"
"No."
He tried to hide his disappointment with a shrug of the shoulders, "Alright then. See you later."
I didn't respond but instead just walked away, not just from him, but away from the Satan infested lunch table and the cafeteria altogether.
I kept the plastic salad box, fork, and water bottle in my hand while dumping everything else, including the lunch tray, into the trashcan next to the double doors.
I stuffed the salad box in my bag when I saw the 'No Food or Drink' sign outside of the library, which, conveniently, was only a five minute walk from the lunch room.
The second I pulled open that door, a cool AC breeze struck me and blew my hair back.
I'd only been in here a few times, mostly because it smelled like musty old books and reminds me too much of my mom's house.
I searched for a secluded corner where the librarian wouldn't catch me eating.
The graying old lady, who's rumored to be half blind, probably isn't paying much attention since her eyes are closed, but I don't feel like risking a possible detention when I'm already having a bad day.
It didn't take long to find the area behind the librarian's desk that had two chairs hidden behind several wooden bookcases.
This seems secluded enough.
I was curious about an open book on one of the seats and the binder that was casually lying on the table between the two chairs, but I sat down anyway.
I popped the plastic box opened and began munching on the greens.
"Why does this keep happening?" a male asked as I was in mid-chew.
I looked up once the kid sat down on the chair in front of me.
A piece of lettuce was hanging out of my mouth.
He made a face as he stared at it, "Lovely."
"Why are you here?" I said after finally swallowing.
Anton smiled at my groan, "I go to the cafeteria as little as I possibly can. Plus, this is my safe haven."
"The question is," He pushed his dark glasses up the bridge of his nose, "why are you?"
The hint of a smile that I had on my face fell into a neutral line, "I don't feel like being in the cafeteria today."
I stuffed more of the salad into my mouth.
"Mhm." Was all he responded with before he grabbed the book and the binder and started studying.
---
By the end of the day all I had accomplished was:
1.) Finally setting up a date to studying Physics with Anton since there was a test coming up.
2.) Avoiding the Ditzs, Jamie, and she-devil numero dos
3.) Convincing Jackson that I was okay
4.) Getting someone to write my name on my cafeteria seat.
It isn't much but it's something.
"You've been in your head a lot lately." Jackson said, "What happened to fun, crazy Phoebe?"
She died.
...
Well isn't that depressing...?
"I just...have a lot going on right now."
"Hm."
Neither of us spoke again until we got to the entrance, or in this case, the exit.
I scoffed when we strolled outside only to see Jamie macking on a slut that wasn't Quinn Parker while leaning on the same wall where I had heard him confess that he was cheating on me.
"Wow." Jackson breathed, "That guy will always have girls waiting in line to get his dic-"
"Can you not?" I put my hand up and looked away from the porno waiting to happen.
Jackson scratched his almost nonexistence neck, "Sorry."
I shrugged, "Whatever."
We both piled into my car and I drove to Jackson's house.
He tried several times to start a conversation but I just responded with phrases equivalent to the text message "K."
About hallway to his house, he got the hint and flicked on the radio instead.
He is currently rocking out to Katy Perry "Dark Horse."
Several other pop songs filled the car before I safely dropped Jackson off at his house.
When he said goodbye, I gave him a small smile and a half-hearted wave before speeding off.
I was about to cut the radio off but "Am I Wrong" came on and I thought, F it, and turned the volume all the way up.
I, and everyone I pass by, could become deaf but hey, yolo, right?
Forgetting about safety, I played the air drums and sang my heart out along with Nico and Vinz.
Not gonna lie, I was a little upset when the song ended, but "Loyal" came on and I was back to singing the words to the air and innocent bystanders in cars and on the sidewalk.
Even though Breezy was signing about girls, I thought about Jamie.
"Loyal" is now officially my theme song because no, these hoes aren't loyal.
Then the commercials came on, but luckily I was already pulling into my aunt's drive way.
I turned the volume back down and switched the car off.
I opened the door and called out not expecting an answer.
Obviously I was surprised when my aunt yelled, "I'm in the office!"
I dumped my backpack by the edge of the stairs and walked all the way to the other end of the house, excuse me, mansion.
"What are you doing home so early?" I asked her as I bent down to give her a hug.
She swiveled toward me and put her glasses up in her hair, "I wanted to talk to you."
This can't be good.
"About what?"
"Well, first of all, your school called yesterday."
I raised an eyebrow, "Did they?"
"You're barely passing physics." She stated.
I bit my lip and twirled the end of my hair around my finger, "Yeeahh..."
"Is that all you have to say? Yeah?"
I didn't answer.
"I will not allow any -" she paused, "niece of mine to fail anything."
"I'm sorry..."
"I don't want to hear that you're sorry. I want to hear that you're going to pull this grade up. You're never going to get into a good law school with bad grades!"
Riight...law school...
"I'm getting a tutor."
She pursed her lips, "You better be."
She visibly calmed down after a few moments, "It also looks like we're going to need to go shopping."
I followed her eyes and looked down at what I was wearing.
Long sleeved blue shirt.
Sleek black skinny jeans.
Floral scarf and pink Doc Martins.
"What's wrong with what I'm wearing?"
"There's nothing wrong with it. It's just...you need to stay fashionable if you want to stay popular. You do want to stay popular right?"
I just let her continue without me saying a word, "You just have to stay ahead of the curve. I mean, that's what I did when I was in high school."
A nostalgic smile spread across her face and I cringed knowing I was in for a when-I-was-in-high-school story:
"I was the trend setter in my day," She explained, "I didn't have what was hot today- no. I had what was going to be hot tomorrow."
I rolled my eyes.
"That's probably why I won prom queen." She chuckled and gazed at the ceiling, "High school was one of the best times of my life."
"Clearly." I muttered.
She didn't seem to hear.
She would've continued blabbing about her time in high school during 2000 B.C. if I hadn't said that I needed to go do homework.
Telling Aunt Sandra I'm going to do school work is best way to get out of a conversation with her.
I quickly slumped down and grabbed my backpack when I got to the bottom of the stairs and began to ascend.
While I was in the middle of digging my books out of my backpack, my phone rang.
My face srunched up when I realized it was Elf.
"Uh, hi?" I answered.
"Hey!" She responded with her annoyingly cheerful voice.
"Can I help you?" I asked, putting the phone between my shoulder and my ear.
She huffed, "Why do you sound like someone from customer service?"
"I don't know. Why won't you tell me your real name?"
She was quiet for a moment...
But it didnt last long.
"So, anyway, I was wondering what you were doing this weekend?"
"Why?"
"Why do you think? I want to hang out!"
"Why?"
"Why not? C'mon, it'll be fun!"
"You sure about that?"
"Yeah! We could go out, get some cheeseburgers, go shopping, get to know each other better. It'll be fun!"
Not thinking about what I was saying, I responded with, "Why do you insist on getting to know me better?"
"What?"
"Why do you insist on getting to know me better?" I repeated, blood surging through my veins, "Why do want to get close to me? Why are you trying to be my friend?"
It was hard not to notice how my voice got an octive higher and a whole lot louder.
I couldn't explain why my heart was racing or why my head was filled with sudden anger and frustration even if I wanted to.
When she spoke again, her voice was timid and free of the excitement she displayed earlier:
"I just wanted someone who could understand what I'm going through..."
"Well we all want things that we can't have."
"Why are you so against us being friends?"
That's a good question...
She noticed my hesitation and began to speak, "Alby-"
I cut her off by clicking the "End" button.
My heart felt heavy in my chest as I set the phone down.
A part of me wanted to be able to answer her question, but another part wouldn't even let me dig that deep into myself to try to understand.
I don't think I even really want to understand.
I shook my head, which was resting in my hands, and turned my attention to my work.