'The truth is. The only part of destiny we can control, is the fate we choose for another.'
His face changed the moment I slammed the car door closed. His messy hair only got messier when he ruffled through it, confused. Guy waited for me to help him walk towards the house, with every step we got closer my breath got worse. I looked at Guy, back to Damon and to Guy. My throat was shutting down and I could feel how my lungs ran out of air, demanding me to get air but not a muscle in my body let me.
“Guy.” He said so sincerely happy. “Jamey.” He winced his eyes at me, my heart pounding in my head so hard I could barely hear my own thoughts. I bit the inside of my cheek, hard, until I felt the metal taste flow into my mouth. Damon walked over to us, helping Guy up the steps. Guy’s arm, wrapped around my waist, tightened with Damon’s arm brushing slightly against mine. I went back to biting on my cheek again, ignoring the awful taste bringing back so many memories. The blood flooding around in my mouth was the only thing that distracted me.
“What did you do.” Damon’s voice was weak, but he was the first one to bring out a full sentence. I looked up to him, but unlike me Guy’s eyes were focused on me. I sighed and looked back down, my nails digging into both my palms. Guy turned his head, looking at Damon
“Some people were.” He stopped, looking back at me. “Just being dicks.” And back to Damon. By now I wouldn’t be surprised if the blood would be flooding down my hands, leaving a trail of blood drops. It was like hurting myself was the only thing that would distract my heart from feeling the pain they caused me to have.
“People? As in plural?” Damon closed the door behind us and Guy nodded at him. I had never found so many interest in my shoes before but I just couldn’t stop staring at them.
“Set him down on the sofa, I’ll get some ice.” I walked Guy to the sofa as Damon rushed to the next room.
“How are you feeling?” I looked Guy in the eyes, a bloody smirk across his face. I took some steps back, seeing only one person in that smile. Carl. Not that Guy looked like Carl, but the smile surrounded by blood did. That moment when Carl’s blood gulped out of his mouth and all he did was laugh. I never understand why he laughed so hard while he was dying, but I did know that it caused me more pain than it should have.
“I feel a little tension.” He said, a laughter escaped his lips. I looked at him, horror rushing through my body. I could feel his pain, Carl’s pain. The pain he felt when I killed him. I didn’t save myself, I wasn’t the hero people said I was. I was a cold blooded murderer and there was nothing that could change that.
I walked back more, Guy had stopped laughing and was now looking at me, confused. The blood I had been swallowing was dripping down my cheek, I knocked over a chair and turned around. My body weak, my legs shaking, blood dripping from my lips and my head aching, I ran. I ran out of the house, into the cool night. It didn’t feel right to stay, so like always I ran away.
I ran over the little stones, towards the road ahead. Into the dark night, the dark night that looked like nothing. Exactly like I needed, nothing. The only thing I need right now, is air, peace and myself.
“Jamey.” I looked back, it was Guy hopping on one leg down the steps. I looked at him, how he tried to get to me, but struggled a lot. My foot slipped, my balance was gone and I hit the ground. My elbow scraped over the ground, my head crashed into the hard surface and my back followed. I let out a shriek of pain, before I closed my eyes.
“Jamey, Jamey, wake up. Please.” Guy shook my body, harder with every second I didn’t respond. I raised my hand, laid it on his but kept my eyes closed.
“I’ll get you inside.” He lifted my body, his chest pressed against my side as he hopped back to the house.
“What happened?” I recognized Damon’s voice, it was filled with surprise and a little worriedness.
“She ran and then she slipped.” Guy’s voice was calm, angry and scared at the same time. The exact mix of emotions he had all this time in his eyes finally showed in something else, his voice.
“What did you do?” Damon’s voice clear and angry all towards Guy. I wanted to open my eyes, tell them to stop but I couldn’t my body wouldn’t let me.
“I know, okay? But I didn’t do anything, I wouldn’t do anything to her.” Guy laid me down, he laid his hand on my head. I grabbed his hand, intertwining our fingers.
“You wouldn’t? Do you say that about every girl you’re with?” It was Damon who kneeled down next to me, stroking the hair out of my face. I grabbed his hand with my other hand, also intertwining our fingers.
“Please, don’t tell me what I did to some girls is bad. You’ve told me so many times, we’re not as different as I thought we were. Remember, Damon?” I didn’t move my hands and they didn’t let me go.
“And you know what the sad part is?” Guy was shaking with his hand a bit as he spoke.
“What?” Damon was calm and stern, probably looking Guy right in the eyes.
“Is that she.” I think this may be me. “She doesn’t even know.” I wanted to open my eyes so badly at this moment. I wanted to look at Damon’s reaction. I wanted to ask Guy what he was talking about, but it was not my time to interfere.
“What do you even know man?” Damon said followed by a long silence. “That’s what I thought, you don’t know anything.” Damon let go of me and I could see his shadow moving.
“I know that I care about her enough to kick your ass if you ever hurt her.” Guy let go of me too, without their touch I could feel my eyelids getting heavier. ‘I can’t fall asleep, not here, not without my medicine.’ I told myself.
“You care about her? Hah, don’t make me laugh Guy. Do you honestly think I’ll buy that?” I opened my eyelids slowly, it was all a blur but I could see two figures standing by the front door.
“I really don’t care what you think.” My vision was getting better, and I could see the two of them in conversation not giving any attention to me. The more I could make out the worse the pain in my entire body got.
“Is that why you came to me every time you were in some deep shit?” Damon stepped back, leaning on the door knob.
“That was because I trusted you.” Guy stepped back, walking towards me.
“It’s not up to you, though.” Damon yelled at Guy, who stopped right away looking at his former friend.
“What is not up to me?” Guy shook his head and Damon pointed at me, without seeing I had opened my eyes.
“Her decision.” Guy didn’t move.
“I know. It’s op to her, but I don’t think she’s ready to make a decision.” Guy turned around, I closed my eyes and waited for what came next.
“So for the time being, we’ll just let her. I mean it’s not that one of us has already asked her to be with him or something. If she’s ready she’ll make a decision, she’s tough enough to do it on her own.” Damon’s voice got closer.
“Game on then.” I tried so hard not to move, not to give away I had heard everything. What do you think about the fact that two guys just started a game for your love. I don’t even know if I can fall for either one of them, I liked how things were going. Just simple no strings attached. I knew I would be lying if I said I didn’t start getting feelings for either one of them, but this is going too far. How can they even think about this, playing with my feelings like this. The worst part is that they both know what I’ve gone through. And even if people think I can’t use that as an excuse anymore, that doesn’t give them the rights to use me.
“Do you think she’ll be alright? Do we have to call her dads?” Oh god no my dads, I wanted to get up right away and run home but I couldn’t. And when a cold hand was pressed against my head again, I opened my eyes. Surprised by the hand and surprised by the two head so close to me. The moment I opened my eyes, my head, which I had totally forgotten about, started aching again.
“Oh god.” Was all I could bring out, my hands on my head trying to push the pain away.
“How are you feeling?” Damon’s big brown puppy eyes were burning a hole in my head.
“Like someone cut of my head, leashed it and slammed it against a wall, multiple times.” Guy laughed at me and it made my heart melt, the little dimples in his cheek showing off.
“Well, princess, your head is still on your body. And you kind of slammed it against the ground yourself.” He backed away, giving me some space to breath. I had no idea how to act with them, not now I know their sort of secret. And when I looked at Damon, staring at Guy it only got worse.
“Why is it you just can’t admit it when you do something wrong? You’re always blaming me for everything.” Damon and I laughed and I looked at Guy, Guy laughed back and looked me in the eyes. I could feel a blush come and I hid my face in my hands.
“Is it so hot in here, or is it just me?” I kept hiding behind my hands and closed my eyes. I could feel both of the boys standing up.
“You’re hot that’s a fact, but it’s not that cold in here either.” Damon’s voice got softer as he spoke and I opened my eyes again. Pushing myself up from the sofa I followed him with my eyes.
“Do you have any idea where my phone is?” Marc must be at the point of freak out right now, but then again he knew I was on a date.
“Yeah, I have it.” Guy pulled my phone out of his pocket, I frowned at him confused by why he had my phone.
“You gave it to me so you wouldn’t be looking at it all the time, remember?” I nodded at him, we were at the bistro and I was constantly checking my phone while we were conversing. We were having a great conversation, but Marc kept sending me pictures of Minny in her new princess dress. It was so cute. I turned the phone on and saw that after I had sent Marc the text that he had to stop, nothing had happened. No phone calls, no text messages, just nothing.
“I guess you really made an impression on Marc.” I said turning the phone off again, he smiled at me.
“That’s how I roll.” He stood up, I sat there watching him leave and suddenly I realized something. That maybe from this moment on they’ll be playing me, playing with my head so maybe they’ll be chosen one. I don’t get how the brain of a male works and I just didn’t understand how they could live with the choice they just made. Because to be honest, I don’t know if I can live with it.
Maybe it’s time for me to get back to reality and realize that this had to stop. I couldn’t continue playing with their feelings and I couldn’t afford being played with. My mind is already as screwed up as it gets, and maybe the choice will be hard. But I could always give up my happiness and just admit that maybe it wasn’t the smartest idea to start something with either one of them