READER
It's dark. It's broken. H/c hair. E/c eyes. Large face. She was only ten.
Only ten. Only ten.
It's breaking!
The face seems to crack. You reach forward to touch it. It cracks again. Then again. Blood coats your hand. Her blood. Your blood. It was breaking.
Stop it!
You broke it.
I broke it.
You shouldn't have interfered. If you didn't try to save her it wouldn't have broken. But you did, so it broke.
You break everything.
You broke your little sister who admired and loved you.
You broke Ludwig who cared and protected you.
You broke 'us'.
You will break Lily.
You will break the town.
You will break this country.
No. You've already broken this country. You're the reason it's falling apart. You touched it and it broke. It shattered in its own blood from cuts you inflicted.
Everything's breaking. Everything's breaking. You're the reason why everything is breaking.
"Y/n, they're letting you out now."
You shiver and pull your limbs in tighter and tighter. Maybe you could break if you try hard enough. You could break and you wouldn't break anyone else anymore.
"You shouldn't do that," the voice continues. "Next time they might lock you up and never let you out."
There's a little square of light. Were you supposed to hiss? Claw your eyes out? A shadow looms over the entrance the blonde comes closer and closer.
"I can't help you if you won't let me."
No! Stay away! I don't want to hurt you! It's my fault. My fault. Faultfaultfault.
"I'm sorry your sister died. I know it must be hard. I wouldn't know what to do if my brother died."
Please go away. GO AWAY!
His hand was reaching out. It wraps around you and lifts your weak and frail body up. He carries you towards the light.
You stare back into the darkness. There is a girl. A child. Dirty h/c hair. Numb e/c eyes. A skeleton for a body. A barely breathing corpse.
Mouthing the same words over and over.
You struggle. You try to break free of the man's grip.
I hate you, the shell mouths. I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you.
Then the body changes. It's older. A teenager now. It is equally dead, though. Her eyes blink. Her lips are caked dry. Tears stain her face but she isn't crying.
Look in the mirror, the shell says, you can't die. You're already dead!
Lucy, forgive me. Lucy, forgive me.
And it shatters. The body is thrown like a doll and blood flows down forming cracks.
It strains and it strains under the pressure.
Then it breaks.
∞ • ∞
You awake with sheets plastered to your skins. You're slick from sweat. You start to shake as you realized how cold you are after kicking off all the blankets in your sleep.
"Y/n. Are we ever going to leave?"
"Soon...I...I promise, Lucy."
"Are you lying to me?"
"What makes you say that?
"The walls..."
Your eyes widen as you take in the strange room. The bed is in the middle giving you a perfect view of the rest of the room. Of the empty walls. Of the fact that the only other items in the room were a wardrobe and a desk. A light was on in the bathroom, seeping under the white door. Currently, though, you couldn't care less.
The walls, Lucy had said. The walls.
"The walls are covered in blood."
You touch the necklace that hung around your neck. Cold fingers rubbing the even colder baby blue gem. You had been spared but she hadn't. Your heart couldn't take the strain of trying to love more than one person. You eventually had to choose.
But fate chose for you.
"The walls are covered in blood."
Your head falls into your hands. The scream echoes in your head and then forces its way out of your mouth. It comes from somewhere deep inside and then pushes through your cracked lips.
"Why do they make the injured lie against the wall like that? Why don't we go and help them?"
"No, Lucy. They're there because they're dying. Lucy, there is nothing we can do."
"But what if it is us? Will we be thrown against the wall like that?"
"When the guards take away the bodies you won't have to see them anymore."
"That's not. That's...that's..."
"What is it?"
"But the walls are covered in blood."
"I know, Lucy, and I doubt the blood will ever disappear."
"Like a scar."
"Exactly. A scar made of the blood of hundreds."
"But we accept our scars. I can't accept that."
"You don't have to accept it! You ignore it, Lucy, you ignore it."
"Just like a scar?"
"Yes. Just like all the other scars. Just like everything wrong with this damn world."
Her hand tightens in yours. You spit the words out of your mouth like venom. If she wanted to live she needed to understand. No, she had to understand.
"Ignore it, Lucy. Ignore it. Then maybe we'll both get out of this alive."
"Maybe?"
"Yeah...kid...maybe."
Your eyes turn, dead, towards the clock. Noon. You had slept through the morning. You rub your eyes to hide the fresh tears as you stumble out of the bed still in your white collar shirt and dress pants.
You had slept through the morning...you blink trying to remember what the hell had happened.
You tense up.
Was there a fight? Did you get injured? Was it with Ludwig?
You groan, cupping your head in your hands. The heat pulses into your cold fingers and you groan again. This is what you get for screaming bloody murder in the rain.
You get sick.
Crap.
You get hurt. You fall apart. You break into tiny fragments. You're covered in scars that won't ever leave. But you're still alive. All this shit happens and you're still alive.
A broken laugh escapes as you slam into the bathroom door, a stumbling mess of emotions and stupidity.
The door cracks open and the first thing you don't expect to see is Gilbert sitting there. He was staring at his phone as if sitting in some random person's restroom was totally normal.
What the –
He looks up in shock as if he didn't expect to be found.
Yeah right.
You turn around soundlessly. You easily put on your coat and slide into a pair of shoes. You open the door only to be confronted by a towering German.
Holy shit. I'm dreaming.
You look up and cross your arms. His frosted blue eyes glare back.
"What do you want?" you ask in German. His left eye twitches as if he didn't like you speaking in his language.
Suck it up.
"I believe Gilbert is in your room," he growls.
"Oh, that. If you're talking about the weirdo who was in my restroom, be my guest. Drag him out kicking and screaming." You make a motion for him to enter. A motion Ludwig doesn't accept.
His eyes trail from your face down to your neck. His eyes soften slightly.
"You kept it," he whispers.
You always wondered what his response would be. But for some reason, that response made you furious. Your fingers tighten in on themselves as you try to keep yourself from slamming your fist into his face.
"Well," you drawl, turning so you were facing the bathroom. "Gilbert, do me a favor and get the hell out of my room!"
The albino's ruby eyes clash with yours as he passes you. His voice is soft, meant for only you to hear. "He's changed Y/n. You might not have noticed yet. Please be careful."
He walks out and you slam the door defiantly.
You slump against the door, head facing the ceiling.
Ludwig was yelling at Gilbert angrily. You start to shake as malice enters his voice.
How could something that monstrous be hiding in the short conversation you had?
You were shaking with anger.
"Why the hell were you in there?!"
"West, listen," Gilbert says softly.
"No! Why should I?! I thought I told you to stay out of my way?!"
Gilbert doesn't respond so Ludwig keeps yelling.
"Answer me, brother!"
"Ludwig, listen."
"Stop telling me to listen! You should be telling me what you're doing," Ludwig snarls.
"Maybe this isn't about you!" Gilbert roars, his patience snapping. "Maybe it's about Y/n! I just wanted to see if she was okay. Unlike you, I had purer motives!"
There's a sudden silence. You barely hear Ludwig's response.
"What do you think I was going to do to her?"
"Oh, I don't know. Maybe what you did the day she left?"
Another sudden silence. You were starting to tremble now.
I am not going to be okay.
Your phone buzzes. You move slowly away from the door and the harsh voices beyond.
You bring it up to your ear and breath a soft "Hello?".
"Y/n?" Rye asks. "Kamiel's trying to kill me! I need you to get over to the office the German's gave us and help out. He really wants to do a run-through of tonight right now."
"Huh?"
"Yeah. I know we're having the meeting over dinner. But you can't hide in your room forever. We need to discuss. Wait...are you okay?"
"I think I'm sick."
There's more screaming behind the door.
Rye's voice is soft. "Is everything okay."
"I think I'm sick," you repeat more forcefully. "Just give me a few minutes and I'll be right there. You're in Kamiel's room, right?"
"Yeah," Rye grumbles before he groans. "Ugh. Fine. Y/n, I'll bail you on this one. Geez. I'm so going to die."
You hang up, rising steadily to your feet you straighten your jacket and smooth out the crinkles in your pants.
"Ludwig! Listen to me, she doesn't love you anymore!"
"What are you even saying?!"
"Well. Why else do you think she became [Country Name]?"
You shoot a dark glare at the door as you stalk towards it. Thanks a lot, Gilbert.
"Ludwig, just let it slide. You know what's going to happen to the officials once [Country Name] becomes part of Germany."
Your hand tightens on the knob as something dark burns inside you.
"Ludwig," Gilbert continued. "She's gone. She is never –"
The door slams open as you glare, all teeth, at Gilbert. "Are you finally shutting your mouth, Gilbert? He's your younger brother, show some consideration considering what happened two years ago."
You slam the door behind you as you breeze past them and down the hall, leaving the two men in stunned silence.
At least you wished it was stunned silence.
"Y/n?"
"Yes?"
"If I asked you to forgive me, would you?"
"No."
"Why not?"
You spin on one foot. Your head tilts forty-five degrees as your face slides into a mask of indifference. "Seriously, Germany," you sneer, "I'd rather take a punch to the face than hear you forgive me. So I don't think I should forgive you."
You turn back around. Your pace picks up as you wonder how much money you have in your bank account. Wondering if Lily will have enough to make it without you.
Everything is breaking. It's my fault everything is breaking.
Shattering...in blood and in death and in destruction.
His voice is ridiculously soft. "Maybe I think you do."
Everything is breaking. Can't you see it?
Your fists clench as you try to keep your mouth as smooth as possible. "Too bad. I don't think the same way."
Because I'm going to die. Either by my own head or someone else's.
Ludwig grabs your arm, pulling you back.
A sick thought enters your head as you spin and slam your fist into his face.
And if I'm going to die by someone else's hand, then I'd like it to be the personification of the country that is going to kill my own.
I can't wait to see how f*cked up you get when you kill me, Ludwig.