Beige Crimona Samaniego
"Balik na tayo sa loob?" I offered him. He released from the hug at agad na ngumiti sakin. He nodded at me and immediately guided me inside by my waist.
We were late for the next part of the program which is the open floor. Sabagay, mas gugustuhin kong manatili nalang sa balcony kaysa magpapawis sa dance floor.
Naupo na kami ni Ice at dalawang pair nalang ang naubutan namin sa mga ka-table namin. Hindi pa ako nakakapag-settle ay agad na nagtakbuhan papalapit sakin sila Lorin. "Tara Beige, sayaw!"
They were screaming because of the loud music. Hinihigit na ni Robbie yung kamay ko pero hindi ako nagpapatianod. "Kayo nalang!" I screamed back at them.
"This is going to be our last ball, wag ka nang KJ!" Agatha screamed.
Ugh. These four girls of mine, nakakainis. Pero mahal ko parin. Itinayo na nila ako pero pinigilan ko sila sandali.
Lumingon ako para maghanap ng baso at agad na ininom ang wine na laman noon. Isang lagok ko lang yun, para maging tipsy na ako for me to be in the mood for a dance. Pagkalapag ko ng baso, napatingin ako kay Ice na nakatitig sakin ng seryoso.
Nginitian ko lang siya na parang batang nahuli ng magulang na gumagawa ng kalokohan. "Tara, sayaw?" Yaya ko sakanya pero agad na din akong hinila nila Tricia sa dance floor.
Zedd's Done With Love was being played at ang ganda ng remix ng guest dj tonight. Flashing lights were playfully surrounding us. Everyone was so hyped. Talagang sumasayaw ang lahat.
Nakalipas ang hindi ko mabilang kung ilang kanta ay biglang bumagal ang kanta at napalitan ng mellow music. Nagngitian kaming lima saka kami bumalik na sa kinauupuan namin.
As I reached my seat, agad akong nagpaalam kay Ice na magre-rest room lang ako. Again he insisted na samahan niya ako pero ang lapit lapit lang ng rest room kaya napilit ko siyang wag na.
Sandali akong nagretouch. Tinuruan ako ni Rafa ng basics beforehand para hindi ako magmukhang haggard through out the night. Nag-ayos ng sarili at nagpabango saka ako bumalik sa hall.
"Di ka sumayaw?" I asked Ice as I sat beside him, but he still pulled the chair for me. Nginitian ko siya saka siya sumagot.
"I did, pero saglit lang. We drank," nguso niya sa mini bar sa sulok ng hall. Tumango-tango ako. Syempre, iba ang definition ng rave sa mga lalaki. It's nothing without a drink. Boys are boys, wala akong magagawa doon.
Unti-unti nang dumadami ang mga pair na nagsasayaw sa gitna. Aaron's band is playing.
Hanggang sa kami nalang ng natira dito sa table namin. I drank some refreshements saka ko tinignan ang mga nagsasayaw. Slow dances are very romantic, as they say. Nandyan ang first dance mo, yung most romantic dance mo, but what's very unpredictable is your last dance.
Ice wasn't my first dance. Last year kasi si Robbie yung date niya. Nakakatawa nga nung tinanong ni Ice si Robbie to be his date, sapak ang natanggap ni Ice na sagot. Knowing Robbie na boyish at kapatid ang turing sa male friends namin, maiinis talaga yun. I don't know pano nila naayos yun, pero sila yung partners last year.
Sol was my first dance, siya kasi date ko last year. Siya lang naman talaga ang balak ko maging date last year. Dane had Tricia, and I won't go to the ball with Ice kasi hate na hate ko pa siya noon.
And tradition na kasi sa school namin that your date should be your first dance of the night.
The band played 3 songs and after that, studio versions na ang nagpeplay. Marami din ang magsayaw sakin, I just can't remember the exact number. Even the 3 boys, Aaron, Kirk, and Dexter, danced me.
Kirk is a really funny guy. Ang dami niyang baong punch line and I must say natatawa talaga ako sa kanya. Dexter was blushing while dancing with me.
"Sorry, di kasi ako sanay," he said. Napatawa nalang ako. After him was Aaron.
But it was cut short by Ice. Ugh, panira talaga to.
He held me by my waist. "May I?" Seryoso niyang sabi. Aaron didn't show any sign of resistance. A sign na hindi niya papatulan ang pagka-immature ni Ice sa pagseselos. I smiled at him and mouthed 'thank you'. He nodded to the both of us and left.
Hinampas ko agad ang braso ni Ice. "Ano nanaman ba yon?" I hissed.
He just tss-ed and positioned us for a dance. Inirapan ko siya. "Nako Ice Romano, wag mo kong ma-tss-tss dyan ha. Tss-tss-in ko yang bayag mo." I threatened him.
Suddenly, he pulled me closer and smirked naughtily. "Sige nga?"
Agad na namula ang mukha ko at sa lapit namin sa isa't isa ay naging mas accessible ang tyan niya para masuntok ko. "Manyak."
"Amazona," he teased back. "Ikaw naman nagsimula eh. Sabi mo tss-tss-in mo yung ano ko," he complained like a child.
"Ang arte mo kasi," I replied.
"Nakakainis kasi," he snickered.
Umiwas ako ng tingin although hindi siya nakatitig dahil naiinis siya. "B-bakit ba kasi ang init ng dugo mo dun sa tao?" Alangin kong tanong. I know why, but I need to hear his side of the story.
Matagal bago siya sumagot. "Why do we have to talk about him?"
I tried hard not to bite my lip. I mentally cursed. Wrong move! Nainis ata lalo.
"Can we just enjoy the night nang tayong dalawa lang?" He asked sweetly. Nasan na ang bugnot na Ice kanina?
Dahan-dahan akong tumango nang nakatungo parin. He held my chin and made me face him. He raised his eyebrows to me. Shemay naman, bakit ka ganyan ka gwapo Ice?
Nginitian ko nalang siya and leaned my head on his chest as we swayed to the song.
I don't know how long I stayed in his arms but I am sure that I was genuinely happy at that moment. I wouldn't trade that moment for any other memories or experiences. This is mine; mine to keep.
We were still in that position and the music was still playing nang may itanong siya sakin.
"Crim," he called.
"Hmm?"
He sighed first. Since I was leaning on his chest, dinig na dinig ko ang pagkabog ng dibdib niya.
"Is there any chance that you might love me back?"
Halos tumigil ang paghinga ko sa tanong niya. Kasabay ng pagkaripas ng takbo ng kabog ng dibdib niya ay ang unti unting pagkaubos ko ng hininga.
I can't blame him for asking me that. But I'm still trying to take things slow. Marami pang mga bagay na pwede mangyari and I don't want to regret my decision just because I got carried away by our present situation.
I like him too, but if he is the one, I want it to be sure. And being sure about him won't happen in an instant.
I held him tighter. I don't want to hurt him but I also don't to lie to him. He has shown me enough appreciation and acceptance I never imagined I could ever recieve from anyone. I don't want to return hatred to him. He's had enough hate from me.
"To he honest," I started, at mas lalong lumkas ang kabog ng dibdib niya. Naramdaman ko rin siyang napahinga ng malalim.
"If you're gonna say 'no' then please make it quick. I can't bear to tear up in front of you if you break it slowly to me."
We just swayed to the music as I prepared what I have to say to him. "But that's not what I'm going to say.."
He once again siged. "Is it going to be worse then? Please, I can--"
Tinignan ko siya ng masama. "Pwede patapusin mo muna kasi ako?"
Tumahimik naman siya. Sabat kasi ng sabat eh. Ayaw muna ako patapusin. Bastedin ko to eh.
I rested on his chest again and went back to dancing.
"To be honest, if you continue what you're doing to me, I won't find it hard loving you back."
Naramdaman ko ang pagkahigpit ng hawak niya sa bewang ko and that caused me to continue what I was saying. "I may love you, I'm not excluding that thought in me.." I paused.
He didn't speak. So did I. We were just dancing to the music with our bodies swaying with each other, in each other's arms.
With one last sigh, I spoke the words that might hurt him, but he should hear from me.
"But not now, Ice. Not anytime soon."