"Maybe I should ring her?" Alexa fretted, rummaging through her bag in an attempt to find her phone.
"Alexa" Kaydie warning grabbing her friend's bag away from her as they walked across the parking lot.
"I know" Alexa sighed, holding her hands up in surrender before grabbing her bag back, "It's just so strange"
Kaydie nodded understandably as they came to a stop at the doors leading into the school. This was the first time Alexa and Isabella had been separated, and it was proving to be very hard from the moment Alexa had left her house. From the beginning Alexa had arranged with the school to return at the beginning of May but know she was regretting that decision. Thankfully Kaydie was there to knock her back to reality when she became irrational - which was quite often this morning.
"Ready?" she asked Alexa as she pulled open the door, not waiting for her friends' answer.
Alexa took a deep intake of fresh air before following her friend into the school. Immediately she noticed people were staring and whispering but unlike before they wore sympathetic expressions as she passed them by. As both girls progressed down the bustling hallway, Alexa sent feeble smiles back at her classmates who were watching her every move.
"Can we go to my locker first?" Alexa asked Kaydie who nodded in reply as they turned off the main hallway of the school and made their way towards her locker.
Alexa contemplated how strange it felt to be back at school, especially now that she had Isabella. She'd never expected to become so attached to her daughter, the way she had and it scared her to think something could of happened to her because of her silly mistakes.
Approaching her locker, Alexa noticed something white poking out from the vent in her locker. As she stopped beside Kaydie, she realised that it was a medium sized envelope and Kaydie reached carefully and pulled it out of the vent. Peering at the envelope in her friends hand Alexa saw that 'Lex' was scrawled across the front of it in familiar handwriting. Taylor's.
Snatching the envelope out of Kaydie's hand, Alexa smiled weakly as she shoved it into her bag. Kaydie gave her a questioning look but Alexa just shook her head.
"I'll read it later" she confessed opening her locker and taking out everything she needed, "I'll show you to the office eh?"
Kaydie smiled before nodding as they turned and headed back the way they had came. A few minutes later they came to the office where Alexa left Kaydie to sort out her administration papers before making her way towards her first class; science. She was forty minutes early but she needed to get away from the staring eyes.
Taking a deep breath, Alexa strolled into the classroom as confidently as she could and made her way to her usual seat, attempting to ignore the stares she was receiving from the small amount of people who were already in the room. Collapsing into the chair in relief, she began to pull out her books before she was interrupted by the voice beside her.
"Alexa?"
Alexa turned to face the source of the voice; Everly Andrews. Alexa couldn't say she'd spoken much to Everly in all their years together in science but she knew from hearsay that she had a bit of a reputation for being a bit of a mouth. Then again, she'd never as much as spoken to Alexa before, so it could have just been rubbish.
"Yeah?" she replied nervously wondering why she was talking to her and now of all times.
"I just wanted to say congrats on your baby" she smiled kindly, her answering catching Alexa by surprise.
"Thanks" she replied smiling back at Everly.
"What did you call her?" she asked curiously, and Alexa found herself relaxing in her presence.
"Isabella Rose" she beamed, her nerves disappearing as she thought of her beautiful daughter.
"Aww that's cute" Everly gushed, "I bet she's adorable"
"She is" Alexa assured her as she pulled out her phone and showed her the picture she'd only taken the night before.
"She looks a lot like Carson" she muttered, looking unsure whether or not to continue.
"Yeah she definitely does" Alexa replied awkwardly as she shoved her phone back into her pocket.
"Can I ask you something?" Everly asked suddenly, watching Alexa carefully.
Alexa nodded, curious about what she was about to be asked.
"Well, I noticed you and Taylor didn't come to school like usual today" she started watching for Alexa's reaction, "and I've also noticed how close Taylor and Carson have become recently and I was wondering...what happened?"
Alexa gulped and she noticed Everly looked suddenly uncomfortable as if she was regretting saying anything.
"I'm sorry." she gushed, "I didn't mean to talk out of turn. It's just after what Taylor did when you first found out you were pregnant, I was surprised you stuck by her as long as you did. And now most people are assuming that there's something going on between her and Carson..."
Alexa had been silent as she listened to Everly ramble until something caught her attention, "What she did when I first found out?"
"You don't know?" Everly responded awkwardly as Alexa shook her head, "Erm...the morning you returned to school after finding out about your pregnancy, Alexa...Taylor rang Amber Robinson and told her about your pregnancy. She did it knowing Amber's the biggest gossip around. I think she leaked it on purpose."
Tears pricked in Alexa's eyes as she took in everything Everly had said. It all made sense and she didn't have any need to lie did she?
"Is it bad that I'm not surprised?" Alexa choked out as Everly shot her a sympathetic smile.
After calming down from Everly's revelation, Alexa found herself opening up to the dark haired girl who she'd only known by name. She told her everything from her dad's verbal rampage to finding out about Taylor and Carson. Everly would chip in every so often with bits of advice or just expressing her shock.
Alexa had just finished her story when her science teacher strolled into the classroom, slamming the door behind him causing the room to turn silent. Alexa shot Everly a grateful smile and mouthed 'Thanks for listening' as they turned around to face the front of the classroom. Talking to Everly had cleared Alexa's mind, and somehow she found herself knowing that she and Everly would become good friends after this.
The rest of the school day passed by surprisingly quickly and although people stared a lot, Alexa found herself feeling calm and collected. Well, that was excluding the moment when she spotted Carson and Taylor whispering to each other at his locker at the beginning of lunch. Let's just say that after a mental breakdown in the girls bathroom with Kaydie, she was fine again.
Now she was sitting on her bed, with the envelope she'd found wedged in her locker sitting in front of her. Kaydie had taken Isabella for a walk, claiming she needed to relax after her first day at school. Alexa had been thankful, knowing that it had more to do with the fact she wanted to give her space to read the letter.
Taking a deep breath, Alexa lifted the envelope and hurriedly ripped it open before she could back down. With shaking hands she slipped the folded piece of paper out of the envelope and opened it up to reveal a page of writing. Knowing that if she didn't read it, she'd be haunted with curiosity she began to read the letter.
Alexa,
So much has happened in the last few months and I know that there's no going back from any of the revelations of the past few weeks alone. I know that a lot remains unexplained and being the coward that I am, I’ve chosen to explain everything in this letter. I hope that once you read this letter, you might understand a little better but that’s your choice.
Do you remember that summer when we were fourteen and you went to stay with Kaydie? You were gone for the whole two months, and to begin with I was devastated. Even back then we did everything together so when you weren’t around I didn’t know what to do with myself, which leads me to Carson.
Back then he was barely starting puberty so you can imagine the stark contrast between that fifteen year old boy and the boy today. I haven’t even begun to tell you this story and already I feel sick to the stomach. For my own sanity I’m going to give you the basics because otherwise I don’t know if I’ll finish this letter in one piece. Carson and I began ‘seeing’ each other, it wasn’t exactly serious to begin with taking into consideration we were fourteen but suddenly it was and it felt like I was on top of the world.
Next thing I knew we were declaring our ‘love’ for each other and being a fifteen year old boy Carson was interested in taking our relationship further. Alexa, you know how impressionable I was back then maybe when you finish reading this you’ll realise why I’ve become so strong minded in the last few years. But back to the story – I really liked him Lex and deep down I knew that I wasn’t ready but somehow I convinced myself that I was. Hell, we’d only been dating a little under a month but I was convinced this was what I wanted and so we had sex. I won’t bother you with the details but I’ll just let you in on one little secret. I got pregnant. It obviously wasn’t planned but it happened.
Alexa, I was so scared. There were numerous times after I found out that I’d wake up in the middle of the night and begin to dial your number but I was so scared of what you’d think of me. I was fourteen years old and I was pregnant to a guy I’d been seeing for a month. I was the definition of a slut and I was ashamed.
Surprisingly Carson took control of the situation, which I know you’ll find hard to believe after your situation. Both he and I agreed we couldn’t abort the baby. No matter how ashamed I was, I couldn’t kill my own flesh and blood. It seems that God had different plans though. Do you remember that week in September that I was off with ‘the flu’ and when you visited me I just cried for hours claiming I felt ‘ill’? Yeah, I really did feel ill but I didn’t have the flu…
I was only five weeks pregnant when I lost the baby and I was devastated as was Carson. To cut a long story short, Carson dumped me. He claimed he couldn’t cope with the reminder of what could have been, and up until that day I walked into your hospital room and was put into the position where I had to interact with him, I hadn’t spoken to him since that moment.
I know this is a lot of take in, but it's not everything. Remember that day you went back to school having just found out you were pregnant, and you overheard me on the phone before we left? I claimed it was a girl from my English class and that we'd just been having a gossip. Well, I wasn't completely honest with you Alexa. It was a girl from my English class - Amber Robinson - but I was the one giving her the gossip. I told her, I told her all about you being pregnant. To this day I don't know why I did it. Maybe I wanted Carson to find out from someone else and be angry with you or maybe it was because I was hurt and jealous. At that moment, you had his baby growing inside you something I'd only done for a few weeks before I messed everything up. It doesn't matter why I did it, I did and I'm sorry.
I don’t expect you to understand why after all this time I felt connected to him again and why I've acted the way I have. Maybe it was seeing him with Isabella and pretending it was our baby he was holding that brought all those memories that I’d locked away back. I know you have feelings for him but are they as strong as mine?
I’m sorry but I love him, Alexa and I will fight for our past. I hope once this is all over our friendship could be salvaged but I know this is a lot to take in and it's going to end in heartbreak one way or another.
I love you Alexa, and again I’m sorry.
Taylor x
My hands shook violently as I finished reading the now tear stained letter. Taylor was right; I didn't understand and we probably wouldn't be friends again.