Sunday, 27th May. Day 27.
I stared at the ceiling and counted the seconds as they passed. My lack of sleep wasn't just because I got a seven hour nap yesterday after getting drunk on vodka but it also had something to do with how heavy my heart felt. I looked over Ezra to check the digital clock. There were still two minutes for 6am, the time Ezra set an alarm for to have a conference call with a few foreign dignitaries in the home office.
Two minutes felt like forever in limbo but when you had the mental countdown running through your mind, it wasn't hard to keep track. Two minutes later, the beeping started and it took Ezra three seconds to rouse from sleep and turn the alarm off. He turned to look at me and the surprise was evident on his face.
"You're awake." He said in his sleepy voice but I made no move to look at him. I was still staring at the ceiling, which looked grey-ish from the light of the city outside.
"Never slept." I said, though I don't know why and sat up. "What time is the video call?"
"8am." He replied slowly, still studying my face for any reaction or emotion.
"I'll take the timeout."
"You could stay," he said casually but as he sat up, I could feel the tension rolling off of him.
"I have orders at the store." I lied but he didn't call it.
"Alright." The tension between us was prominent but neither of us did anything to lighten it.
We freshened up and had some breakfast. Dolores and Sandra tried lightening up the mood but failed miserably. I didn't blame them though, Ezra and I were beyond repair.
"I'll have someone drop you." Ezra said while turning on the flat screen in the home office. Funny how twenty-seven days ago, we couldn't stand each other in this same room and now, I couldn't stand being apart.
"No thanks." I said and Ezra was about to argue but I cut in. "Before you, I was independent. Being cuffed to you doesn't change that. You don't have to look out for me, I'm no one to you." The sudden flash of anger in me rose to higher grounds. I couldn't explain it myself but I felt the need to get out of there, far away from him. I quickly texted David for the timeout and stuffed my phone, the cuffs and anything else that seemed important into my bag and I rushed out.
Once I reached the busy part of the city, my mind felt as ease. The busy rush of people and the sounds of the city brought a pleasant feeling to my mind. Ironic really, considering how something chaotic could bring peace to someone. Maybe the internal conflict raging in my mind for the past few days had taken a toll on me.
I took my time in walking to the store, relishing the feeling of being one with the crowd where no one knew me and my problems couldn't chase me. The polluted city seemed like a little bubble, my limbo for an hour. A place where I could be at ease and my heart and mind couldn't bother me. My bubble was going to burst in less than an hour but I brushed it aside and relished my present.
I waited at the zebra crossing for the little green man to light up so I could cross the road. My thoughts drifted to all things comforting. Maybe tomorrow I'll go to my apartment. It had been too long and I missed the homey feeling. I felt like I replaced my couch and my bed with the comfort I got being with Ezra. God, I felt so sappy. I shook my head and it was then when I registered the feeling of someone knocking into me and the weight of my bag disappearing into thin air. I looked at my bag-less shoulder and then to the man running away with said bag.
Shit. My wallet.
But more importantly, the cuffs.
"Wait!" I screamed and took off after the guy. I gave silent thanks because I was wearing a pair of jeans and my converse shoes. The man expertly weaved between the walking crowds of people. He looked like someone who had done this kind of thing before and I didn't doubt it. On the other hand, I had zero experience chasing someone down a busy street and hence, I bashed into people every now and then. "Stop!" I shouted like as if he would. Part of me wished he would stop and just hand my bag back to me while the other part of me wished I wouldn't catch him just so Ezra wouldn't get his inheritance. I mentally kicked myself for being so bad. Time for this bubble to pop, sooner than expected of course.
Thinking of giving myself the lecture later and pushing aside the disappointed looks of my parents, I turned right and followed him. I could feel the fatigue kicking in. My breathing grew harsh, my heart beat frantically against my chest and my thighs burnt up, begging me to stop. I saw the man turn left, the idiot deciding to run across the road to lose me but I wasn't having it. Thankfully, he ran into someone on the pavement, his daze allowing me to catch up to him but he quickly got a hold of himself and ran down the road. I managed to grab his collar halfway down the busy road but I wasn't the only one who caught him.
The next thing I knew, my cheek and body was against the hot and dirty tar road. My eyes fell on the unconscious man who was bleeding from his forehead. His hand was still fisted around my bag, though loosely this time. The contents were spilled out between us. My eyes went from the phone to the cuffs. The slit of glass on one cuff was completely shattered while the other had a crack but still counted down my remaining 47 minutes of freedom.
I felt like I was in a small bubble. The world was a blur outside my walls while the cuffs were inside with me, my eyes focused on the ticking clock. Black dots appeared before my eyes and I felt myself lose consciousness. I inched my left hand to the cuffs, my wrist screaming pain as I did. My fingertips trailed over the pieces of glass to the cold metal. I wrapped my fingers around one metal ring as tightly as I could. I felt myself fight a losing battle. I closed my eyes and Ezra appeared.
I'm sorry, Ezra.
I'm sorry if I can't get to you in time.
Know that I didn't mean for this to happen.
I'm sorry.
***
Beep. Beep. Beep.
The steady sound was the first thing I registered.
The next was the bright light that caused me to squeeze my eyes shut tighter.
After that came the familiar feel of a cuff around my right hand. Then came the feeling of someone holding that hand.
Next was the scent that invaded my nostrils. That scent. Mint and soap. Him. Ezra.
I blinked my eyes open and looked to my right. Ezra. He had my hand clasped in both of his. His head bent down. I stared at the crazy but beautiful mess of chestnut brown hair. Ezra.
His head whipped up like as if he could feel my eyes on him. That or I might have said his name out loud.
"Oh thank God." He said in a relieved tone and then stood up, only to wrap his arms around me and squeeze me. I relished the comfort, the warmth and the scent. Ezra. "I thought you... I..." He couldn't complete his sentence.
"Shh... Kostelijk. " I croaked out, surprised I could even sound like that. He chuckled a little, probably at my choice of words and kissed me. I felt a shot of pain, I must have a busted lip but I brushed it aside and focused on that kiss. Ezra. I love you, I love you so much. I wanted to say it but I swallowed it down.
"If something had to happen to you, I would never have forgiven myself." He said when he pulled back, his eyes brimming with unshed tears. He hugged me again and buried his face in my hair. "Don't you ever do this to me again. Do you know what happened when I heard? God, Clara, you just..." He trailed off and crushed me tighter in his arms.
I felt like I was in yet another bubble. Except this one felt more like home than the rest. I took solace in his arms and breathed in his scent. This felt like home. Home and love and everything right. I snuggled deeper and took in a heavy breath filled with mint and soap and Ezra. The rest of the world ceased to exist. But as much as I liked it or loved it, I knew better than to take comfort in something temporary.
"Sorry." I said as compensation and he laughed despite it all.
"You damn well better be." He cupped my face with his hands. "What I would have done if I lost you." He whispered in pain and his eyebrows furrowed. My heart bloomed and all the pain instantly erased.
"How's that man?" I cleared my throat and asked. Immediately, his face contorted into one of anger.
"He'll get what he deserves once he's alright." His eyes flickered to my left hand and it was then I noticed it was in a cast. "You just have a hairline fracture, thank God for that. Couple of bruises but you'll be able to take off the cast in a few days. I just wanted to be sure so..." I looked at him with aww and I felt the love and care in his actions. I suddenly thought of the man and wondered if he was okay.
"How is he?" I asked again and he looked surprised.
"Count on you to care for someone who doesn't deserve it," he looked at me with a sour expression and spoke in an annoyed tone.
"Everyone deserves love." I replied though I meant to aim it at him. He swallowed and looked away.
"He's got a concussion and a fractured rib." He said while sitting back down. I immediately missed his warmth.
"Any financial troubles?" I asked and Ezra looked at me with an expression that told me I was right. "Help him out." I said and he gave me an incredulous look. "Lest someone else ends up in my position with worser injuries."
"He's so lucky you are you." He muttered and shook his head. I couldn't help but laugh. "Next time," he said in an authoritative voice and pointed a finger at me that immediately shut my mouth, "you take my car wherever you go." I knew better than to argue with that so I nodded quietly. "Good. And don't ever do this to me again." He kissed the knuckles of my right hand and brushed them against his cheek.
"I won't. I promise I'll never leave." My voice held conviction and I knew he heard it loud and clear.
"Good."
"I love you."
"I know." He kissed my hand. "I know, ik hou ook van jou, Kostelijk. I'm sorry but not yet."