I hardly slept last night. Did i take the right decision? Shall i pretend nothing happened? If i am completely honest with myself, Niall manages to make me laugh. My past is the reason i don't laugh, but he can make me forget for a while. Whether he comforts me, or pisses me off.
I quickly get out of bed, stretch my tired limbs and pull my hair up in a messy bun. Another day of work and since last week, another day full of surprise. After patting my tired dog's head, I shuffle to the bathroom while rubbing the tiredness out of my eyes and do the usual: weighing, checking myself in the mirror, toilet, and so on. Today I'm alone in here, yesterday Niall was standing right behind me. Shaking the fresh memory off, I go to the kitchen and pour myself some orange juice. Yesterday this room was filled with water, laughter, joy, Niall... I shake my head in an attempt to shake away those thoughts. I need to stop thinking about him, so i feed Chester, who is extremely satisfied with my choice.
Getting a bowl and filling it with cereals and milk, i turn the television on to check the weather: It'll snow and it'll be cold. The usual.
After breakfast, i put on a grey pair of linen trousers and an emerald green flowy shirt. The green makes my eyes shine nicely and i pull on some matching high heels. I love the library, but sadly my employers expect me to dress elegantly yet sufficiently each and every day. That means, skirts, suits, office stuff, etc. At least they won't make me wear glasses.
* * *
When i enter the library absent-mindedly, still thinking about Niall and the kiss, i immediately know i forgot my shield. And Bethany noticed. I mentally facepalm myself. Bethany hurries over to me, musters me from top to bottom and then states the obvious.
"Something happened."
I sigh. "Yes, something happened."
Bethany now looks me straight in the eyes.
"Something with Niall?"
Is she reading my mind? Instead of answering a blush creeps over my cheeks and i lower my head.
Bethany makes a weird sound, like she always does when she's excited. "Oh my god, what exactly happened? I want to know every detail!"
I swear softly under my breath, because i don't know what to say.
"He kissed me." It sounds more like a question and I'm not even sure if Bethany could hear me.
"He did what?"
Wow, now my ear hurts. Does she have to scream like that? Every person in the library now turns to us, i lower my gaze and observe my high heels, while fiddling with my little silver watch. Bethany notices my lack of speech.
"C'mon Ophelia. Just tell me everything, please!"
I sigh. If i tell her everything she wants to know, I'll need a hearing-aid by the time I'm halfway.
"Okay. Just don't scream anymore, please?" Bethany nods her head vigorously and I take a deep breath.
* * *
"Ophelia, you get a guy like him thrown at you and then you decide to pretend nothing happened! I want to pull all my hair out right now. How can you do that?"
I told Bethany everything that happened, from our meeting on Monday till the kiss yesterday. She didn't scream, but she squeaked and made strangling noises. When i told her that i didn't think he was serious, she put her hands on my throat, pretending to strangle me.
"Ophelia, why can't you just go for it?" She makes another one of those weird sounds.
"Hey, girls. What's so exciting?"
I quickly turn around, completely startled. The deep voice belongs to Niall of course. I put my hand on my heart.
"Don't ever startle me like that again. Ever."
I get a low chuckle in reply.
"Wow, it's great to know i amuse you."
I say, rolling my eyes and turning my attention to the computer in front of me again. Bethany is staring at Niall first, then at me.
"So, what's up?"
His Irish accent seems stronger than yesterday and i feel the urge to look up at him. He's smiling down at me, his hair is styled in a quiff and although he's smiling a bright grin, his eyes seem tired. They're not shining or twinkling, instead there are dark circles under them. Niall's grin grows wider when he notices me staring at him. I quickly avert my eyes, but can't keep my cheeks from turning red.
"Your hair is up."
He has a mega smirk on his lips now. "Ophelia, you're epic."
I roll my eyes, still busily typing something. Sensing his stare i can't concentrate though.
"Why are you here, Niall?" I try to sound bored, looking at my screen and typing.
"I just wanted to see you."
His answer sounds so clear, so genuine and honest. One simple sentence causing butterflies in my stomach to flutter their wings. But i need to remember, he's handsome, charming, funny, famous, he can get every girl he wants. Why me? The only reasonable answer i can think of is, that Niall is just playing with me. He's not really interested anyway.
"Maybe i don't want to see you."
I know the words aren't true, but i can't let myself fall for him....I've already fallen for him though.
"C'mon, don't play hard to get now."
"I'm not playing hard to get. I am hard to get."
Now i look up from my screen to see Niall taking a deep breath. He looks sad, what happened to him? He's tired, sad...
"Ophelia, can we talk?"
"We are talking."
"I mean privately." He casts a glance at Bethany and i follow his look. Then i sigh.
"Sure."
"I get up from my chair, look at Bethany, who gives me a thumbs up and a huge smile, and walk to my office with Niall right next to me.
We walk downstairs and i turn the light on. Then i open the door to my office and let Niall in. Now I'm nervous, i don't even know why. He doesn't sit down, he stands in the middle of the room with his hands in his pockets, staring at me. I lean aagainst the door with my back, my hands fidgeting with the doorknob.
"What's the matter, Niall?"
"I could ask you the same question."
"You could, but you're not." I cross my arms amd pull one eyebrow up.
"Ophelia, I- I love you."
My mouth makes an o-shape, not trusting what i just heard. He loves me? My eyes widen, but he continues:
"You're different from every other girl I've met. I mean, you are beautiful, you are funny, you have the most amazing eyes I've ever seen. All other girls would for example not eat in front of me or something, but you just don't care. You couldn't care less if I'm in a band or not, you're real."
I'm speechless. I would've expected everything, just not this. Does he really think all of that? J move towards my chair and lean against it, now a little further away from Niall than before.
"And, Ophelia, i know you probably don't feel the same way, but i just had to get that off my chest. Sorry."
I do feel the same, that's the problem. I open my mouth to say something, but nothing exits my mouth, so i close it again. We stand in silence, not knowing what to say. He opened his heart to me, all i have to do is take it. Because of my lack of response, Niall's already tired and sad eyes turn disappointed, even sadder. And that makes me feel so guilty. I want to tell him how i have feelings for him, but his eyes are so distracting. After what feels like hours, Niall turns to leave. When he reaches the door i finally know what to do.
"No, wait."
Niall turns to me, his hand never leaving the doorknob.
"I- I-...Niall, I might- I think i- i like you too."
My head turns to face the floor, because i can't look at him now. I'm too scared of his reaction. Too scared it was all a joke. Then i feel a finger lifting my chin. Niall forces me to look at him and i do. I look straight into those amazing blue, twinkling and shining eyes. Then he whispers
"Really?"
I nod my head and an enormous grin appears on Niall's lips. We're only inches apart. Those lips, i member how they locked with mine only yesterday evening. Before i even think i close the gap between us and take initiative.
Niall kisses me back and our lips move in sync. I feel his tongue sliding over my bottom lip and out of impulse i immediately open my mouth. The kiss deepens and by now, Niall's hands are cupping my face and mine are resting on his chest. The butterflies are going wild and i think my heart is about to jump out of my chest and run away.
When we pull away from each other to breath, i feel my cheeks burning. How can a guy i only just met last week do this to me? I've only known him for one week and yet i can't stop my feelings. I don't look at Niall, but play with my watch again.
Niall then takes my hands in his and intertwines our fingers, we both look at our hands. This feeling of correctness is overwhelming. It's been a long time since I've kissed somebody, since i felt comfortable around somebody. I just hope he is what he seems to be. After only one week i shouldn't have these feelings for him. Now i lift my head and my eyes rest on Niall. He's deeply in thought, what could he be thinking about? I'm just about to ask, when his phone starts ringing. Sighing, he takes it out of his pocket and answers.
"Liam, your timing is the worst."
Who's Liam?
"No, i haven't forgotten. Of course not."
He sounds irritated.
"Liam, calm the fuck down. I'm on my way."
He's leaving?
"Yes, see you."
He's leaving.
Sighing some more, he puts the phone away, then looks back at me. His eyes tired again.
"Sorry, work is calling." I nod.
"Yes, you should probably leave." He nods.
"See you around."
Pressing one last kiss on my cheek, he vanishes through the door.
* * *
I get my keys out of my handbag and take my shoes off for the stairs. My feet are hurting like shit. I'm tired, hungry, hurting all over and craving for a shower.
"There you are."
I look up to see Niall standing in front of my door.
"What the hell are you doing here?"
"I called, but you didn't pick up."
"Sorry, empty battery."
"It's fine."
"Mmhh."
Niall's hair is ruffled and the circles under his eyes are bigger. I narrow my eyes and stare at him, trying to figure out what's wrong. Noticing my stares, a small smile creeps up his face. He moves away so i can unlock the door and as soon as the door is open, Chester jumps up and down my legs. I pat his head and then he already spots Niall, the next victim. He throws himself at the poor guy and Niall is stupid enough to bend over, so Chester gives him a wet lick all over his face. Niall makes some disgusted noises and i hand him a tissue from my handbag. For that i receive a dry 'Thanks'. I walk to my bedroom and quickly change into more comfortable clothes. My back, my feet amd my hips hurt from the long day and i throw myself on to the couch, on which Niall already sits. I don't even have energy to make food anymore. I lean onto Niall's shoulder, closing my eyes.
"Was something wrong or did you just come by to see me again?"
"Just came by to see you again." I can feel his chuckle vibrating under his chest. Is it right of me to act this way? Shouldn't i be cautious, because i don't really know him that well?
"Hey, are you tired?"
I mumble a yes, then feel myself being picked up and brought to my bedroom. I snuggle into Niall's warm chest, breathing in his cologne. Niall puts me down on my bed, but i don't let go off his neck, forcing him to ly next to me. He pulls the blanket over us both and i rest in his arms. He wipes a strand of hair behind my ear then slowly lowers his face to mine. Immediately my heartbeat increases. This is our third kiss. I'm supposed to be the distant girl who won't talk to anyone. What am i doing?
Before Niall's lips can touch mine i drop my head. I don't want to rush anything. It's dark, so i can't see Niall's expression, but i can guess it by the sigh that escapes his throat.
"Ophelia, If you don't want me to kiss you, you just have to say so."
That's not it. I want him to kiss me, but i know it's wrong. Everything inside of me wants him to kiss me, except my brain. This is the decision. Either i kiss him, or i don't.
"I just don't want to rush things." I mumble.
Niall doesn't reply. The silence hanging above us is awkward. His hand is still cupping my face, but he stopped rubbing his thumb over me cheek.
"Will you please tell me what's wrong with you?"
What? What is supposed to be wrong with me? I told him i didn't want to rush things, can't he respect my decision? A frown appears on my forehead, I'm not sure if Niall is able to see it on the dark, but he explains now:
"You always seem so strong and direct, but then i saw you crying yesterday. The images don't fit. And you keep saying everything is fine, but i don't believe it. Maybe I'm paranoid, but I'm definitely not blind. Something is bothering you."
He's right, he's completely right. How can he see through my wall like that? How could he break through the wall? I'm not as strong as he thinks i am. I just like to keep that image up. I don't want people messing with me.
Another silence hangs in the room. I don't want to answer, i don't want to ly and i don't want to tell him the truth. I keep quiet. I do what i do best, i shut up.
After what seems like hours, Niall stops looking at me and sighs. Then he wraps his arms around me under the blankets and buries his head in my neck. I hug him back, enjoying the warmth and the safe feeling. Whenever he hugs me i feel like nobody can touch me, like nothing in the world could hurt me. Niall's cologne is intoxicating and i inhale deeply. Sadly, Niall pulls away far too soon, leaving his arms around me.
"I think i should probably leave."
He gets up and i feel cold and lonely when his arms leave my body. The bed feels much too big for me, i want him to stay. But i don't say anything, i can't say anything. I don't even know why. Niall gently pushes me down on the mattress and covers me with the blanket.
"Goodnight, beautiful." He whispers.
I smile, but don't close my eyes. When Niall turns to leave i feel empty, like he took something of mine with him, my heart. I shouldn't fall in love with somebody I've only known for one week, but I'm too weak to fight my feelings.
"Goodbye, Niall." I whisper before i feel my eyelids slowly close and everything turns dark.