"Professor Soto said he will give me the class assignments for this week if I brought my friends to his show, so I will be expecting that today." I smile at Landon.
The ache in my chest grows each hour that I don't hear from Hardin. I'm pretty sure he didn't come home at this point, that or he's ignoring me. If anyone should be ignoring anyone, it's me. I know pushing marriage with him isn't something he wants, and I know it's too soon but it's not marriage that I am pushing, its just some type of future. I have been through hell and back for him and he doesn't think about me when it comes to these types of things. I am glad that I stood up to him but I do miss him.
"That's a little odd, don't you think?" Landon says as we enter the classroom for our religion class.
"What is?"
"That he basically bribed you to see him outside of the classroom.."
"It's not like he asked me to come alone or anything." I shrug.
I don't get that creepy, dangerous vibe from Professor Soto at all. If anything, the fact that he stood up to Hardin made me respect him more. I am used to everyone being intimidated by him so it's refreshing when someone puts him in his place.
"I still think it's inappropriate." Landon says.
"Okay Hardin." I tease, my chest tightening at the use of his name.
"I'm just saying, be careful. Where is Hardin anyway? He didn't stalk you to the coffee house this morning." Landon grins.
"He's.. well I don't know actually. He didn't come home last night." I sigh and take my seat in the front row.
"What do you mean he didn't come home, from Canal Place or whatever it's called?"
"Canal Street Tavern.. but no we left there together but he was in a bad mood because he had an awkward exchange with Professor Soto and then we got in a fight over our future and the fact that he doesn't want one with me. He said he wouldn't even move to Seattle with me."
"Wait.. Professor Soto and Hardin?" Landon whispers, looking around the room.
"Yeah, it was basically just a pissing contest. Hardin was already in a bad mood anyway so that just pushed him over the edge I guess."
"That's really awkward. What makes you think he doesn't want a future with you?" Landon asks.
"He said it. He literally said that he hasn't thought about a future and he doesn't want to then he said that if I don't like it I can leave." I feel embarrassed repeating the hurtful things that he said to me, even to Landon who I trust the most.
"He said that?"
"Yeah, he said that me bringing up marriage to him is psychotic."
"But asking you to move in before anyone even knew you were together isn't?"
"That's exactly what I said. He is so confusing." I rub my temples.
"It's ten after nine, shouldn't class have already started?" The girl behind us says loudly.
When I look up Professor Soto is entering the room, he is wearing a leather jacket over a white button up shirt and tie.
"Morning everyone! Sorry I'm late, I had a late night last night." He smiles and shakes his jacket from his shoulders before throwing it across the back of his chair.
"I hope everyone took the time to either purchase or steal a journal?" He says and Landon and I look at one another and pull our journals out.
It amazes me how unprepared college students are. I should have brought one of my extras for one of my unprepared classmates.
"If not, take out a blank piece of paper because we are going to use the first half of class to work on the first journal assignment. I haven't decided how many there will be exactly but like I said, the journal will make up the majority of your grade so you need to put in at least a little effort." He grins and sits down, putting his feet on the desk.
"I want to know your ideas on faith. What does it mean to you? There is literally no wrong answer here and your personal religion doesn't make a difference. You can take this in many different directions, do you yourself have faith in something higher? Do you feel that faith can bring good things to people's lives? Maybe you think of faith in a completely different way all together, does having faith in something or someone change the outcome of a situation? If you have faith that your unfaithful lover will stop being unfaithful, does that make a difference at all? Does having faith in god.. or a number of god's make you any better of a person than someone who doesn't? Take the topic of faith and do what you want with it, just do something." He says.
My mind is whirling with ideas, I always went to church growing up but I have to admit my relationship with god hasn't always been the strongest. Every time I try to press my pen to the first page of my journal Hardin comes to mind. Faith. Have I had too much faith in Hardin? If I continue to have faith in him will he change?
I look around the room after a few minutes have passed, everyone seems to be writing. Professor Soto's eyes meet mine as I glance past him.
"If anyone is having trouble writing, stop overthinking it. Whatever it is that comes to your mind first is what you should write. I'm not checking for spelling errors, I'm not going to be judging anyone, what you choose to do with the topic is solely your choice. Just close your eyes and write what you feel." His voice carries through the room.
I look down immediately to no one knows he was talking to me. At least I am pretty sure he was.
"Alright, let's finish up so we can have a small discussion before dismissal." Professor Soto interrupts.
By the time I glance at my page again, I am on my third. Most of what I have written has went straight from my subconscious to the paper, leaving my mind and heart out of it. Somehow a weight has been lifted by writing about my faith in Hardin.
Class ends ten minutes early, I am sensing a pattern here.
"Ms. Young, can I speak to you for a moment?" Professor Soto calls as Landon and I reach the door.
I turn back and nod, ignoring the look Landon is giving me. The room is clearing out, leaving only the three of us.
"I'll meet you outside." I say to Landon and walk back towards Professor Soto.
"I just wanted to thank you for coming last night and bringing your friends along, we had a pretty good turn out." He smiles.
"No problem at all."
"I know you only came to get the assignment early." He laughs and hands me a blank sheet of paper.
"What is this?" I ask.
"I'm going to tell you the assignment, did you think I'd write it out for you?" He says, handing me a pen.
"The journal was the big assignment, the other assignment is reading pages six through twenty."
"That's it?" I don't write it anything down.
"Yeah, I told you most of the work would be the journal."
"Yeah.. but that's like no work."
"So an easy A then?" He smirks.
"I suppose.."
"Your boyfriend is very...colorful." Professor Soto adds as I hand him the blank sheet of paper.
"Yeah, he is."
"I don't mean to be too personal here but I was very surprised by him. I knew you had to have a boyfriend, I just didn't expect him to look like that."
"What is that supposed to mean?" My tone tensing.
"I don't mean that in a bad way at all, calm down." He laughs.
"I just thought since you are so..I don't know..put together, your boyfriend would be some kid in a cardigan, not covered in tattoos." He explains and my thoughts go to Noah.
"Oh, yeah. We are complete opposites." I tell him.
"I can tell. Possessive thing, isn't he?" He raises his brow.
"It's not that he's possessive.. it's just.. he gets a little jealous sometimes." I don't know why I am having this discussion with my professor.
"A little? He was practically fuming at the mouth." He laughs and I can't hide my smile because it's true.
"Yeah he was." I agree.
"I'm your professor, he shouldn't be worried about me." He tells me.
"No, all kidding aside, he seems okay. Arrogant as hell but okay all the same. We have another show coming up next week, you and your friends should make another appearance."
"I will see what they think, they enjoyed the music." I say.
"I'll." He corrects me and I try not to roll my eyes.
"I'll see what I can do." I repeat before adjusting my bag and my shoulder and walking towards the door.
"Have a good day Ms. Young." He calls after me.
The rest of the day drags on miserably since I haven't heard from Hardin. By one o'clock I have called him three times but he hasn't answered. I hope he's okay and hasn't done anything to make our situation worse. What if he's with Molly? Is the aching thought that keeps popping into my head. I don't think he would go back to her, we are past that. He wouldn't cheat on me. I know he wouldn't.
I'm not sure what to do about my PE class, I am not longer in yoga and Hardin hasn't told me if we are in another PE class yet. I should have just stayed in yoga, this is exactly what I'm talking about. He doesn't like the yoga class, so I drop it. If it were the other way around, I would have had no say in it and we would be doing yoga.
I could go to the admissions office and check to see what class I am in, if any, but I just want to go home. I don't like to skip classes, especially not this early in the semester but I'm tired, I'm worried, I'm anxious, I'm angry, and I'm growing more and more paranoid and I just want to leave.
Hardin's POV.
"Do you want another cup of coffee? It will help with the hangover." She asks.
"No, I know how to get rid of a hangover. I've had plenty." I growl.
"Don't be a dick, I was just asking." Carly rolls her eyes.
"Stop talking." I rub my temples, her voice is annoying as hell.
"Charming as ever, I see?" She laughs and leaves me alone in her small kitchen.
I am a dumbass for even being here but it's not like I had another option. Yes I did, I'm just trying to not take the blame for anything. I was harsh on her and said some pretty fucked up things and now here I am in Carly's kitchen drinking fucking coffee at one in the afternoon.
"Do you need a ride back to your car?" She yells from the other room.
"Obviously." I respond and she walks into the kitchen wearing only a bra.
"You are lucky that I brought your drunk ass home with me. My boyfriend will be home soon so we need to go." She slides her shirt over her head.
"You have boyfriend? Nice." This keeps getting better. Not.
"Yes I do. It may be surprising to you that not everyone just wants a fuck buddy." She rolls her eyes again.
I almost tell her about Tessa but I decide against it, it's not of her business.
"I gotta piss first." I tell her and walk to the bathroom.
My head is pounding and I'm pissed at myself for coming here. I should be at home, well on campus, but I should be thinking of a way to explain my dickhead actions from last night.
I hear my phone buzzing on the counter and snap back around.
"Don't you dare answer that." I bark at Carly and she takes a step back.
"I'm not! You weren't this big of an asshole last night." She remarks, I ignore her.
As we are driving back to the bar I got shit faced in last night I keep rereading the texts from Tessa, over and over again. I should have replied at least, telling her I fell asleep in the car or some shit. That's what I'll do, at least she won't be left to her imagination.
*I fell asleep in the car after drinking too much, I'll be home soon.* I send and wait for a reply.
I can't tell her about this, about staying at Carly's house. She will never forgive me, she won't even hear me out. I know she won't. I can tell she is getting tired of my shit lately. I know she is. I just don't have a fucking clue how to fix it.
"Damn it, we have to go around. There's a wreck." She complains and turns onto a side street.
I glance up to observe the wreckage, it doesn't seem too bad. A middle aged man stands with his hands in his pockets while talking to a police officer. The officer points to a silver car just like..
"Stop the car." I panic.
"What?"
"I said stop the god damn car!" Without thinking, I open the door as the car comes to a stop and rush over to the sight of the accident.
"Where is the other driver?" I ask the officer and look around the scene.
The front end of the car is clearly damaged but I can see the WSU parking pass hanging from the rearview mirror. Fuck. An ambulance is parked next to the police car. Fuck.
If something happened to her.. if she isn't okay...
"Where is the girl? Someone fucking answer me!" I scream.
"There." The man points to the ambulance and my heart stops beating.
The ambulance doors are open and Tessa is sitting on the back of it with an icepack on her cheek.
Thank god.
"What happened? Are you okay?" The words tumble from my mouth and relief takes over her features at the sound of my voice.
"I had an accident." She says, above her eye is a small bandage and her lip is swollen and split on the side.
The young woman EMT is standing between us.
"Can you go?" I ask rudely.
She nods and walks away quickly.
I reach for the icepack and move it, revealing a knot the size of a golf ball. Her cheeks are stained with tears and her eyes are swollen and red. She will have a black eye, I can already see it forming under her skin.
"Fuck, are you okay? Was it his fault?" My eyes search for that asshole.
"No, I ran into him." She says, wincing as she presses the icepack back to her cheek.
"What are you even doing out? You didn't go to class today?" I ask.
"Yeah, I did. Where were you?" She frowns.
"Can I go? You can walk back to your car from here right? I really need to get back home." Carly says and Tessa's eyes focus behind me.
"Who is that?" She asks me.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
Not this, not now.
"I'm Hardin's friend Carly. Can I go now?" Carly asks.
"Bye Carly." I snap in an attempt to shut her up.
"He was with you last night at your place?" Tessa asks her.
I try to make eye contact with Tessa but she continues to stare at Carly.
"Yeah, I was trying to take him back to his car."
"Where is his car?" Tessa's voice shakes.
"Carly, go." I say again.
"No, tell me where his car is." Tessa stands up and her knees buckle nearly causing her to fall.
I grab ahold of her elbows in an attempt to hold her up but she pushes me away, whimpering from the pain of her injuries.
"Don't touch me!" She says through her teeth.
"Where is his car?" She asks her again.
"The bar that I work at. I'm going now.." Carly answers and raises her hands before walking away.
"Tess.." I plea for her to listen to me.
Too much is happening at once with the fight last night, me leaving, this accident, Carly, Tessa meeting Carly.
Why am I such a fuck up?
"Get away from me." She says, her cheek indents and I can tell she is biting down on it, to hold in her tears I'm sure.
I'm beginning to miss the days of her constant crying now that she is trying to appear emotionless.
"Tessa, we have.." I begin and my voice cracks.
Now I am the emotional one, and for once I don't care. The panic from seeing the front end of her car smashed still courses through me and I don't want anything more than to hold her right now.
"Go now or I will tell them to make you." She threatens, referring to the police officers.
"I don't give a fuck about them, you need to listen to me."
"I am done listening to you! You are who you are, remember? I knew it! I knew all morning that you were with someone else, I was just trying to force myself not to believe it."
"We can work this out, we always have." I beg.
"Do you not see that I was just in an accident? I am in a lot of pain right now, and you are magnifying it by being here. And honestly, you spending the night with her hurts a thousand times more than any of this!" She finally begins to sob and I welcome her tears.
"Tessa, please. I had a lot to drink and I couldn't drive.."
"Don't you even try to make excuses for.."
"Is everything okay over here? We need to get you to the hospital, just to check everything out. It shouldn't take long once the paperwork is over with." The EMT says.
"I'm ready now." Tessa tells her, wiping the tears from her cheeks.
"Will you be accompanying her?" The woman asks me.
"No. He will not." Tessa answers for me.
"I.." I say.
"No, he will not." She repeats and attempts to climb into the back of the ambulance.
"Don't." She nearly kicks at me when I try to help her.
The woman gives me sympathetic look that I certainly don't deserve. This is my damn fault. All of it. The ambulance doors slam and I am left standing in the middle of the street. Alone.
(Please vote and comment! Ily! I was trying not to respond to any of the comments on ig bc they were all spoilers! lol. Great minds think alike hah)