"Let's go swimming while we're here!"
Swimming?
You wrinkle your nose at the thought.
"I don't think we're going to have time," Chris yawns from his sit on the couch, looking tired. "We're only on the beach one more time."
"And it's all the more reason to take advantage of it!" Ryan says, huffing. "It would he so nice! Cool water to fight this fucking heat, a cook out! We could even park the bus by the water and listen to the waves -."
"You sound like a Tinder profile."
"Shut up, Balz."
You chuckle.
You were sitting at the table, absently eating on a Twizzler as they argued back and forth about what they wanted to do. Josh is sitting across from you, fiddling around on his laptop. Ricky was piled in his bunk, he'd fallen asleep earlier and no one had wanted to bother him.
He'd been kind of grouchy.
But you know why.
You were casually spending more time with Josh again.
You hadnt kissed since you'd talked, you'd made it a point to yourself to keep it strictly platonic.
You didn't want to mess up again.
Although you kind of wanted to....
"Look at this," you turn your phone around, showing Josh a meme you'd found of the band.
He wrinkles his nose as he looks at it.
"I'm not surprised Ricky is the girl."
You roll your eyes.
"You wanna watch some TV?" he suddenly asks, looking bored. "Just for a little while?"
You hesitate.
Watch it alone?
With him?
And no one else?
Could, no, should you really do that?
"Sure."
Josh smiles at you as he rises to his feet, holding his laptop to him. You go ahead of him, missing the grin that Devin shoots him behind his back. You creep through the bunk aisles to the lounge, leaving Ryan to argue his case to the rest of the band about staying by the beach.
You shouldn't be nervous to just watch TV.
But you are.
Only to be disappointed.
Josh doesn't make one move towards you the entire time you're watching, the two of you just making your nrom comments throughout. At one point Vinny comes in, tossing himself beside you and watching as well, asking questions constantly because he has no idea what's going on.
"So she's with the other guy now?"
"No they're not together."
"Oh. So the girl who kissed her -?'
"Not with her either."
"But you said she stabbed -."
"You just need to watch it from season one," you inform him, offering a twizzler. "It's the only way you'll have any idea what's happening."
Vinny frowns.
He's confused.
His eyes flick between the two of you, seeing you were tense and Balz was relaxed, lounging on the couches. You keep shifting nervously, your eyes flicking to him as if you want to say something but you're not sure what. Vinny had only come in to see if you two were making out or not.
You'd disappointed him.
Everyone on the bus knew you'd slept together, it wasn't like it was a big secret; but Vinny was pretty sure everyone knew better then to say a word about it around Ricky.
Vinny wasn't sure what was going on there.
He'd thought you were dating Ricky, but Chris had said you were just friends.
But Ricky didn't act like he was just friends with you.
And you were clearly into Balz.
Heh.
So.
Was Balz gonna ask you out?
But what about your past relationship?
Vinny had heard Chris and Devin talking about it, so he knew it had been abusive and Ricky had kind of swooped in and saved your ass, bringing you on tour and everything.
And Balz didn't deserve to just be a rebound.
Which is what he would be in this scenario.
So maybe it was best the two of you didn't date until you were over your ex.
That's what Vinny figures.
And he's incredibly bored of the show Balz seems so riveted with.
"Where are you going?" you ask as Vinny stands, stretching.
"Back up front to play Xbox. This show is lame."
You and Balz both give a gasp of offense at the same time, and then look at each other.
Weirdos.
You chuckle as Vinny leaves the room.
"He just doesn't get it," you say, and Josh nods.
"Yeah, he doesn't. Hell have to watch it from the beginning. It doesn't help were almost done with the season."
"Yeah."
"So, uh," Josh suddenly shifts, sitting up straighter. "Ryans talking about heading to the beach for a while... Would you wanna go? Swimming that is."
You Hesitate.
Swimming?
Like in a bathing suit?
Where people can see you?
You're not so sure about that.
"I don't... I don't know."
"It's cool, I was just curious. I know this place that I like to go to when it's really late, so I thought... Well, maybe when we get in that town we could go? We don't have to swim if you don't want too, we can just hang out. It's pretty private, there won't be any people or anything."
"How do you know that?"
"Just it's place. I've never seen anyone else there."
Your fingers curl against your legs.
"I don't see why not." You hear yourself say, and he grins at you, looking relieved.
"Cool! And don't worry about Ricky, I have him handled."
"Handled?" you look at him in amusement.
"Yup! Devins agreed to babysit while we go off and - hang out. There's a guitar store in town that Ricky loves and he can spend hours in there."
Well that was convenient.
But it wasn't a date was it?
Or was it?
You hadnt been on a date in a very long time.
"It's just us hanging out, right? Nothing fancy?"
Josh shakes his head. "Do I seem like I could be fancy?"
"Sometimes."
He chuckles.
"Nah. Just us, a bench, and the water on our feet. Although I do suggest sun screen."
You give a half grin.
"I'm surprised a vampire like you even likes the beach."
"Even vampires need some Vitamin D."
You chuckle, your eyes amused as they meet his; it's only at that moment you realize he's scooted close to you, barely a foot away, and his warm hand is suddenly on yours.
You hold your breath, biting your lip as you look at him.
Was he going to kiss you?
Why did you want him to so badly?
Should you kiss him?
You want too.
But that small voice in the back of your mind, the nagging, awful one, tells you to sit still, that you don't want to make any moves that would make him realize how much he doesn't like you, that you're stupid and pathetic and weak for not standing up for yourself before.
He'd basically asked you why you hadnt just left your ex.
So if he knows how weak you are why is he so interested?
Maybe he just feels guilty for sleeping with you when you were drunk, wanted a private place to let you down easy.
Or maybe he does like you, you're honestly not sure.
It's pretty obvious you're not good at judging people.
"What's that face for?"
"Huh?"
"That face; it's like you think something is doomed."
You do.
You.
You're doomed.
But you don't want to say that.
So you merely shrug and pull your hand from his.
Josh frowns, and he reaches forward to brush a long strand of hair from your eyes, liking the fact you weren't flinching away from him anymore; it seemed like the reflex was becoming less and less common, and he was incredibly happy about that.
"Can I kiss you?"
What?
You blink at him.
He didn't need to ask, of course he could.
You find yourself nodding, your voice becoming trapped in your throat.
He leans forward slowly, and after a moment, you feel his lips in the barest of brushes against your own, so light you question if he even kissed you.
And for some reason that sets off a mild spark in your stomach.
You find yourself leaning into him, kissing him firmly and leaving no question about it. His hand rises to tangle in your hair, and he can taste the candy on your tongue, so sweet.
Kissing him is so - addicting.
Intoxicating.
No one had ever kissed you quite like he did, as if he was drowning and you were his oxygen. It was like you mattered, he wasn't just kissing you to seduce you into his bed, he was kissing you because he wanted too, he liked too.
It was so obvious the difference in them.
And you hadnt known there was a difference until that moment.
Your arms wind around his neck as you pull closer, and he turns slightly, pressing you into the couches leather back, his hand slipping carefully onto your thigh, your hip - you would he fine with him touching you anywhere.
Because you did believe what he'd said earlier, that he wouldn't hurt you like that.
You believe it so whole heartedly you know you're being foolish.
He might not hurt you physically, but...
He would hurt you in another way.
And it would be entirely your fault.