---Emily’s POV---
(Dream) **don’t freak out it’s a dream**
It’s been a few weeks since I’ve moved back to Texas. The weather here is completely opposite from the London winds. Although it’s winter, the Sun still beams down with its warm rays in Texas. Weather is only one difference between Texas and London… but there were hundreds more. One difference, and perhaps the biggest change I would have to get used to… was Harry’s absence. He was touring the rest of the world, while I was back home with my parents.
Don’t get me wrong, I was happy to see my parents after months of hardly speaking… but I wanted so badly to be in Harry’s arms again. To feel his protective arms wrapped around my waist as he gently planted his soft lips onto mine. But the closest contact I could have of him was through text messaging…. and those came around every once in a great while…
Currently, I was walking through the market. Waving hello to everyone I had left behind a few months ago when I decided to go overseas with Brandon. Although this was, and will always be, my home, something didn’t fit right. These people were used to me and Brandon walking around the aisles. Holding hands, laughing at inside jokes we would create. They had no clue of what I went through in London. No clue of the amazing human being I had met and fallen in love with. I was a stranger.
“Emily! How have you been? Long time no see.” I heard Mrs. Rice’s voice come from behind the counter.
“Hello Ma’am,” I smiled brightly.Memories coming back of how she used to hand me free apples as a child whenever I would come to the market with my mother. I scanned her figure; her dress reached her ankles, small black shoes covering her feet. Her eyes exposed crinkles in her eyes as she smiled. Although she was elderly, she was adorable. She looked the same as she did when I left home almost half a year ago.
“You’re back to visit?” She asked, wondering what I was doing home from London.
“For the semester,” I nodded. Despite my smile, I was sure my eyes gave it away. I didn’t want to speak much about why I was here. I could tell Mrs. Rice had noticed because she smiled and continued looking into the box she had just carried onto the counter. I smiled widely, knowing exactly what she was doing. As she pulled her arm out of the box, her hand was wrapped around a bright red apple. I felt like a child once more, I felt safe.
“For old times’ sake,” her teeth were exposed with her smile as she handed me the red fruit.
“Thank you very much Mrs. Rice,”
“Say hello to your mother for me. Welcome back Emily.” I nodded at her words as I turned around and continued my day. Maybe I was wrong… maybe I wasn’t a complete stranger. Just speaking to Mrs. Rice gave me assurance that I have not disconnected with this world completely.
I took a small bite of the apple as I reached into my pocket. Looking at my phone, I noticed Harry STILL hadn’t replied to my text message from yesterday morning. I thought for a second, maybe I could text Niall and tell him to tell Harry. DON’T DO THAT YOU FOOL, HE’LL THINK YOU’RE A JEALOUS GIRLFRIEND WHO DOESN’T WANT TO GIVE HIM AIR! I shook my head as I shoved my IPhone into my back pocket.
I knew I was overreacting. Harry himself said we were going to be okay, despite the millions of miles between us.
Walking towards the registers, I passed a shelf full of the latest celebrity gossip magazines. Passing through, I came upon a familiar pair of green eyes. Harry, my Harry, was front page of a teen magazine… but he wasn’t alone.
His arm was wrapped around a dark haired girl. She was pretty. Her blue eyes pierced through the camera as her red lips puckered together, blowing a kiss to the photographer. Her right cheek pressed against Harry’s cheek. He was smiling…. holding her hand….
The front cover read “Has One Direction Member, Harry Styles, Found New Love While on Tour? Read more about inside!" I walked away, from the spot I had occupied not two seconds before.
I felt ill in a matter of seconds. My stomach turning in circles as the room began to feel smaller. Harry found someone new, someone with a lot less baggage than I had. I didn’t blame him for finding someone new, someone with less drama. I didn't blame him, but shit was I mad. I began to hyperventilate. Chest rising up and down with every breath I was trying to catch. I was a fool. I was an idiot, thinking that this was actually a fairy tale that would play out and live happily ever after. This was a nightmare.
“It’s going to be okay,” I heard a small petite voice call out from behind me. Turning around, I saw a familiar face. Rosie. Her bright smile brought calmness throughout my body. But in a matter of seconds, it brought confusion.
I was confused; Rosie was thousands of miles away. How could she be in America? She was in the hospital for a few days, so the doctors could monitor her symptoms. Her parents had called me saying she wasn't feeling well.... there was no way she could be here, standing right infront of me.
“How did you-“
“It’s going to be okay.” she repeated.
*******
The sound of my alarm woke me up. It was just a dream...
Reaching for my phone, it read ten in the morning. I lifted myself up from the pillow, stretching away all of my exhaustion, frustration, and fear out of my body.
Mine and Harry’s room felt empty. He had left for the remainder of the tour just two nights ago. The memory of him leaving was still fresh.
***flashback***
At the drop off point, I remembered not wanting to let him out of my embrace. Hugging him tightly, I wanted to stay like this forever. Tears falling down my cheeks proved that I was not completely okay with him leaving. I knew he was leaving for a good cause. To achieve his dream and make millions happy. I loved that about him... no matter what came in his way... he always made sure to be there for his fans.
“I’ll be okay darling.” he whispered into my ear before kissing my cheek.
“I know but I am going to miss you so much.” I hugged him tighter, probably squeezing all of the air out of his lungs. I was going to leave for America soon, so we were going to be even farther apart for a few weeks.
“I know love, but I’ll be there before you leave to home.” he had promised me that, even if it were for one night, he would fly back and tell me goodbye before I flew home. “No matter what, I’ll see you.” I nodded my head at his promise, knowing he would try his hardest to make it happen.
“Let’s go Harry!” Louis walked up to us, patting Harry on his back to signal him that it was time to leave. “Emily, We’ll take care of this little boy for you.” he laughed.
“I. am. a. man.” he demanded, making me laugh at his tone. Giving me one more strong kiss against my lips, he hugged me goodbye. Like that, he was on board the plane and leaving.
***flashback over***
I was now thinking back to my dream. The thought of another girl wrapped around Harry made my heart feel as though it was squeezed in my chest. He had reassured me thousands and thousands of times that he would never do such a thing. That he loved me and was not looking for anyone else.
Then the memory of Rosie being in my dream drifted into my attention. Rosie… I hadn’t told her that I was going to go back to America. To be honest, I was afraid to tell her. I didn’t want to upset her by telling her that I wasn’t going to be visiting for a while. I wasn’t going to be away forever, just until spring semester finished. But I knew, to her, that would seem like an eternity.
Pulling myself out of the large bed, I readched for my phone. Looking at the screen, I smiled as I noticed the name that flashed in my view. Harry. Every day of the tour, he would try to call me atleast once. To see if I was okay, if I was packed for America....and If I had ran into any unwanted company.
"Hello mi Amor." I greeted him.
"Hola!" he joked. Rolling my eyes, I scuffled towards the closet.
"How is it going? Have y'all already gotten in trouble?" I knew the answer already.
"pfft, Loads of time.. You know us." My guess was correct. "Anyways, what are you up to for today?" My smile dropped for a second. Memories going back to my dream. Harry with another girl, and Rosie... I had to see Rosie.
"I, I want to go see Rosie. I need to tell her that I won't see her until spring." My eyes began to fill with silent tears. I didn't want to tell her goodbye... and I was too afraid to tell her 'see you later'.
"Go see Rosie Posie love," he knew what was going through my mind. He knew very well. "I have to go, we're about to rehearse. Love you. Skype later?"
"Yeah, I love you Harry." Biting my lip, I wanted to hear him say it again. I needed to hear it again. He was silent for a second. And as if he could read my mind, he said it again.
"I love you forever and for always."
*****
I walked down the hall of the hospital. Every step seemed to get heavier and heavier. I needed to do this. But I was afriad. I didn't know how I was going to word this conversation. I didn't know what I was doing. Not just with Rosie, but with anything.
The day Harry left for the tour, Rosie's parents had called me. They informed me that Rosie was getting more ill. She had gone home for a while... but after a while... her symptoms came back. I still hadn't gone to visit her because I was afraid. Afraid of the condition I might see her in... afraid of breaking down infront of her when I was supposed to be strong for her. I was supposed to be there for her, telling her that she was going to be okay. But I was afraid.
I knocked slowly onto the heavy wooden door that seperated the hallway and Rosie's room. No answer. I pressed my forehead against the cool surface. Get it together Emily! Be strong for her! I knocked once more. This time, hearing a shuffle coming from the other side of the door.
The door knob turned, and out stepped a very tired, exhausted, defeated looking mother. A mother who had stayed up all night to see that her daughter was okay... to see that her daughter was still here with us in this world.
"Emily." she whispered, flashing me a weak, but loving smile.
"How is she doing?" I asked. Looking into Rosie's mother's eyes, but not focusing too much onto them. I didn't want to over think things and break down infront of somebody so fragile.
She looked at me. Biting her quivering lip, she didn't have to tell me. I knew she was afraid, just the way I was. I wrapped my arms around her, hoping, even if it was for just a few seconds... that they would be a shield to the world.
"She's doing better, she just needed a few treatments. but I'm so scared. She's so little." She cried into my shoulder. I didn't dare let go, terrified that if I did, she would crumble completely towards the ground. "I wish... I wish I could trade places with her. I wish I could fight this battle for her. She doesn't deserve this." She whispered into my ear.
Hearing this come from a woman, who I have always seen as strong, made me even more nervous of the conversation I was about to have with this fragile young being.
"Can I see her?" I gulped down any and every fear that had collected onto my mind.
"Yes of course, I'm going to go downstairs to get a coffee." the dark circles that had formed under her, once brown, eyes were giving hint that she was trying her hardest to cling on to any last, small thread of hope. "Take your time dear."
I nodded my head, watching her take small fragile steps down the hall. I wanted with all of my might to hold her again and tell her that everything was going to be okay. But the truth was... I didn't know if everything was going to be okay.... with anything. With me moving back to America. With Harry being so far away from me. With Rosie being here in the hospital. I didn't know what the future had in store for us. And it scared me.
I hugged myself tightly. Wishing there was somebody here to hold me and tell ME everything was going to be okay, even if it was just a small lie... it would have calmed me. Harry would have been able to do that. But he was on tour. Worry washed over me as I began to realize that there were going to countless of times when I would be completely stressed out, saddened, or afraid... and Harry wouldn't be able to hold me.
Shaking my head, I gave a small knock onto the wooden door. Not waiting for a reply, I walked straight into the small, dimly lit room. The table that stood against the wall was filled with flowers, teddies, and balloons wishing her to get well. The scent coming from the dozens of flowers overpowered the usual antibacterial smell. The change was a nice one. I knew Rosie would love the change.
I looked to my left. She laid there, eyes closed, as her arms were placed gently to her sides. Tiredness blanketed her expression. Her eyes looking as though she had been awake for days and days on end. I wanted to cry. I wanted to throw myself onto the floor... yell... scream... but mostly pray. I wanted to pray to anybody and everybody who would listen to me. I didn't want this small child to suffer anymore... I wanted her healthy. I wanted her to live her life the way every child should, worry free and playful. But here she was, fighting the biggest battle she would ever have to confront. The battle to live.
The doctors had said she was okay, that she just needed to catch up on treatments. But I was still petrified of what was going to happen to this young girl... to this girl that I had grown to love as a young sister. My eyes peered down towards her arms. They had grown so thin since the last time I had seen her, she had grown so thin. The bandana that wrapped around her head had little golden stars painted all around a dark blue background.
"Hello Emily." a small voice came from the small child that laid infront of me. I must have been so deep in thought that I missed it when her eyes had opened. Her eyes sparkled. Although she was ill, her eyes told me that she wasn't ready to give up just yet.
"Hey Rosie Posie." I choked out. My voice betraying my smile. I didn't want her to know how saddened I was. But the quivering tone that my greeting had just given showed otherwise.
"What's wrong?" she asked worried. Her thin arms attempted to pull herself up, so that she could sit as she spoke. Although she needed a bit of assistance, she managed to sit up. She was so strong.
"How are you feeling?" I asked, biting the inside of my cheek as hard as I could to keep from crying. Her bright eyes scanned my expression. She knew something was on my mind, she always did.
"I'm feeling better than you look." she smiled, trying to lighten the mood. I gave a small weak smile. She was in a joking mood. But I didn't know if it was because she was actually feeling good... or because she was trying to mask the fact that she was terrified.
"How are you feeling?" repeating my question, I reached out for her fragile hand. Trying to give a hint that she didn't have to hide anything from me.
"Tired," she looked at our entwined hands before she continued. "Scared."
"The doctors said you did good in treatments. You're a fighter they say." I gave her hand a small squeeze, but made sure not to squeeze too tight, not knowing exactly to what extent her body was frail.
"What's wrong Emily?" she asked me again. I looked down, closing my eyes for one second before I started.
"Ro-Rosie... I'm." tears began to spill down my cheeks. I wasn't sure if I could do this. I didn't want to leave her, I didn't want her to think I was giving up on her... that I didn't care. I cared, so so much. I wanted her to know that I loved her and that I was still believing in her. I had to tell her. slowly. "My mo-mom-m called... and she- she thinks it would be b-est that I go back home for a wh-while." Damn my stutter. It was making me feel ten times worse.
The small tears that specked Rosie's eyes showed me that, although she probably wasn't one hundred percent okay with it, she was listening.
"H-harry won't be here for a w-hile, He's going to be on tour with the boys, and... me and my parents think it's b-best for me to be with them... just until spring comes by." My teeth were biting down onto the insides of my cheek. I was trying not to break down. "W-when Harry comes back... I promise I'll come back."
She stood there, looking right into my eyes. I couldn't read what she was thinking. The tears that threatened to spill from her eyes told me she wasn't happy about it... but the small, reassuring squeeze she was giving my hand told me that she was understanding.
"Will it be forever?" her dainty voice escaped through pale lips. "Am I never going to see you again?"
"No sweetheart... not forever." I was crying. "I'll tell you what. I'll find a way to see you. Maybe come to visit, or skype, or phonecalls." I was assuring her that she would see me again... but mostly, I was doing it to assure myself that I was going to see her again. "Do you want to do that? do you want to find a way to stay in contact? we can be like pen pals, except with skype and phonecalls."
"yeah, I'd like that."
"You'll be my best pen pal friend?" I smiled, trying to show her that everything was okay.
"Best skype pals" she whispered.
I sat there beside her, wanting so badly to ask her. Wanting with all my might to let the words slip through my lips and beg her. But I wasn't sure if I could... if she could. I wanted to ask her so badly to wait for me.... to not leave this world without me being here to support her. I wanted to ask her to hold on, for me, until I was back... and even longer than that. I wanted to tell her to not let go, and not give up. To stay....But that would have been selfish of me. How could I put so much pressure on her, when she had so many other things to worry about.
And what if she couldn't hold on... what if she was too tired to continue fighting. There's only so much a person can take... I didn't want her to think that she HAD to hold on for me. And if she did let go, I didn't want her to think I was mad... or disappointed.
I didn't want to leave London with her thinking I was upset with her. I wanted her to know that I loved her and that she was such an amazing young child. Although she saw me as a hero, I couldn't help but view HER as a hero. Nobody I knew had as much strength as the young child infront of me. She was strong, she was a fighter.
"I'll try to hold on." she whispered, as though my face had given off what I was thinking.
"I love you Rosie.... whatever happens." I had to stop, I wasn't giving up on this child... but I needed her to know that I was here, and that if she couldn't fight anymore... that I loved her and that nobody would be upset with her. "Whatever happens, I want you to know that I love you okay? Nobody is mad at you. Nobody will ever be mad at you. You hear me?" she nodded her head. "You just try to rest, for yourself. okay love? do this for you." She was blurry now, my tears were blocking my vision. Making everything look as though it was going through a ripple.
"what about mommy?" her small voice reached out from behind my tears, making me focus more. "Will mommy be mad? She might think I gave up... that I didn't want to fight anymore. Will she be mad?"
I was about to answer her, when a shaky voice called out from the door.
"No baby, mommy will never be mad at you." It was Rosie's mom. She had heard alot of our conversation. Walking towards Rosie, she wrapped her arms around her daughter. "No matter what happens, mommy loves you." my heart was aching, but knowing that Rosie was surrounded with those who loved her, assured me she was going to gain calmness.
"Promise?" she stuck her pinkies out towards us, making us pinky promise that we would never be upset with her if she couldn't hold on.
Wrapping my pinky around her small finger, I reached over to hug her.
"I pinky promise Rosie," planting a small kiss at the top of her bandana.
I sat back down beside her, watching as she began to yawn quietly. The treatments, although they were helping her get well, they took alot of her energy.
"Sleepy?" her mom asked her, helping her lay back down onto the hospital bed.
"No." she lied, giving us a small smile to try to hide her tiredness.
"How about I sing you the song to help you sleep?" I asked her, bringing the covers up to cover her body.
"Will you stay for a while?" she asked me.
"I'll stay the night... if that's okay with you ma'am?" I looked up to her mom. Smiling at both of us, she nodded her head.
"I'm going to the cafeteria, I'll see you two in a bit." she walked out of the room.
I looked back down to Rosie, my Rosie Posie. She was going to be okay. She had all of us beside her, praying for her and supporting her. That was what she needed.
"You ready sweety?" I asked her. Nodding her head, I sang to her as her heavy eyelids began to close, and sleep began to overcome her.
"Isn't she lovely...
Isn't she wonderful...."
(a/n omg guys i'm soooo sooo sorry :( i feel terrible for not updating in forever :(... this summer was just... really hard. As alot of you know, I had summer school and work during this summer... which took so much energy from me. And then My dear dear friend got really sick... and i tried to be there for her as much as I could. I tried to show her that I was there for her no matter what. ..and then about mid august... everything went downhill. she got super sick. I knew she didn't have long. But I didn't know how quick it was going to be. The sunday before she passed, I saw her. She couldn't do much by this point, but I watched movies with her and we laughed together. we saw White Chicks, and Diary of a Mad Black Woman. and we talked alot. She was a fighter, one of the most strongest human being I will ever meet. Even on her last days she tried to do everything on her own. I had to help her walked towards the restroom.... and she kept saying 'i'm sorry, I'm sorry.' and it broke my heart because she thought she was a burden... she wasn't. Before I left sunday, I told her how much I loved her and that She means so much to me. On that Monday, I was so stressed out from work/school. my professor was being such an ass... because I had missed a few days. I was too down to be able to get up and go to class. So that monday I went to school, and work. When that finished, I went home. My mom asked me if I wanted to go to my friends house. But I was feeling so sick from all my worry, and my stomach was feeling sick too very sick... and i was getting my anxiety headaches... so i said no. Not today....she passed away tuesday morning. I didn't get to see her. It broke my heart that I said I didn't want to go Monday. I felt to sick... but I should have gone. Thats why I was gone and MIA for a while... i was too sad and upset with myself. I felt so horrible. My mom woke me up tuesday at about 6 am to tell me she had passed away. I didn't go to school or work that day. I stayed home and literally cried all day. It hurt... but I knew she was now in a better place without any pain. Everybody kept telling me how she was so proud of me for going to school and working hard. and then i had a dream of her... where she told me everything was going to be okay. Whether you believe in another life after this one or not... i do, and it calmed me so much knowing that she was okay and that she assured me that everything was okay.
I'm sorry if that made alot of you cry, or upset in anyway... but i had to get this off my chest. I also felt like i had to tell y'all why i was gone for so long. Please don't think it was because I didn't want to do this anymore... it was because I wanted so badly to spend as much time as I could with my friend. Thank you so much for everyone who has sent me such kind words. I love all of you so much <3
thank you so much for everything... next update will be soon don't worry.
-Krystal_payne <3)