Tell me what you think! And this chapter is deticated to @bluebeads98 cause she guessed where the quote "If you're going through hell, keep going." is from!
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Friday, July 22, 2011
Dear Diary, looking around at the plain white walls of the hospital is just hard. It's also hard seeing Harry sleeping in the corner on the (probably) uncomfortable chair they provide. It's around three in the morning, Harry's passed out. But I can't sleep, first reason being, Harry snores. But I don't mind it that much, it's sort of how like some people can fall asleep to the ocean waves, that's what Harry was, to me. But every time I close my eyes, even for a second. I see it. I hate seeing it. Remembering all the bad things that had just occurred.
But it's funny how when most people die, you never remember the bad things about them. At least, that's what they say. Or is it that maybe their forcing themselves to forget? Because all I can think about is the bad things...the good don't even seem right in my mind anymore.
I'm not sure if I finished telling the story of what the hell is happening or not, but, I guess, the truth is. I don't like how it ended. It's not a story worth telling if it's going to bring everyone's happy mood down, right? Wrong. Harry told me earlier today, that every story no matter how old, worn out, or sad it truly is. If it's a story you want to tell. Tell it.
He also told me, as I was looking at myself in the mirror. Everyone's insecure about themselves, no matter who you are. You just are. I had tears pouring down my face as I stared at the person I dreaded most. Myself. Harry came and wrapped his arms around my waist, whispering soothing words to calm me down. I told him that I didn't know why he liked me or was evening giving me the time of day. He was a huge superstar and I was just a nobody. He replied with "I was once a nobody too. So were you." I asked him what he meant by that, because I still am just a nobody. His response was "You were just a nobody...until you got up and made yourself a somebody. Just like I did."
"And you're not ugly, no girl is ugly, all girls are beautiful. Ugliness doesn't exist." That was what he said before he left to get us some food from McDonalds. Once he left, I thought more and more into what he had said. "No girl is ugly."
Well you know what? I'm fed up of guys saying "All girls are beautiful." Because no.
If you had the choice between two girls. One was tall, skinny and had long blonde hair with bright blue eyes and perfect skin and perfectly put on makeup, wearing designer skinny jeans and a blouse. And the other girl was just an average girl of average size and weight, with un-styled natural hair, and acne and imperfections with no make-up on, wearing sweats and a hoodie.
Who would you pick?
Exactly.
Harry let out a long and dramatic sigh. When he had left her to get their food, he couldn't stop thinking about why she had said any of those things. Harry knew she was imperfect, he knew she had flaws and that she wasn't perfect and possibly broken. But that's why he loved her. She was imperfectly perfect and she didn't have a clue, because she couldn't see herself the way Harry could.
She thought of herself as the latter girl, that's how she saw herself. But even in a hoodie and sweats, Harry still saw her as the first girl, she was beautiful and unique in her own way and she wasn't afraid to be herself. And he loved that about her. It wasn't just in the way she looked, but in her personality. She had a wonderful personality, and that shined through, because she let it.
Even in her worst moments, Harry still thought she was the most beautiful girl in the world and nobody could change that about her.
Harry found her most beautiful not when she was all fancied up but when she wasn't. When she was lying on the carpet, her hair all a mess, laughing about something that happened years ago. When she wasn't trying to impress anyone, and taken down that wall she built for most people. That's when he couldn't take his eyes off her.
"Thank you..." Harry slide out of the booth, and turned towards the man who was now eating lunch.
"Stanley, Stanley Crumb."
"Thank you, a lot." Harry left without another word.
Heading home, Harry decided to walk. It would be easier for him.
Whipping out his phone from his jacket pocket. He waited as it rang, until the person on the other end finally picked up.
"Mum?" His voice came out hoarse, but he ignored it. "Mum, can you come over to my flat?"
"I'm already here, hun." Anne's heart soared, just to hear the sound of her son's voice.
Sprinting home, Harry found himself out front his flat. Staring at the brick building, he headed in, eager to see his mum. "Harry!" His mum enveloped him in a huge hug. Wrapping his arms around her too, he felt at home. "Harry...talk to us, talk to me, please?" Harry's mum's voice was soft but filled with pain towards her son. "You haven't talked to me...or anyone in weeks...Liam said the only time you would talk to them was when it was about her." Harry nodded, causing her to sigh. "I know you miss her...but you can't turn back time, you can't erase what happened or her decision to leave. It was all her, not you. You need to set her and yourself free."
"No one is free, even the birds are chained to the sky."
"Harry...sometimes in life we do things. Some we wish we had never done. Some we wish we could replay a million times in our heads. But they all make us who we are, and in the end they shape every detail about us. If we were to reverse any of them, we wouldn't be the person we are. And never ever second guess who you are, where you have been, and most importantly, where it is you're going." She explained, but kept going. "What I'm trying to say is-"
"I know...I need to get over her, move on and join the world again, right?" Harry snapped.
"Don't take that voice with me!"
"Why? And just because you never found love doesn't mean I haven't!" Harry's anger got the best of him. "Or didn't."
Harry forced himself to hold in all his emotions, he didn't want anyone to see him suffering.
"I'm going to leave now, I see you're very upset and not in the mood..." Harry watched as his mother left his flat, crying.
"Haz..." Harry spun around, only to come face to face with Niall. "My father once told me, that love is handing someone a gun and letting it point to your head, believing that, that person won't pull the trigger."
"Well she did pull the trigger...just not on me."
"Actually...she didn't. You were the one with the gun...she believed in you, but you pulled the trigger, Harry..."
"How?" Harry had to ask, before he completely exploded on Niall, which was something he didn't want to do.
"You brought her into our type of lifestyle. You knew she was broken, yet you still dragged her down with you." Niall gave Harry a stern look while waiting for his response.
"NIALL, I DIDN'T KNOW THE OUTCOME WOULD BE HER KILLING HERSELF!" He snapped aggressively. "I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'D BLAME ME FOR HER DEATH!"
"Well you certainly didn't help remove the gun from her head."
Getting close up in Niall's face, and gripping the collar of his shirt. "How dare you accuse me of killing her." He says, the scarce facial expression Niall held, and carefully let him go. "I love her...and I know I'm to blame...but I just, I miss her so much it hurts." Losing the feeling he had left, he fell to his knees, burying his head in his hands to hide the tears that came streaming out.
"Harry...sometimes we keep it on the inside, because it's the safest place to hide." Niall hovered over Harry's frail body, not knowing what to say or do but wanting to be there for him. "Their closing her place down for renovation soon. Best spend as much time as possible there, right?"
"Y-you're right." Harry nodded, hopping up with the help of Niall at his side.
"Finding love is a hard thing to do. It's not something that comes around every day, and most people are not even fortunate enough to find it at all in this life. It's a precious and priceless jewel. But you never- not once- took that for granted, did you Harry?" Niall gave him a comforting smile, as he watched him walk away.