40 - Olivia
I was not sure whether I was supposed to be alright and breezy or worried and anxious. I had not heard from my mother all day long, and a caring and responsible parent should at least call their kid to say something about the kid being in jail the night before. I had not even been home, should she not be freaking out?
I knew my mother did not care for me, but this was a whole new level of not caring. This was as if I did not exist. Could it be that? Could it be my mother was no longer bothered by my existence? A fear crept onto my back that I could have killed myself that day at the bridge and she would only have been bothered by having to arrange the funeral for it would take time off her plate.
'You okay?' Emmalyn asked as we waited at the front of the school for her mom.
She would be so kind as to take me to the place where they were retaining my car and then I would drive home on my own. I was not sure how I felt about it –going home on my own I meant. Well, mostly because it was not really a home. It was a dark house where I kept my stuff. It was a place where doors always remained closed shut so as to prevent you from overhearing conversations about new dates and how your lack of emotional stability really dampened the mood for visits to come over.
'Yeah,' I sighed, 'just a bit nervous for going home, I guess,' I said. The word home felt alien in my tongue, but I said it anyway, more for Emmalyn's benefit than for mine. I just did not want her to worry more than she should.
'Still haven't heard from your mom?' she inquired with raised eyebrows. 'That woman can sure throw a tantrum,' she said under her breath. I laughed.
'Mind telling that to her face?' I wondered as I crossed my arms over my chest.
I heard steps and looked to my left. Victoria was coming out to the front of the school premises. She needed to be picked up, for Henry and she were done and she needed a ride home because her eyes were still recovering from the pepper spray. When she saw Emmalyn and me she flinched and walked faster. At least I no longer had to worry for her trying to attack me in a dark corner.
'I never really thanked you for the pepper spray,' I told Emmalyn, returning my gaze to her. She had been eyeing Victoria, too.
'Yeah,' she simply shrugged.
'No, you don't get it. She was ready to hurt me, bad. If it had not been for your spray I would probably be in the hospital now. Tobias would have been too late and I would be in a lot of pain.'
Emmalyn simply smiled. 'Well, it is good that someone else is in pain for a change.'
I hugged her sideways and she rested her head on my shoulder. 'Seriously, thank you,' I said and hugged her a bit tighter for a second.
'Hey, Olivia.' I turned to look back and saw Tobias coming towards us. I felt my stomach clench. 'Oh, hi, Emmalyn. What's up?'
I could almost feel Emmalyn's smirk beside me. I just wanted to punch it out of her. 'Just fine,' I said before she had the chance to embarrass me.
'Just peachy,' she giggled from beside me. I tightened my grip on her and that just caused her to laugh out loud. I let go and turned fully to face Tobias.
'How are you?' I asked, to keep the attention of me.
'Great, glad to see you.'
I blushed but hid beneath my hair. 'Great.'
'Why didn't you come to school yesterday?' he asked. I could only focus on his beautiful eyes and wanted to slap myself for it.
'We were arrested two nights ago,' Emmalyn provided. 'Well, technically last night.'
His eyes widened and I smiled sheepishly. 'Arrested?' he repeated in shock.
'Yeah...just a big misunderstanding,' I claimed, not wanting him to think wrong of me.
'Really?' He had a playful smirk and I pushed him gently.
'Leave us alone, it was very stupid,' was all I lamely could come up with.
'Well, what did you do?' Somehow he was closer to me and I did not mind at all. I suddenly had the urge to twirl a lock of my hair in my hand.
I was about to reply when we heard a car honking. 'It's my mom,' Emmalyn said, tugging at my purple shirt. Well, it was actually hers, since I had spent the previous day at her place. I was glad to notice her clothing was starting to fit me a little tighter. I was gaining weight back. I knew I still needed to go to a therapist to deal with my issues, but I was bouncing back to the good side of the scale, and was ecstatic about it.
'Uh, see you later,' I told Tobias. I scrunched up my nose at my sad tone. I was truly making a fool of myself.
'See you around, maybe we can hang out this week,' he said under his breath, for Emmalyn was still within ear shot. He hugged me exquisitely –I felt like I had never been hugged before- and I breathed in his scent, feeling like a psycho right afterwards. 'Bye!' he called out to Emmalyn, who was already near her mom's car.
She waved back and I avoided her gaze, for I was sure it was mocking.
I got into the backseat as Emmalyn sat beside her mom in the front. I could only imagine little Ben's reaction when he sat beside me once we picked him up.
'Hi, girls,' Mrs. Twain said. She was still not divorced so that was her legal last name, but I made a mental note when I first met her to never call her that out loud for it could upset her.
'Hi, Alicia,' I greeted. It was weird to call her by her first name, but she had insisted yesterday during breakfast.
'Everything alright today?' she asked. We had skipped school yesterday, and had had to explain to the teachers why we had been arrested. The story was quite boring by the fifth time I had to explain it.
'Yeah, we got some dirty and disapproving looks from the teachers, but nothing we could not handle,' Emmalyn said.
'Right, nothing that could not be handled,' she appeased as she drove away from the parking lot. 'Could you give me the address to the place where they have your car, Olivia, honey?' she asked, looking at me through the rearview mirror and extending her hand backwards in between the seats.
I handed it to her and rested my head on the car seat.
'You did bring your keys, right?' she asked, looking at me through the rearview mirror again for a second. I nodded and smiled. It was nice to have someone to care for me for a change. 'And...you haven't heard from your mom yet?' There was hesitance in her voice, and I did not miss the warning look Emmalyn gave her.
'No, not yet.' There was an awkward silence and I felt the need to explain further just to fill the gap of silence. 'She'll probably give me hell when I arrive today, though.'
Alicia nodded solemnly but seemed uncomfortable. She was surely disagreeing with my mother's parenting skills, and hell, I was, too.
I sighed and slammed my shaking hands against the steering wheel to keep them from doing so. I wanted to go into the house with a strong mind and a strong heart, so my mother had less room to make me miserable.
The house seemed so normal on the outside –the typical house of a rich family. If only the neighbors knew just how broken everything and everyone was on the inside. I would give all my belongings and money to have a whole and happy family again, to turn back the time and be able to convince Anna that she was perfect the way she was and that she did not need plastic surgery.
I heaved a shaky sigh and got out of the car before I started thinking too much and too hard about everything that went wrong in my life.
The door creaked when I opened it and I poked my head inside, almost expecting to see my mother fuming in front of it –which of course she was not doing. For that, she would have to care.
I closed the door quietly behind me anyway and tiptoed up the stairs. I was about to go into my room when remorse took over me and told me I should at least tell her I had arrived and was all right.
I walked determined up to her room and knocked. 'Come in.'
'Hey, mom...I'm home.' I twirled a lock of my hair, but this time it was uncomfortably, at a lack of something better to do.
'Oh, you were gone?' she inquired sarcastically but did not question further. I just stood there, waiting for something else but she did not even glance up from her laptop. 'Is that it? Would you close the door, Olivia?'
I opened my mouth but no sounds came out. I had nothing else to say to her. I was afraid there was nothing to say to each other ever again. I pursed my lips and closed the door, standing on the other side, just gazing at the corridor unfocused.
I dragged myself to my room, suddenly tired and opened my laptop. It had been a while since I had checked my messages and had to finish some details on the projects I had to deliver in the next few weeks, for school was almost over. I remembered Emmalyn and I had agreed on studying together, so I would have to send her a text so we could get together in the library someday of this week or the next. Maybe I could even tell Sam and Tobias to join us. I was not sure how much studying we would get done then, though.
I had several e-mails to check, for I had been inactive the whole weekend because I had been living it up with Emmalyn.
My heart almost leaped out of my chest when I saw I had an e-mail from my dad. I smiled right away. The e-mail's subject read 'coming home' and I gasped quietly. Could things be turning around? Was he really coming home soon? A wave of hope took over me and I squealed giddily.
"Olivia, honey, I am sad that I could not talk to you yesterday. Your mom said you were staying at a friend's.
I...I have bad news. I took a new mission and plan on staying here for two more years. I am not glad to have to tell this to you over an e-mail, though I am sure your mom already told you all about it. I just wanted you to hear it from me too. I will skype with you next week, to answer any questions.
Love you,
Dad"
I stared at the screen. It was blurry, and it took me two minutes to realize it was like that because I was crying. Suddenly, rasped gasps escaped my lips and the laptop fell off my lap to the floor, breaking into two there, with the screen turning black right away. I jumped to the floor and grabbed the remains of my computer feeling like I had lost my dad's message altogether, though I knew it is still in my e-mail.
'Mom!' I bellowed, standing right away and stomping out of my room and into her. I was seeing black spots and had to hold on to the corridor's walls so I did not fall on my face.
I threw the door open and she gasped shocked. 'I'm on the phone!' she hissed, covering the phone so the person on the other side could not hear the mess.
'He is staying for two years.' The voice that echoed the room did not sound like mine, but I did not see my mother's lips moving, so it had to be mine.
'Oh, Olivia, that is hardly news,' she said calmly. 'I'll call you back, babe,' she said into the phone and turned it off. She returned her gaze to me expectantly. 'Well, throw your tantrum quickly, so I can call Reese back.'
I stared at her bewildered. Who was this woman? How could I have been living with her for the past years? How could my dad have married her?
'I'm leaving.'
I looked at her for the last time, taking in every feature, and turned, leaving the door open. I walked dazed into my room and opened my walk-in closet, grabbing a suitcase and throwing it on my bed. I walked back into the closet and grabbed a couple of pair of pants and shirts, then putting in underwear and my toothbrush and toothpaste. I grabbed the deodorant and body lotion and then a picture I had of Anna and me and another of my dad in his uniform. I zipped the suitcase shut, grabbed the little box where I had money saved and grabbed it all.
I hurled the suitcase down the staircase with me and threw it in the back of the car, glad to have switched my fancy car for a practical Volkswagen where I could even sleep if I had to.
I realized only until I looked at myself in the reflection of the car as I opened the door that my hair was disheveled and that I was shaking all over. I shook my head and got into the car. I looked up at the house and saw my mother gazing at me from the window of her room. She sighed and walked away from the window.
I turned the ignition on and got out of the driveway, not knowing where I was headed but desperate to get out of there. I turned on the radio just to have some noise to keep me from thinking about what I was doing and what it meant. When it did not work at first, I turned the volume up. I was sure I was getting odd looks from the drivers around me, for making such a scandal.
I parked before I knew what I was doing and turned to look at the house in front of me. It was small, at least in comparison to mine, but even just by looking at it, I could feel the peace filling me in through every pore of my body.
I hated to feel jealous. I hated my mother for not giving that to me. I hated my father for not caring enough for me to come back, for not sensing what was going on around here. I hauled my suitcase out of the car, my hands still trembling. I suddenly wondered how I had made it here in one piece.
I knocked on the front door and waited, holding onto my suitcase for dear life. Ben opened the door and his mouth went dry at the sight of me, though I was sure it was not because of his crush. From what I had gathered by my reflection, I looked scary at the moment.
'Emmalyn!' he called nervously, stepping aside when she came rushing down the stairs. Her smile faltered when she saw my state, and I burst out crying when our eyes met. She gasped and embraced me in a hug, urging her brother to take the suitcase inside. She steered me into the living room and sat me down.
'Mom! Mom!' she yelped and I cried harder because she could count on her mother when things went wrong and I could not do so on mine.
'What's wrong, honey?' her mother inquired but gasped when she came into the living room. 'What do I do?' she wondered, her voice faltering.
'Tea! That is supposed to help people calm down,' Emmalyn instructed without looking away from me.
Ben was sitting on the couch opposite from us, looking at me warily.
I had no idea how it happened but I ended up curled on the couch with my head resting on Emmalyn's lap as she soothingly caressed my hair with soft strokes while I hiccupped. Her mom and brother sat on the opposite couch, just gazing at me as I told them all about how my family was lost, perhaps forever.