"First things first," Jeff announced when they started their business meeting that day. Adam was leaning over to look at the pictures on Brent's phone but he sat up to pay attention.
Four happy months had passed and Adam still felt like he was living in a dream come true. He had Brent, at long last, and aside from the times that Brent had to go visit Maddox, it was just as perfect as he'd always imagined it would be.
The band had finished recording their album and were getting ready to start tour rehearsals so they could go back and perform all the dates they missed because of the bus accident. Zack had made a complete recovery and was cleared to dance again so they were good to go.
"Congratulations, Adam, you finally get to come out," Jeff smiled. "There's just one little thing."
"Make them end it, please," Tyler groaned.
"Actually, that's the thing," Jeff looked at Adam. "Martin would like you two to officially announce that Bradam is over. You each have someone else and you're just friends."
"Um, but I don't have someone else," Adam pointed out, glancing at Brent. "I mean, we can just say Bradam was never real."
"We have some ideas," Monroe spoke up. "Unless you can think of someone who'd be okay with signing a contract?"
"I'm not getting a fake boyfriend."
"Joe would do it," Brent suggested. Zack groaned, but Adam knew Brent was right.
"This is stupid though, I wanted to come out so I wouldn't have to lie anymore."
"It's just for a little while," Monroe promised. "And, um, that's the other thing."
"Monroe and I would like to buy out your contract," Jeff looked around. "Meaning we would take over from now on. You wouldn't have to deal with Martin or anyone else at Elite. Just us."
"Done, you're hired," Zack agreed.
"Can you do that?" Adam looked at Brent.
"We need to talk about this, just us," Brent and Tyler were already looking at each other, making Adam wonder what he'd missed.
"Of course. Talk it over and let us know next week," Jeff nodded. "Adam, you can talk to Joe and work with Monroe on getting everything together. Martin wants your announcement to go live April 9th."
"That's next week," Adam realized. He smiled. "That's so soon."
"Last thing," Monroe jumped up, his phone in his hand. "We just heard back from our producer and they're adding three songs to this album."
"Oh my gosh, did they fix mine?" Brent gasped. He'd written all but 4 of the 12 songs that were already on the album.
"No, they're still working on those. These are all songs Adam wrote," Monroe grinned.
"You wrote songs?" Brent looked as shocked as Adam felt.
"I told you! Yes! Which ones?" Zack jumped up. "Please tell me it's the ones I said."
It took Adam a few minutes for the news to sink in. His songs were actually going to be recorded. They would get to perform his songs on stage in front of millions of people. He couldn't actually imagine what it would be like.
"This is crazy," Adam finally said, not sure what else he could say. Brent hugged him.
"I had no idea you wrote songs, you never told me," Brent rubbed his back. "I'm proud of you."
"Thanks," Adam turned to Zack who was waiting to hug him too.
"I told you so," Zack insisted. "You should listen to me more often."
"I guess so," Adam laughed.
"Alright, get to rehearsal," Jeff ordered.
Adam texted Joe while they were on their break later that morning and told him he needed a really big favor. He had a feeling Joe would agree but he'd hoped he could put off asking the actual question until they were alone.
"Are you asking me to be your boyfriend?" Joe laughed when he got to Adam's house that night. "Adam, that's cute."
"It's just for the cameras," Adam insisted. "It's not like a real thing."
"I'll definitely do it," Joe agreed. "What do I have to do?"
"We'll just have to act like a couple in public. Hold hands, post cute pictures and stuff, that's all," Adam looked at Zack, who looked miserable. "I don't know how long we'd have to do that, but I'm sure they have a plan."
"How much are they going to pay me?"
"I have no idea," Adam hadn't even thought about payment, but he knew it made sense. No one would keep a secret like that for free. Not when it was easy to go to the media and have them pay for the truth.
As it turned out, Elite was willing to pay a lot of money to have Joe sign the contract. Adam felt like throwing up when he saw the number but Joe was happy, which meant the whole thing went off exactly as planned.
"You two make a really cute couple," Brent made a face at Adam's phone. He and Joe had taken a bunch of fake selfies that were supposed to look really casual but they'd actually been coached the whole time, with professional lighting.
"Thanks. Are you jealous?" Adam grinned and leaned over to kiss him.
"You and I are way cuter together," Brent shrugged. "Whatever, it's not real. Are you happy you're finally out now?"
"Yes. Although it doesn't really feel like anything changed," Adam admitted. "I guess I thought it would be a big weight off my shoulders."
"That's because you're still keeping a big secret," Jeff startled them both. "Are you ready? They're almost ready for you on set."
"Yeah, we're ready," Brent kissed Adam again but Adam knew it was really just because Jeff was standing right there and he hated seeing them together.
"Remember everything we talked about. Do you have all your answers memorized?"
"Let me read them again," Adam sighed. He knew he had it but he wanted to be sure.
He and Brent sat down with the interview host to talk about their upcoming tour. At least that was what they were supposed to talk about but everyone knew it would be more about Adam's coming out announcement than promoting their tour dates. Which was why they'd also be telling her Bradam was over.
"What does this mean for you, Brent? What about Bradam?" the interviewer asked. Brent and Adam gave each other a smile.
"Should we tell them?" Adam asked. It sounded casual but he was following the script exactly.
"Yeah, Bradam is over," Brent turned back to the interviewer.
"You're saying Bradam was real?" the interviewer looked shocked.
"We had our fun, but we're really just best friends," Brent explained. "I'm in love with Dax, Maddox, and getting married and Adam has someone too. It's better that way, we're happier."
Adam told a very quick story about how he and Joe met and how he'd never been happier in his life than he was since he'd come out. It wasn't true, but it sounded really great when they watched the interview later.
"Perfect," Jeff cheered. "You two nailed it."
"Awesome. I have to get to the airport," Brent didn't look very happy about that and Adam tried not to get his hopes up. Brent was going to visit Maddox but if he wasn't happy, that was a good sign.
"Text me when you get there," Adam reminded him.
"I will. Don't have too much fun while I'm gone, okay?" Brent was serious.
"You're jealous," Adam realized. He gave Brent a kiss, ignoring Jeff's face. "Babe, I love you. You don't have to worry."
"And don't forget where you're going," Jeff pointed out.
"I love you too," Brent ignored Jeff's comment but Adam couldn't dismiss it so easily.
As different as things were between him and Brent the second time around, it wasn't as if Adam could fully relax. He knew Maddox was still in the picture. No one ever let him forget that. And no one was on Adam's side. The other guys, Jeff, Monroe - they all wanted Adam to tell Brent to step back.
"I know I promised to stay out of it," Jeff sighed when Brent left. "But Adam, please, I know how hurt you were the first time. I know Brent says he's going to pick, but he's spent years with Maddox. Years. It's going to take a lot for him to walk away from that in the end. "
"I know that, I know he won't pick me," Adam had said it a hundred times already. "But I love him and if this is the only time I'll ever have with him then I want every second I can get."
"Adam," Jeff shook his head. "I know you don't believe me when I say this, but I can promise you will find a love that is so much better than what you have with Brent. You can't imagine that now but one day you'll look back and wonder why you thought this was so great."
"Right," Adam rolled his eyes. "Can you ask your crystal ball for the lottery numbers too?"
"Hey, do you need money? Did you get your bills all paid off?"
"I'm working on it," Adam insisted.
"Do you want help?"
"No, I can handle it," Adam backed up. "I'm going now."
The truth was that Adam couldn't figure out how all his bills got so out of control. He knew he was in a bad place but the last time he'd tried to do the math of how much he owed there were more than 8 figures in the number and he didn't think that could possibly be right. Especially since he'd finally paid off his lawyer.
Adam had plenty to think about while Brent was gone. He and Joe had to go on a few fake dates so that people could see them out in public. It was actually a lot of fun spending time with Joe that way.
"I feel like I should walk you to the door and kiss you goodbye," Joe teased when he dropped Adam off after one of their dates. They'd gone for a picnic and gotten ice cream after. "I've never done anything this adorable. Not since I was like, two."
"If you did, you might get invited in," Adam noticed a photographer standing in the street. "Wanna break a rule?"
"Always," Joe grinned and Adam leaned over to kiss him. "So what are we doing?"
"That was it," Adam laughed. "My managers don't let us kiss on the lips in public without permission."
"Maybe we really should take this inside," Joe laughed. "I bet they'd lose their minds if I went down on you right here."
"Right? Come on," Adam shook his head and looked to make sure the photographer was a good distance away before he opened his car door.
"I can't. Kieran is barely speaking to me as it is."
"Oh no, I'm sorry," Adam shut the door. "He knows this is just a show, right?"
"Yeah, but it's not," Joe shrugged. "Your managers made us basically erase all proof we're together. So no one knows about him, just that I'm with you. And he was already pissed cause he thinks we're getting too close."
"I had no idea, Joe. I wouldn't have-"
"It's okay, I made my choices. I just can't fuck up any worse or he's going to break up with me. So, this is goodbye."
"Okay."
It was a good thing they stopped there after all because Adam's managers weren't the only ones upset by the kiss. When the boys flew to New York to do promo for the tour, Adam found out that Brent was cranky about it too.
"You didn't have to do that, you're already getting enough attention just holding his hand," Brent huffed as he got in bed that night.
"Said the guy who just got back from visiting another man," Adam pointed out. "Come on, Brent."
"That's not the same and you know it."
"Isn't it though? It was just a kiss, that's as far as it went and as far as it's gonna go. Are you really going to bed now?"
"Yes," Brent had his book out and everything. Adam sighed. "If you come over here I'll entertain you."
"Yeah?" Adam saw Brent yawn. He hadn't even looked up from his book. Adam opened the camera on his phone and turned it to video. One time he and Brent had randomly recorded themselves having sex and it was a terrible video but Adam still loved watching it.
"Oh, are you recording this?" Brent looked up for a second. Adam pressed the record button.
"I just want to point out that it's 11pm on a night when we have nothing to do in the morning and you're in bed."
"I'm tired," Brent laughed.
"Tired," Adam walked over to the bed, passing the mirror by mistake. Oh well. "Tell me why you're tired."
"You know why I'm tired," Brent looked up from his book.
"I guess I do," Adam leaned forward to kiss him. "But I don't know why you're so fucking sexy."
"Shh, I'm reading," Brent grinned at him.
"I know, you're really sexy when you read."
"What about when I'm not reading?" Brent closed his book.
"Still hot. Love you."
"I love you too," Brent turned and put his feet on the floor. "Come here."
"Oh, yes," Adam laughed as Brent grabbed his hips and pulled him closer, unhooking Adam's belt. He gave Adam the best look as he pulled his boxers down - the tight, light blue ones he'd made Adam buy at Lululemon. "Oh fuck."
Brent let go of Adam's shaft and completely deep throat him.
"Shit," Adam gasped, his hand running over Brent's head. He glanced at his phone screen and saw that it had gone black, the little timer spinning in the middle as it shut down. "Fuck, my phone died."
"Mmm, I don't care," Brent took Adam's phone and threw it somewhere.
"If you broke that you're buying me a new one."
"Shh," Brent went back to swallowing his cock. "Will you please, please let me fuck you tonight?"
"Yeah, we can do that," Adam would have agreed to anything with his cock so deep in Brent's throat but he tried to sound casual about it. Brent acted like it was such a big deal to top that Adam made him beg to do it every time, just because Brent would.
Brent really was tired though and Adam could tell. When Brent passed out soon after they finished, not even dragging his head to a pillow, Adam felt the guilt seeping in. What were they doing? Why was Brent putting himself through it?
The answer was obvious - he really was torn about whether he wanted Adam or Maddox. But was it worth exhausting himself like he was to make the choice? Adam ran his fingers over Brent's cheek, knowing he wouldn't wake up. No matter how much he loved Brent, it wasn't fair to do what they were doing. Not to any of them.
Adam fell asleep with a heavy heart that night. He'd known all along he and Brent weren't going to end up together but that didn't make it any easier to let go. Maybe what he needed was to stop thinking about a future together and work on saying goodbye.
The next morning, Brent was up before 10. Adam wanted to cry when he saw how early it was back home. But Brent was getting dressed and it looked important.
"Hey, I tried not to wake you," Brent came over and kissed Adam, ignoring what Adam knew had to be awful morning breath. "I have a meeting."
"Do I have to be there? Shit," Adam threw the covers back.
"No, stop," Brent laughed. "I'm meeting my financial advisor. His office is here so I just stop in whenever I'm in town."
"What's a financial advisor?" Adam's mouth went dry.
"You know, they help you figure out how to take care of your money," Brent frowned, like he expected Adam to know that. "You don't have one?"
"No, I don't have any money," Adam shook his head. Brent rolled his eyes.
"We make exactly the same amount of money, Adam, stop saying that. Do you want to come? I bet he could set you up with someone."
"How much does it cost?"
"You can afford it. Actually, you can't afford not to go," Brent pulled him out of bed. "Maybe if you talk to this guy you'll stop acting like you're still a broke little farm boy."
"I'm not a farm boy."
They grabbed smoothies before the appointment but Adam was pretty sure his would come right back up the second he admitted how much of a mess his money was. Unfortunately, just like every time they went anywhere, the people at the financial advisor's office were more than happy to fit Adam into their schedule.
He'd expected to sit at a desk and have some scary old man or lady scream at him but Adam was surprised when he was shown into an office with a nice couch and some armchairs. He got another surprise when the door opened again and a guy who looked just a little older than Adam came in.
"Adam, I'm Ivan Pope," the guy held out his hand to Adam. "Today must be my lucky day."
"I doubt it," Adam shook his hand and prayed his palms weren't sweaty. His legs were shaking.
"It really is. You'll be my first personal client. I've taken over a few accounts from other people but I've never started with someone from day one," Ivan smiled. "They said you've never met with an advisor before so let me tell you how this works. I'm going to look at all your accounts, help you set up a budget if you don't have one, and we'll set some goals."
"Goals?"
"Yeah, so let's say the band ends. Cause it will, there aren't any 80 year olds in boy bands. I'd guess you probably want to keep up about the same income and spending you have now?"
"Um, actually," Adam tried to swallow but it felt like his mouth stuck to itself as he did. "I'm really...things are...it's a pretty big mess."
"Okay," Ivan paused. "Let's see what that looks like and maybe our first goal is just to fix that."
Adam sat with Ivan at the computer and pulled up every last one of his accounts. Ivan was calm the whole time, typing all the information into his tablet. It was the first time Adam had ever seen the full total of what he owed.
"So it's impossible, right? Like, I'm going to owe money for the rest of my life."
"Nope, no way," Ivan shook his head. "You got here at the right time, Adam. I already know what we need to do. It's not going to be fun or be fixed overnight, but we're going fix it."
"Really?"
"Yep. And then we can get back to the fun stuff. I want to make it so that when your boy band career ends you never have to work another day in your life."
"Now you're just fucking with me," Adam shook his head.
"Not at all," Ivan smiled. "No fuckery whatsoever. Let's get to work."
"Wait, but...really?"
"I told you, it's going to take time and you have to make some changes," Ivan took a deep breath and held up a diagram. "Look at where all your money is going, Adam."
"Donations," Adam felt a lump in his throat. "I can't stop that though, I know what it's like not having anything."
"I'm not saying you have to, but we're going to cut back right now so you can give more later," Ivan explained. "You can't give away all your money and keep taking out loans to buy your own groceries."
"So I have to say no when people ask?"
"If you can't, I can do that for you," Ivan smiled. "That's my job. If you trust me, Adam, 5 years from now you'll be completely debt free and we'll be on our way to big things."
"5 years?" Adam could suddenly breathe again. The weight on his shoulders was gone - so far gone he thought he might go floating away. "I could kiss you right now, oh my god."
"Please don't," Ivan laughed. "Let's get you set up with a budget and we'll start talking on a regular basis so we can be sure it's all working out."
Adam couldn't help it and gave Ivan a huge hug before he left his office that day. Ivan hugged him back, laughing the whole time. He sent Adam away with a binder of step by step instructions and a detailed budget.
"What happened in there?" Brent asked. "You look like you just won the lottery."
"This was the best thing that's ever happened to me," Adam didn't even feel bad saying that to Brent. "After getting into Complexx, anyway. It changed my whole life."
"You're so weird about money," Brent shook his head. "I'm happy if you are, I guess."
"I'm mad you didn't take me sooner. No one told me this was a thing."
"I didn't know you didn't know! You're welcome, I guess."
Adam was still happy when they got to the studio to film their interview. Jeff and Monroe cornered him soon after he got there.
"What is going on?" Monroe demanded. "I've never seen you so happy in your whole life."
"This is the best day of my life," Adam shook his head. "I still can't believe it happened. Brent woke me up this morning and-"
"Oh fuck me sideways," Monroe groaned. "Fucking hell."
"Did he propose?" Jeff looked as upset as Monroe.
"Better!" Adam realized he probably sounded drunk. "He took me to this thing called a financial advisor and we set up a whole plan and now I have a budget and there will be investments and funds and stuff and I didn't get all of that but I'm going to be able to make my own charity one day!"
Jeff and Monroe just stared at him, like they were waiting for him to go on.
"So this doesn't have anything to do with Brent?" Monroe finally asked.
"What? No. Don't you see how awesome this is? I'm going to put some money in a fund or something and it's going to earn more money that I can give away to other people or groups or projects and I won't have to keep putting in money unless I want but even after I die it can still go on helping people. Like this is..." Adam hadn't even thought about it that way before but it hit him right then that he might be remembered for something other than dancing around on stage as an awkward teenage kid. "This is everything."
"Yes, it really is," Jeff hugged him. "I am so proud of you, Adam. That's incredible."
"Me too," Monroe joined in. "Maybe you'll be able to afford to take care of Jeffy and me in our old age."
"We'll be able to take care of ourselves just fine," Jeff laughed. "He doesn't need to worry about his sorry wannabe dads."
"No, I," Adam felt the tears he'd been fighting back all morning form again. "I don't think of you as wannabes. You're really real dads to me."
"Adam," Monroe gasped, hugging him even tighter.
"Aw shit, kid," Jeff wiped his eyes. "You need to give us a warning before you decide to say something like that."
"Sorry," Adam had to pull himself together because he knew Brent would come looking for him any minute. "I didn't plan that."
"It's okay, I'd be happy to hear you say things like that anytime," Monroe squeezed him again. "Ugh, okay, back to work."
"Right," Adam took a second to breathe. He wasn't sure how it happened but after that morning, for the first time in maybe his whole life, he knew everything would be okay and it didn't have anything to do with anyone else - not his parents, not Jeff and Monroe, not even Brent. It was all on him and he was going to be awesome.
-------------------
"I have something to tell you," Hunter announced when he brought Eli his coffee in bed that morning.
"That you are seriously a saint for fetching coffee even on our day off?"
"No, this is big."
"Is it your throbbing hard cock?" Eli reached between Hunter's legs but Hunter stopped him. "But-"
"Aw, don't pout," Hunter laughed. "That was cute. Nevermind, go on."
"No, no, tell me," Eli sat up and reached for his coffee.
"Okay, so my friend Lauren is a PA for that girl Ashton, the one Tyler in Complexx has been with for like 900 years," Hunter sat down with Eli. "I texted her pretending I needed to check the tour dates, right?"
"Clever, okay."
"And she calls me and goes on this like 20 minute rant about how she's so glad I texted because she was dying to find out what's going on with Brent because she heard Tyler and Ashton talking about how Brent and Adam are together right now and they hate it."
"Oh good. I so hope Brent's getting as much shit from those guys as possible," Eli was still thinking about sex a little bit but he made himself keep his hands off Hunter so he could hear the end of the story.
"I know. But this is the crazy part," Hunter paused. "Tyler said that apparently Brent is supposed to be picking between Maddox and Adam and that's what this whole thing is about."
"What. The. Fuck."
"I know."
"No, no, no," Eli felt tears burning in his eyes. "What the fuck, Hunter? That's awful! And Maddox didn't say anything to me. Why wouldn't he tell me? I've been here giving him all this shit and he's going through like the worst possible thing."
"Babe, it's not like that," Hunter put his arms around Eli.
"He's my best friend, I don't know why he didn't tell me this," Eli took a deep breath. He really didn't want to cry over it, he hadn't cried in such a long time. "What did I do wrong? Why wouldn't he trust me?"
"Shh, it's not like he's here suffering quietly. He's got a really spectacular distraction."
"Fuck Cole."
"Aren't you ever curious? I know you've seen at least as much of them in bed as I have, it's really-"
"Fuck Cole. And Brent. And Adam. Oh don't get me started on Adam," Eli pulled away from Hunter. He still couldn't believe Adam was there fucking Brent all along. After all the times Eli insisted they were just friends, like brothers even.
"Hey, you used to think Adam was hot," Hunter laughed. "And Brent is the only one here who's in a relationship. Don't blame the other guys."
"They're all responsible. I don't care how hot any of them are, they're fucking idiots and they're ruining my best friend's life. Or I thought he was my best friend, I don't even know now," Eli still couldn't believe Maddox hadn't said a word of this to him.
"Do you want to know what I think?" Hunter smiled. "I bet Maddox didn't say anything because he knows Brent will come back to him."
"I don't know."
"Think about it, Eli. Haven't we both been saying this whole time that Brent just panicked cause everything got really real for him? I bet Dax can see that too."
"Maybe..."
"I mean, you don't talk about things you're not worried about, right? Like he wouldn't come crying to you over something he honestly doesn't think will happen."
"What if it does, Hunter?" Eli could feel his heart breaking already. "Dax will be crushed and it'll be worse because he's blindsided by it."
"That's it though, Eli, I don't think it will happen," Hunter smiled. "Let's trust Dax, okay? I think if he believes in his relationship we should too. Like he really must believe in Brent to let him do this, right?"
"I guess, but I don't think he should trust Brent like that."
"Shouldn't he though? They're getting married, I mean, I think you have to trust someone that way to marry them."
"If we were engaged I'd want you to act like we were already married. And I don't think you'd ever cheat on me."
"I do act like we're already married and we're not engaged yet. But I don't think it's fair to judge what goes on in other people's relationships when you're not part of it either. "
"Yet?"
"You heard me," Hunter kissed him. "I already know which ring I want to get you and everything."
"Hunter, are you serious?" Eli laughed but he felt a little dizzy. "It's been 6 months, we should not be talking about getting married."
"Why not? Did you get a rule book somewhere?"
"No, but it's too soon, it just is," Eli told him. "I love you, but you're crazy."
"I love you too," Hunter's face lit up. "Did you mean to say that?"
"Ah, no," Eli cringed but he had to laugh. "You tricked me into saying it! I wasn't going to."
"I tricked you? Really?"
"Yes," Eli scooted into his lap. "Don't worry, I forgive you."
"Okay," Hunter closed his arms around Eli again. "I love you, Eli, and I really do want to marry you someday."
"I think I want that too," Eli closed his eyes. "I just want to be sure."
"You will be and it'll be perfect."
"Nothing is ever perfect."
"We'll be the exception. Wait and see."
------------------------
One morning, the boys had just started their rehearsal when Brent stopped everything. It probably wouldn't have bothered anyone except that seemed to be the way all their rehearsals went anymore. They were always getting interrupted for some reason or another.
"Come on, let us just get through one song!" Tyler groaned. "One song."
"Sorry, Kylie's in labor," Brent was texting furiously. "Oh my god, this is perfect. Maddox comes home today!"
"Fuck," Zack shook his head. "You said the M word."
"What?"
"Now Adam will be all thrown off too. We are never going to be ready for this stupid show."
"I don't give a shit about Maddox," Adam rolled his eyes. "I'd like to get through this too."
"Good. We all agree. Maddox Bieber can die in a fire," Jimmy cleared his throat. "Can we please-"
"Excuse me, that's my fiancé," Brent snapped, the word biting Adam as it landed. The room went quiet and Adam waited for everyone to look his way - but it got worse. No one looked at him.
"Um, why don't you go deal with, whatever, and we'll do this without you," Adam suggested. "Babe."
"Please, I'm sorry," Brent looked like he wanted to say something else but he stopped himself. He gave Adam the saddest look as he walked over to the side of the stage, getting out of their way.
"Dude, are you-"
"From the top," Adam looked at the choreographer, ignoring Zack's unfinished question. No, he was not okay but no one needed to hear him say that to know it.
Ever since that trip to New York, Adam had tried to spend all his time with Brent letting go. He took pictures of everything and videos whenever he could, reminding himself that before long their relationship would only exist in those images. It was something he hated thinking about but Adam knew it was all he could do.
Brent ended up taking the day off but the rest of the guys stayed to work. They had a really good rehearsal that day, even after the rough start that morning. Adam was in a much better mood by the time he and Zack went home.
"Can I ask you something?" Zack asked as they ate dinner in front of the TV that night.
"Sure."
"Are you going to be okay after this? I mean, I know the decision isn't made yet but..."
"You mean when Brent goes back to Maddox?"
"If, yeah."
"I hope so," Adam sighed. "I know he's going to pick Dax, I'm not in denial or anything. I'm just trying to enjoy it while I have it and maybe I'll really be able to move on after this."
"Really? How can you handle that?"
"I don't know, I just do. I'd rather have him while I can than not have him at all."
"Becca broke up with me."
"I'm sorry, I had no idea," Adam could see how sad Zack looked. "Why?"
"Apparently I don't pay enough attention to her," Zack shrugged. "Whatever, I think I should start dating guys instead. It's gotta be easier."
"Are you..." Adam paused to see if Zack would start laughing but he didn't. "Did you just-"
"I know, that sounds stupid, but sometimes I wonder."
"Maybe we should take a break from relationships for a while."
"Now you sound like a girl. 'I just want to focus on myself right now.'"
"No, but really," Adam sat up. "We're about to go on tour. Why not take a break from all of that for a minute? I've never really been single when I wasn't obsessing over Brent."
"Do what you want. But if you know you and Brent are over, why not just end it now?"
"I'm not ready."
"I know," Zack gave him a sad smile. "I really want you to be okay, Adam."
"Me too," Adam agreed.
Maddox was home for two weeks before he went to Australia for the last leg of his tour. Adam only got to see Brent at work for those two weeks, much like what he was used to. But nothing could have prepared Adam for what it felt like when Brent came floating into rehearsal the day after Kylie had her baby.
"She is the most perfect little thing you've ever seen," Brent couldn't stop talking about the baby. "Dax and I sat there for hours. Neither one of us wanted to put her down. We're like obsessed, it's crazy. She's not even our baby."
"God help us when you two have a baby," Tyler rolled his eyes. "Please wait forever. I'm still trying to get Ashton to chill about getting engaged."
"Ugh, still? Just do it, Ty, it's so worth it," Brent nudged him. "Best decision of my life."
"Seriously, bro?" Tyler shoved Brent.
"What the-" Brent moved to shove Tyler back but his eyes met Adam's. "Oh, damn, Adam, I didn't even-"
"It's fine, I stopped listening about 20 minutes ago," Adam lied. The truth was as soon as Brent said 'our baby' he'd felt all the air leave the room.
"No, babe, I'm sorry," Brent got up. Tyler made a gagging face. "Please don't take that the wrong way, I didn't mean-"
"You did," Adam shook his head. "It's okay, you should feel that way about the guy you're going to marry."
"But-"
"No, just don't," Adam held his hand up, as if that could stop Brent from saying anything else. "I need a minute."
He went outside, getting in his car. Adam had tucked a joint in the glovebox and he took it out, holding it in his hand. He hadn't smoked in weeks. The last time was with Brent and they'd been in a good mood that day.
When someone knocked on the passenger side window, Adam expected it to be Brent. But he looked up and saw Tyler standing there. Tyler sat down and took the joint before Adam could stop him, tucking it behind his ear.
"He wanted to come out here but I told him to sit down," Tyler sighed. "Look, Adam, you know I love you but you gotta grow a pair already. Brent's treating you like shit."
"I don't think that's true."
"It is. I've already told him, he's being a real jackass right now. This whole thing is stupid. You don't propose to someone if you think you want to be with someone else, not really. Watching Brent fuck this up is why I haven't proposed to Ashton yet and I've known for years there's no one else for me."
"Hah. Tyler, the only good guy in the world," Adam laughed.
"I'm not though, Adam, that's the thing," Tyler kicked the water bottle on the floor in front of him. "There are other good guys out there and you'll find one if you can get your head out of Brent's ass for long enough. All your heads," he grinned.
"Fingers too, I know," Adam ignored the look on Tyler's face when he said that. "I know I need to let go, I'm trying. I just want to enjoy it while I can, you know? I'm keeping all the pictures and videos I can."
"He's not dying, man, it sounds like you're planning a memorial. That's not how you move on," Tyler shook his head. "You gotta delete all that shit and never look back."
"I guess."
"Yeah, just do it. You've wasted enough of your life on him. It's time."
"Maybe it is."
"Good talk. I'm keeping this, by the way," Tyler took the joint out from behind his ear as he stood up. "You're a lot more interesting when you're not high."
Jeff had already started rehearsal by the time Tyler and Adam got back inside so Adam didn't have to face Brent until they were done for the day. As Adam was driving home, Brent following in his own car so he could stop to pick up dinner for them, he thought about how they'd never gone to Brent's place. Always his.
"Have you ever thought about learning to cook?" Brent asked as he unpacked their food.
"Yeah, I've tried," Adam nodded. "I'm unnaturally bad at it."
"He can barely handle warming up food in the microwave, let's not talk about cooking," Zack grabbed his food and left them alone in the kitchen.
"That's true, I always do too much or too little," Adam agreed.
"You could take a class," Brent suggested.
"Why? I'd rather just marry someone who can do it for me."
"You don't even want to learn?"
"Not really. It's a lot of work and cleaning."
"Yeah, but it's part of life," Brent frowned. "I'm not saying you have to be a gourmet cook-"
"Like Dax?" Adam shook his head. "I get it, Brent."
"That's not what I meant."
"Can we just skip to the part where we end this?" Adam felt his eyes watering. "I don't want to fight with you, we both know-"
"I don't. I haven't decided, Adam, I'm still trying to figure out what to do here," Brent interrupted. "I'm sorry about what I said earlier, I was trying to get Tyler to stop dicking around."
"That's just it, Brent, you're the one who needs to stop dicking around," Adam couldn't let him brush it off, not again. "I've known from the beginning you were going to back to Maddox. I hoped you'd change your mind, but you never let me in not really, cause whether you can admit it or not you've already picked him."
"What do you mean I haven't let you in? I have too, you're my best friend, Adam, I tell you everything. You can't get much closer than we are."
"Then why are we here, Brent? You never take me to your place. You never take me to your parents house with you and I've taken you to Jeff and Monroe's every time they invite me," Adam pointed out.
"My parents don't know about us, Adam, they're not like Jeff and Monroe, they can't handle-"
"I'm your best friend! They don't need to know anything else."
"It's not just my house though, it belongs to Maddox too. It wouldn't be right."
"Yeah, and I get that," Adam hated that Brent was right about that. "But you know what really got me?"
"I don't."
"Today. When you talked about having a baby," Adam felt one tear spill over. "You want kids more than anything in the world, Brent, but you've never asked me about having them. You've never talked to me about the future at all. So you say you haven't decided but how could you make a choice without any of the details about what you'd be picking?"
"Adam," Brent moved around the kitchen island to hug him. "I'm sorry. I never thought to ask you about any of that."
"Because you don't want that with me."
"No, because I already know what it looks like," Brent locked his arms around him tighter. "I figured we would adopt, maybe from your old neighborhood where you grew up, and we'd get to sit in church every Sunday with our little family and teach our kids the bible stories and pray together at dinner every night. And after Complexx ends I could help you run your outreach program, keep writing music on the side, maybe start a music program for at risk kids, I don't know. I guess I really didn't let you into all of that."
"Fuck," Adam closed his eyes as the tears started coming faster. "I hate that you know me so well. That all sounds so fucking perfect."
"I don't know how we'll feed our kids if you can't cook, but-"
"You don't have to worry about that," Adam pulled away, feeling like part of him stayed in Brent's arms. "We're not going to have kids, not together."
"But-"
"I'm deciding, Brent. I'm picking," Adam forced himself to look in Brent's eyes, ignoring the tears he saw forming there. "We have to stop."
"I don't want to stop though, I love you, Adam, I don't want to lose you."
"You're my best friend, you won't lose me."
"That's not the same."
"I know, but when Maddox gets home we need to be done. You belong with him, Brent, you always have."
"Sometimes I know that, but then I think about you. When I'm with you, Adam, I'm not sure anymore. Everything I just told you - I won't have that with Dax. He believes in God but he's not interested in church or any of that, you know this. And now he wants to quit his career to stay home and be a dad, like that's not how I thought it would be."
"Maddox is quitting?" Adam felt like he'd been smacked in the face. "You never told me that."
"I know, I'm not supposed to tell anyone," Brent shook his head. "When he gets home from this tour, he's going to be done with music."
"So...wow," Adam couldn't honestly imagine a world with no Maddox Bieber on stage or his music always playing everywhere.
"I know, I don't know how to take that."
"You'll figure it out," Adam's heart was pounding and he realized he was starting to get hopeful again. "I love you, Brent, but I can't do this anymore. I know you won't walk away from him so I need to walk away from you."
Brent started crying which made Adam cry too. They eventually calmed down but neither one of them felt like eating after that. Instead they went to bed, sleeping tangled in each other's arms.
When morning came, they were back to their usual routine. A run through the park and a smoothie before work. They went to rehearse that morning but that afternoon they went back to the studio to start working on Adam's songs.
"What happened last night?" Zack asked during one of their breaks. "I thought you were fighting but you two seem good all of a sudden."
"Yeah, we broke up," Adam admitted. "I mean, we're going to be together until Dax gets home but I told him it ends there."
"You told him?"
"Yeah, I did," Adam smiled when Zack gave him a high five.
Maybe it was because Adam knew the end was coming but the weeks seemed to pass faster after that. Before Adam knew it, he and Brent were down to their last few nights together before Maddox came home.
"I, um, got you something," Adam told Brent when they got to his room. "You might think it's stupid but I saw it online and I kind of thought you needed it."
"That's how I buy you stuff all the time," Brent laughed. "What is it?"
"Um, it's," Adam felt his face getting red. "Here," he decided to just hand Brent the box instead of trying to explain.
"Create a mate," Brent's face was priceless. "Make your own dildo."
"Because you keep saying you're gonna miss my dick, so, um, now you can take it with you," Adam knew he was probably glowing he was so red.
"This is amazing! Can we do this right now? Oh my god, it vibrates."
"Yeah, I know you like that."
"This is so hot. I love it."
As they soon found out, it was much messier to make the impression of Adam's cock than they thought. Then they had to wait for the mold to dry so they could move on to the next step. In the end it was all worth it.
"That's terrifying," Adam decided when Brent pulled the finished vibrator out of the mold. He'd never understood how big his dick looked to other people but seeing the replica was crazy.
"It's beautiful," Brent kissed it. "You should sell these."
"Sure. You wanna tell Martin?"
"Can we please?"
"He might have a heart attack and die," Adam laughed. "Have fun with that."
"Here, keep the mold," Brent winked. "Someone else should have one of these."
"I don't know anyone else who'd want that."
"I do," Brent grinned. "Want me to get you Cole's number?"
"I should totally send him one," Adam laughed.
"No, but really," Brent set the toy down. "Have you thought about texting him or anything?"
"Seriously?"
"Yeah."
"No," Adam rolled his eyes. "Don't worry, Brent, Maddox will come back to you. Cole's not going to steal him."
"I know. I mean, I think I know that."
"You have nothing to worry about," Adam shook his head but he did keep the mold of his penis, just in case.
Maddox came home the next day and Adam wanted nothing more than to hide in his room for a week. But they were just two weeks out from leaving on their tour so there was no time to hide and definitely no time to lay around crying over how broken he felt.
Seeing how happy Brent was when Maddox was home proved that Adam made the right choice. He'd hoped, stupidly, that it wouldn't hurt after going through it so many times before but Adam was wrong. Knowing things were really over felt final, almost suffocating.
Adam lay awake a few nights later, looking through his phone. He'd taken Tyler's advice and gotten all the pictures and videos of Brent off his phone, but Adam couldn't bring himself to delete them completely. They were saved on his computer, just in case.
He was scrolling through Instagram when he landed on a picture of Cole looking sad. For almost a full 5 minutes, Adam thought about texting him. If anyone understood what he was going through, maybe it was Cole.
But Cole hadn't texted after their nights together and Adam figured if he wanted to talk to him he would have at least sent a thank you text. He was Cole Stryder, he didn't need anyone - especially not Adam - to cheer him up.
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A/N: <3 <3 <3 <3 Adam. This chapter was such a turning point for our baby. I cried writing the part where he tells Jeff and Monroe how excited he is to be getting out of debt - what no one but us will ever know is that he hasn't been a stupid kid blowing ALL his money on clothes and stuff he didn't need, he just has such a big, broken heart. Bless him.
There are so many things in this chapter we will see again. The penis mold. Jeff and Monroe wanting to take over Complexx and Brent saying they'll get back to them, Adam's pride over getting himself out of debt and his plan to start a charity/outreach foundation. Even Ivan comes back in Pas de Trois. I could go on, but - spoilers :)
Love you all. See you Monday when we'll find out how long Adam's break from guys lasts.