When i met you.
I was afraid to trust you.
When I trusted you.
I was afraid to kiss you.
When I kissed you.
I was afraid to love you.
When I loved you.
I was afraid to lose you.
●●
I remember that night like a blackspot in my memmory. I try to crop it away, put it somewhere else. But everynight it knows to manage itself to crawl back into my thoughts.
To make me relive that pain.
To make sure I won't forget.
The questions never stopped asking.
The eyes never stopped looking.
The rumours never stopped spreading.
The fear inside my body never left me.
The time I was happy, makes me truelly forget somethimes I'm actually still breathing.
I wished I had died before all of this came over me. I rather would have died with a pleased heart instead of having a torrorized mind the rest of my useless life.
His,
No.
It's face,
I never saw it.
All I could see was it's dark, blond hair and its low sleeky breath which still gives me the shivers on my back at night.
Its marks never left my skin nor my mind.
I still can hear my screams,
Screams that would haunt me forever.
Begging my family or just anyone to hear me and save me from its claws.
But they didn't.
Kinda funny, how you believed that your family would always be there for you. That they would always protect you from the evil and bright up your days as prince charming could.
But everything was just a lie,
An easy, simple lie.
And honestly,
I loved to believe in that.
But they weren't there, no one was there. Not my family, my friends , my boyfriend nor anyone but just that creature that's still roaming around the streets, probably taking other lifes like it did with mine.
No one was there when it grabbed me, beated me, undressed me or punched me against the ground like it was nothing more but a task.
No one was there when I bleeded, when I screamed, when it burned my soul into tiny ashes.
No one was there when it took me.
And all what's left behind, was a piece of nothing.
I had been starving for love or just a little affection for so long, perhaps even too long.
I had forgotten what it felt like.
Forgotten what it felt like to be loved.
I had refused to let anyone in. I couldn't bare to live anylonger like this.
Not with this me. It was time to create another person.
All I needed was someone who didn't knew my story.
Someone that would not dare to judge on my past nor my looks.
And after all the terrible things , only god knew how much they tore me appart..
It semt like heaven heard my wishes.