(Trigger warning)
•Alex
My alarm scares me half to death. Another day of torture. I'm still so scared to go to school knowing that Georgia isn't afraid to hurt me. I'm actually thinking to call in sick, but I don't want to make up the work. I've already missed so much.
When I stood up I stubbed my toe on the corner of the nightstand. I got a feeling that it was gonna be a bad day. I put on some gray sweatpants, a navy blue t-shirt and some blue toms because I really don't care what I look like at school. I'm just there for the diploma honestly. I look down at the bracelet Harry made me about a week ago. It's black and white and made of yarn. Cheesy although a really sweet gesture.
As I paced downstairs, I noticed the lights were off. Did they leave me again? I really need to invest in a car.
As I was walking down the sidewalk, my foot caught where the two concrete slabs meet. I fell and my binder flew open with papers falling everywhere. How my binder unclipped, I'll never know. I reached down and got some papers but there's no way I'll ever get them all.
"Nice job klutz. Need help?" I guess a little help wouldn't kill me. It was a Tiffany. She helps me scoop up the papers and we walk the rest of the way to school.
I hate gym. Everybody pretty much does. I mean it's just a way for the athletically inclined to belittle those who aren't. I see Georgia's long, fake, pink nails from down the way. Our lockers are on the same aisle. What a coincidence.
After trying to avoid running around the track as much as possible, I'm changing back into my sweats. I feel someone staring at me. I turn my head and her eyes lock with mine. Being the so called mature person I am, I wait for the other girls to leave. She was on her phone.
"May I help you with something? Why were you staring at me?"
"Oh Alex, hey. Nope no problem at all." What the fuck was that? This is the girl that put one of my best friends in the hospital correct?
"I swear if you do anything and I mean anything to hurt me or my friends again..." I wanted to slap her, but I held back.
"I will make you regret ever coming here. Got it?"
"Alex, you think you're so tough, but you are nothing to me and to everybody else. Even your little 'boyfriend'. How he's dating you, I'll never know. I heard boys like girls with more to grab and he can definitely do that with your stomach rolls. All I know is I always get what I want. And I want him." She walked away. I was so in shock I had no words.
I'm not fat am I? I have gained a little weight but I didn't think it was that much. I thought I was doing really well. Definitely going to work out more when we're on break.
After school, I was walking toward the bus. I realized Harry wasn't in 5th period today. I'm riding the bus. I'm not walking again. It's been a terrible day and I just want to go home.
As I took my seat on the bus everyone's phone either vibrated or ringed. Oh god. I took it out and saw a text from Georgia. She made a group chat, involving a huge portion of the school.
From:Georgia
Saw a cow at school today. Moo
Xoxo -G
Attached were two pictures. I looked at it and tears swelled my eyes. It was a picture of me in gym today, but I didn't think I was that chubby. Maybe it was a bad angle? Well it didn't matter now. It's imprinted in everyone's head that I'm the size of a whale. The tears started dripping down my face. I tried to wipe them so nobody would see me, but of course I couldn't just cry in peace.
"Is the heffer crying? It's okay, here's a tissue to dry your snout."
The rest of the way they kept calling me names. I tried my best to ignore them. How the bus driver didn't notice still seems to amaze me.
Finally it's my stop and I see Gabe's home... on the one day I ride the bus. I run off the bus and go to find Gabe.
"Give me your keys." I said slamming my backpack on the kitchen table.
"Excuse you? Why and you need to ask politely," he leaned his cheek to me and I pecked it.
"Please Gabe. It hasn't been a good day. I need to go see Harry," he smiled and dropped the keys in my palm.
"Use protection!" I ignored it and got into the car.
As I pulled up to Harry's driveway, I knocked and I'm guessing it was his mom answered the door.
"Hello, may I help you?" The lady had shortish brown hair and was quite pale.
"Um I think so. I'm Harry's friend. Is he here?"
"Yes sweety and what's your name?"
"Alex, Alex Russell,"
"Oh wow. Another one of his friends? Sorry, Alex. I'm Harry's mum, Anne. Nice to meet you. Up the stairs and the 2nd door to the left." I mumbled a thank you and went upstairs. I really hoped one of the boys weren't here. I wanted to talk to Harry alone and cry. I definitely didn't want anyone seeing me cry.
I heard two voices. One was female. I knocked. Nobody answered. So I walk in to see the worst thing a girl in a relationship can see. Harry, and Georgia sitting on the bed together. They both looked up at me. Georgia's evil smile plastered on her face and Harry's face looked really pale and scared. I was too shocked to say anything or to move.
"What...How... Why?" is all I could say because the tears were choking me.
"Alex... What a surprise." The bitch says.
"Alex It's not what it looks like. I know that's what everyone says but..."
"You lied." I said almost whisper like. He stopped, puzzled. Now the anger was rising and I couldn't filter anything.
"...You... You said You loved me. You said I was the one. If I was the one then you wouldn't cheat on me with that fucking slut. If I was the one then... you fucking know what she did to my best friend Harry...she's sitting in a hospital bed and you're here trying to get into that skank's pant. What the fuck is wrong with you?" At this point I beyond pissed off, but more heart broken. He just stuttered at me in complete shock.
"Go fuck yourself Harry." With that, I ran to the car and drove off.
Once I got home, I ran to my room and cried in the bed. My heart hurts. My head hurts. Everything hurts. Although I don't know why. It has piles of fat covering it.
I stood up and walked into the restroom. After locking myself in, I searched the messy drawers. When we moved a long time ago, we didn't really put anything in the right place and never got around to it. I finally found it.
I turned on the faucet and sat on the floor thinking. I know it's not the wisest thing to do but I don't care. I came up with a plan in my head to just starve. Maybe if I'm skinnier, he'll want me instead of her.
I was doing so well. I had stayed on my eating schedule, I was exercising a normal amount now, but the voices overwhelmed me. The razor hit the light in almost a beautiful way.
I took the metal and began to slice the skin once on my wrist. I felt the pain, but as I watched the thick red liquid dripped onto the floor. It didn't hurt anymore. I loved the stinging. The feeling of the metal on my skin. I sliced more and more and kept going.
One cut for Georgia.
Another for the kids at school.
Another for Harry.
And the last just for being me.
"Alex? Are you alright in there?" It was Kenn.
"Uh yeah... I'm just...getting changed." He mumbled a 'k' and walked away. Thank god he believed me.
I cleaned up the blood and hid the razor in the back of the cabinet. I put on my gray hoodie, my green pj pants and some bracelets. I put on the bracelet Harry had given me. Not because it came from him but because it covered more of my arm.
I crawled into bed and drifted to sleep. I was drained after all. Tomorrow, I'll just tell Gabe I'm sick or something.
***