Josh blew out the mostly worn down candle before grabbing his jacket. He looked over at me before grabbing another jacket.
"Here," he said, handing me the jacket. "It's gonna be cold out."
"Thanks," I said, placing it on my body. It was soft and smelt like him. He opened the door for me and I followed him out. As we began walking, all I could think about was our kiss and how I wanted to kiss him again and again and again. I thought about how soft Josh's lips were and how warm he was. I wrapped my arms around my body as a harsh wind blew. The warmth of his jacket filled me with a sense of security. We stopped outside of my apartment building.
"I had a great time tonight," Josh said. He had a small smile on his lips as he spoke.
"I did too," I said, returning his smile. "Thanks for having me over."
"Of course." We stood there for a moment just enjoying each others company, ignoring the cold air. "Would you like to get dinner with me? Tuesday night?" A huge grin paired with a blush spread onto my face.
"I would love that." Josh smiled too and let out a relieved sigh.
"Great. Then it's a date." I went giddy as the word 'date' left his lips.
"Great." Josh took a step closer and placed his arms around my body. The heat of our bodies together made the hug even more enjoyable. Josh pulled away slightly to place a kiss to my cheekbone.
"Goodnight, Tyler," he said as he pulled away.
"Goodnight." I rubbed the place he had kissed with my hand as I watched him walk away. I sighed happily and walked up the stairs to my apartment.
"How was your date?" Mel asked loudly as I closed the door behind me.
"Yea, Ty. Did you guys fuck? Who bottomed?" I rolled my eyes at Ash's comment before falling between the two on the couch.
"No we didn't, Ash. We had a nice calm time that did not involve any sex."
"Boring," Ash said laughing.
"What did you guys do?" Melanie asked, ignoring our other roommate's comments.
"I helped him dye his hair and we watched Tangled."
"That is a gay date if I've ever heard of one," Melanie joked, laughing. I laughed a little, too. Now that I thought about it, she wasn't wrong. "Did you guys kiss?"
"Yea," I said. I smiled as I remembered the feeling of his lips on mine.
"Awwww! Our little Tyler has a boyfriend!" Ash cooed.
"Firstly, I'm taller than you. Secondly, we've been on one date. We aren't officially 'boyfriends' yet." The girls just scoffed before leaving to their bedrooms. I stood up and went to change before bed. I looked at Josh's jacket in my hands and smiled before placing it on the back of my desk chair.
---
After what had seemed like an eternity of lying in my bed blinking at my ceiling, I decided to check the time. My phone lit up with the numbers 3:59 on them. I sighed and rolled out of bed. I walked into the kitchen and made myself some coffee. When it was finished, I poured a cup out and brought it back to my room.
My parents couldn't know how good Josh made me feel. I couldn't tell them about the way my heart would flutter when I looked at him or how my hands shook when I thought about touching him. I wanted to tell my parents about the man I was falling for.
But I couldn't. If my parents knew that I liked a guy, they would never talk to me again. They would shut me out their lives. Homosexuality is a sin. I am a sin.
I knew that the words pounding against my skull could only exit in one way so I fell into my desk chair. I wrapped my topless chest in Josh's jacket before taking out my notebook and my pen.
It just hit me as I laid my head down
No one around in the dark cold night, I hear a sound
In my head repeat track of everything you've ever said
Must be something, but it's nothing, so I just go back to bed
The words were pouring out of me in frenzy and I couldn't fight them anymore. I let my hand guide my pen against the rough paper.
It's 4, crack the door to the hallways in my dreams
But it seems my hallway keeps closing in on me
Forcing me out, making me think about you and how you're gone
I see 4:05 in teary eyes and then I write this song
I watched as the lines seemed to make sense as they translated from the mindless banter that had been arguing inside my brain. I felt a sense of relief overtake me as I let it out.
And I just can't believe it has to be this way
You know we say it seems to me that it was just the other day
I saw your face, I saw your light, you ran the race, you fought the fight
But now it's all being torn down for me tonight
This was all I could get out before I heard a soft knock on my door. I slammed my pen down and looked to my shaking hand.
"Tyler," I heard a voice whisper.
"Yea?" I asked, trying to hide the fear in my voice.
"It's Mel. Are you okay? I thought I heard crying." I placed a hand to face and realized that she was right.
"Um, yea. I'm just writing." She must've understood because she didn't speak again. I heard light footsteps and then the sound of a bedroom door closing.
I decided that that was a sign for me to stop writing. I knew that this would resume the next night and sighed. I closed my notebook lightly and downed the last of my, now cold, coffee.