Although I didn't write this song into the book, I listened to it while I wrote this chapter because it is completley relatable towards Ethan's and Blake's situation.
Chapter 33
Blake's POV
“Nana? Are you okay?” I asked getting up from the sofa by her bed that’s been my bed for the last two weeks.
I looked at her and noticed that she was throwing up in a container by the bed.
I ran to the bathroom and grabbed a cloth and soaked it in cool water. I rushed back to her bed and placed it on her forehead trying to cool her down. This has been normal and expected for the past weeks. Every night around this time Nana would wake up and vomit, emptying everything out of her system.
I dreaded coming to bed every night knowing that this is what I would be expecting to happen.
I rubbed her back and noticed that this time she wasn’t just puking food but a little red.
My heart stopped beating. What was happening? She didn’t eat anything with red in her food all day. Why is she puking up red?
I grabbed my phone and called her doctor but it went straight to voicemail. I then rang Grace’s number but it went to voicemail as well. Dad was at work now and he wouldn’t be able to get here and know what to do.
I looked for Nana’s chart that the doctor left a few days ago and read the end of it where it was directions in case something like this happened.
The patient should seek immediate medical attention if:
He/she isn’t responding to any communication
He/she isn’t waking up from sleep
He/she isn’t eating or drinking as supposed to
He/she’s is vomiting red
He/she’s blood pressure spikes
He/she has a body temperature about 99.9 degrees
He/she is shaking third to last direction and grabbed my phone.
“911 what’s your emergency?”
“My grandmother has liver cancer and she isn’t supposed to be puking this distinct color. I’m reading something off her chart and it says to seek immediate medical attention if this happens. Can we please have someone hurry?” I said all too fast.
I ran back to Nana’s bed and continued to rub her back.
“Okay sweetheart, take a deep breath. I tracked down your address and help is on the way. You said that she has liver cancer, do you know what stage?” The lady on the other line said.
“I believe stage three. She’s not supposed to be vomiting red, why is she vomiting red?” I asked helplessly, fighting back the unshed tears in my eyes.
Nana hadn’t stopped once to take a breath or relax. The vomit seemed never ending. Why wasn’t it ending? Why hadn’t it stopped! It was supposed to be over and done with by now!
“Hello? Sweetheart, are you there? Help should be there now.” The lady said bringing me back out of the million questions my head was asking.
I looked outside Nana’s window and saw flashing red lights.
“I’ll be right back Nana. Hang in there, these people will help you.” I said before running out of the room.
I opened the front door and there stood four young men with a stretcher and some bags that had supplies in them.
They all stared at me with wide eyes before I spoke, “This way.” I said before speed walking back to Nana’s room where she continued to throw up.
The men immediately went by her side and started to ask a billion questions to me.
“Stage 3, liver cancer.” Someone shouted from beside her bed.
“Transport her to the stretcher and get her in the truck.” Another man shouted.
“Are you her caretaker?” A young brunette man asked me as he walked over to where I was standing.
“Yeah I’m her granddaughter.” I responded.
He nodded and then spoke, “She’s going to need to go to the hospital. You should contact her doctor and have him or her meet up you tonight because she will need to stay overnight. She is throwing up blood and she isn’t supposed to. I assume you’d want to ride with her?” The man asked.
I fought back the not in my throat and managed to nod at him.
They placed Nana on the stretcher, giving her a bucket to throw up. Why couldn’t they just give her a damn shot and make her pass out?! I couldn’t stand to see her like this anymore!
I rushed to her side, “Everything’s going to be alright Nana. Keep fighting.” I said as we rolled out of the house.
I managed to grab my keys while on our way.
The men pulled out a ramp to the Ambulance and pulled her up in the truck. I locked the door to my house and ran into the truck with her as we raced off to the hospital.
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If one more nurse said “soon” one more time I’m pretty sure I’d stick my fist into that person’s face.
I’ve been waiting hours for the results and all that they’ve been telling me is that they’d be in soon.
Technology has definitely improved since the 60’s people, why the hell aren’t they instantly given?!
“Sweetheart, you’re going to give yourself an ulcer if you don’t come an sit down.” My Dad whispered from his chair.
“How can you be so calm Dad? I’m going insane right now.” I said pacing back and forth in Nana’s room. She’d fallen asleep thank god about an hour ago and I didn’t want to wake her.
“I’m calm because this isn’t in our control right now Blake. If one of us isn’t calm, then we’d be very dysfunctional, don’t you think?” He whispered back.
I let out a big sigh before plopping down on the chair beside him.
“God I hope everything’s fine.” I responded.
“Me too baby girl, me too.” He said.
About a half hour later, Nana’s doctor came in quietly where she directed us to talk outside.
“How about you stay here while I go and talk to the doctor, okay?” My Dad whispered to me.
“Uh no. I’m going out there but you can stay if you want.” I responded ruder than I intended to but how could he even ask me that question?
I stepped out in the hall and my father followed me out.
“You did a well job with calling the paramedics Blake. I apologize I couldn’t reach your call due to surgery I was in at the moment but going back to what’s at hand, we’ve received the results back. It appears that she is having a hard time keeping food in her system, which shouldn’t have been a problem yet. She is still at stage three and isn’t close to stage four yet but her body is refusing any food intake. We highly suggest she gets a feeding tube so that it’s easier for her to ingest the food and digest it without a problem.” She said flicking through her papers.
“Okay then, we get the feeding tube as soon as possible.” My Dad said from beside me.
“It’s not as easy as it seems Greg. You see, we suggest getting a feeding tube to many different patients with the same problem but it’s hard to actually do it. Many patients refuse to get one because they feel hopeless or they’re angry that they can’t do the simplest tasks by themselves. We’re more than happy to do it for her before she leaves. If she agrees then you beep us. Until then, everything else look’s normal with her tests. I’ll check up on her in about a few hours.”
“Oh I forgot one thing. Her condition from this point on will need to be watched carefully. I suggest having Grace stay or move in with you for the well being of Caroline. She’s going to need it especially with the months ahead.” The doctor said before she padded my shoulder and walked off.
I took in what she just said and took a deep breath.
“How hard can it be to persuade her?” I asked up at my Dad.
“I hope not too hard.” He responded.
**********************************
“Nana, you need this.” I said for the billionth time.
“Sweetheart, I refuse to get something so unnatural. I’m stuck with this disease, there’s no way out. If it wants to take over me completely, let it. I am not vulnerable and I will not under any circumstances get a tube to help me do something that I’m capable of doing myself.” My Nana said putting her hand on top of mine as I sat on a chair beside her bed in the hospital.
“It’ll help you keep the food in your system Nana. It’ll stop all of those long nights of throwing up and let you give you some peace and quiet for once. Don’t you want that? Don’t you want to have at least one good night sleep?” I said hopelessly.
She fell silent and then let out a small sigh.
“No sweetheart. I’m sorry but I will not get it.” She said giving me a weak smile.
It was my turn to sigh. I looked up at the ceiling before returning my gaze on her. I nodded.
I wasn’t going to force her to do this. If this was what she wanted to do then I’d support her even if I didn’t agree with it. I couldn’t argue with her. I had no idea what she was going through. I don’t want to know what she was going through. But if I could, I’d take the pain away from her in a heartbeat. I hated to see her happy spirits being crushed by this. It was slowly ripping her apart in the inside no matter how much she tried to deny or hide it.
We stayed in the hospital the following day just for the doctor to monitor her but we were then released and back at home.
I tucked Nana in her bed with my Dad and Grace’s help and she quickly fell asleep. We left the room instantly and closed the door behind us. We all made out way into the living room where we collapsed on the couches. It had been a long 72-hours.
I let everything that the doctor told me be processed in my head as I lay on the couch.
She said that Nana needed to be taken care of better from now on and I couldn’t stop replaying that in my head. I was to leave next week but after all of this, I couldn’t. How could I?
Nana would have Grace and my father but Grace doesn’t live here and I wouldn’t ask her to. Nana was my grandmother, my flesh and blood, not hers. I should be the one taking care of her when my father wasn’t.
I got up quickly form the couch when my father started to speak, “Where are you rushing off to Blake?”
“I’m going to call Mom. I’ll be back in a few.” I said before running to my room I still used for everything but sleep. I slept in Nana’s room since the first week I came here. I could never fall asleep back in this bed knowing that she was more than likely awake sick.
I went over to my charger where I saw my phone that I forgot I had. I hadn’t touched it since before I went to the hospital considering I forgot it here.
I reached for it and noticed I had some messages and a few missed calls. I ignored them and dialed my mom’s number.
“Sweetheart, I’ve been worried about you. No calls these past few days worried me but I talked to your dad so I understand. How are you my little girl?” She asked in a sensitive tone.
“Everything’s so crazy mom. Nana’s not getting any better and she refuses to let the doctors do what they think is best. It’s hard, so fricking hard.” I replied while opening the doors to the balcony in my room. This was the only reason I came up here as often as I did, for this one thing.
“You knew this wasn’t going to be easy sweetie. You’re a strong girl, the strongest I know. You need to be extra strong for her now and for yourself. You’re leaving next week and you have to be prepared.” She said as I looked over at the waves crashing onto the beach.
“That’s actually why I called you mom.” I said biting my lip.
“What is it sweetheart?” She asked curiously and I knew if I asked her, she wouldn’t reject it but she’d only question everything.
But in my heart, I knew this is what I had to do. It was the right thing to do and I wanted to do it.
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Ethan’s POV
I was tossing and turning in my bed because I couldn’t fall asleep. It was eleven, almost midnight but I was excited. Tomorrow was the day she came back. Thank god. This past month had been nothing but agonizing.
My phone started to vibrate from my bedside table, which caught me by surprise. Who would be calling now?
I looked at the caller ID and I instantly became wide-awake.
“Hello?” I asked not sure if she butt dialed me or called me by mistake.
“Hi lover boy.” She said in the soft tone I have missed so much.
I closed my eyes and took in everything.
“How have you been?” I asked in response.
“I’ve been better but I’m doing okay. You?” She asked softly again.
“I’ve been okay too.” I lied.
“You know I always knew when you lied to me lover boy.” She responded.
“Well what do you want me to say? That I’ve been happy as anything? Because that’s not how I’ve been, in fact I’ve been terrible. Miserable. This is the only time I hear your voice in the past month and it’s the day before you come back.” I blurted out, sounding much meaner than I intended.
There was a small silence before she started to speak again, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that. I should have called you, you’re right. But there has been so much going on and I still needed some time. I’m sorry.” She replied in an even softer tone than before. Damn it. I’ve completely forgot the reason why she was there in the first place. She didn’t have time for me. Why had I been so selfish thinking so?
“No Blake, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that.” I responded.
“No you did and you’re right. I should have at least called you but I didn’t. I should have responded to your messages but I didn’t do that either. And now I know I was wrong because it makes everything what I’m about to tell you extremely difficult.” She said.
I was confused now. What was going on?
“What are you about to tell me Blake? What’s wrong?” I asked.
She paused before responding, “Ethan I…” She said not finishing her sentence.
“You’re not coming back, are you.” I said more as a statement than a question because I knew that was the reason for her phone call.
A silence fell over us for at least a few seconds.
“No lover boy. I’m not.” She stuttered. Her voice was strained and I could tell she was holding all of her emotions inside of her.
And at that exact moment, I felt defeated. That nothing would ever be the same for me because the one thing that I loved most in life wasn’t coming to me. I felt empty and hopeless. I couldn’t talk anymore, I couldn’t hear anything else without wanting to punch or hit something.
With my heart in my throat I responded, “Goodnight Blake.” And I hung up the phone without hearing her say another word.