I usually don't like to start the chapter with an author's note but I really want to ask if you're liking the book so far. I've gotten comments saying you have and those comments make my day, literally. thank y'all so much, it means so much to me. anyway, on with the chapter!
~*~*~
perrie
It's been two days and I still haven't been able to tell Leigh how I feel. I've figured everything, well nearly everything out but I'm too scared to tell her. I shouldn't be, she's been one of my best friends for nearly five years and I'm usually never shy around her but when you start to like someone romantically, it gets different. You start to act differently around them, you start to stutter, you start to feel shy and vulnerable. At least I do.
But I really hope that doesn't happen. I want to be best friends with her over anything. Even if we have a relationship and even if we break up, I want to stay best friends no matter what.
Ugh, why am I thinking like this? I haven't even told her my feelings and here I am, thinking about break-ups. Not the way to go.
After a lot of 'you can do this's, I finally pluck up the courage to call Leigh and invite her to coffee to get all my feelings and thoughts out there.
What can go wrong?
~*~*~
I'm making my way to the café we agreed to meet at and saying there are butterflies in my stomach would be an understatement. There are fucking huge ass birds. And it's not fun.
All I hope is that nothing goes wrong and our friendship doesn't suffer. And I hope I say the right things.
I arrive at the café and after a failed search for a familiar head of curls, I text Leigh saying I'm at the café. I don't get a response immediately but pretty I do get my sunglasses taken off and a pair of hands covering my eyes.
"Guess who?" The owner of the pair of hands says.
"Hmm," I play along to the childish act, pretending to think. "Lemme guess, Leigh-Anne Pinnock?"
"Correct!" The voice replies, exaggerating the word. Leigh takes a seat on the armchair across from me.
"I got you an iced mocha," I gesture to the drink on the table in front of her.
"So you were going to talk to me about something?" Leigh starts after she thanked me.
"Yeah. About what you confessed the other night."
"The night we kissed?" She lowers her voice slightly at the last word.
"Yes, that night." I take a deep breath. "What I'm about to say will inevitably be awkward so I'll say all of it at once so it's easier for me and for you." Another deep breath. "I really don't want to ruin our friendship but I like you. As in like you-like you. As in seriously like you. As in I-hope-you-haven't-changed-your-mind-because-I-like-you-and-I'd-love-to-have-you-as-my-girlfriend. As in, please be my girlfriend. Or at least don't hate me." I really need to stop rambling.
Leigh-Anne seems to be shell-shocked. Her eyes are wide and her mouth is slightly open. I can't understand what she's thinking and I'm starting to feel embarrassed at my confession.
"Umm," she trails off. "Are you serious?"
"Yes, very." I laugh nervously, awaiting her response.
"Okay then," she smiles happily. "I can tell you that I haven't changed my mind, I still like you and no, I don't hate you."
I smile at her answer. I feel vulnerable, like anything she says could either kill me or save me. I don't like feeling vulnerable. But I guess liking someone or being in a relationship forces you to be vulnerable. I hate that.
But I don't care, I really like Leigh-Anne, so I'd be vulnerable for her.
"Perrie? Is everything okay? You're being really quiet." My thoughts are cut short by Leigh-Anne, who has a concerned expression on her beautiful face.
"What? .. Yeah, everything is fine. I'm just thinking about, y'know, what's next?" I'm stuttering as I say the words. Vulnerability strikes again.
Leigh-Anne looks thoughtful. "I don't know. What do you want to be next?"
This is awkward. Why are we so awkward about this?
"I don't know either... Well, I'd love to have a relationship. But we need to think, about the band, about the other girls, the fans, the press..." I don't like thinking about this stuff but we have to. I wish we didn't have to, but the truth is that we do.
Leigh is quiet for a while, it seems like she's thinking of what to say and it seems like she's weighing her options. So am I.
"I think we should wait a bit, think of this a little," this breaks my heart and I'm sure it breaks hers too. But I understand, this is the right thing to do.
I guess I'll be singing Secret Love Song with more emotion now.
~*~*~
Five years of Little Mix!! I swear these girls have had such a huge impact on my life, so much that I don't remember life before them. They've come so far and I'm just so proud of them! Happy five years!!!
don't forget to vote, comment, share and follow my account bc I'm thinking of updating y'all on if I'm writing and sneak peaks on my account. ♡