"Thanks again, Dad," I said, turning back towards the house. He was standing on the porch, Noah on one hip and Lilly on the other. "I love you, my babies. Be good." I waved and they both waved back excitedly, and I could see their bright smiles in my rear view mirror as I made my way back out into traffic. I tapped my fingers on the steering wheel, in time with the music playing through the stereo as I made my way through the crowded streets. My phone began to ring, and though I didn't recognize the caller ID I brought it up to my ear.
"Hello?"
"Hi, is this Mrs Fuentes?" The man on the other end questioned, and I furrowed my brow.
"Um, yes this is. May I ask who's calling?"
"I'm sorry to bother you, ma'am. My name is Kyle, I'm a bartender at The Crow downtown. And I, uh, your husband, Vic is here. He's had a little too much and I don't feel comfortable letting him drive."
I sighed, my head falling back against the headrest. "I'll be right there. Thank you."
I tossed the phone into the passenger seat and flipped a u-turn, heading back in the direction that I had come. I felt so emotionally conflicted these days when it came to Vic. Some days I was sad for him, but other days I was pissed that this was the way he was choosing to cope. And right now I was definitely feeling the latter.
After what felt like hours I finally reached the bar and made my way through the throngs of people that were lingering outside. I stepped foot into the bar, a smoky haze settling around me, and I searched the crowd for my husband. I finally spotted him, leaning up against the bar, a glass of liquor in his hand.
I took a deep breath, trying to calm myself, not wanting to argue while we were in public, and I took a few steps toward him, my eyes trained on my feet. I ran into something, or rather someone, causing me to lose my balance. I tried to brace myself for impact, but it never came. A hand reached out and grabbed my arm, steadying me and pulling me back to my feet.
"I'm sorry, miss," the voice said, and with those three words a chill ran all the way up my spine, the hairs on my arms standing straight up. That voice, I would never be able to forget it; it had echoed in my mind for months and months. I hesitantly looked up, knowing who I would see, and I felt bile rise in my throat as my eyes met those that were seared in my memory, the face that had haunted my dreams for the last six years. He gave me sly smile, looking me up and down before continuing on his way out of the building, leaving me there stunned.
It was him, Derrik, the monster who had changed my life forever, who had taken so much from me, who had stolen a part of me that I had never gotten back. I hadn't thought about it, or him, in a long time, and I had hoped that I would never have to think about what he did to me ever again. But now, standing here, my feet stuck to the floor, all of those feelings and awful memories came flooding back. My chest was tight, so tight I thought it might burst, and my stomach was dancing within the walls of my abdomen. I clutched at my throat as my breathing increased, feeling as if I was suffocating.
The last thing I wanted to do was have a meltdown in front of all of these people, that would only make it worse, but the longer I stood there the more I felt like that was my fate. I needed out of here, now, especially before Vic realized that something was wrong, as that would surely cause an entirely new problem. I forced my feet to move, counting my steps to keep my brain occupied, and I finally made it to Vic, my hand falling to rest on his forearm.
He turned to look at me, a sloppy smile gracing his face. "Baby! What're you doing here?" His words were loud and laced deeply with liquor, and I could tell that he had far surpassed drunk. "You look hot! Look how sexy my wife is guys!"
"Let's go Vic," I replied, the words falling off of my tongue quietly, almost drowned out by the commotion. I tugged on his arm as I felt my body begin to tremble, and I knew it wouldn't be too much longer before I broke.
I dragged Vic behind me, winding us through the maze of people and he struggled to keep up, his feet dragging across the floor as the alcohol took control of him. We finally made it outside and I inhaled deeply, thankful for the fresh air that was now swirling within my lungs. Vic swayed beside me, clinging to my arm as he tried to stay upright.
My hands were shaky, my breathing erratic, and all I wanted to do was claw my way out of my skin. It's crazy how one moment, one minute, can send your mind back into the darkest places of your past.
"Vic, c'mon," I said shakily, forcing my feet to move once again. He lagged behind me, much slower this time, but we eventually reached my car. After helping Vic into the passenger seat I made my way around the car, situating myself behind the wheel, grasping it with such force that I felt as if my fingers would snap in two. I could feel tears begin to burn my eyes, and though I didn't want to do this here, or now, my body was done holding it in.
A sob escaped my throat, and I clutched at my chest with one hand, the nails on the other digging into my thigh. I waited for Vic to come to my rescue, to caress me with his calloused hands, to tell me that he was here, that it would all be alright, that he wouldn't let anything happen to me.
But, besides the sounds of my despair echoing throughout the car, it was silent. I turned my head to the right, and I through cloudy eyes I could see why.
He wasn't going to tell me it was okay. He wasn't going to keep me safe. Because the alcohol had overtaken him, and as he snored from the other side of the car, it was apparent that he was absolutely useless in that moment.
And that I was all alone. Just like before.