Everyone had gone home except for him and Shao. They were both on the ridiculous side of high. Dizzee all full of giggles and half way to the moon, while Shao was hanging on to him as though Dizz was a teddy bear. It wasn't much different from how they normally spent heir time together. It was him being a replacement, and Shao being an easy enough escape from the Kipling household. It wasn't that they didn't like each other well enough, it was more that they contradicted one and other despite their common intressets.
"Princess!" Shoa called in a loud voice despite having pulled Dizz half on top of him on the couch.
It was a nickname that Shao had stuck with ever since their fight over the nail polish Dizzee no longer wore. It didn't come up all the time, but often enough that Dizzee had stopped taking it as the insult it was meant as.
"What?" he asked giggling eyes shut in attempt to make the room stop spinning.
Shao didn't answer directly, even in the high Dizz could sense the older boys mood changing.
"Have you ever loved someone like Books does Mylene?"
Dizzee hadn't stopped giggling, but it was softer. Had he ever loved someone like Zeke did Mylene? It was such an odd question coming from the legendary 'Lady Killing Romantic'. Shao more than anyone didn't believe in giving up ones heart to so called bitches.
"Hey! I asked you a question freak!"
"I know," he replied not wanting rail up a high Shao. "Just thinking."
"Shouldn't be so hard. Have you or haven't you?" Shao pulled him up closer so that he was laying even more on the mixers lap rather than the couch, his head on hard chest.
He wasn't comfortable. It all felt too intimitet despite knowing in reality Shao wasn't really holding him. Physically maybe but mentally he never actually saw Dizzee as Dizzee when he was like this. He would struggle off if he had had the energy or at least if it didn't mean aggravating the older boy by acknowledging their current position. So Dizz forced himself to ignore and focus on the odd subject at hand.
"I just don't know, Shao. There is this French author from the 17th century that said something about love being like a ghosts that everyone talks about and few have seen... I don't know if I saw a ghost or just thought I did."
"I get," Shao said after a long pause.
Dizzee relaxed as it seemed as the subject was dropped letting his eyes fall shut. He had stop giggling with the heaviness that came of Shao. It was late enough for him to go home without risking bumping into anyone. He just needed to find the energy to get up.
"Who made you think you saw a ghost, princess?" Shao ask waking him up from his light slumber.
"A phoenix," he yawned.
"Phoenix? Is that some new lame ass ghetto name?"
"Nah, he was just a phoenix," Dizzee felt like he had been drenched in cold water when his own ords registered in his mind.
He lay still hopping against all odds that maybe just maybe Saholin hadn't noticed.
"A phoenix? I think my ghost is a pigeon...or whatever smart animal there is."
Not long after saying that Shao fell asleep while keeping his iron grip tight around a cold sweating Dizzee. It was long night. Dizzee laid there waiting for him to relax just an inch so that he could sneak away, but it never happened. Instead he lay awake as the night passed and the sun rose util he could hear the voices the rest of the Get Down Brothers. he pretended to sleep as they got closer. He heard them pause when they came close enough to see them, before someone, probably Ra or Zeke, came and started to shake them awake. Dizzee kept his eyes shut even as the arms around him became painfully tight before they finally released. Before he even had a chance to feel relief he was shoved hard to the floor. Even if he had been deeply alseep there would not be an escape from the painful yelp that left his lips. No matter how he looked at it a day that started out like this would not end well.
He was right.
The day wasn't horrible but it was...tense. It consisted of Boo avoiding him as he had been since that night at the tunnels, Ra trying to get him alone and him in turn avoiding Ra. Nothing really odd there seeing as this had been going on for the last two weeks. The tenseness came from Shao either ignoring him or yelling at him for no good reason while Zeke didn't stop glaring. If you asked Dizzee he would state that Zeke had the worst bitch-face every when he was in one of his just-had-a-fight-with-Mylene moods. There wasn't much progress that was one during the day which made Shao's temper fouler. They all usually hung out after the get down stuff, but Dizz couldn't be bothered. He hadn't slept and he was painfully sober. He left as soon as the others were distracted enough not t notice and went uptown to the public library. As soon as he found foreign language section that was abandoned enough he sat down on the chair furthest from the opening and lay his head on the table.
By the time the security guard came and woke him up i was dark outside. He made his way home in a relatively slow pace. He wasn't in a hurry. Hopefully other than moms and pops nobody else was in the house.
It was quiet enough when he got home. Taking care he made as little sound as possible until he had closed the door behind him. Having been so focused on the door he didn't notice Ra on his be until he turned around. For a moment he almost turned around and left, instead he stood where he was not sure exactly what he wanted to do. He really he didn't want to talk with Ra, but on the other hand today had really made him realise how tired he was of all the running, avoiding and the unnatural tension.
"What? Not gonna run away?" Ra asked his tone sharp. "No lame excuses or some other bullshit?"
"What do you want Ra?"
It felt strange this cold distans between them. It wasn't something that had ever existed between them until him. Dizzee looked away from his brother hopping that maybe if he ignored all this hard enough it would all just go away and everything would resolve itself. He had slept at the library, but exhaustion tainted itself into his soul. He hadn't smoked or taken any pills the whole day, and without them he felt, especially with Ra's attitude, that he was at his limit.
He didn't expect the punch that suddenly landed at his jaw. Ra avoided any type of violence outside his comics, and for a moment he thought he had imagined it. He held his jaw, it didn't really hurt as Ra didn't exactly have the muscles for it, but he really didn't know what else to do.
"That hurt so much more than Bruce Lee makes it seem," Ra winced.
"What the hell was that?"
"That was for avoiding me and because you were about to do that thing when you space out. I'm not having it today. You need to talk, Dizz."
Dizzee sighed and leaned against the stairs of Ra and Boo's bunk bed. This didn't really feel like one of those times that he could just ask Ra for more time and expect to get it.
"What happened to you Dizz?" Ra asked when he didn't say anything to start of this dreadful conversation.
"...What do you think happened?" Dizz deflected
Ra let out a fustrated sound. For a split second he looked like he was going to let it go, but instead he took a deep calming breath and stood up and walked to the door blocking it.
"I think," Ra said in a overly careful manner before stopped and started again. "I think you like boys."
It felt like ice pierced his stomach hearing those words from his brother. He didn't... He wasn't ready for this conversation. It occurred to him as his eyes subconsciously started to look for a way out that he never would. He didn't want to voice it. He hadn't even wanted to voice it even when he and....
"RA!" he was barely aware that he had raised his voice. He just needed this to stop.
"I think you are scared th-"
"I'm the one who ripped your Spider-man comic in fourth grade, it wasn't Jessica Smollet," he desperately confessed.
Confessing one of the three secrets he had sworn to take to his grave was better than any conversation about his alien nature.
"-at....wait! What? I broke up with her because of that!"
"Sorry..."
"We could still have been together if it hadn't been the #149 issue that introduced the clone saga! You ruined my chance with my potential future wife!"
"Remember mom and pops are home, and it was an accident. Wasn't my fault you were so quick to accuse."
"DIZZEE!"
Pops had to break up the fight that followed, and he ended up being forced too spend the night on the living room couch to avoid another fight with Ra. His body hurt but at least it was better than the alternative.
That night Dizzee and Shao shared the same dream about phoenixes and pigeons that were neither living or dead.
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A/N: Rewrote this chapter twice. My first idea had been Ra more or less kidnapped an unsuspecting Dizzee and forced out a confession...but it seem a bit over the top and very unnatural to the pacing. Then I remembered that I started writing a Shao centric fic and the idea struck me...or you know the inspiration bug as I dubbed it.
Btw don't think that I'm that good with comics, I just have google.
As always pardon the langue errors - to my defence my grammar and spelling is bad in all three langues I speak - do comment and I will change whatever needs changing. Lots of love.
~sweetiiey