I highly suggest listening to Wherever You Are by Five Seconds of Summer on repeat while reading this chapter.
You know those feelings you get when you know you should do something, but you don't want to? That feeling that can only be described as guilt and regret? I felt that as soon as I got that one call. That call that destroyed the perfect little world I built.
"Why?" Caspar asked, tears streaming down his face as he enveloped me in his arms.
"I don't know...." I trailed off. What could I say? Two months ago we were the happiest people in the world, and now everything came crashing down.
****One Day Before****
"Nik, I'm sorry." Hazel said as soon as I answered her Skype call.
"Why're you sorry?" I asked, my eyebrows raised an my head tilted.
"I-. Regina (our mom) and I were talking and I may have letitslipthatyoufoundlillyandthatshewaslivingwithyouinengland." My older sister rushed out, making me scrunch up my nose. I barely understood a word she said!
"...Er....Hazel. English. Do you speak it?" I asked, laughing nervously. If she was talking to Regina....what could she have done?
"I accidentally told mom that you found Lilly and that she lives in England with you, so now she wants both you and Lilly back in the States by tomorrow." Hazel explained, her eyes watering. "I'm so sorry, Nikki."
My eyes widened and blurred as I shook my head. This couldn't be happening. "No." I muttered, continuing to shake my head. How could she? Why? Why does my mom have to ruin everything? Why? I'm happy in England. I have an amazing boyfriend who I'm crazy in love with, an awesome best friend who's like my sister, and two brothers I never knew I would want, Alfie and Alex. "S-She can't make me....can she?"
"I'm afraid she can, especially since you have Lilly. I think it's best if you start packing now, Nikole." Hazel frowned and dropped her gaze. "One more thing......you have to break up with Caspar. She doesn't want you dating a 'scum who won't have a job in a couple of years'."
That was it. Everything I've been holding in came out. My tears broke free of the dam trying to block them. Why does she have to ruin everything? why do I have to break up with Caspar? "I-I..." I stuttered. I wanted to scream at Hazel. No matter how hard I tried, no words would come out. I wanted yell. I wanted to throw a fit. Most of all? I wanted to run away. Run away with my new family. I didn't need Regina, and neither did Lilly.
"I've got to go, the fiancé needs me. I-I'm so sorry." My sister's voice cracked as she pressed the end call button. I sat there and stared. Stared at the screen that showed Skype. Stared at the thing that just ruined my life. Why me? Why now? Why here? When everything was finally perfect....
"Nikki you ok-." Jaelyn walked into my room and was immediately cut off when I lunged off of my bed and threw myself into my best friends arms.
"I-. S-she's making me go back to Chicago with Lilly." I hiccuped, continuing to bawl. "I leave t-tomorrow. I-I don't want-t to go, J-Jaelyn."
"Oh my God, Nikki..." Jaelyn enveloped me in her arms and we just stood like that for a while. Just hugging. Jaelyn is about three inches taller than me, so it's safe to say that I had my face buried into her neck.
After a couple of minutes I pulled away and sniffled, wiping my eyes. "Regina's also making me break up with Caspar. I-. How am I going to do this? I love him, Jae. I really do..."
Jaelyn frowned at me the pulled me close to her and wrapped me in her arms again. "Oh, baby, just tell him the truth. He'll understand. He loves you, and hey, look on the bright side. Remember how in about a month he was suppose to go on Digitour? Buy tickets and go see him. I believe the first stop is in Chicago, at the Rivera."
"So much can change in a month, Jae. What if he doesn't love me anymore? What if he finds a new girl? What if he finds someone who will treat him right and not have a controlling mother that'll make her break up with him? What if-?" Jaelyn cut me off.
"If he truly loves you, he won't be able to get over you that quickly." She said sternly. "Now c'mon, lets call him and have him and Alfie come over tomorrow so you can tell them everything."
****Current Time****
"Are you sure you have t-to..." Caspar trailed off as he pulled back to look at me.
"I have no choice. I'm so sorry, Caspar." I said, letting a single tear escape as I cupped his face in my hand. "Hey, you know I love you, right?" he nodded slowly. "You know I'd do anything for you, and you know you'd do the same for me. I'm doing this for us. If I don't listen to her....she'll make everything ten times worse."
"But...." Caspar's voice cracked.
"Hey, do you love me?" I asked bluntly, rubbing his cheek with my thumb. He nodded slowly. "When people each other they'd do anything for them, like I said earlier. So...I-I want you to be strong. For me."
"I'll miss you so much." He said and I frowned. Why us?
"Ditto." I said before pulling away from him.
"Flight 340 to Chicago, now boarding," a voice boomed.
"I-I guess this is goodbye." He uttered and I frowned before reaching behind my neck and taking a necklace off. I reached around Caspar and put the gold chain around his neck.
"I want you to open this two hours after I leave." I said softly before standing on my tiptoes and kissing him gently, probably for the last time. "I love you, Caspar Richard Lee. Forever." I mumbled against his lips.
"And I love you, Nikole Olivia Calvery. Forever." he said softly, before letting me pull away. I turned toward a crying Alfie and frowned, engulfing him in a hug.
"Bye, Alfred. Take good care of Jae, Casp, and Alex for me." I said as I kissed his cheek.
"I don't want you to go." he whined like a little kid.
"I don't want to either." I said softly.
"All passengers going to Chicago, please board flight 340." The same voice from earlier boomed. Great.
I frowned and looked at Alex and Jae, who were both in hysterics. I frowned even more and hugged both of them at the same time. "Please don't cry. Ill Skype you, and Alex...please behave for Jae." I said softly as Alex and Jae nodded before I grabbed my suit case and walked into the terminal with Lilly. I turned around for a quick second, just to catch a glance at Caspar, who was hardcore sobbing into Alfie's shoulder. My eyes watered as I turned around and headed into the plane. 'You were crying at the airport, when they finally closed the plane door, I could barely hold it all inside.' The Five Seconds of Summer lyrics popped into my head as Lilly and I found our seats. The door closed and, well, like the lyrics said........I could barely hold it all inside. Biting my lip, I decided to text Caspar those lyrics before they made me turn off my phone. Well, this is it I guess. Bye, England. It was a nice two months....I'll miss you.
****Caspar's P.O.V, Two hours later****
"I just...Miss her. So much. I hope you all understand. I don't think I'll be able to upload for a while. I know all of you support me and that's really all I need right now. No, scratch that. All I really need right now is her." I shook my head slowly and looked directly at the filming webcam, letting yet another tear escape my eye. "I don't want any of you to know how bad it feels to have your one true love ripped away from you, and I can't expect any of you to understand how I feel right now...but I hope you'll respect my decision. Hello, my name is Caspar Lee and..." my voice cracked. I was doing my intro as my outro, weird, huh? "Today, I'm left empty." I finished before turning off the webcam. Before I could stop myself, I logged onto YouTube and uploaded the video, titling it as 'Serious Talk'. Hopefully, my viewers would listen and respect my wishes. She was everything to me..my reason to breath. My reason to smile. My reason to.....exist. And her mother took her away. Took her away from her life. Took her away from everything. She and Jaelyn had to 'temporarily' end their YouTube careers because of Regina. I-I hated her. She ruined everything. Everything. Biting my lip, I shook my head and watched my video. Ew. I looked like a mess. My hair was messier than usual, my eyes were bloodshot and puffy, my nose was red, and my cheeks were tear stained. Great job, Caspar. You look Fiiiine. I rolled my eyes at my idiotic thoughts before I looked at the time. 5:00 P.M. It's officially been two hours since she left....so that means I can finally open the locket she gave me. I looked down at the chain and shrugged, ripping it off my neck before opening the small heart shaped locket. What I saw took my breath away. It had a picture of us, the very second picture of us. You're most likely confused, but the day I met her....she took a picture with me. She held the camera out as if she were going to take a selfie and smushed out faces together, and honestly? it only brought tears to my eyes. But what brought even more tears was the small, many times folded over, piece of paper that fell out when I opened the locket. I slowly unfolded the paper and was met by slightly sloppy handwriting. Her handwriting.
Dear Caspar,
I've written this and rewritten this over and over, and I honestly have no perfect way to put this. So here it goes, I love you. I know you know that, but you don't know how much. I love you more than I love the world. You're my reason to smile. My reason to cry. My reason to laugh, and my reason to breath. My everything. When I came to London, I was only looking for a fresh start, instead I found you. And you're better than a fresh start.
I can't imagine what the future will hold, my imagination isn't that big I'm afraid. But hopefully....if it's God's will, hopefully we will be together again. Hopefully everything will be okay again. I'm in love with you. I know love is a word that's thrown around these days, and we use to throw that word around when we were messing around. Back when we first met each other. Then we started to mean it. And soon, right when we started to put feeling into it, everything turned to crap. Everything fell apart. But this is only a side effect to living. Hopefully we'll be together again. But for now, I hope you know I love you. Forever.
Lots of love,
Nikole Calvery
A/N: OH MY GOD. I JUST. THIS CHAPTER. SO EMOTIONAL ASDFGHJKL. ARE YOU CRYING? CAUSE I AM. AHHHHHHHH. Okay, so for the next chapter I'm going to do another time laps bc just writing out the whole month while Nikki doesn't see Caspar, and Jae and Nikki don't see each other is going to be boring. Like soo boring so yeah. THAT'S IT I GUESS. AND SORRY IF YOUR FEELS HURT.