(A/N: I proudly present this request from MewMew190! We got into a conversation about wordplay, and, well... The above happened.)
"Okay... that was awesome." You sank onto the couch opposite Bill, pulling off your wig and tossing it on the floor next to your plastic sword. "Hands down, best Halloween I've ever had."
"This town really knows how to party it up," Bill agreed, tugging off his clipped-on braid. "Of course, nothing in this puny mortal world compares to the parties in the Nightmare Realm. Over there, it should be called Hell-oween."
You groaned loudly, leaning away from Bill and burying your face in a pillow. "Why do you do that," you muttered, your voice muffled by the pillow. "I hate your stupid puns."
"He's always been like this." Will walked into the living room, wiping off his face paint with a washcloth. "It gets old fast."
"Excuse you," Bill said indignantly. "My puns are like art."
"More like fart," you snickered. Bill snatched your plastic sword and whacked you in the head with it.
"That didn't count," he snapped. "That wasn't even in the same league as my exquisite wordsmithing."
"Wordsmithing? You're way too full of yourself."
"And you're way too full of candy," he retorted. "I still can't believe you ate the entire bag on the way home. Ten bucks says you throw up tonight."
You sighed, rolling over so you were relaxing instead of sulking. "And it'll be worth it."
Will moved your wig out of the way to sit on the floor next to you. You flopped one hand onto his head and started smoothing his hair.
"You'd be smart to back off with the wisecracks, Bill," you warned. "You have no idea how many triangle and Dorito-related puns I've been holding back."
Bill turned to you sharply, his golden eyes flashing dangerously. "Oh, my dear, you can't pretend to be in my league. If you think you're capable of crossing blades with me in verbal repartee," he threw the plastic sword at you, "en garde."
You pointed the sword at him. "I accept your challenge. Name your terms."
"We take turns creatively mocking the other," he began making up the rules on the spot. "Will is the referee. The game is over when one of us is emotionally dead."
"Agreed. Now we duel!" You waved the sword in the air.
"W-wait, I didn't agree to this!" Will interjected, but it was too late.
"Ladies first," Bill offered. You nodded solemnly.
"I'll start with an easy one. Bill, you look like a nacho," you declared.
"That's nacho business," he retorted.
You groaned. "That was weak. What if I'd called you a slice of pizza or pie?"
"Is that all you got?" he challenged. "Making fun of a shape I don't even have anymore?"
"I could make fun of your old eye patch too, cyclops."
He smirked. "So you're saying you can't think of anything to mock about my current appearance? I know I'm quite dapper, but I thought you were better than that."
"First of all, you mispronounced Dipper, and second, you don't look anything like him."
"Low blow!" Will cut in. "Y/N gets a penalty!"
"Whose side are you on?" you muttered.
"The referee is impartial, and his word is final," Bill announced. "I get one cheap shot!"
You draped your forearm across your face. "Fire away. I can take it."
He contemplated for a moment. "In light of your past trance-like state under Strange's control, I would go so far as to call you brainless."
You sighed heavily. "That was too cheap. That was like... a discount shot."
"Well, you can afford as many shots as you like with Daddy's money," he sneered.
You lowered your arm, fixing him with a freezing glare. "That was out of bounds."
"Agreed," Will decided. "Penalty to Bill."
"You're so cocky, I should call you an iSASSceles triangle," you quipped.
"Equilateral, actually, but that wasn't bad," Bill said appreciatively.
"That explains why you're not acute," you giggled.
He rolled his eyes. "Okay, give up the triangle stuff."
"I'll try...angle."
He scoffed. "Oh, you're really on a roll here."
"Actually, triangles can't roll. They're too pointy."
Will cracked up. "Bill, step up your game! She's winning!"
Bill's face was red. "All right, you asked for it." He pointed a threatening finger at you. "I've been holding back, but no longer!"
He cleared his throat. "Y/N, you're impulsive and you make reckless decisions. You need a balancing force like Will... to be your yang."
You gasped dramatically. "Did you just go there? How DARE you?"
"How dare I? How about I bring up that night a few weeks ago, when you were quite daring for dairy yourself?" Bill smirked.
Will looked confused. "Wait, what about dairy?"
"Never you mind," you and Bill said simultaneously.
You could feel your stomach rebelling against the Halloween candy you'd binged on earlier, but you didn't give up. "You're nothing but a giant talking banana."
"I'm amused you think that's an insult," Bill remarked. "Bananas are the mightiest fruit. You, on the other hand, are nothing but a fruitcake."
You snorted. "You're a fruit salad."
"If by which you mean, 'tasty when covered in whipped cream,' we can arrange that later." Bill winked.
You rolled your eyes. "Down, boy."
"You're getting off topic," Will interrupted. "Go back to abusing each other."
"Right." You turned back to Bill. "You're basically superfluous without your magic."
He didn't look wounded as you'd expected. "At least I still have my looks and my intelligence. Where does that leave you, seeing how you have none of those things?"
"You're contradicting yourself. You called me 'stunning' once."
"Yes, in the sense that I had to cover my eyes or risk being shocked senseless. As for your intelligence, I believe your track record speaks for itself."
"I'm not the one with the embarrassing tattoo."
"I wear this proudly. It's a badge of honor. Unlike your brain."
Your Halloween candy was threatening to make a reappearance, but you persevered. "At least my brain is the one I was born with. Yours has only been here as long as your human body: a few months."
"My brain is freshly minted. Yours is dinged up and tarnished. I've still got that new-brain smell."
You were laughing too hard to retort. Suddenly, you gagged. You turned to the side to avoid puking on yourself, forgetting that Will was still sitting on the floor right next to you.
Bill watched in disbelief as you threw up your Halloween candy all over Will. You all sat in silence for a stunned moment, then you covered your mouth in horror.
"Oh, Will, I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to! I'm so sorry, sweetie!"
He didn't respond, staring down at himself in shock. Bill jumped up and pulled him to his feet, leading him out of the room quickly. You collapsed back onto the pillow, hearing the water running in the front bathroom.
Bill came back in a few minutes later, sleeves rolled up and jacket gone. He sat at the end of the couch, pulling your legs onto his lap. He started rubbing your feet through your socks.
"Bill," you muttered. "I owe you for jumping in to help Will, but if you make a joke right now about the 'agony of de-feet,' I'm going to kill you."
"Well, if you feel so strongly, I won't say it," he said smugly. "However..."
"Whyyyyyyy......" you moaned.
"Since I win by default, I think I can say that you've received your 'comeup-puns.'"
A single tear rolled down your cheek. "Stop. Please, just stop."
He shrugged. "I was going to make one more about your 'gastrobatics,' but since you're obviously so sore about losing, I'll leave it alone for now. You can bet it'll be 'coming back up' later, though." He gave you a sidelong glance.
"Don't make me puke on you, too," you warned.
He stood up quickly, knocking your legs off his lap. "I'll go see if Will needs my help."
"Coward," you called after him as he fled the room.
(A/N: I nearly made MYSELF puke here! My inner child likes to make horrible jokes, and I don't normally let her have this much fun!
Was the yin/yang joke too subtle?)
RealityInsanity THIS ONE!!!
Bill's costume:
Will's costume:
Your costume: