Dear Karena,
I'm not sad. Nope. I'm confused, and frustrated, and a little angry. I was in the same room, I was the last person you saw before you jumped. I'm not mad at you for giving up on life, that's okay. I want to give up on life too. Except I always thought that you'd outlive me. Now it's the other way around. I left the hotline number right there. Next to the piano. Did you look at it? Did you call them? I don't know, and I never will know.
But why did you go? It was so sudden, in the middle of the night. I know because I saw you. I saw you get up. Why didn't I stop you? I didn't know. I should have known. I could've stopped you. Should've, would've, could've. Instead, I thought that you were going to the bathroom. I didn't follow you out, but I should have. I looked at your back retreating out the door, and fell asleep after that. I'm so fucking stupid.
Love,
Lee